Living Like A Disaster
by Hello Captain and Shakahnna
Summary: Possibly... no, definitely the best..no, the greatest Resident Evil fanfiction... no, infact it's better than canon...ever written. We are wonderful.
1. Of Castration and Cretins

_AN: Hullo and wah. This is/be's a joint ID for Hello Captain and Shakahnna. We decided to get together and write up a project that we've had on the go in various forms for about six months. So we finally got off our arses and started writing it up in coherent story form.  
  
Before we start, a few points. Okies, the main characters in the fic are Shakahnna and Claudia. Shakahnna is NOT the same Shakahnna as the one in Resident Evil: Damnation, Jaz just happens to be completely fixated with the name and it is (apparently) inconcievable that a redhead should have any other name.  
  
Also, Claudia and Shak are based on (you guessed it) ourselves, so don't be surprised if they're slightly unlikeable.   
  
Thanks go to Hunk for the use of Herrison, and to Ramen because if it hadn't been for her little message board RP we wouldn't have put our heads together and come up with such a fantastic, rip-roaring adventure as the one you are about to enjoy.   
  
Also we'd like to thank ourselves, for being the king.  
  
Without further ado, we give you **Living Like A Disaster**  
  
Love Jasmine and Captain_  
-

**_Dr Claudia Graham_**

**__**

 "You, sir, are a cretin."  
  
The stoic young man blinked twice, dumbly. It was not an entirely unfamiliar phrase to be heard around the facility from his immediate superior, so his course of action was simply to smile in bemused dumbfoundment and nod. This only served to further exasperate his commanding officer.  
  
"Did you hear me Herrison?! I said you are a cretin! An imbecile! You are utterly incapable of performing the simplest of tasks. I am aghast, nay, utterly confounded at the sheer overwhelming magnitude of your complete and utter LACK of intelligence," two thin, pale hands were thrown up in dismay, "Honestly man, I think we need to get you to the labs, and quick, because this previously uncharted level of stupidity warrants a research project!"  
  
The target of the aggravated young woman's tirade blinked once more. "Um...thank you."  
  
"I rest my case."   
  
Dr Claudia Graham turned on her heel and stormed off in the direction of her office, the tails of her open labcoat, several sizes too big for her, billowing behind her angrily. Her thick, tortoiseshell spectacles slid down her nose as her aquamarine eyes glared irately at no on in particular, her pallid, plain features frozen into the mask of haughty disdain which had earner her the furtively whispered nickname "Ice Maiden" among her co-workers and subordinates. With a reflex gesture of annoyance she pushed the errant frames firmly back up her freckled nose and tucked an auburn tendril behind her ear, which had come loose from her primly pleated pigtails that trailed over her narrow shoulders.   
  
She could not have been more than nineteen or twenty, and it was almost comical to see someone so young display such an aloof air of professionalism and haughty irritation. Dr Graham's apparent superiority complex was well known throughout the Outbreak Containment and Research Centre, the organisation established by the United Nations after the infamous Racoon City incident, made public three years after the suburban town was anhiliated. As the Captain of the centre's primary investigation squad, the startlingly young doctor's promotion had been viewed with some envy and suspicion by her colleagues, and this rancour was only heightened by her unparalleled talent for upsetting almost every subordinate who had the misfortune of working under her with her caustic tongue and monstrous lack of sympathy for any form of scientific incompetence.  
  
The auburn haired teenager was clutching a black clipboard with the OCRC logo embossed on the cover as she stalked past her colleagues, her head lowered and her steely glare fixed straight ahead with a look that stated in no uncertain terms "Do not speak to me." In her white, bony grip were instructions pertaining to the squad's upcoming mission, a routine outbreak containment deployment to the town of Lostonberry, a costal town of negligible interest and modest populace. Her fingers were curled tensely about the edge of the leather binder, a grim expression on her face.  
  
"Miss Graham!" A flustered man in his twenties, kitted out in full combat clothing, caught her arm.   
  
She shook him off tetchily, gritting her teeth, "What do you want, Norton?"  
  
"We're leaving in an hour, Miss Graham," he replied with a disarming smile that quickly faded from his face at Claudia's seething expression, "Don't you want to get kitted up?"  
  
She snorted in distaste and sneered at him, "I am a scientist, not a bloody soldier. All that combat nonsense is for cretins," she paused and looked at him levelly, "Like yourself, Mr Norton."  
  
The OCDC officer looked distinctly deflated as she turned her back on him and walked a few steps away before stiffening at something and whirling round again. "Oh and Norton?" she snapped.  
  
"Ma'am?"  
  
"It's _Doctor_ Graham."  
  
_I **hate **this job._  
  
-  
  
**_Captain Shakahnna Taylor_**

**__**

"Pierce, do you be gotted the league table?"   
  
Despite the fact that it was routine for the STARS officers to take the last thirty minutes before being deployed out to get ready, Officer Taylor had been fully prepared for the past several hours and was now turning her attention to infinitely more important matters. No reply was elicited from her immediate partner, who was finishing tieing his steel toecap combat boots, standard issue along with the kevlar vest. Sighing, she began to root about in the drawer, sure that the precious document would not be far from her vicinity. This was no easy task, however, given that the head of the STARS Alpha Team had a mountain of case reports burdening her desk. Her thick knuckles, laced with small clear lines from various past impacts, closed about her "little black book".  
  
"Result!" her voice chimed triumphantly, a smug smile plastered on her face, causing the large scar that ran from the corner of her mouth up to her left ear to crease. It was not a pleasant sight, but it provoked no response from the other STARS members, who were more than used to the patchwork of their Captain's skin.   
  
"Shak," Pierce hissed, grimacing at his commanding officer's usual lack of decorum, "Is _really _the time for this?"  
  
She shot him an obtusely puzzled look, completely oblivious as to why her intended actions to which he was privy would cause some problems, "It's not like they're rookies," she pointed out in a tone which suggested her words were blindingly obvious, "And 'sides, why would they be being here if they didn't hate Umbrella?" she paused and furrowed her brow, "Who doesn't hate Umbrella? Scum..." she muttered to herself, shaking her head, "Anyways..."  
  
Pierce sighed. This supreme lack of social etiquette was the reason that, despite the huge workload that his partner put in, always the first to arrive and last to leave, would never excel her current rank. He held the dubious distiction of being the only officer to have lasted more than three months under Captain Taylor without at least requesting a transfer. She did not understand why her subordinates kept leaving, and thus his loyalty was greatly appreciated by the redhaired commander. Everyone else, however, did not understand why Pierce Fischer stayed. Although fanatically protective of her team, the workload Shak imposed upon those under her was universally declared to be 'horrendous'. Her idea of 'light' was a fourteen hour day, much to the chagrin of the other officers.  
  
The broad shouldered cop clambered onto the desk in her customary display of agility, and raised a hand for silence, a sombre look suddenly overtaking her features. "Okies, kids," she addressed the police officers, and the room gradually fell quiet, "While we still be's here, we have to go over one of the most important parts of _any_ mission..."  
  
Pierce looked up, relieved at her return to professionalism. This was, however, rather short lived as she produced the aforementioned black book and brandished it at her long-suffering subordinates.  
  
"...The How Many Of Those Fuckers Have You Killed League Table," she continued, as various members of the office looked at her in horror, a few groaning, a few quietly sniggering. One rookie piped up timidly, "What's that?" and instantly drew glares from her comrades.  
  
"Ah, good question, sweets!" Friendly green eyes beamed down affectionately at the newest member of Team Alpha. Contrary to popular belief, she held all of her officers in high esteem. "Now as you all know peoples who choose to work for Umbrella are not human, and they are not our friends. So whoever kills the most gets a chocolate bar at the end of the mission as well as all my current leave of absence since that is shit and I don't be's wanting it anyways. Rules be insanely easy, you get 3 points per researcher, unless armed in which case be's 5. UBSC guys are 10 only cause they are actually well trained, as much as a pack of fucking donkeys can be. Triple points for each one that is a squad leader. Of course the Shak special, for everyone you shoot in the groin we be doubling your score at the end! Easy huh?"   
  
The speech was met with stunned silence from the female rookie, aghast as she attempted to formulate a reply. After some disbelieving spluttering, the young woman blurted out, "That's...that's sick! They're people too!"  
  
Captain Taylor erupted into a fit of incredulous laughter. "Did you just be saying what I think you said?" she snorted in disbelief, as Pierce groaned inwardly. After a few seconds, the Captain realised that she was being serious and grimaced in disgust, "Aww no, you're not one of those, are you? One of those bleeding hearts, "all life is sacred" types..."  
  
The younger officer was stunned into an embarrassed silence, and Pierce would have bet a month's pay that the first thing she would do on her return to base was request a transfer.  
  
_I fucking **love **this job._  
  
-  
  
**_Dr Claudia Graham_**

Claudia marched into her office and, the second the door was safely closed behind her, slumped down at her desk and removed her spectacles, rubbing her eyes which were rimmed dark with fatigue. She yawned loudly and contemplated the cold cup of tea in front of her, before rejecting its dubious appeal in favour of a mental note to buy Pro Plus at the next given opportunity.   
  
Replacing the frames, she sighed as she realised it had been nigh on a week since she had last gone home, so great was her largely self-imposed workload. Idly, the young scientist reflected with some consternation on the fact that her cat was probably dead by now, and scowled. She had made plans to inject it with some virus samples she had concocted in her spare time, and felt sure that the RSPCA would be a lot less willing to provide her with another pet, given that this was the fourth time it had happened. There was only so many times she would be able to mumble "it...uh...got run over" before the excuse started to wear thin.  
  
_And of course OCRC won't provide me with live subjects...oh no. Bloody morals...bloody self-righteous....honestly, anyone would think that they didn't care about scientific advancement...not like..._   
  
Not like Umbrella.  
  
She smiled bitterly. Umbrella still probably weren't even aware that she'd been promoted to Captain, that their spy was no longer merely a mole among the ranks of the junior researchers. Of course, she'd submitted this in her monthly reports, dutiful as ever, but she realised it was more than likely that her painstakingly neat accounts of OCRC internal affairs were consigned to the pile marked "trash" at Umbrella Headquarters.   
  
_Because they've all forgotten about me now. How many years has it been...four..five...six? I shouldn't be here. I'm above all this, and cutting off your nose to spite your face is just...unscientific._  
  
It was a constant source of bitterness to Claudia that her current avenue of employment held her back from so-called "inhumane" endeavours, and instead had her languishing among the worst people in society: those who tried to eradicate the precious viruses that Umbrella engineered.  
  
_ Some people have NO respect for microbiological progress...  
_  
The Umbrella operative bit her lip and squeezed her eyes closed tightly for a moment, before taking a deep breath and turning her attention to her mission brief. Another pointless, menial clean-up task that would drag her away from her precious laboratory time and force her to deal with infected patients, and worse, socially interact with her colleagues. Her lack of orders from Umbrella were not a surprise in the slightest to the auburn haired girl. She doubted they were even aware of her involvment in the operation.  
  
The tired researcher allowed her vision to slide double for a moment, before refocusing on the brief in front of her.   
  
"Ascertain cause of outbreak....determine level of quarantine required..." she muttered to herself under her breath in a flat monotone, as she skimmed over the fairly standard instructions, rolling her eyes, "And oh joy, more bloody reports to write...what fun."  
  
With a dejected groan the petite doctor slumped forward atop the papers and cradled her head in her arms miserably.  
  
-  
  
**_Captain Shakahnna Taylor  
  
_**

Shakahnna's mouth had gone dry in anticipation as she looked at the orders in her scarred hands, a barely suppressed smirk of glee on her lips.   
  
_Search and destroy...search and destroy...search and destroy..._

  
  
With a look of pure bliss she opened the document marked "STARS: Confidential" slowly and instantly her face erupted into a wide grin, baring white teeth in sheer elation.  
  
_Goal!_  
  
"I'm sure you'll all be delighted as I am," she announced to her waiting team as she made her way to the overhead projector, "We be's having three objectives: Destory all carriers, rescue civilians and capture any Umbrella operatives. Use of deadly force is authorised..." The last order was given as the red haired commando struggled to contain her beaming smile. "So I'm sure you all be's knowing what that means. Oh yes..."  
  
Not for the first time that day, Pierce groaned.  
  
"So as always, for those of you who are new," she looked contemplative for a moment and knitted her brows together, "That be's happening often...hmmm....anyways...we'll go through each of the recorded monsters. I've be'd preparing a visual aid..."  
  
The Captain was no longer able to suppress her grin as she pressed a button on the remote control, and the first picture appeared on the projector screen wall. It was a laboratory diagram of a large, reptilian beast with the caption "Hunter" in large letters underneath. This drawing, however, bore a number of Officer Taylor's personal alterations, of which she was innordinately proud.  
  
There were a number of small circles upon various parts of the creature's anatomy; over the eyes, at the jugular points on the throat, over the heart area and lastly, in a huge, unmistakable, bold, triple re-enforced scrawl of a circle, over the groin.   
  
"These obviously just be recommendations, but here are the spots you want to be aiming for..." she informed her subordinates, as eight pairs of eyes were drawn to the creature's crotch.  
  
Pierce did not even bother to groan this time.  
  
"As we all know, UBCS soldiers have no balls, so there's no point in kicking them there, but if all else fails, a headshot works..."  
  
"Shak," her second in command finally spoke up, "Haven't we heard enough about castration?"  
  
The redhead looked at him quizzically for a moment before grinning. "Everyone's gotta have a hobby..." Her tone became serious again, "'Member, no taking these things on with your bare hands, peoples. Unless, and you know who you are, you've done this before. The book is there for a very good reason. Stick to procedure, watch each other's backs, and all will be sunshine and smiles. And maybe one of you will be able to beat me in the league table," she brandished the infamous scorechart and her eyes took on a faraway look of pride, "But I doubt it..."


	2. We Who Are About To Die Salute You

_AN: Ah chapter two. Aren't you all just coming in your pants with excitement. We are going to try and update weekly (so say they in a fit of optimism) and more of our egocentricity will follow shortly. Lots of ACTION and the like this chapter. It's heartstoppingly thrilling, and it's in glorious technicolour WITH ZOMBIES. Yeah! Thanks to all who reviewed, your comments were superswell. _

_Love Jaz and Jen_

_**Dr Claudia Graham**_  
  
"Right," Claudia snapped, peering over the top of her thick glasses much in the manner of an austere schoolmistress. She was still clad in her white labcoat, under which she wore a prim, slightly old-fashioned dark grey dress. It was, of course, utterly impractical for a field mission, but the doctor had been too busy panicking to change her clothing, and justified her attire to herself as serviceable due to the sturdy flat shoes that adorned her feet.  
  
"Everybody pay attention."  
  
The only reply was a muffled cough from Timothy Norton, who was exchanging furtive glances with Laura Webster, a short, stocky young woman with short blonde hair. She smirked at him and rolled her eyes when she was sure that Graham's attention was diverted elsewhere.   
  
Alex Herrison, the team's 'muscle' was staring intently at his shoelace, as though it was about to bespeak some untold wisdom to him, while Sean Ledger, the rookie of the team, looked at Claudia with an intense enthusiasm and fresh eagerness to obey orders and do his duty.   
  
Their captain cleared her throat and scowled at Alex. "Congratulations, Mr Herrison," she said dryly, "You have been promoted to second in command for this team."  
  
It took a few moments for the doctor's words to register before a dawning of unadulterated excitement spread across his coarse features. "I knew you liked me!" he exclaimed happily.  
  
"No..." Claudia replied slowly, "That's _not _why you're my second in command..."  
  
His face fell a little. "Well...uh...why then?"  
  
The pale scientist gritted her teeth before replying, "Because God hates me." She glared at the hapless soldier. "Understand this, Herrison. I was in no way involved with your recent, and frankly distressing promotion. In fact, I think you'll find that my personal recommendation to your superiors went something along the lines of 'This cretin is about as useful as a dod of play dough and I am afraid that my team has already reached its quota of idiots. However should you require a less intelligent alternative to a coffee cup holder, I'm sure he would be more than willing, although I can't vouch for able.' Unfortunately, and I really can't think why, this advice was not heeded, and so, Mr Herrison, here you are, a perpetual thorn in my side as well as a constant reminder of why my houseplant is such a wonderful conversationalist." As the target of her rant began to physically crumple in hurt, she rounded on the rest of the now horrified team.   
  
"Um...Ma'am?" ventured Sean timidly after a long silence which was uncomfortable to everyone except Claudia, who found it to be blissful. Scientific achievement aside, her goal in life was to avoid people speaking to her as much as possible, even if drastic means were required.  
  
"What is it, boy?" The fact that Ledger was a good six years older than her did not seem relevant to the irate Captain.  
  
"What...what are our...orders. You know...our mission objectives...?" the rookie trailed off uncertainly as he was met with another of Claudia's infamous icy glares which had earned her that insufferable nickname.  
  
"Your mission objective?" she hissed as Sean's swarthy tan turned rather pale. "Your mission objective is 'Do what I bloody well tell you to.' Is that clear?"  
  
The entire squad nodded in unison as the girl sneered at them haughtily and marched towards the waiting helicopter, leaving a rather distraught Sean in her wake. Laura leaned in to the newest member of the Primary Investigation Squad with a sympathetic look on her face.  
  
"Hey," she whispered gently, "Take no notice of Ice Maiden. She's a frigid bitch."  
  
"Aw, come on," Timothy interjected, although there was little conviction in his tone to show that he disagreed with Laura, "She's just got no people skills."  
  
"I guess," the female OCRC officer shrugged by way of reply, "All she ever does is work..."  
  
-  
  
**_Captain Shakahna Taylor_**  
  
"What the ... what is she doing?" The voice was snide and low, hushed to avoid drawing attention.  
  
"Dunno, she's really schitzo weird, blowing hot and cold..." The gruff voice of Officer Fraiser noted thoughtfully, it was more an observation than a criticism.   
  
"Yeah, I bet she's bipolar..." Ian Hatcher, who bore an uncanny resemblance to a balding horse, sniggered without showing any semblance of respect.  
  
Pierce frowned at the whisperers, "Well she's only as good as she is because she doesn't do anything else. Think about it, have you guys ever been in and not seen her about? All she ever does it work..." He was rewarded for his loyalty with dirty looks from his teamates.This did not, however, upset him as much as it might have. It was not the first time he had been shunned for his devotion to his captain, and he felt sure it would certainly not be the last.  
  
"Are you shagging _that_ or something?" The equestrian-like officer whinnied through his teeth, almost snorting in revulsion as his wide nostrils flared.  
  
"Aw man, that's sick." The rest of the team made faces as if to concur, making noises that the target of their humour was oblivious to.  
  
"Oranges and Lemon say the bells at Saint Clements," the unaware STARS Captain sang quietly to herself, almost audible in the back of the armoured vehicle. "When will you pay me, say the bells of old Bailey. I don't know when, say the bells of Big Ben."   
  
The lyrics continued as the same female held a lighted cigarette to her lips, sucking the vapours through the filter. She inhaled and exhaled deeply once. Smiling slightly, her hand let go of the burning stick before it fell to the floor and was crushed below a black combat boot.   
  
"Here comes a light, to light up your bed. Here comes the chopper to chop off your head." Shakahnna Taylor finished the song, the other members of the elite police not paying much attention to her tune as they were all clearly very preoccupied with what was about to commence.   
  
The armoured van was on its way to Lostonberry's only municipal hospital, St Appolonia's. They were around twenty minutes shy of reaching their destination when Pierce spoke up.  
  
"So, why are we going to the hospital specifically, Captain Taylor?"  
  
"Be's simple. The hospital is the lasted large public building where it's possible to have maked something big below. I know I briefed you before on Racoon City." The other five members of the vehicle nodded. A unwilling voice spoke up from the rookie who had previously been ridiculed by the red haired officer for the views she held on the sanctity of human life. The youngest member of the squad did not like the captain but she did wish to win her respect.  
  
"All the hot spots were under buildings within the city, they tended to be in buildings as built by Umbrella, I believe was the case." The female rookie of the group spoke up eagerly. Deborah Fitzpatrick was the picture-perfect, peaches and cream specimen of girlhood. Shakahnna frowned to herself as the team's newest addition tossed her pleated hair over her shoulder and pursed her lips in slight nervousness. The baby of the group did not seem to be fragile but she looked as though the task of fending off even one carrier at close range might cause problems.  
  
_Why the fuck is she here again? Oh yeah. Her dad be's my boss. At least she's clever... and that does be why we gotted guns. Guns.... thank you Smith and Wesson!_  
  
"Uhuh. Good, from all the reading reports by the former R.P.D. Churches, Police stations, sewers, all gotted used for some kinda messed up laboratory. Bravo and Delta teams have been sent to check out the other hotspots, so this is the last big cross on the map. If there's nothing here... well, we be fucked."  
  
Deborah's brow creased briefly before she appeared to lapse into deep thought. Shakahnna then continued. "We'll see if those fuckers be's having something to hide. A hospital of all places..." she trailed off as her jaw clenched. Pierce's blond head turned left once again to speak to the woman at that direction, but was interupted.  
  
"Yeah, but Umbrella has done things right and got its act together. So we should be doing something important!" Kyle Maguire, a toothy, rat featured man with black hair, spoke up with an argumentative air.  
  
"Umbrella? And the band played believe it if you like." She countered him, rubbing the scar on her neck. Officer Fisher noted with a degree of relief that his Captain had returned to professionalism, tackling her subordinates questions.  
  
His thoughts were interupted as she added, "Look, obviously you know my opinion on this, but UBCS are going to try and kill you, should they show up. We are a specialist organisation, not a fucking daycare, so if you don't want to castrate them you're obviously either mental or a liar. Team Alpha has never had a fatality before, so don't you be going in and playing hero. And that goes for all of you. As I be'd saying, procedure is there for a reason."  
  
All movement ceased as they had apparently had come to a halt. That could only mean one thing.  
  
They had arrived at the hospital.  
  
-  
  
**_Dr Claudia Graham  
_**  
The OCRC Primary Investigation Squad were assembled in front of the stairwell in the first floor lobby of St Appolonia's Hosptial, all eyes tentatively on their captain. A couple of errant walking corpses, dispatched swiftly by Herrison, had confirmed to every OCRC officer present that they were dealing with a T-virus spill, as initially suspected.  
  
Claudia clutched her regulation medical supply kit tightly and forced a confident smirk to replace the anxiety on her face which came from experiencing the effects of the virus outside of a controlled laboratory environment. She felt a twinge of annoyance with herself for being worried, before shaking it off as mere distaste for the chaos of an unregulated spill. "Right men," she rapped, "This mission is strictly for reconnaissance work. We will ascertain the severity of the outbreak..."  
  
"Dr Graham?" Sean spoke up with a shaking voice.  
  
Her face darkened at the interruption, "Do be quiet, Ledger, I'm talking. Now, as I said we will ascertain the severity of the outbreak and then..."  
  
"No, really, Ma'am," Timothy said urgently, "You...."  
  
Claudia felt a pang of anger at her teams lack of respect for her. A slight lump welled up in her throat as she scowled bitterly at her team, furious at them for showing up her poor leadership qualities. "I said I'm speaking!" she snapped shrilly, the interruptions only making her more determined to finish, to prove that she could stay in command. "We will then assist any surivors we can before..."  
  
"_Claudia_!" Laura burst out, a look of irate horror on her tanned face.  
  
"What is it?" she yelled back, finally losing her composure, "Do tell me, what is SO important that it can't wait until I've finished and incidentally, Miss Webster, it's _Doc_..."  
  
There was a loud, dull groan at her shoulder that stopped her dead in her tracks. Dr Graham bit her lip, winced, and turned around very, very slowly, to be met with the sight of a horde of around fifty undead hospital patients watching the OCRC team with hungry dead eyes.  
  
"Bloody...hell...." Claudia breathed as Herrison raised his gun. She stood utterly fixed to the spot for a few moments, before Timothy Norton grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back just as her second in command squeezed the trigger on his firearm and executed a perfect head shot on the forerunner of the zombie group. A few droplets of blood spattered Claudia's lenses as she fumbled in her labcoat pocket for her own handgun.  
  
Spurred on by the actions of Herrison, the rest of the team opened fire. Claudia's aim with the gun was nothing short of disasterous, barely even managing to land a bullet into the crowd, let alone take any of them down.   
  
"Come on!" she screamed above the roar of gunfire, "Up the stairs!"  
  
Timothy and Sean immediately made a dash for the stairwell, disappearing towards the first floor. Herrison was still engaged in battle, trying to keep back the decaying monsters for long enough to allow the two women of the team to follow. Claudia's foot was on the first step when something grabbed at her ankle and she let out a shrill scream as another small group of infected patients lurched towards herself and Laura.  
  
"Shit!" Laura shouted, emptying bullets into a nurse who was carrying the virus, "What the fuck do we do?"  
  
"I...I...I...." Claudia looked wildly from the advancing monsters, to her teammate, and back to the zombies, her hands shaking as she squeezed the trigger on her own firearm and found with horrified dismay, that it was empty. "Uh..." Unable to formulate a sentence, the shaking girl grabbed Laura by the arm.  
  
"Dr Graham, what are you....?"  
  
With a push that contained all of her limited strength, Claudia gave the bewildered woman a desperate shove that sent her flying into the midst of the zombies. As Laura fell forward, her gun flew from her hand and went skidding across the parquet flooring, a shot ringing out as it hit the wall. The stupefied carnivores looked at the advent of the OCRC member with dull comprehension, before carnal hunger kicked in and the first of the pack fell upon her with famished ferocity. The captain squeezed her eyes closed as she turned and ran blindly up the remainder of the stairs, hugging her gun to her chest in sheer panic.  
  
As she reached the top of the stairs and rounded the corner, the doctor collided headlong with Sean and Timothy.   
  
"Bloody HELL!" she shouted indignantly as she went sprawling on the floor, glaring up at the two men heatedly.  
  
"Dr Graham...I...I...please....what was that?!" Sean dissolved into tears, sobbing quietly.  
  
"Well, it's the strangest thing, Ledger, but those were people infected with a virus," she spat venomously, "As one might occasionally expect to find when one is sent into an area WHERE THERE HAS BEEN A VIRAL OUTBREAK!" The OCRC captain was trembling with white rage at that moment, an anger that did not serve well to mask her growing hysteria at the situation.  
  
Why the HELL did they send me in here? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't bloody be here. This isn't fair.  
  
A soothing hand was laid on her shoulder, courtesy of Timothy Norton, "Hey, calm down..." he began in a pacifying tone.  
  
"Get your hand off me, you cretin!" she snapped, raising her head sharply at the sound of frantic footsteps. The burly form of Alex Herrison appeared in the corridor, his brawny presence reassuring as ever. "And speaking of cretins..."  
  
"Claudia! Timothy! Sean!" Herrison called out breathlessly, before stopping and scratching his head for a moment, as though something was deeply out of place. After what seemed like an eternity of pondering, he asked in bewilderment, "Uh...where's Laura?"  
  
"Sh...she's coming, right?" Ledger asked in a trembling voice.  
  
"No," Dr Graham informed him, choosing her own tactless way of breaking the death of a team mate and friend to the group, "She is currently in the duodenum of a zombie."  
  
"So she's ok then?" Herrison asked brightly.  
  
"No," was the deadpan correction as Claudia let her glasses slip down before pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger as though something pained her greatly. "Right..." she began, but was interrupted by the now hysterical Sean.  
  
"Ma'am, please...I want to go home..." he was gibbering. She winced and squinted at him harshly. "Please, can't we go back to the chopper?" His voice degenerated into a series of sobs.  
  
Pursing her lips, Claudia rounded on him. "For God's sake man, pull yourself together. If you want to stand there and cry like a girl then don't let me stop you, but I'll be damned if I'll stay behind and pander to you."  
  
_I want to go home too..._  
  
Timothy, the tension finally causing his slow temper to break, glared at her, "How can you be so heartless?!" he screamed in his superiors face. Dr Graham made no effort to reply, turning to Herrison with a forced impassive expression on her face.  
  
"Right, we need to secure..." she was saying, but another howl from their terrified comrade cut her short.  
  
"Dr Graham...I want to go back to the helicopter. Please...!" he sniffled.  
  
"Oh for GODS sake!" she exploded, her fury only upsetting him further. Exasperated, she sighed, ignoring the horrified looks from her subordinates at her complete lack of compassion. "Right, fine, go." she growled in disgust, "You know where the bloody door is."  
  
Wordlessly, Ledger made his way to the stairs they had just ascended, stumbling down them two at a time in a daze. Timothy frowned after him in concern.  
  
"Dr Graham you can't just..."  
  
"Cease that immediately, Norton."  
  
"But, Ma'am, please. The zombies...he..." Timothy's brows creased in a pained fashion, "I'm going to go and make sure he's alright."  
  
"No you bloody well are not. You're going to stay right here and..."  
  
"Watch me." Raising his middle finger at the livid teenager, he stormed off after Sean, his gun raised stoically.  
  
Claudia turned to Herrison and was about to say something spiteful, when a yell from Norton tore through the air.  
  
"Oh my god! Sean!" he screamed as the frightened rookie turned round just in time to see a mutilated rottweiller bounding towards him, teeth bared. Timothy raised his beretta and rushed to help the boy, pulling his hand to drag him out of the way.  
  
Looking up sharply, Dr Graham raised her gun to fire. She muttered to herself as she fumbled with the safety catch, before realising that it was already off, raising the weapon to aim it at the Cerebrus. Squinting carefully down the barrel of the firearm, she pulled the trigger, smirking to herself when she heard the sound of metal boring into flesh. She looked up, only to find Timothy waving his arms at her, screaming hysterically.  
  
"Jesus! Oh my fucking god! Sean!" Dr Graham's satisfaction was short lived when she realised that she had missed the dog by a few feet, and shot her own team member squarely between the eyes.  
  
"Oh...bloody...hell..." she whispered, as she surveyed the damage she'd caused, feeling more shock and utter dismay at herself for her complete incompetence, than grief for the fallen rookie.   
  
"I'm assuming he's dead?" she called awkwardly down to Timothy, drawing curious glances from her stunned companions. The officer knelt down beside Sean, his hands shaking as he felt for a pulse. He did not reply.  
  
"Come on, Norton," she shouted, exasperated, "Surely 5 years of medical training will let you tell if someone's dead or not."  
  
"You killed him!" he yelled back, his voice cracking, "Jesus Christ, Dr Graham, you fucking killed him! How can you just fucking stand there and not care when YOU KILLED HIM?!"  
  
"Well," she began, eyeing up the Cerebrus which was about to make another lunge for Timothy, "I really am terribly sorry, but it was an accident and standing there crying at me isn't going to bring him back. Now...LOOK OUT!" The last phrase degenerated into a frantic yell as the dog launched itself at Timothy's stomach, it's sharp canines worrying at the flesh there, tearing into his torso with relish.  
  
Claudia raised her gun once more, this time hitting the dog in it's ribs, which were exposed through the rotting hide. It turned to her menacingly, blood and saliva dripping from its mouth, and began to run towards them at a frightening pace, emitting a low, throaty growl. Spurred on by Herrison , who had begun firing with expert precision, she let fly a few wild bullets, uncertain if she had even hit the target. The brutish animal fell dead with a whimper, collapsing on the stairwell in a puddle of blood and offal.   
  
"It's ok, Tim!" Herrison called down, "We'll get you to safety!"  
  
As an eerie quiet descended, Claudia shook her head gravely as she surveyed the two fallen men. "Come on, Herrison," she said flatly, "We need to leave."  
  
"But...but Norton's still alive down there!"  
  
"Well he won't be for much longer. Leave him, he's as good as dead," she locked eyes with the brawny man, "That's an order, Alex."  
  
-  
  
**_Captain Shakahnna Taylor_**

**__**  
  
Shakahnna checked the status of her Desert Eagle one last time. It was fully loaded, with eight shiny bullets awaiting their use in the guns chambers. Pulling an almost charcoal black box from under her seat, the redhead flicked its clasp open to reveal what was referred to as her favourite toys. Two gauntlet style gloves lay shimmering in the dim light of their truck. Her hands skimmed the smooth metal as the gloves slid onto her skin. Their six inch razor sharp blades made the redhead suddenly appear slightly more dangerous. Attached to holsters at either hip were two powerful Colt 1911A1, which she lifted up one at a time to check that they were loaded. Also attached to her belt was what appeared to be a nightstick, but was revealed on closer inspection to be a taser. Clicking the heels of her boots together once, blades shot out from the back of each. Repeating the gesture with a grin, the knives snapped back into place.   
  
"And the first person who makes a Wizard of Oz joke is gonna get shot..." she muttered, noticing that the ebony haired Koch might do just that, the policewoman bared her teeth "Just try me.."  
  
In addition to this arsenal, which sat like a second skin over her broad frame, the multitude of pockets adorning her combat trousers were crammed full of ammunition. Captain Taylor could be accused of many things, but never of being underprepared.  
  
Using the palm of her hand, she slid the door forward, stepping outside into the night air, followed by her colleagues. Once they had exited, Pierce pounded his fist on the side of the armour plated vehicle, letting the driver know that he was free to go. Their driver gratefully snatched up the offer and sped off leaving a trail of fumes behind. The twenty-nine year old turned towards the ensemble of officers.  
  
She locked eyes with each officer in turn with a firm affection for every Alpha under her command. From there her vision moved left, going counter clockwise, taking in the scenery around where their drop off point had been. Her keen emerald eyes traversed across a ruined urban landscape, plumes of smoke billowing skywards from the litter-strewn streets. A mangled red car was crumpled against the east wall of the hospital, nothing more than a burnt shell with the outline of a charred corpse barely visible.  
  
Until this moment there had always been the chance that the alleged outbreak had been contained, perhaps by the local police, or even armed vigilates, but shuffling steps and quiet moans instantly told her that this was not the case. The movement snapped at the corner of her vision, causing her head to fixate in the direction it appeared from. Rotting corpses, festering, decaying bodies limped towards them; re-animated not by the arcane but by science.  
  
_You fucking bastards are gonna pay for this. I'm gonna fucking castrate every single fucking one of you._  
  
"We got company, Shak." Pierce nodded in the direction that the leader of the Alpha team was already staring at.   
  
"Me and Matthew will take point. Three on one cover." The captain barked, throwing a nod to hulking Officer Fraiser. His body was so broad it could be considered to blot out the sun on occassion. He was a body builder who spent nearly as much time as his captain training, although was infinitely more social. This did not, however, take away from the biceps which strained beneath his stars uniform and had Shakahnna not been there, he would have without a doubt been the muscle. The two bolted towards the monsters.   
  
_Ha I really wished I hadn't asked him if he wanted to fuck. Well suppose boredom will do that to you... last time I fucking take a lunch break. He wasn't best pleased._   
  
Matthew reached first, but before his serrated combat knife made impact with the rotting flesh, Shakahnna had already driven her steel bladed gauntlet home into the throat of the first monster, which she had taken down with a hook kick to the back of its kneecap. Simultaneously from her crouching position she whirled her other hand about and slammed her claws into the thorax of a second assailant. The remainder of the STARS snapped off their safety catches, and there was a few sporadic bursts of fire.   
  
"Save your ammo for the big boys, kids!" she admonished, "You'll be's needing it later..."  
  
Pierce kept close and he could swear a huge grin blossomed on the leader's face as blood splattered her visage and her claws slashed anything that came close to ribbons.   
  
"Oh baby..." Shak hummed quietly to herself as another infected carrier slumped to the ground.  
  
Simultaneously, three shots were fired into the last stray zombie as Edward took it down. Shakahnna turned to him and stated with a passive simplicity, "You disobey my orders again and you're out. I won't give you another warning."  
  
She exhaled deeply and gave Pierce the thumbs up gesture before rejoining her comrades. As the Alpha team approached the steps of the hospital entrance a lone carrier shambled towards them. as though by way of a grotesque welcome. Deborah looked to the captain for command, but Officer Taylor had already stuck her blades into the monster's face with gesture of casual nonchalance. She tilted her head for a moment, listening for noise and, hearing none, pulled open the doors to St Appolonia's.  
  
_Here we go. Oh yes._


	3. Social Engineering

_AN: Another wonderful chapter from us, because we are nice. _

_Just to clear something up, from now on Claudia's thoughts will be in italics, Shak's thoughts will be in _**bold **_and the thoughts of our 'mystery man' (who lets face it, ain't really a mystery) will be in **bold italics**. _

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_Also, big thanks to everyone who reviewed and we hope you will continue to do so (hint hint). Oh and we forgot to say, thanks to Mondo for letting us use Edward Koch. Please enjoy our latest instalment of self-indulgent pish, thank you._

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_Shak and Claudia x_

-

With a nonchalance that was utterly out of place, given the current entropy enveloping their surroundings, large heavy boots resonated the predatory, deliberate footfall of their infinitely confident owner. Much like every other task he undertook, they seemed to re-enforce the unwavering self-assurance which enabled him to afford himself the leisure of disaffection. Upon reaching his destination, he leaned casually against the brickwork of the hospital exterior, watching the advent of yet another STARS squadron.   
  
The arrival of fresh playthings to satiate the boredom of a demi-god.  
  
Thin, pale lips twisted upwards in a smirk as he reflected on the past misadventures of one STARS team who were very much no longer active. During his time there, it would never have taken so little to quash an entire unit, their standards had been steadily declining, the previous generation would have turned in the graves he had helped dig. Of course, it had amused him briefly to watch Redfield pull the trigger on himself, frustrated and desolate from his wheelchair prison, unable to live with the futility of the new life he had granted the once stoic young man as a useless cripple.  
  
_**So contrary, Christopher. You begged for your life, then killed yourself after I was gracious enough to spare you. Such a confused young man, you were.**_  
  
However, fifteen years had passed since his triumph, and the memories of past schaddenfreud did little to quell his restlessness at that moment. Burning eyes traversed to the entrance of the hospital as he cooly observed the elite police step through the double doors, lead by that titian-haired horror of his. The faintest flicker of dissatisfaction crossed his marbled features as he cast his mind back to the events which had tranpired between them. The ruination of his company and its subsequent hostile takeover still caused him a degree of chagrin, but it was tinged with something not entirely akin to displeasure at the prospect of having new endeavours to undertake as he drifted through the interminability that was immortality.  
  
**_Welcome to my playground, dear heart. I am positive you will derive much satisfaction from it._**  
  
That tight smirk widened into a monstrous smile which cut through his humourless countenance with chilling persistence as the sun glinted off his shades.   
  
-  
  
**_Dr Claudia Graham  
_**  
"Claudia?"  
  
The girl whirled round sharply and glared at her companion, "Alex," she snapped, "Since we have suddenly become on first name terms due to your complete lack of anything resembling a sense of proprietary, I wanted to run a new rule by you that I've just made for the surviving members of the OCRC primary investigation squad."  
  
Herrison smiled happily, "What's that, Claudia?"  
  
"You're not allowed to talk."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"At all."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Ever."  
  
The two continued through the corridor in silence, Claudia's scowl illuminated by the flickering lights from the clinical hallways, the cold white splashed intermittently with blood. The doctor clutched her gun nervously as the light fall of her shoes echoed about her ears, her head cocked to one side as she listened out for any potential dangers. Herrison meanwhile ambled alongside her, looking about him with a sense of infinite wonder on his coarse features, a content half-smile on his face.   
  
_I don't know what's worse. The monsters that want me dead, or the fact that I'm stuck with Herrison._  
  
"Claudia?"  
  
"What?" she rolled her eyes, resigning herself to the fact that Herrison was not going to shut up.  
  
"Did I do something wrong?"  
  
"Just converting oxygen into carbon dioxide is enough, Herrison."  
  
"How do you do that? I don't do any of that lab stuff."  
  
"Sigh."  
  
As she walked along, deep in concentration and all the while shooting murderous glances at her team-mate, there was a sudden, ear piercing scream from a nearby treatment room. No sooner had Claudia let out a squeak and dropped her gun than Herrison was charging through the door, suddenly springing into action with a quickness of reflex that would have utterly astounded his team leader, had she not been halfway into the foetal position. There was the rapid sound of shots being fired, a few stray groans, and he emerged once more, two hysterical nurses in tow and an inanely delighted grin on his face.  
  
"Claudia, Claudia! I found some survivors!"  
  
One of the women dashed forward to Dr Graham, who was slowly inching backwards. Her blonde hair was in a state of utter disarray and there were two rivulets of mascara running down her cheeks as she flung her arms about Claudia's neck and burst into sobs. The scientist froze for a moment, a look of pure, unadulterated disgust on her face as she disentangled herself coldly, scrunching up her nose as though the nurse was some variety of obnoxious odour.   
  
"Cease that immediately," she hissed.  
  
The nurse looked hurt for a moment, pausing in her hysteria to ask, "Are you...are you a rescue team?"  
  
Before Claudia could reply with something suitably snide, Alex Herrison spoke up enthusiastically, "Yes, ma'am! Yes we are!" he smiled broadly at his two new companions, "I'm Alex...um...Herrison, and this is my best friend Claudia..."  
  
"Herrison?"  
  
He looked at her with a serene grin by way of reply.  
  
"You're a cretin."  
  
The nurses both turned to Herrison who shrugged bashfully and looked at them reassuringly. "That's her special name for me," he explained in a voice which made it plain that all was very much well in the world of Alex Herrison, "It means she likes me, sure it does Claudia?"  
  
_I've died and gone to Hell._  
  
"I'm going on in front," she informed him, stalking on ahead and muttering under her breath, determined to outwalk her second in command's stupidity. As he stood chatting to the two survivors, she strode out of his line of vision and round a corner, where she was met with the blessed sight of the door to the stairwell.  
  
With a quick glance over her shoulder she slipped through the door and let out a sigh of relief in the cool, dim quiet, leaning back against the solid metal and closing her eyes briefly. Her right hand brushed against the large bolt and she smiled to herself as she locked the door behind her in sheer desperation to avoid any interaction that involved the following people: Herrison. After a few blissful moments of peace she weighed up her options and, determining the unknown to be the lesser of two evils, began a slow, uncertain trek up the stairs.  
  
_I mean really, what's the worst that could happen...  
_  
-  
  
**_Captain Shakahnna Taylor_**  
  
A wide, manic grin was plastered on the redhead's blood spattered face as she thrust her visage nose to nose with the infected member of staff, watching it flail and moan dumbly as she held it pressed down to the wall. The rest of her team were searching about the ground floor, attempting to find any supplies of use or surviving civilians while Shakahnna put her time to what she considered to be a much more entertaining use. Strewn about her iron shod feet were the remains of several zombies, all of which were in varying stages of dismemberment. Her currently quarry was pinned to the wall, having been impaled with the handle of a mop as she slowly and deliberately sliced through the fibres that kept its head attached to its neck. The officer did not bother to pretend that her emotional state was anything other than having the time of her life.  
  
**This is the fucking bestest! Shakahnna one, Umbrella nil. And the half time score is...FUCK YOU!**  
  
There was a sickening 'splat' as the monster's head lolled off its shoulders and tumbled to the ground, bouncing once and rolling as the body sagged, held up only by the mop which was thrust through its rotting thoracic cavity. With her usual display of elegance she wiped her bloodied face on her sleeve and chortled gleefully.   
  
**That's the best thing about having your own team. You can make them do all the boring stuff like investigating... which leaves the fun bits for me.**  
  
She was looking around for something else to brutally slaughter when a faint sobbing could be discerned over the carnage. Thus, she concluded, the source of the noise could not be anything fun and sauntered over to introduce herself to whatever civilian entity was lurking behind the reception.  
  
"Captain Taylor, Neo-Racoon STARS branch, alpha team," she grinned, "We're here to offer assistance..."  
  
The words were barely out of her mouth when a hysterical figure launched itself at her with a muffled cry of "Thank god!" By reflex Shakahnna slipped to the side, extended her arm and wrapped her hand about the woman's wrist, twisting her arm behind her back and slipping handcuffs on her as she forced the bewildered survivor to the ground. When the restrained woman was lying flat on her face she took a step back and made an expansive gesture about her.  
  
"_Shak's_ personal space...." she explained in a slow, clear voice to the crying captive just as Pierce came rushing over, a look of sheer despondency on his face.  
  
"Shak! What are you doing! Those are civilians, we're supposed to be getting them out, not arresting them! You can't do that!" he exclaimed breathlessly.  
  
The captain paused for a moment, a look of contemplation on her face before uttering nonchalantly, "Hmm...yeah. Don't wanna get sued again..." She looked up in the direction of the team's not overly attractive horse-esque monstrosity, "Hey Redrum, get your snout out that bag of oats and come here and take care of this," she called, unaware that her 'term of endearment' would not be best recieved by Ian as she tossed the keys in the direction of the blonde man with the receeding hairline. Looking down at the cuffed civilian, she offered a small smile which in her own mind would straighten everything out, "Sorry about that, ma'am."  
  
"Fat bitch," Hatcher spat out in his infinite and unbounding sense of wit and was rewarded with a genuine smile from Shakahnna who was blissfully oblivious to her subordinate's hatred for her.  
  
"Horse-boy, rat-features and Koch, you guys are pretty good with that people stuff, so you stay here with the survivors. Make sure you get them out and then radio to be picked up."  
  
The two other men began to obey instantly as Ian uncuffed the prone woman.   
  
"Captain Taylor," enquired Kyle, baring his yellow teeth in a deferential smile, "Don't you want your handcuffs back?"  
  
She grinned and shook her head, "Nah, there be's plenty more where those came from. Okies, rest of you come with me and we'll go to the first floor."  
  
As she shot the three men a small smile and wandered off, Ian Hatcher had already blithely struck up conversation with his reluctant audience.   
  
"So yeah, my girlfriend's only fifteen, but its ok because she's really mature for her age. I really hate Shakahnna, she reminds me of this one time in school where Mark Fletchley called me ugly. It was the worst day of my life. You know, I had a dream last night that I was having an affair with my sister, and you might think that's weird but she's really hot. It's ok though, I mean my sisters are identical twins, and I only fancy one of them, so that's not creepy, right?"  
  
Captain Taylor rolled her eyes and kept walking, her ever faithful partner Pierce in close tow, her green eyes glittering about for something else, anything else, to kill.


	4. Never Smile At A Crocodile

_**AN: **Ah, good evening and welcome to your latest fix of Living Like A Disaster. Your body needs our sugar._

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_Obviously thanks to everyone who reviewed, you are all acceptable and we will spare your lives when we rule the world. And let's face it, it's only a matter of time. Either that or get murdered horribly._

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_Please ensure that you review and tell us how fantastic we are (or not as the case probably is)._

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_Shak and Claudia x_

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_-_

**_Dr Albert Wesker_**  
  
In the past near-century now, Albert Wesker had only enjoyed a handful of good days, and there was a fresh expectancy that today would be one of these. Things were looking as though they were about to take a direction that had always been his favourite: his way. The time was ripe at last for him to lay his hands on the precious creation of Dr Daniel Lancaster...no, he corrected himself, the now deceased Dr Lancaster, and as if by some ungodly bonus, the presence of his Shakahnna would force his hand in a not unpleasurable way, to rebuild the barriers of communication which he himself had destructed.   
  
Unlike Lancaster's virus, he had known where she was all along, but there had always been more satisfaction to be derived from a game of cat and mouse rather than a quick kill. And he was much too fond of his sweet redhead to eliminate her from the festivities so unceremoniously.   
  
There was a low growl from his side as the scent of blood filled his nostrils. He looked down with a twisted fondness at the large, grotesque reptilian monster which followed at his heels. Hunter Alpha's, as he was aware, travelled in twos, and this particular specimen's partner was currently engaged on a little errand he had assigned to it based on a rather interesting scent he had picked up a few minutes previously. It had been difficult to place at first, a stark reminder of that day, but once the proverbial penny had fallen it had increased his conviction that today would most certainly be a relief from the mundanity of his regular routine.   
  
A shrill scream interrupted his inner feeling of tranquil superiority, the owner of which was satisfyingly familiar, and he slowly turned its head in the direction of the source.   
  
Albert Wesker had some business that required his attention.  
  
-  
  
**_Dr Claudia Graham_**  
  
"Bloody Herrison, bloody OCRC, bloody cretins, bloody Lostenberry...has no one here ever heard of infection control? This would never have happened if I'd been in charge. But of course, oh no, we couldn't have that now could we? Cretins..."  
  
Claudia Graham muttered to herself as she walked through the deserted wards, her hands shoved deep in her pockets and her shoulders slumped. A throaty snarl and the scuffling of clawed feet detracted her gaze from her shoes and caused her head to jerk up nervously.   
  
_Oh god, not more survivors. I really hope it's not Herri...oh. It's just a BOW.  
_  
She watched warily as the hulking form of the Hunter came into view, the artificial light refracting off its greenish hide.   
  
Oh wow! Is that the new Hunter Alpha?! I don't remember it having claws like that....I wonder if it's a new phenotype of the latest generation or if they were grafted on surgically? This is so exciting! They've managed to make it...  
  
Her thoughts were cut short as the beast opened its mouth and began to growl and slaver, baring a set of enormous teeth as it eyed her voraciously.   
  
_Oh...dear._  
  
The solitary doctor let out a tiny squeak and began inching backwards until she felt the wall at her back as the hunter began to prowl forward. "Um...please don't eat me..." she whispered anxiously.  
  
_Don't be ridiculous, Claudia. Everyone knows the Hunters don't respond to...AAAARRRGGGHHHH!_  
  
"Ohgodohgodohgoditsahunter!" she whimpered, flapping her hands uselessly before letting out a high-pitched, panicked scream as it charged for her. She fired her gun once, dropped it and sank to her knees, covering her head with her hands and bracing herself, her eyes screwed shut tightly.  
  
She was too busy squealing to hear the casual sound of footsteps near her head, or the fact that the Hunter had stopped moving.   
  
**_What a coincidence, Miss Graham. If I remember correctly the last time I had accosted you, you were in a similar position._**  
  
After a few interminable minutes where the OCRC operative simply curled up and shook, she opened one eye, then the other as she gradually came to the realisation that she was not, in fact, being mauled to death.   
  
Wesker's mouth hardened in impatience as he waited for her to regain her composure sufficiently to become aware of his presence, the second of his pets now perfectly content at his heels. "You seem somewhat unnerved, Dr Graham. Are events not unfolding in your favour?" he enquired calmly.  
  
At the sound of this very familiar voice, Claudia rapidly uncurled and scrambled to her feet, pushing her spectacles back up her nose and looking at him with a dumb astonishment. The emotions which played across her face were plainly obvious, not least to Wesker, as her expression went from shock, to puzzlement, to horror and finally to blind, outraged indignance. She opened her mouth to say "Hullo, sir," but unfortunately what came tumbling out, complete with accusing finger outstretched, was "_You_ put me in OCRC!"  
  
As soon as the words had come tumbling out, she turned pale and clapped her hand over her mouth, slowly taking a few steps backwards with wide eyes.  
  
"Most individuals," he rebuked her gently, "Would have expressed some form of gratitude by now, Dr Graham, or even considered giving a polite greeting."  
  
Relief at the older man's apparent lack of anger gradually coloured her cheeks, and she began to squeak out an incoherent cross between a greeting and an apology.  
  
Wesker's expression did not change as he continued, "I myself am very surprised to see you. I was informed that you were...inactive. After we stopped receiving your reports, our field agent had reported that you were no longer in our services. Such a tragedy at the time...Dr Lancaster was most distraught..."  
  
Claudia let out a gasp of abject horror, "You thought I was dead?! But...but...but I sent meticulous reports! Every month!"  
  
**_Yes, and they made excellent kindling..._**  
  
"As I mentioned before," he explained in a soothing tone, "None of these were received. It is genuinely distressing to think that one of our best researchers has had her talents wasted so..."  
  
She flushed slightly red and bit her lip, "Y...you mean...I wasn't supposed to stay at OCRC...?" she stammered in slow comprehension.  
  
"Not at all. You were only sent there for a month as punishment, then we had to leave you there for your own protection. Umbrella had already instigated their hostile takeover of HCF, as you know, and a number of our top employees lost their lives. I am surprised you were not briefed on this." It had been a long time since he had chosen to exercise his silver tongue, but Claudia's wide eyes told him that he was far from rusty.  
  
**_It's no wonder this race is so easily lead when they choose to follow like cattle._**  
  
"So I can come back now?" her words were eager to the point of being desperate.  
  
"Dr Graham, it could not possibly be any other way," he said simply.  
  
At this point the lump which had been building up in Claudia's throat since the beginning of her ill-fated mission finally took its hold on her composure and she rushed forward in a flurry of tears, buried her face in his chest and began sobbing uncontrollably, her cries interspersed with muffled thank you's.  
  
Wesker felt his skin crawl with complete disgust for the near hysterical child. Placing two large hands on her shoulders, he lifted her off her feet and set her back a few paces away from him. For his part the action was necessary to prevent him losing his self control and tearing her throat out, but Claudia took the gesture to be vaguely paternal and wiped her nose on her sleeve, sniffling gratefully.   
  
**_If I was not intending to provide you with a slow and torturous demise previously, it is most certainly appropriate now._**  
  
"Come now, this behaviour really is most unbecoming of a future head researcher," he said with a forced gentleness which was a complete mockery of the homicidal thoughts coursing through his head. She looked up at him with a look of undiluted rapture on her pale face as the last of her hysteria subsided, her aquamarine eyes shining damply at his words. It was as though someone had actually been listening to her silent prayers. She did not care about money, wealth or prestige in the slightest, she simply wished for the opportunity to indulge her life's obsession with scientific discovery without being held back by those around her. Had this conversation taken place five years previously it would have made her life utterly perfect; even now she was in a state as close to nirvana as she would ever have thought possible. "You don't know what this means to me..." she began but was cut short by Wesker, who continued talking as a way of forcing down the urge to garote her.  
  
"However," he interjected, and her face fell a little, "There are two minor issues which must be resolved before you can be appointed. Firstly, this hospital contains a very important sample which must be retrieved," In reality, Wesker was aware that the chances of the sample being in that building were very slim, but if his plans were to come to fruition it would be better to have the doctor remain in St Appollonia's for at least the time being, and it could not possibly hurt to have one more agent searching for the virus.  
  
"You can count on me, sir!" Claudia babbled breathlessly as he pressed on, trying to block out her voice for the sake of maintaining his facade.  
  
"Secondly is a matter which I believe will be of great personal interest to you also. A common foe, so to speak. I'm sure you recall whose fault it is you are here..."  
  
_Yours?_  
  
She looked at the floor with a bitter expression and shrugged awkwardly. For the past five years her resentment had been privately directed at the man who stood before her. It had not ocurred to her that another party might be to blame.  
  
He arched an eyebrow at her as though he was surprised at her lack of forthcoming, "She's here, you know." The words were almost, imperceptibly a taunt, designed to rile her without incurring any of her anger on himself.  
  
Claudia turned white and bit down on her lip, understanding all at once. "The...the policewoman?" she hissed.  
  
The blonde haired man nodded approvingly, "We both have cause for grievance," he said slyly, "She cost us your potential. Years wasted. We never could find a replacement for you."  
  
Slowly, the perceived reality of the situation shifted as a realisation dawned on Claudia, the colour draining as her mouth fell open. Wesker smiled to himself as the emotions played out across her face.   
  
_Oh god. I've hated him for five years and he only wanted to help me. How could I have been so stupid? It's not his fault at all...it's hers! I've been in complete hell and its all because of HER!_  
  
**_How delightfully easy, the opportunity to crush two birds with one stone. A competent researcher for when dear Jonathon ceases to be useful, and to bring our mutual friend back into the fold. Still, I fear your blood may be cooling before the day is out, Claudia._**  
  
She wavered for a few seconds, utterly beside herself before managing to choke out, "That _bitch_!"  
  
It took him all his iron composure not to laugh out loud; Wesker was always laughing inside. "Perhaps as a show of good faith, I could suitably dispose of her. Assuming, of course, you are confident enough in your abilities to..."  
  
He was interrupted by the sound of a neck snapping and a wild holler of "Fuck yeah!" from the floor below. This was something which Claudia's human senses had clearly not picked up, and so she furrowed her brows in puzzlement as he trailed off, his eyes flashing red behind his dark glasses.  
  
"Sir?" she enquired meekly.  
  
"As I was saying before I was so rudely interupted," he frowned at her and she looked positively distraught, "We have a new base, not far from her in the next town of Achma. If you are able to lure our lovely STARS captain, Officer Taylor as I believe she is called, I will take care of the rest. Then you may start work immediately and I will be able to justify your appointment to our board of directors. As I am sure you are aware, management can be...arrgravating."  
  
**_Of course that is not a strictly accurate statement. They would be irritating, were they not all currently dead._**  
  
At this point, with something so precious dangled in front of her, Claudia was willing to accept any conditions that Wesker might throw at her. She simply nodded vehemently in agreement, a complete determination in her eyes. When it came to her work, Dr Graham never failed. A thought ocurred to her and she became rather flustered, "I don't remember...much. What she looks like..."  
  
_Unless she's still covered in blood...that would be a big hint._  
  
There was a few moments where Claudia was aware that Wesker was looking at her from behind his sunglasses. but did not know whether his stare conveyed any sentiments of irritation. This peturbed her and she began to panic a little; the proposition he had made was too precious to her to risk upsetting her benefactor.  
  
"I'm sorry!" she blurted out hastily, "It was a long time ago and I was upset and...and..."  
  
Wesker did not dignify her ramblings with a response as he reached into one of the many pockets that lined his attire and produced a small envelope. Wordlessly he handed it to the nervous scientist, who fumbled with it as she looked down.  
  
_Oh god, what is this? Have I really ticked him off...? This can't be good...oh dear oh dear oh..._  
  
She tore open the envelope, with her face screwed up in trepidation and pulled out a bundle of surveillence photographs, all taken of a woman with broad shoulders, bright red hair, and a look of perpetual mania on her brutally scarred face.  
  
_Oh...dear.  
_  
"This is...her?" She was sure that there was a perfectly good reason for him to be carrying about a handy folio of pictures of the STARS captain, but it did not seem wise to comment.  
  
Wesker simply looked at her as though she was a complete ingrate as she suppressed any further questions. He held out his hand expectantly and she frowned.  
  
"I...I don't have any money,,," she faltered, staring at him nervously for a few moments. His jaw tightened in annoyance as finally her eyes were directed back to the photographs. "Oh." Sheepishly avoiding his gaze she thrust the pictures back into his upturned palm, turning red.  
  
-  
  
**_Captain Shakahnna Taylor  
_**  
"Wheeeeeeeeeee!" she squealed in delight as another zombie was felled. Pierce shot helpless glances to the other members of the team, who were frowning in distaste, not least Deborah who was positively outraged at her captain's conduct.  
  
"You know," he told her, half jokingly, "You're really lucky that I'm about."  
  
"That's cause you be being my wife," she beamed back. Not many things working under Shak in his career had thrown the blonde STARS officer with the pony tail, but this could most certainly be considered one of them. He wasn't quite sure if this new unconcessional marriage arrangement was something he should be pleased with or utterly dismayed at.  
  
He was about to reply when a shout went up from Officer Fitzpatrick, "Oh...my...._gawd_!" she shrieked, pointing to a pool of crimson in which appeared to be laying a mauled human form. A twitch and a groan from its general direction informed the captain that the injured person was still alive, if only barely. The wounded man was clutching his stomach, absolutely drenched in his own blood. The letters 'OCRC' were barely visible, embroidered on the breast of his combat clothing. At once Shakahnna's demeanour became professional, "Shit! Deborah, get on that," she ordered, pointing as she knelt down beside the OCRC operative, reading the id tag that was fastened to his uniform. "Mr Norton, what attacked you? Where are the rest of your team?" she demanded.  
  
"Hey! Give him some space!" Deborah exclaimed, pulling out her medkit.  
  
"Well hurry up then!" Shak blasted back.  
  
**If there's a civilian unit running around here, they MAY just need our assistance.**  
  
As the team medic fussed and fretted over Timothy, he began to claw at Shakahnna's sleeve. Without thinking she slapped his hand away, before looking at the downed man expectantly. "What happened?"  
  
"Ice maiden!" he wheezed, barely coherent, "Upstairs! Bitch...Ice maiden..."  
  
Suddenly things became much more interesting to Captain Taylor, "What be's that?" she quizzed, "Some new type of tyrant?"  
  
"I'm going to have to sedate him," Fitzpatrick interjected briskly, sliding a needle into Timothy's bloody arm.  
  
**Ah sedation...I remember this one time I had to...no you didn't...  
**  
"How bad is he? What are his chances? Should we just shoot him now?" Shakahnna's lack of tact was never more legendary.  
  
Deborah glared at her boss angrily and was about to launch into a speech on the sanctity of human life when there was a wet slapping sound from behind the team. The redhead whirled round instantly to see a wounded doctor hauling himself towards them, using the wall for support.   
  
"Help...me...I've...been...bit..." he did not finish the sentence as his knees gave way. His eyes seemed to glaze over as his skin seemed to visibly putrefy.  
  
"Another one! I can..."   
  
"False." Shakahnna was having none of that as she raised her gun and fired a single shot into the still-human doctor. "You may not have noticed, Fitzpatrick, but see those things that are walking around and look like people? Those are zombies. They want you dead. You're the medic. Do your job, make him better. Fraiser and McPhillips, you stay here with her. We'll continue the sweep."  
  
There was a burst of static from her hip as her radio spluttered to life. She raised it to her ears, listening intently before replying with a curt "Yes Sir," and replacing the communications device in her pocket. "Right," the officer addressed her remaining team, "New orders from HQ. OCRC are here. It's frankly insulting that we were not consulted to accompany them anyway, but I digress. This guy is now your priority, all OCRC members have to be taken under protective custody. Pierce and I will try and get to the surviving members before this new monster does," she looked thoughtful, "I wonder if it's like the Nemesis parasite, sent specifically to hunt people. Either way, we have to find it first. Come on Pierce."   
  
Shakahnna gave her partner a positively wolfish grin as she rubbed her hands together in glee, "Let's go bag us an Ice Maiden."


	5. We're On A Headhunt!

_AN: Ahh, good evening. Just for a change of pace we're trying out humility today, so we hope you will accept our humble and pitiful offering in the form of chapter five, and that it will not disappoint you too much, oh mighty and bountiful fanfic. We can only apologise for our shortcomings since this is all usually written at two in the morning which is apparently the golden hour of self gratification. _

_Living Like A Disaster - Brought to you by Richmond Menthols and maple syrup. We wish we were joking._

_And on a serious note, please go and read our latest story, It's Not Big and It's Not Clever. It's like the bible, but better._

_Free blowjob for every reviewer (optional)._

_Shak and Claudia x_

_-_

**Dr Claudia Graham  
**  
After Wesker had retuned her radio to enable him to get in contact with her, and given her a new gun, Claudia was feeling a lot more buoyant in spirits, despite being on her own in the middle of a death trap. This had quelled the bitter tirade that was constantly running through her head, in favour of a girlishly excited fervour.  
  
_I'm going back, I'm going back, I'm going back!_  
  
She peered round the corner at the zombie which she had been following surreptitiously for the past five minutes, watching fascinated as it hunched over a fallen corpse, feeding.  
  
_Claudia Graham: Master Detective_  
  
Wesker had not directly ordered her to obtain sample tissue from any of the BOW's, but it was far too tempting not to reach into her labcoat pocket and produce a small collecting vial and a scalpel.   
  
_One or two can't possibly hurt...?  
_  
Her natural, all-consuming curiosity towards anything pertaining to virology spurred her on as she took a deep breath and held it, sneaking up behind the infected man with the scalpel poised in her fingers. The blade was just at the back of its neck when it sniffed, made a loud moan and turned its head towards her very slowly. As her eyes met with its dull cataracts, she let out a tiny squeak and made a hasty retreat, slipping as she went skidding round the corner and crashing into the wall.  
  
_Ok, note to self...wait until they're dead._  
  
As she stood up and wrinkled her nose, a sickeningly familiar voice came floating from the corridor.  
  
"So you're a nurse, right? I always wondered...what are livers for? Are they like mini-stomachs?"  
  
"Oh bloody marvellous. This is all I need," she mumbled under her breath. Claudia was not about to let anything spoil the chance Wesker had given her, let alone Alex Herrison. As the sound of his heavy shoes grew louder and louder, she began rattling the doorknobs along the corridor in desperation until finally one of the doors flew open and she slipped inside, her heart racing with dread at the prospect of being reunited with what was left of the OCRC team. It was a private patient's room and, much to her relief, seemed to be empty, so she locked the door behind her and let out a deep sigh. Wandering to the bed and sitting down, she listened intently, keeping grimly silent as a call of "Claudia? Where are you?" could be discerned from outside the room. As his voice faded down the corridor, she sank down onto the bed. The girl in the labcoat yawned quietly, suddenly filled with a tremendous sense of wellbeing as she replayed the conversation with Wesker over and over again in her head, smiling happily to herself. With drooping eyelids, she leaned over and allowed her head to rest against the cool white linen of the bed.   
  
_It's been...two days...three days...since I slept...no...I have to stay awake...can't let Wesker down...I'll just rest my eyes for two sec...  
_  
Claudia Graham began to snore softly.  
  
-  
  
**_Captain Shakahnna Taylor_**  
  
"Shak, have you taken ..."  
  
She batted her hand, "Nu uh, didn't have enough time before we kitted out, but don't stress. I'll get them as soon as we've finished clearing up this mess. It's not like it'll kill me or anything..."  
  
Captain Taylor was looking rather impatient, reflected Pierce as the two made their way through the second floor of St Appollonia's. It had been very quiet so far, only a handful of stray zombies and a few cerebrus' had accosted them and were swiftly eliminated by Shakahnna's cat claws.  
  
"This Ice Maiden must be pretty big to have cleared the area already," she mused, before breaking into an excited grin, "This is gonna RULE!"  
  
"Are you sure we shouldn't call for backup?" Pierce questioned nervously.  
  
"Like who?" she retorted, "'Sides, what if they find it first and I just have to sit and..." the redhead winced in visible pain, "...watch?!"  
  
"Point taken," Officer Fischer gave her an indulgent smile and rolled his eyes affectionately.  
  
"So, if I live to have them make me retire, do you want to be my wife?" the question was completely innocent, as though it was not at all unorthodox.  
  
"What?!" he spluttered, before frowning, "You know, getting killed isn't always in the job description..."  
  
"Yeah, well it's better to die for something meaningful than to waste away in a bed somewhere or something shit," she replied in all seriousness, "'Sides, you're not gonna get deaded with me taking care of you. Even with all that shit before, didn't lose anyone. Not that it matters, don't even know where they are now, but they're all alive." She shot him a conspiratorial smile, "I don't have time to indulge in socialness," Shakahnna informed him, "And I do appreciate you sticking about. Is nice that all men aren't pussies..." she trailed of, looking about alertly for things to kill.  
  
"You do push people a bit too hard, you know," he pointed out and was met with a snort.  
  
"Don't expect them to work any harder than I do," she scoffed, "And to be fair there's more hours in the day I could be working. If only they hadn't introduced that stupid fucking policy, making me go...oooh!" her face lit up with glee as the shambling form of an undead hospital janitor came into view and she pounced on it happily, claws at the ready.  
  
Pierce leaned back against the wall with a small smile as he watched his captain disembowel the infected man as she giggled to herself, utterly in her element. It was oddly disarming. While Shakahnna's methods could occasionally be trying, he had nothing but admiration for her, feeling a common bond from their shared drive to be police officers. He was just slightly more reserved in his enthusiasm.  
  
Abruptly, there was a low growl, clearly discernable above the melee of Shak-related noise. It was low, ferocious and carnal, and the two looked at each other with the same thought at once.   
  
"Ice Maiden?"  
  
"Let's go!" with a final stamp of her boot on the zombies skull, she dashed off in the direction of the sound, rounding the corner just in time to see what she thought was a flash of black, but could not be entirely certain. Save for this the corridor was empty, and the captain looked round with a puzzled expression.  
  
"You know, wouldn't it be cool if the monsters were invisible," she mused.  
  
"No, Shak."  
  
-  
  
As was the case with most Umbrella employees, Claudia was a very light sleeper, and so the growl from outside the treatment room caused her eyes to shoot open almost instantaneously.   
  
_What was that...? Something very, very angry...ohshitIfellasleepWesker'sgoingtokillme! Or worse! He might leave me in OCRC! With people! And Herrison!_  
  
She shot up in a fit of fear, and scrambled to her feet. After listening at the door she unlocked it and walked back out.  
  
"Well," she said in a voice which was not loud but very clear, just in case Wesker was about, "She's definitely not in there..." Her gaze darted nervously up and down the hallway, but there was no sign of her current lifeline.   
  
The tall girl crept to the end of the hall and poked her head round the corner, her eyes half closed in trepidation. As she opened them slowly, she found that she was staring straight into the half-mauled face of a zombie. Claudia watched it in horror as it opened its mouth, a trail of saliva hanging from its broken jaw, before taking a deep breath, eyes wide, and screaming at the top of her lungs. Frightened, she slipped back round the corner, sunk to her knees and curled up into a ball, covering her head with her hands and squeezing her eyes shut resolutely.  
  
-  
  
"Shak!" Pierce called, "Did you hear that? I heard a scream!"  
  
She shrugged, "Well come on then, we'll go check it out. But if it turns out to be nothing am gonna kick your arse." Shak landed an affectionate punch on her second in command's arm, which unfortunately almost caused him to lose his balance, before charging on ahead. Upon reaching what appeared to be the source of the noise, they duo were met with a slowly growing congregation of zombies, who appeared to be fixated on something just out of their reach.  
  
The redhead nodded to Pierce, who understood instantly and dashed forward towards the undead, instantly attracting their attention as one by one they began to shamble in his direction. Meanwhile Shak tiptoed up behind the backrunners of the group, a mischevious smirk playing about her face as she poised her cat claws at the back of a zombie's neck, humming, and then drove the points home in a crunch and splatter of gore. Heads were raining down about the captain's feet as she merrily decapitated one after the other until the corridor was awash with rotten blood and Shakahnna was standing in the midst of it all, grinning exuberantly and flexing her biceps.

She looked decidedly pleased with herself.


	6. The Best Part Of Friendship Is Friends

_AN: Ah yes, it's that time of the month again where we enrich your lives with our wonderful, intelligent and yet universally accessable writing. We are heroin and you are the addicts. _

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_I know we are brilliant and you can't get enough of us, so we can only apologise for the delay in updating. I was in hospital. Apparently it was a case of me being too superior and excellent to function in normal society so I had to get a wonderfulectomy. _

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_That said, there's still more than enough of our genius creation to keep you slavering dogs at bay, so without further ado, we present to you....CHAPTER SIX_

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_Shak And Claudia_

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_PS. Shak wishes to make it clear that from now on she will be taking over the job of writing the authors notes as I am offensive and arrogant. C._

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_-_

Claudia opened her eyes at the sound of commotion, just as a sizeable splash of blood dotted the lenses of her spectacles, and a stray head rolled past her line of vision. Yelping, she closed her eyes again, deciding that whatever could possibly do that much damage was not something she wanted to see before it killed her.   
  
"That might be our survivor," a male voice could be discerned.  
  
"Wonderful," the female voice was utterly unenthusiastic.  
  
"Let's not put anybody in cuffs this time, eh? Remember the last time you got demoted."  
  
"Beurocrats are idiots..." Shakahnna trailed off as her line of vision was drawn to the floor where a curled up figure in a labcoat with pigtails was silently shaking and resolutely refusing to acknowledge her presence. "It's not moving," she pointed at Claudia, "Should I give it a kick?"  
  
"What do you think?" Pierce rubbed his temples. He may as well have been her long suffering spouse.  
  
"Not if I want to add another tally to my 'How Many People I've Saved' scorechart." It appeared that the STARS captain was rather fond of keeping tables. "She doesn't look dead, she's kind of shaking. You think she might be upset or something?"  
  
At this point it was becoming rather obvious to Dr Graham that the scary people were not in fact going to go away, and so she made the brave decision of opening her eyes and uncurling slightly. Shakahnna gave her a friendly wave, the sentiment of which was unfortunately bastardised by the fact that she still had five long steel blades attached to each hand. With a tiny gasp Claudia pulled her knees back in to her chest and covered her head with her hands again.  
  
"Aw, don't do that," Captain Taylor admonished in disappointment, removing one of her gloves and handing it to Pierce. Bending down she pulled the doctor to her feet with ease, holding her up with her arm fully stretched. She tipped her head to one side and offered a deformed smile, "Hello."  
  
Claudia's eyes went saucer-like as she took in the mass of red hair, and finally the woman's face. An angry red welt ran from the corner of her mouth to her ear, obviously not a fresh wound but still very prominent against the pale of her skin. In addition to a plethora of smaller scars, there was a long, deep gash of crimson across her throat from a past encounter. Her face was like shattered porcelain, a canvas of brutality. These unmistakable marks, coupled with the STARS NRPD badge on her uniform caused the scientist to inhale sharply as she realised that her rescuer was none other than Captain Taylor.  
  
"You...?" she gasped as a surge of unwanted memories came flooding back.  
  
_But it's ok. Wesker said he'd take care of it._  
  
Shakahnna narrowed her eyes at Claudia, wondering where this girl could possibly recognise her from.  
  
"Seems you are famous, Shak," Pierce joked.  
  
"Shush you," She laughed and shrugged, "I'm being all professional. Miss, my name is Captain Shakahnna Taylor, STARS Alpha Team, Neo-Racoon branch..."  
  
"Unhand me at once, you cretin!" the auburn haired girl spluttered, finding her tongue at last. The redhead blinked at her quizically, then dropped her unceremoniously. She toppled to the floor in a heap and groaned, before scrambling to her feet and adjusting her glasses. Her mouth began to open and close as she struggled for something to say, choking on the words each time with the force of her own indignation.   
  
Unfazed, Shak continued, "...we're responding to a distress call that we received. There potentially be's a dangerous creature running about here, so we can escort you to one of the lower levels, deposit you with our colleagues and you will be given the proper attention." She looked at Pierce with a proud expression on her face at how well she was handling the situation.  
  
"You will do no such thing!" Claudia snarled, "I'm with OCRC, and I will not leave until I have procured my samples!"  
  
"Oh, even better. You're under protective custody. Orders just came in..."  
  
At this point Pierce realised that he had probably take charge of the public relations aspect of their task, "I understand your concern ma'am, but..."  
  
"You don't understand anything!" Claudia was utterly insensed at being spoken down to by a mere police officer, "YOU are an imbecile, a complete and utter cretin! You, sir, are so intellectually inferior to me that I am surprised you are even capable of putting your uniform on in the morning let alone carrying out the tasks that wearing it entails. Furthermore..." she trailed off as it became apparent that Shakahnna was much less tolerant of insults directed towards her team, than to herself, and was glaring at the girl with bulging eyes, her entire face turning red to the point of being purple.  
  
Her hands twitching, she rounded on Claudia furiously, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself. She did not even feel the need to come into closer quarters with the target of her anger. "Okay, I think we need to lay down a few ground rules, shall we? You be's running off that arrogant mouth of yours, then I'm gonna cuff you. Then when we're taken out of here, you go to jail for a little while. You keep giving me lip, and I'm gonna shoot you. Maybe just in the arm or leg at first, but you scream, make a noise, attract attention, then I'll probably shoot you in the stomach. You don't talk to ANY of my men like that. Got me, Doc?" As she spoke, the redhead dangled the handcuffs languidly in front of Claudia's freckled nose.  
  
She turned white and began to splutter, "Shoot me? I'm not one of your toy soldiers. I am a scientist, and...."  
  
Pierce cut in smoothly, "I fail to see what relevance that has, ma'am."  
  
_Yes well, that's because you're a cretin._  
  
Dr Graham sneered at him coldly, "It is relevant, _officer_, because I work for the government,"  
  
"That's funny," put in Shak, "Can they bring you back to life if I kill you?"  
  
_Well, back before I was born I heard that they...oh shit. She's going to kill me, and then I'll never get my job back.  
_  
Her eyes widened in sheer misery, "You...you of all people can't..." she trailed off as her eyes darted from Shakahnna's face, to her gun, and back again, and she sighed unhappily, "Understood, Officer."  
  
_I hate people_  
  
**I hate people**  
  
The redhead's face instantly brightened, "Excellent," she proclaimed, before throwing Pierce a triumphant look over her shoulder, "Look, see. I can deal with people. Now, important stuff...Ice Maiden..."  
  
At the mention of her hated nickname in OCRC, all of Claudia's forcibly regained compliance evaporated and she began to rant once more, "How dare you! How many times do I have to tell people not to call me that! Are you people so utterly stupid that you completely abandon all sense of propriety? I am CAPTAIN of this stupid team, I think I deserve a BIT more respect. This is completely insufferable, I am warning you...DO NOT CALL ME THAT!" She finished her speech at screaming level, her cheeks flushed as tears stung her eyes.  
  
Shak watched her impassively, turning to Pierce, "...Or not," her face dropped in dismay, "No...no...no...._you're_ Ice Maiden?"  
  
Still shaking, Claudia nodded with gritted teeth and Shakahnna strode up to her. She recoiled visibly as the STARS captain stretched out one ungloved finger and began to prod her repeatedly in the shoulder doggedly, "Transform. Transform right now."  
  
"Wha...?" Claudia began but was cut short as the captain knocked her to the floor and grabbed her by the ankle, holding her upside down and shaking her vigourously.   
  
**Come on! This isn't acceptable! How am I supposed to get your head as a trophy if you don't transform?**  
  
Shakahnna voiced her thoughts with a petulant tone, "Come on! This isn't acceptable! How am I supposed to get your head as a trophy if you don't transform?"  
  
At this the young Umbrella spy's face, which was slowly turning purple, began to crumple in fear, and she burst into sobs, trying to curl up but being unable to, "Let me go! Please! I won't be rude any more!" she pleaded, hyperventilating.  
  
"I think that she means Ice Maiden is her nickname, Shak," Officer Fischer, despite finding the situation rather funny, decided he had better intervene. Shakahnna narrowed her eyes at him and he added, "That is, she's NOT a monster. I don't think they make that funny wheezing noise when you tip them upside down..."  
  
Realising that the current course of action was not a good idea anymore, Shakahnna tipped the crying scientist back the correct way up and set her down on the floor. "Whoops." She pursed her lip, "So, just to re-iterate. You're not a monster?"  
  
There was a short pause in which the only sound in the corridor was that of the OCRC captain's sobs dying into whimpers, until she was eventually sufficiently composed to speak again, "N...NO!" The pale girl shook her head vehemently for good measure.  
  
"Well..." the redhead looked positively dejected, "That's shit." Feeling slightly guilty, she tore a piece of fabric from her sleeve and presented to the doctor as a hanky. Claudia accepted it gratefully and blew her nose. "So Mrs Ice Maiden, do you be having a name?"  
  
She scowled in reply and sniffed haughtily, trying to regain some of her dignity, "Dr Claudia Graham, OCRC Primary Investigation Squad, Team Captain," she said coldly, fumbling in her pocket for her identification card and handing it to Shakahnna.  
  
The officer patted her on the head condescendingly, "Now, now, did you steal this from your mum. You look like you're about twelve. How did you make captain?"  
  
"Excuse me!" Claudia spluttered, "I happen to be excellent at my job!"  
  
Pierce raised an eyebrow, "So where's the rest of your team."  
  
"I lost them."  
  
"Lost them how exactly?" Shakahnna did not like where this conversation was going.  
  
"In the sense that their respiratory and circulatory systems have ceased to function," the doctor's level of tact was on a par with the STARS captain's.  
  
The redhead's jaw dropped in complete horror as she demanded, aghast, "You mean you let your whole team get killed?!"  
  
"Um..." Dr Graham faltered for a second, as though she was mentally calculating something, "Well...Webster is dead...Ledger is dead...Norton is probably dead..." she grimaced, "And Herrison's just braindead."  
  
"But Dr Herrison is the one who radioed. He said only a third of the team was down and he never mentioned any fatalities." Pierce pointed out.  
  
Claudia turned white, "Firstly, Herrison is NOT a doctor, contrary to the qualifications he believes he has obtained from his My First Hospital playset, secondly, Herrison can't actually count, which is probably why he thought that three out of five constituted a third, and lastly...lastly..." she paused, "Herrison is a cretin."  
  
"So he's still alive then? Why aren't you with him?" The blonde haired man was looking at her in complete disbelief.  
  
"Because he was giving me a migraine."  
  
At this, Shakahnna appeared to come out of her slight stupor and burst out, "But...how could you get your entire TEAM killed?!"  
  
"Well, it's not MY bloody fault they didn't listen to me! And it's not as though I was particularly fond of their company. I can get another team, idiots aren't hard to come by."  
  
"YOU were the captain, it was YOUR job to protect them. If you didn't think you were capable, you should have relinquished command!"  
  
"I will have you know_, constable_," Claudia spat, "That OCRC is a scientific institution. Thus the person in charge should be the most scientifically qualified. I don't have time for all that military nonsense and I certainly don't need a police officer telling me how to do my job." The last sentence was said in a disgusted sneer.  
  
"Fuck you!" Shakahnna exclaimed, "I am NOT a fucking constable! Not that they don't do a great job _Miss_ Graham, but I will have you know I have worked for my rank, thou fucker!"  
  
"IT'S **DOCTOR** GRAHAM!"   
  
"It's going to be on a mortician's slab if it doesn't shut up!"  
  
As the level of maturity in the room reached sub zero levels, Pierce watched in bewilderment as Claudia responded.  
  
"You, sir, are a CRETIN!"


	7. The Convergence of Great Minds

_Hullo/WAH and welcome to the long awaited Chapter 7 of Living Like A Disaster. We promise, true to our manifesto as wrtiers, a plethora of maturity, philosophical revelations and cool shit with guns and violence. Fuck yeah!_

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_If you review then you are the king. _

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_Shak and Claudia_

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**_Dr Albert Wesker_**  
  
As always, Wesker's subordinates required his presence, as would his dearest new protege, Jonathan. It was his operation after all. Still, when presented with the opportunity to call on his current quarry, such tedium could be procrastinated from awhile. It had amused him greatly initially to watch the STARS Captain and her second in command as they patrolled, utterly unaware of his presence despite their extensive military training. The only clue they had seized on was his low growl in the corridor, otherwise completely oblivious to the hulking voyeur in the shadows. It had been a deliberate bait, designed to draw her out, to watch her reaction times. While he was more than aware that over the years her physical attributes had not declined, it was still extremely tantalising to test out old ground.  
  
It had come as a mild surprise that they had stumbled across Dr Graham so quickly and in such a fortuitous manner, but the real element of the unexpected was in the sheer magnitude by which things thereafter degenerated.  
  
**_I knew you were incompetent, little one, but congratulations. Your level of ineptitude has surpassed even my expectations._**  
  
It was with an idle interest that he eavesdropped on the discourse that took place between the two police officers and his operative. The infantile exchanges between the two females were so completely devoid of intelligence that had he been capable of feeling pain, it would have given him a headache. The only noteworthy point of interest was that Shakahnna had developed some form of attachment to the male with her, the results of which were very predictable, he thought to himself with a smug smirk. This broke into a wry smile upon his countenance when Shakahnna proceeded to make demands upon Claudia and then turn her upside down by her ankle.  
  
**_So playful..._**  
  
It would have vexed him, should events have required him to intervene so early in the day, even if indirectly. There would be time enough for that, he reflected, eyeing Pierce cooly from his vantage point.  
  
**_How unfortunate to be in Miss Taylor's affections. I wonder, boy, would you die for her._** He bared his teeth slightly**_, A pity you will never be given the option._**  
  
_**Thirty Minutes Later**_  
  
"Come on, Shak, I think she gets the point," Pierce was saying in a soothing tone, "Now give me the keys, yeah?"  
  
"Won't," the captain replied childishly, folding her arms across her chest, before sighing and rolling her eyes, "Oh, fine then. Only because we're busy, not because I don't think she should be..."  
  
"Let me GO!" Claudia screamed, the past half hour in cuffs having done nothing to calm her fury as she persisted with her struggling.  
  
"Well then," Shakahnna thrust her face into the livid scientist's, drawing out each word slowly, "Stop screaming..." her voice became normal paced again, "It's annoying!"  
  
"Well you threatened to kill me, dangled me upside down and put me in handcuffs!" shrieked the still-hysterical Claudia, "AND...you called me Ice Maiden! I HATE people calling me that!"  
  
"You're not understand the 'You be Quiet' part of this stipulation, are you?"  
  
"I'll be quiet when you LET ME BLOODY GO!"  
  
"Okay, let me explain something to you slowly, so you can understand. I have the keys, Thus, what I say goes," Shakahnna smirked, "It's not just the violence I like, it's the authority."  
  
_Yeah, we'll see how tough you are when my boss sorts you out._  
  
Claudia bit her lip sulkily, glaring daggers at the officer's shoes, "Fine," she mumbled furiously, "Now let me go."  
  
"Okies," Shakahnna's mood switched in an instant as she reached round and deftly removed the handcuffs.  
  
The scientist stood there, rubbing her wrists and scowling murderously, before sniffing. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to be going to the labs."  
  
"Oh, you're not going anywhere," Pierce told her, watching with a degree of concern at the fact that every time the OCRC scientist opened her mouth, his captain's hand twtiched over the gun at her hip. Shakahnna nodded in agreement.  
  
"I have to protect you, else I'll fail a mission, And that would be terrible."  
  
At this, Claudia snorted in spite of herself, "Well you've done a bloody good job so far," she spat.  
  
"Thank you," the redhead completely missed the stinging sarcasm, "I thought we'd got off to a rough start, but you're not so bad." She patted Claudia's head, who looked as though she was seriously contemplating homicide.  
  
Clenching her fists with trembling hands, the highly-strung OCRC captain's last vestiges of temper snapped and she threw a punch at the irritating face of the woman who had cost her career. Shakahnna's response was merely to bat the younger woman's hand out of the way with minimal effort.  
  
"So you wanna sort this out like men then?" Shak's face lit up as she began to take off her gloves an hand them to the long-suffering Officer Fischer, "Excellent!"  
  
At this, Claudia let out a frightened squeak and dropped to the floor, covering her head with her hands.  
  
"Not this again," Shak sighed in dismay, "Does that be your reaction to everything?"  
  
"Yes," came the muffled growl from the floor, "Can I go to the labs now?"  
  
The older of the two women shrugged, "I'm gonna go radio the others and get status reports. Pierce, keep an eye on her."  
  
"I'm sorry, Doctor," he stressed the girl's title sarcastically, "But we just don't have the time, especially not when you're such a liability."  
  
"Wh...what? How can there not be time for the labs?!" The concept was completely alien to Claudia, "I have to get there! I HAVE to!" Her bottom lip began to quiver, "You can't tell me what to do!"  
  
Pierce, being slightly more mature than his captain, opted to ignore her as he waited patiently for Shakahnna to conclude her radio conversation. When she was finished, she sauntered back to the duo.  
  
"Well it looks like your man Timothy isn't dead after all," she told Claudia, "Fitzpatrick's just patching him up."  
  
"I really couldn't care less," she cut in, "I just want to go to the labs..."  
  
Shakahnna continued talking over her, addressing her partner, "The guys we left on the bottom floor found around twenty survivors, apparently HQ can only spare one truck so they're going to have to load them in shifts. But it's good cause the first floor's almost clean, if we can just stop anything from this floor spilling down then we'll at least have the hospital under control by the end of tonight," she turned to the doctor, "Also, we weren't aware that there were labs in this facility. Suspected, but now that it's confirmed, you're going to be evacuated with everyone else."  
  
"I don't bloody think so!" the girl's voice was utterly desperate.  
  
The redhead lifted a warning finger, "Before you start, if the next words out of your mouth are...anything, then I AM going to punch you hard enough to knock you out, put you over my shoulder, cuff you and carry you downstairs. Now this will put myself and my colleague in a certain amount of danger, but it will be worth it not to have to listen to you. So you can act like an adult, or you can be punched in the teeth. In fact..." Shak leaned in closer, "Maybe you should speak..."  
  
Claudia's jaw dropped, aghast. It was true that she was terrified, but at the same time, nothing was more important to her at that moment than reaching the labs. "You...you..." she stammered, scowling, "You can't do that! I'm in OCRC and...and...I'm your intellectual superior...!" She folded her arms across her chest as though having explained this to Shak, the situation would suddenly miraculously improve.  
  
It did not.  
  
The STARS captain turned to Pierce, "Actually, I've got a MUCH better idea," she told him, pulling out her gun and leveling it at Claudia, "Ok, I'll use my gun on you out of respect,because you're an OCRC captain," she shot the girl a bloodthirsty leer, "But I'd be's lying if I said I wasn't really gonna enjoy this..."  
  
**But it's ok, cause she got her whole team killed.**  
  
Claudia turned ashen as she stared down the barrel of the Dessert Eagle, her bottom lip trembling. As Shakahnna's finger curled round the trigger, something surged to the forefront of her mind for a split second, a re-emergence of something long-forgotten and deeply troubling. Her scarred face creased in confusion as a flurry of conflicting thoughts made themselves known.  
  
**I...know...you...**  
  
"Captain!" Pierce took advantage of her momentary lapse to attempt to diffuse the situation, "If you do this, you won't just get demoted, you'll get fired. And probably sent to jail too! She's not a criminal, and you can't shoot someone just for being annoying!"  
  
**Well it wouldn't be the first time. Although, to be fair, I don't normally kill them. Why's she gotten under my skin especially...?**  
  
"Shak, I don't normally question your orders, but she's just a civvy. It's not like you to murder someone who's innocent."  
  
He would have gone on, but by this point the panic that had been building up in the back of Claudia's throat has progressed from scared sniffles to full blown sobs, and she had completely crumpled in the face of Shakahnna's gun. The redhead paused for thought, her weapon still raised.  
  
**Yeah, guess new orders haven't had time to sink in yet. And we'd be failing the mission if I shot her. And I suppose there may be other methods to keep her quiet.**  
  
Shakahnna patted her on the shoulder and she let out a strangled yelp. "It's ok, I wasn't really gonna shoot you," she began reassuringly, but trailed off contemplatively, "Well, actually, I was but I'm not now, so it's ok."  
  
Too shaken to speak, Claudia simply squeaked and nodded dumbly, her eyes wide in horror.  
  
_It'll be worth it. It WILL be worth it. I'm going home._  



	8. Tell Me You Like My Fascist Cock

**_AN: This chapter we are going to take a break from being arrogant and obnoxious to do some shameless self promotion. Do you find it hard to sleep at night for wondering WHICH RESIDENT EVIL: LIVING LIKE A DISASTER CHARACTER ARE YOU? Well in that case we have the answer to your prayers. The Living Like A Disaster quizilla quiz. You can get the link from our bio, or failing that our username on Quizilla is Shakandclaudia. Let us know what you got._**

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**_We hope you enjoy Chapter 8. Thanks to all who reviewed, you have earned your place in the Lord's kingdom._**

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**_Shak and Claudia_**

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**_Dr Albert Wesker_**  
  
Watching the young scientist in action was nothing short of a travesty to Albert Wesker as matter escalated, causing him yet more vexation. Dealing within in the bioweapons industry had always been a tedious practice, but he had consistently demanded the best from his employees. However, what Claudia was currently delivering fell criminally far short of this. Within less than five minutes she had achieved the spectacular feat of aggravating the STARS captain to the point where she had not only had herself put in handcuffs but actually managed to rile Shakahnna into almost shooting her.  
  
It was strange, but Wesker found this idea oddly arousing. The thought of watching the redhead slaughter his hapless employee gave him an odd sense of grim satisfaction. It had always been infinitely alluring to watch her brutality in action, but this particular kill held a pecuilar fascination. However, when the party split up it was an easy decision. As she radioed her beloved team, the thrill of standing unseen, barely a few feet away from him, undoubtedly confirmed his suspicions that, no matter how incompetent Claudia may have been, the outcome of this day's events would hold infinite possibilities for enjoyment. He almost snarled in feral impatience as she looked around, clearly aware that something in her surroundings was not quite kosher, but not able to quite discern his presence. Even while talking to her subordinates, her alert green eyes scanned the vicinity for the source of her discomfort.  
  
It was during this interlude, while Shak relayed her orders, he became aware of her intentions to take a trip up to the laboratories herself. He supposed for the moment that was where his attentions must be focused. Were she to reach Lancasters work before he did, he felt certain that she would not possess the same reverence for science that his operative did.  
  
_**Since your current company cannot fulfill that delectable bloodlust of yours, perhaps I will leave you a parting toy to occupy you.**_  
  
There was just one small matter he needed to attend to

**_Shakahnna and Claudia_**  
  
"Fuck you! You are not going to the labs!"  
  
"But I HAVE to!"  
  
"Shut up or you know the rest. You've already used all your three chances!"  
  
"My boss'll..."  
  
_Kill you horribly?_  
  
Shakahnna raised an eyebrow at her with a look of complete unmoving stubbornness which Claudia answered with a livid glare. The teenage scientist was too lost in her own rage to hear the patter of clawed feet and the deep, low growl emanating from behind her. The sound was very quiet, but it did not take Shakahnna long to snap her head up, followed shortly afterward by Pierce. The redhead's hand shot forward, clenching the front of Claudia's dress in her fist. For a moment the OCRC operative flinched, thinking that she had riled Shakahnna into punching her, when she found herself thrown back in the direction of Pierce. As two hulking, reptillian forms came into view, things became a lot clearer to Claudia.  
  
"Pierce, take care of that. You're on babysitting duty," the STARS captain ordered, sticking her tongue out over her shoulder before rounding on the two monsters.  
  
The first of the pair approached, and she felt her stomach tighten with the first hints of excitement. As it swiped a set of enormous claws, aiming to decapitate her, she dropped onto her right arm and rolled over, withdrawing the two handguns at her side as she raised herself up on one knee. Leveling her weapons at her assailant, she fired three shots from each barrel, sending the creature hurtling back against the wall. As she heard it shriek, a warm sensation spread through her torso as she watched the blood trickle from the entry wounds on its hide, a sight which wrought the vivification of her libido.  
  
She could hear its partner running towards her and whirled to face it, re-holstering her pistols. The monster came in low, hulking shoulders hunched ferally, and as it neared its prey, one thick scaled arm came towards her. Shakahnna instantly sprung into the air, her jump propelling her above the sweep of the hunter's talons, and she clicked her heels together in mid air; a gesture of euphoria which also served to activate the blades in her heels. As her broad form came crashing down on the monster's arm, the sharp steel tore through its armoured flesh, ripping its hand clean off. Reaching down with her left hand, she threw the severed appendage in its face with a sneer of "Fuck you!" before punching it square in the jaw with her right. "So...um...she's mental..." Claudia Graham had never been very good at smalltalk, and today was no exception. Pierce looked down at her, scowling by way of ordering her to shut up.  
  
_It's not fair. It's not fair. I just want to go to the....ohmygod what was that noise?!_  
  
The young doctor's thoughts were interrupted with a loud, orgasmic groan swiftly followed with a shout of "You like that, bitch!" Claudia pursed her lips in disapproval before turning to Pierce, opening her mouth, and then simply closing it again.  
  
_It's going to be one of those days...  
_  
Claudia was oblivious as, in what could not have been more than an instant, her environment changed. There was a blur of motion from the corner of her eye, and she looked up to find her boss holding the struggling Pierce by the lower half of his jaw, one enormous hand covering his mouth. She jumped back and let out a tiny squeak, before wordlessly giving him a nervous little wave.  
  
"Um...hullo," she faltered, before adding hastily, "...sir." At this Pierce's eyes widened indignantly as he glared at the spy.  
  
"Good afternoon, Miss Graham. It appears this young man was causing you some vexation," he tutted languidly at Officer Fischer, "That really is manners most unbecoming of a gentleman."  
  
Claudia nodded wordlessly, kicking the sole of her shoe against the ground and staring at her feet. "Said I couldn't go to the labs," she mumbled sullenly under her breath.  
  
Wesker opened his mouth to speak, but even he faltered as the noises from Shakahnna's scuffle with the Hunters floated around the corner. A tuneless voice was singing at the top of her lungs with blithe gusto, "That's the way...uhuh uhuh...I liiiiike it...uhuh uhuh...." over the sound of metal crunching into flesh. Dr Graham looked at Wesker in complete horror as the song came to an enthusiastic finale which apparently heralded the expiration of one of his creations.  
  
"How droll." It did not take the unflappable Albert Wesker long to regain his composure, "As much as I would enjoy prolonging our meeting, I am afraid time is of the essence. As such I believe I have a solution to your current dillema." His frosty demeanour contrasted with his almost fatherly concern of their last meeting; there was an underlying intensity which made Claudia rack her brains for anything she might have done wrong, and failed for the moment to come up with any conceivable reason why she may not have been the world's greatest espionne.  
  
"Are you going to kill him?" she asked with a bright hopefulness.  
  
Wesker eyed her levelly, "It would be wholly more fitting were that task to fall to you."  
  
_This is great, now he'll be out of my way. And then all I have to do is deal with...uh oh.  
_  
"N...no, really sir. I'd rather not," she faltered, wrinkling her nose and trying desperately to appear casual about the matter, but unsurprisingly failing, "And, um, besides...I can't fight."  
  
**_Your inutility beggars belief...  
_**  
He gritted his teeth impatiently. "Miss Graham, it may have escaped your notice, but you are currently in possession of a firearm." His voice did not contain the harsh sentiment that he was currently wishing upon the doctor. Wesker was, however, far more interested in the long term anguish her continued existence would cause than the appeal of terminating Claudia's employment at that moment. His thoughts were cut short as Pierce let loose a particularly violent struggle, and he tightened his muscles a fraction of an inch to stay the officer, almost disappointed at the ease of the gesture.  
  
"Oh..." Claudia looked down at the weapon protruding clumsily from her side pocket and blinked, "So I do." Still, the idea was not one which pleased the young girl, so she decided to try stalling. "But...um...what if I miss?"  
  
_Like that rather unfortunate accident with..._  
  
"Miss Graham, I grow impatient."  
  
The bespectacled girl blanched, "Ah...um...yes, quite." She aimed the gun as best she could, hoping that the close range would cancel out her abysmal marksmanship, screwed her eyes shut tightly and pulled the trigger, jumping in fright as the shot went off. Pierce slumped in Wesker's grasp, his dead eyes perfect circles of horror, his pupils dilated in fear. Had his mouth not been covered by the other man's hand, it would have gaped, a silent scream trapped in his throat as the bullet ripped through it. A crimson flower began to blossom across his clavicle as the sticky fluid seeped down his uniform. His body tensed with a shudder before going limp.  
  
Wesker let him fall softly to the ground, barely affording the cadaver a glance as Claudia watched in fascination. "Well, Miss Graham," he offered her a genial smirk, "I'm sure you remember our arrangements. I'll leave this in your capable hands."  
  
And with that he was gone.  
  
- 


	9. Insanity Clouded Vision

_**Hullo and welcome to another exciting edition of...Living Like A Disaster! Trumpets sound, the planets collide etc etc etc Yes! Another update! And so soon! Aren't we just lovely.**_

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**_And if you haven't taken the quiz yet...TAKE THE QUIZ! TAKE THE QUIZ! TAKE THE QUIZ! Especially YOU John Damen._**

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**_Shak and Claudia_**

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****

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****

_Capable? He called me capable! He must think I'm really good at this. Well if he thinks I'm doing well at this wait til he sees what I can do in the labs. He'll be so impressed and then I'll be head researcher and I'll have my own lab and most researchers have to kill LOTS of people to get that not just one paltry policeman and gosh, at this rate I'll have my job back in no time and..._ The sound of heavy footsteps thundering through the corridor interrupted her as she glanced guiltily from the corpse, squinting down the halls before looking back down at the fallen Pierce. _Oh dear.  
_  
The steps slowed to the soft padding of footfall that stopped just prior to their owner turning the corner. There was a few seconds silence as Claudia chewed nervously on her lower lip, bracing herself for the captain's arrival. When there was no sign of her appearing, the OCRC researcher took the brave decision of popping her head out to investigate, crossing her fingers and hoping vaguely that Shakahnna would have mysteriously dropped dead.  
  
She was not in luck.  
  
With an exurberant warcry of "WAH!" the redhead leapt forward in a bizarre mockery of a star jump, arms splayed wide and an inane grin on her scarred face. Claudia proceeded to scream in a strangled, high pitched cry, hiding her face behind her fingers as though this would offer some form of protection against the psychotic police lady. Taking no notice of the fact that she may have just induced a coronary seizure in the captain of OCRC, Shak barged past the scientist and began to bounce up and down, oozing gusto.

**I'm a Shak in a Box!!!**

"Pierce! Pierce! Look what I got. Now you have to fix me u..." she trailed off as her bright emerald gaze fell upon her downed cohort. Her shoulders seemed to visibly sag as her beaming smile evaporated. "Pierce?"  
  
She half traipsed, half staggered towards her dead friend, standing over him in utter dismay. Gritting her teeth she ran her hand tersely over her red locks with one bloody hand. Disarmed of her child-like sense of infinite wonder, the STARS agent suddenly looked as though she had taken as many blows as Claudia had suspected, her features switching to almost haggard in an instant. Instead of a broken china doll she more closely resembled a battered rag doll, her face a patchwork of scars and confusion. At that moment everything in Shakahnna's world stopped making sense. She tilted her head as though looking at things from a lopsided angle might make the sight of her long suffering voice of reason splayed prone in a pool of crimson go away.  
  
As she walked forward, bereft of her customary swagger her head began to twitch erratically. "No no no no no no no no no...."  
  
Making to sit down, the bending of each joint seemed to visibly protest as she lowered herself into a loose cross legged position, leaning over the body with crestfallen tenderness. Extending her hand, she brushed her digits over the pool of blood, watching the viscous liquid trickle through her fingers as she lifted it to her face, staring at it intently.  
  
"Pierce, I don't want you to go," she said with quiet conviction, shaking his shoulder persistently.  
  
"That's not going to do any good," Claudia snapped, almost as though she was angry with Shakahnna for feeling grief.  
  
_What have you done now? You won't be able to fix THAT.  
  
Well it's nothing in comparison to what she did to ME. Bitch.  
  
She didn't deserve that.  
  
Yes she did. Shut up you cretin._  
  
Shakahhna began to clumsily run her fingers through what was left of Pierce's hair as her throat tightened and water began to well up in her eyes. Her muscular form began to shiver uncontrollably as she watched the lifeless stare of the dead man, willing him to look at her.  
  
All at once her own eyes seemed to glaze over as the trembling stopped and her look of horror relaxed into an expression that was first blank, and then contently affectionate.  
  
"Don't be so silly, there's nothing to worry about, I'll protect you," there was a deafening pause, "If you're feeling tired we'll get you airlifted out. We did good here anyway, rest be's nothing I can't handle on my own." There was an obvious lack of response from Pierce, although Claudia noted that it did not seem to be quite so obvious to Shak, who continued as though she was holding a conversation. "Yeah, I member that," the redhead laughed softly with a fond smile, "It seemed like a good idea at the time...." she trailed off and reached out to give an imaginary companion a friendly shoved, "You know, you really could be my wife. Maybe once we're done here we can go murder some drug dealers." Another pause as her smile widened slightly. "Really? Yeah, we did that together once, but um, things didn't work out there. He was a dick," she muttered under her breath.  
  
Claudia watched aghast at the twisted display in front of her. Shakahnna waved her hand again nonchalantly, gesticulating as though in response to something that Pierce had said, and slick clots of red flew from her fingtertips, spattering on the wall behind her in the silence that was so painfully apparent to everyone but her. Her fingers were interlaced with clumps of the dead man's hair that clung to her own warm skin with the grotesque, bright sticky blood that was pooled all about her on the cold floor. Claudia had seen enough.  
  
"I really hate to interrupt the nice conversation you appear to be having with that CORPSE," she blurted out, her uneasiness manifesting itself in the form of caustic irritation.  
  
"You really be's a silly girl, Dr Ice Maiden," Shakahnna looked up with a condescending expression, "Didn't your mum ever tell you it art rude to interrupt."  
  
The scientist was at breaking point, the last vestiges of her patience long since destroyed, "Listen to me Officer Cretin," she stormed up to the STARS Captain and stood with her hands on her hips defiantly, "Number one. Pierce is dead. I shot him. Please will you just get that into your ginger head? He...is...no...longer...with...us. In the sense that his neck is currently missing half its trachea, via a large, gaping gunshot wound as administered by me! Now, I know you're not a medic, Officer Taylor, so I'm going to explain this in terms that even Herrison could understand. When someone is lying in a pool of their own blood and NOT MOVING and THEY HAVE NO PULSE and let's not forget the most obvious bit here, HALF OF THEIR THROAT IS MISSING, it is generally what we in the medical profession would call..." here she paused dramatically, "DEAD." She pursed her lips, looking at the injuries Shak had sustained while fighting the Hunters, before continuing, "Number two, how DARE you be proud of the mess your arm is in! You are the kind of person who wastes the valuable time of doctors by getting yourself injured so we actually have to SEE and even TREAT people. Number three, I HAVE to get to the labs so if you're done being all cosy with your friend Pierce, who incidentally is DEAD and just to clarify for those of us who are IDIOTS, ie YOU, that means that he is in fact NO LONGER LIVING. And number four, and this is the most important part here, DO NOT CALL ME ICE MAIDEN!"  
  
_Wonderful, she's had a psychotic break. Actually, come to think of it, telling her I shot Pierce might not have been a good idea. Oops._  
  
Shak stared at Claudia in abject confusion, a bemused look of pity on her face, before whispering to her deceased partner. "I think she might be losing it a wee bit." She stood up and patted Claudia on the shoulder, leaving a bloody smear on her pristine white coat. The scientist physically gagged as the redhead said with her best 'tactful' voice, "I think you might be cracking under the stress, doc. You be's needing to lighten up."  
  
Dr Graham jumped back and scowled at her, "I DO NOT need to lighten up. And what would your definition of 'lighten up' be, huh? Just because I'm not sitting about talking to corpses doesn't mean I'm stressed. You're the one that's mental, not me!"  
  
**Me? Mental? That be's ridiculous! Well, except for that whole...**  
  
The redhead seemed utterly bewildered by the doctor's speech, and shrugged it off before continuing, "Anyways, even if you are delusional, we still have to..." she faltered and Claudia jumped in.  
  
"Go to the labs! We HAVE to go to the labs."  
  
"Is that where we be'd going?" the STARS officer was still rather disorientated.  
  
Claudia nodded eagerly, "Uhuh. Labs."  
  
"There was more stuff to kill...right?"  
  
_You can't kill the BOWs! They represent years of scientific endeavour and hard work! Oh well, I'll just have to make more when I get my job back.  
_  
Shakahnna looked at Claudia in puzzlement as the younger girl gritted her teeth and muttered, "S'pose...."  
  
"I'll just...I....oh yeah, my team. I have to relay orders, tell them where we're going. Yeah, that's what I be'd having to do." She reached for the communications device at her hip and raised it to her ear. "Hey Redrum....no, it's cause you look like a horse...no everything be's good but Pierce is getting airlifted out...yeah, he's ok just been a long week, don't wanna risk it..." There was a muffled cough from Claudia that sounded distinctly like "he's dead!", "Nu uh, you guys just get the survivors out...I'm heading up to the labs...YES on my own...no, that's why I'm in charge and you're not...yeah, I understand, I've got the doctor here, she's coming to the labs with me....yeah, come to think of it, that might be dangerous...she's delusional too...nah, nowhere's safer than with me...you guys just concentrate on getting the survivors out...yeeha! Giddy up, horse boy." She finished her transmission with an affectionate smile and readressed Claudia, "So why am I taking you along again?"  
  
"Um..." she faltered, "Thelabsarepasswordprotected. You'll um need me to get you in there...cause of the passwords." She nodded for good measure.  
  
_Good thinking, Claudia._  
  
"Yeah, that makes sense. Me and viruses don't have a good history together..."  
  
"What do you mean?" Claudia asked in perfect innocence.  
  
"Well I 'member this one time...we were in a lab...um, can't 'member which one it was, there's been quite a few...we found the virus and usually they have it with the anti-virus...so you you just drink it then swallow the anti-virus...it was pretty close, I got shot then cause they thought I was gonna mutate..." she paused thoughtfully, "But it all worked out ok in the end."  
  
"Y...y...you DRANK the samples?!" Claudia spluttered in horror, "Y...y...you can't do that!"  
  
Shak grinned, "More than once, eh Pierce? And since he's "dead"," she made sarcastic inverted commas with her fingers, "And you obviously can't hear him, he wants you to take his First Aid kit," she looked at the cadaver with a hint of sadness, "I'm gonna miss you. This'll be the first time in years when you've goed home without me..." she knelt down and began rummaging about the corpse. The spectacle was utterly unbearable to Claudia, who bit down on her tongue and turned away. When she looked round Shakahnna was standing with both hands behind her back.  
  
"Pick a hand."  
  
"No."  
  
"Aww, go on, pick a hand."  
  
"No."  
  
"But I have presents."  
  
_You also have a psychotic disorder, therefor..._  
  
"No."  
  
Shakahnna gave her a friendly shove which unfortunately sent the smaller woman staggering into the wall as she babbled on excitedly, "Look what I..." she stopped and looked around for Claudia, before realising that the OCRC captain was, once again, on the floor, "What be's you doing?"  
  
"Gee, I don't know. Falling over cause YOU PUSHED ME!"  
  
With a gleeful pounce the gamine redhead sprung down on all fours and thrust her face into Claudia's, smiling inanely. "You're very odd, you know that."  
  
_I might not be a social butterfly, but I think I'm definately winning THIS round of 'Sanity Mastermind'_  
  
Her thoughts were once again cut short as she felt something sharp lightly digging into her arm. "Prod prod!" Shak exclaimed happily as her cat claws left a small tear in Claudia's sleeve.  
  
"Hey!" Claudia yelled angrily, about to launch into another tirade but settling for another, "Hey! I'm getting up, ok!" She hauled herself upright and faced down the beaming police officer with a frosty look, "You can't DO that! You ripped my labcoat!"  
  
"We can steal you a new one from a zombie. Or a dead Umbrella worker. Rest assured there will be many of those," Claudia turned pale, "Anyways, the gifts..." she looked like a beaming child on Christmas morning as she proudly held out a Med Pack in one hand and...  
  
"Oh dear."  
  
...a fistful of grenades. Captain Taylor looked enormously pleased with herself as she asked, "Which one do you want?"  
  
**Med pack, med pack, med pack, med pack...**  
  
Dr Graham sneered at the grenades, before eyeing the blood covered first aid kit and letting go a trembling sigh. "I'll take the med pack," she groaned resignedly.  
  
_They better give me my own FACILITY for this, not just my own lab._  
  
**YES! GOAL! Grenades, grenades for me!**  
  
Gingerly, the OCRC scientist accepted the proffered kit, wiping it clumsily on her already ruined sleeve before attatching it around her waist. "Cheers." Her voice was an utter monotone, devoid of any enthusiasm or gratitude.  
  
"See, I'm not so bad," the titian officer grinned, "One moment."  
  
_Aw Christ, what now...oh for god's sake, she's going to speak to the corpse again..._  
  
"I promise I won't be gone too long...you'll be safe, there's nothing left alive on these levels, I'll be back in base before you know it. Make sure Redrum doesn't bump up his score on the league table while I'm gone. That's the sort of weaselly thing he'd do...nah, of course I like him, he's a STAR... Take care." She threw him a casual salute before turning back to Claudia. "Shall we?"  
  
"Ok, so just to clarify, we are going straight to the labs," the doctor's tone was urgent, "We're not taking any detours for anything that comes under the following: maiming, gutting, evisceration, decapitation, blowing things up, dismemberment or anything of a generally destructive nature. And absolutely NO drinking the samples."  
  
"Why are you in this line of work if you don't enjoy the perks?"  
  
"I am a scientist! Not some common thug!"  
  
Shakahnna smiled as though Claudia had just paid her an inordinate compliment. 


	10. My Bloody Valentine

**_AN: It's chapter ten and you are all weeing in your pants with excitement. Living Like A Disaster: The Story That's So Good You Need A Dyalisis Machine. This chapter is SO good and SO exciting that I'm going to have to stop right there and let you read before I get excecuted for crimes against you, the dear sweet and wonderful reader._**

**__**

**_Shak and Claudia_**

****

**lllllllllllllllllllllllll**

****

**_Dr Albert Wesker  
_**  
His preferred course of action would be to watch the exchange between his woefully incompetent operative and his blissfully ignorant quarry, however even he, Albert Wesker, was aware that sometimes one did not always get one's own way. He would have to make do with viewing the surveillence tapes at his leisure. As always, time was the one thing he had in abundance. Still, for this moment, his priority was to obtain Lancasters blessed sample, wherever the reckless young man had deposited it, and this meant leaving no stone unturned. He was rather disappointed in how events had transpired between himself and Lancaster.  
  
**_Really, Daniel. A man of your caliber...it should not have been so easy._**  
  
It had always been that way. The thrill of the chase always fell far short of his expectations, the kill always coming to soon. He thought with fondess of one such instance, a woman who had been a thorn in his side many years ago.  
  
**_You were always such a pretty girl, Miss Valentine. Such a shame when the flames licked away your beauty._**  
  
He remembered with a sardonic smile the look of sheer anguish on her lips as the fire seared and engulfed her flawless skin. The smell of burning flesh as it bubbled under the heat had always been something that had pleased him, but his enhanced senses had made the experience all the more pleasurable.  
  
And of course, there had been her demise. Lying mute and helpless in her hospital bed, he had simply wished to convey his greetings, his interest, however schaddenfreud, in her wellbeing. The nurses had taken him for a doting lover as he made his way to her room with mock concern on his chiselled features.  
  
_**Of course you had to give up the ghost without any spirit. So stereotypical of your race.**_  
  
Jill Valentine had died of a heart attack on his third visit. He had merely come to relay the particulars of his plans for young Mr Redfield, who her injuries had brought out of hiding. It hadn't seemed so terribly shocking to Albert, but clearly Jill did not share this opinion. He sneered at her memory, it had caused him much grief. It was a small source of comfort that his current prey had thus far managed to elude him. Perhaps his new toys were more robustly fashioned these days. It had been many years, and she had yet to disappoint.  
  
He began to leave in the opposite direction, his movements silent and almost feline, when an urgent bleep in his ear alerted him to the instigation of communication from his base in Achma.  
  
"Wesker! Your presence at the necropolis is required..." The voice was distinctly English, distinctly well-bred. Distinctly Jonathon. There was a loud roar from the background as the speaker continued, "...rather urgently."  
  
The blonde man's eyebrows creased for the briefest of seconds in annoyance. How like Jonathon to panic at the first sign of trouble. Still, he reasoned, it would be folly not to quell a potentially dangerous incident, and risk losing the work they had accumulated there. As fun as it would be to return to Achma and find his second in command go the same way as his father, duty really did call in this instance.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

**_OCRC Second In Command: Alex Herrison_**

Alex Herrison, second in command of OCRC, crack shot with over forty different types of firearm and trusted comrade to countless brave officers, had met his match. He had put up a brave and dogged fight against this threat to his intellectual capabilities, and now he was forced to admit defeat.  
  
"I think you're supposed to pull it." One of the blonde nurses nodded at the unlocked door, before rolling her eyes behind his back. Their handsome and dashing saviour had turned out to be in possession of all the brains and wit of a potato. They could have forgiven this if it had not been for his insistence on displaying constant itterations of his dog-like devotion to his "best friend" and captain, Dr Claudia Graham. Who incidentally, in the not inaccurate opinion of the two hospital workers, was a 'bitch'.  
  
Herrison narrowed his eyes thoughfully, cocking his head to one side with a frown of intense concentration on his rugged features. "You know, I think you might have a point. Thank you, if you hadn't solved this then I might not have been able to continue with my rescue mission to find Claudia! I bet she's wandering about on her own just now, wishing and praying for me to show up and save her. Oh god, I hope she's not been eaten...!" And thus began Alex Herrison's "I Hope Claudia's OK" tirade number 234875. Granted the nurses were grateful to their oaf in shining armour, and in equal measures to whoever had decimated every single BOW on the first floor before their arrival, but even Angels of Mercy had their patience limits, and it was not long before the source of Dr Graham's perpetual scowl became apparent.  
  
"So yeah, she's really mature for her age, did I mention that. I mean, the age of consent is just a number anyway, we're in love and that's what counts. Well, ok, not really in love but I know she wants me and so that makes it alright, because I'm sexy..."  
  
"Dude, shut up," Kotch, like all else present, was growing rather impatient with the verbally flatulent horse man with the receding hairline. The team above them had long since left the hospital and were supervising the evacuation process, while Hatcher, Kotch and Maguire remained inside. "I think I heard something..."  
  
"More survivors?" Kyle Maguire looked hopeful, since he had not had much luck trying out his Lothario techniques on the original civilians they had come across.  
  
"She really does love me you know, she's just shy, like a delicate flower. No one understands her like I do. Oh god, I hope she's ok..." The voice came booming with witless enthusiasm through the whitewashed halls as Herrison came into view, armed to the teeth with two petite blondes in tow. Were it not for his dialogue, he could have been every inch the action hero.  
  
"Look! It's the police!"  
  
"Thank God, we're saved!" The two nurses dashed forward to greet the STARS officers.  
  
Kotch stepped forward to greet the three survivors, the only one maintaining a semblance of professionalism to his mind. "Edward Koch, STARS Alpha Team, Neo-Racoon Branch. Please identify yourself."  
  
Herrison thought for a few minutes, before smiling and replying, "I'm Herrison. Alex Herrison. I'm in the 's it....Outbreak Control and Relief...no....Research...um....uh....I'm in OCRC! And I've lost Claudia. I have to find her before she gets eaten by a zombie. I hope she's ok..."  
  
"Claudia?" Kotch looked mildly confused.  
  
"She's his captain," one of the nurses butted in impatiently, "We got separated up on the second floor."  
  
"Separated?!" the other interjected indignantly, "The bitch upped and left us!"  
  
"Don't you call my Claudia a female cat!" Herrison snapped defensively, "She's lovely. She's so clever, she's so pretty, she smells nice and she helps me with my work. She says I'm too stupid and does it for me, but I know it's just because she really really cares."  
  
"Hey!" Ian picked up, " That sounds like my girlfriend!"  
  
"Is your girlfriend called Claudia too?" Herrison's eyes lit up at the prospect of two Claudias.  
  
"Um...no," Ian looked confused for a moment before it dissipated as he realised that not only had he found a new friend, but for the first time in his life he was the 'clever' one.  
  
"Right," Kotch decided to put an end to the madness, "We've swept these floors and Captain Taylor's doing the rest. We should evacuate you three..."  
  
"No!" Alex raised his fist in an overblown gesture of determination, "I have to rescue Claudia!"  
  
"With all due respect, Sir, you're a civilian and..." Kotch looked around, "Where'd he go?"  
  
Herrison was already lumbering away from the group as fast as his legs would carry him, which to his credit, was extremely fast. As he charged towards the stairwell, the band of survivors could discern what sounded distinctly like, "I'll save you Claudia!" floating throughout the halls.  
  
"That's a shame, what are we gonna do about him?" Hatcher looked crestfallen.  
  
Edward Kotch arched an eyebrow. "Let Taylor deal with him."

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

**_Dr Albert Wesker and Dr Jonathon Lancaster_**

His heavy boots neatly sidestepped the bloody corpse of a low-level researcher as he entered the room, narrowing his eyes behind his sunglasses in distaste for the chaos around him that was borne of incompetence. A mass of chestnut hair was visible over the top of the computer monitor in the far corner as Jonathon Lancaster's hazel eyes frantically skimmed the employee database, trying to come up with a suitable scapegoat.  
  
"Would you care to venture an explanation, Dr Lancaster?" Wesker's tone was reproachful, but as always his words harboured a hidden malice.  
  
"Ah well, you see, Albert, the BOWs grew restless after the staff in level 23 upped the dosage of seratonin in the..."  
  
"Please, Jonathon. Do afford your superiors more courtesy. Your father was a far more intelligent man than yourself, and even he would have had difficulty persuading me to believe that fabrication." He stepped forward so that he was on the verge of being unconfortably close to the younger man, "Were we distracted again? Only you are giving of a rather peculiar odour."  
  
Jonathon wondered if Wesker's enhanced senses had picked up his pheromones and made the genetically superior operative aware of exactly what he had been doing when the Achma base had become over-run with chimera. He wished he could say it wasn't a regular occurrence but, he reasoned, unlike his father, he had needs beyond that of scientific acchievement.  
  
"At your age, Jonathon, you should be able to control your libido. Your conduct leaves a lot to be desired. Apperantly unlike your secretary."  
  
Jonathon at least had the decency to blush as he stood up angrily, adjusting his wire-rimmed glasses with a gesture that was more a flourish than a necessity. "I could be equally disparaging about your own sordid little obsession, Wesker!" he growled.  
  
Wesker fixed his gaze very slowly and deliberately on the young Dr Lancaster, allowing the faint glow of his eyes through his black lenses to silence the boy better than any words could.  
  
"Ah..." Lancasters jaw tightened for the briefest of moments, "I trust you will excuse my impropriety in lieu of the duress I am currently under. I am sure you understand how ones temper can run unchecked during these outbreaks," he cleared his throat, "Anyway, I digress. I really must return to my duties. After all, it simply would not do to disappoint my fathers memory." He sat down as abruptly as was possible for him to accomplish without creasing his shirt. After all, he had made plans with...He couldn't currently remember the name of the secretary of whom he had carnal knowledge, but what did it matter? She couldn't break up with him, he was her boss.  
  
_Sometimes, young one, you are positively vermin.  
_  
"I trust you won't object to securing the area, Albert." It was not a question. "I'm afraid it is still far too dangerous for me to venture out. Your more strength orientated talents would not go amiss."  
  
He was answered with a polite, genial smile which had very clear undertones of "You are treading on thin ice." He made to leave, his footsteps slow and measured, before turning at the door. "Do not let this folly become commonplace, Jonathon. You are not inexpendable; you had best remember that." The words were thrown as a casual afterthought, but both men were more than aware of their implications.  
  
"You can count on me, sir," Lancaster hissed sardonically under his breath, scowling petulantly as he resumed his attention towards the computer screen.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Some minutes of muttering and swearing passed before he slammed his hands down on the keyboard in frustration and sat back in his seat, loosening his tie. Checking his expensive watch, he sighed, mentally calculating the whereabouts of the only man in the facility who held a higher position than him. By all rights he should have been at level 23 by now, much too busy to object to him taking a little break. Besides, there were some files he required from his office.  
  
Strolling with faux innocence to the adjoining room, he smoothed down an errant brown lock and removed his glasses, slipping the frames into his breast pocket, vanity over-riding the need for his lenses. He knocked twice on the oak door, more from habit than a sense of politeness, and entered without waiting for a reply.  
  
"Nicky?" he squinted at the apparently sleeping form of the woman over the desk, before sighing and re-enstating his spectacles upon his nose.  
  
Jonathon groaned.  
  
The blonde office worker worked could have been deep in slumber were it not for the single, sickening fact that her head was facing the wrong way, the neck grotesquely broken. The mottling of her skin did not show its full effect on her face, buried as it was under layers of make up. Her expression bore no signs of distress, it was unlikely that the impact of her impending death had even registered the moment before her spine was snapped. A card lay upon his desk, the hand impossibly neat and elegant. "Please learn to conduct yourself with a little more decorum. Playtime is over."  
  
Jonathon siezed the note in his fist, crumpling the paper before tossing it angrily at his lover's corpse. "Not AGAIN, Wesker!" Frankly, this was becoming rather ridiculous. "Unlike my father, some of us have other areas of interest besides that damn virus. Why should I have to waste my youth cleaning up his mess?"  
  
Wracking his brains, he wondered if there were any other female staff members on this floor for him to turn his attention to. When the conclusion was negative, he sighed wearily.  
  
"Well, I suppose I should do some work."


	11. Slow Graffiti

_AN: It's an extra-long, extra-sexy chapter of Living Like A Disaster, with the two least desirable people in the world. Let's face it, you're better off with a Pringle's tube full of liver.  
  
It's Captain's birthday today so you's better all effing review or else she'll cry and think no one loves her guilt guilt guilt.  
  
Shak and Claudia  
  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
**Captain Shakahnna Taylor and Dr Claudia Graham**_****  
  
"Look, it's easy. You just go like this...." Shakahnna shoved her bladed fist into the abdomen of an unfortunate zombie, bringing her arm upwards and ripping open its chest cavity. As it slid to the ground, she stood above it with a happy grin and proclaimed, "Haha, you're deaded and I'm not. This one's for you Macon!"  
  
Claudia held her head in her hands and sighed deeply. They had been wandering through the hospital for nigh on an hour, destroying everything in their path. The scientist had initially been disgusted and horrified at the policewoman's willful violence and insistence on using the medical equipment as melee weapons, but after time this had faded into simply a dull sense of despair. "That is most unscientific."  
  
"What do you mean, or course its science," the officer pointed, "Look, there's its oesophagus!" She looked thoughtful for a moment, as though she was reprimanding herself for being inconsiderate, "Do you want it?"  
  
"No," Claudia's tone was positively murderous, as she thought longingly of the Glock .23 in her lab coat pocket, "And that's its trachea."  
  
"Same difference," Shak shrugged as her companion began to splutter at this anatomical heresy. "If you're gonna get pissy, I be's not gonna bring you any more presents." She stuck her tongue out.  
_  
Note to self: 'Get pissy.'_  
  
There was a faint groan which heralded the arrival of more 'stuff to kill'. Shakahnna nodded in the direction of the sound, expecting to get the same reaction she had always had from the partner she was accustomed to.  
  
"What?" Dr Graham's eyes went wide.  
  
"The zombies. Go be a distraction." Shakahnna looked at her as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
"N...no!" Claudia stared at her, aghast, "I'm not doing that! Do I look like I was born to go on the end of a fishing hook?"  
  
"I don't understand..." Captain Taylor looked crestfallen.  
  
"Well then, let me put it in the form of a simple equation. Doctor Graham plus BOWs equals big red stain on the floor. You know, a bit like your man Pierce is right now..." she couldn't help herself.  
  
**It's just the stress getting to her. Don't take it personally. Of course Pierce isn't dead. Member, you're gonna go murder drug dealers once this is done. Just be's needing to...be nice. Shoot sunshine up her arse.  
**  
"You know, Clauds, I really don't appreciate that."  
  
"It's DOCTOR GRAHAM!"  
  
"You can't make me call you that."  
  
"Yes I can."  
  
"How?"  
  
"You're fired." It was a reflex response from years at OCRC.  
  
"Wow," Shak tutted and shook her head in pity, "You really _are_ delusional. Poor kid." She patted her on the head with one clawed, bloody hand, before bolting off around the corner.  
  
"Ah! Don't touch m...huh?" Claudia looked at her bounding form as it disappeared, "What in the name of Umbrella is that insufferable thug up to now...?"  
  
The young doctor was answered by a loud scream, followed by the previously unheard sound of gunfire.  
_  
Using her gun? On zombies? There must be tons. Hey, maybe she'll get killed and then...oh no, hang on, Wesker wouldn't like that. And I wouldn't want to disappoint him after he's been so nice to me._  
  
The cacophony of gunshot and groans continued to a deafening peak, before gradually fading into silence which was broken by an exuberant "Fuck you! Who's your daddy, bitch?"  
  
After a pause the robust figure of Captain Taylor staggered round the corner, proudly bearing the grizzly souvenir of five severed heads, all dangling mouths open in frozen horror, by their matted hair.  
  
"Oh dear Christ!" Claudia gagged into the back of her hand and struggled for breath as she swallowed down the bile in her throat.  
  
Shak looked puzzled, holding them aloft and looking at them quizzically, "What's wrong with them. They be's perfectly good removed heads. Here, wanna see?" she stepped forward into the light, brandishing her gruesome new toys in the pale and horrified face of her scientist companion. "If you listen carefully you can hear them speak. They're much happier now cause they aren't Umbrella scum any more..."  
  
At that moment Claudia's attention was drawn downwards from Shakahnna's hand, to her thick bicep and beyond, to where a torrent of blood was pouring from the gap between the two panels of her bulletproof vest. She pointed at it, open and closed her mouth and repeated, "Oh dear Christ." Several times.  
  
"What, you don't want them?"  
  
"I don't think they'll fit in my bag. Besides, they don't go with my outfit. This season I'll mostly be wearing NOT PSYCHOTIC."  
  
The STARS captain sniggered, "Are you sure about that?" she looked over her shoulder, "Guess we won't be needing these any more," she said, nonchalantly dumping the collection of heads on a nearby gurney with a 'squelch'.  
  
The bespectacled girl nodded grimly, staring at them with a horrified fascination which Shakahnna mistook for longing. The doctors focus was quickly diverted back to the extend of the redhead's injuries. She frowned, "You are aware that you appear to be missing a large portion of your torso, aren't you?"  
  
"Oh yes," She lifted up her shirt to reveal an enormous, flat scar, ugly and red where there had once been a patch of normal healthy skin.  
  
"No, not your fun experience in the labs, I meant the _currently bleeding_ bit that's missing..."  
  
"How did you...OW!" Shakahnna's confusion was cut short by a sharp jolt of pain as Claudia hastily stuck her finger in the open wound, "What did you be's doing that for?"  
  
Claudia ignored her, "This is going to need medical attention. Sit."  
  
"You know, it's not the biting that I mind so much. In fact I rather like it," the redhead grinned with confidence she shouldn't have as she lowered herself to a seating position against the wall, "It's just the ripping off and chewing part I be's having a problem with. There was about thirty of those fuckers. In hindsight I should've used the gun first," she mused. "Oh well, live and learn."  
  
"You may have some problems fulfilling the former part of that adage if you continue to behave in such a reckless and..."  
  
"What have I got to lose?" the officer blew her off with a smile.  
  
"Your heartbeat, for one. Take your vest off while I get the medkit." Claudia was distinctly unimpressed with Shakahnna's conduct. The OCRC captain turned her back as she began rummaging through the STARS standard issue first aid kit, sneering at the teams regulation supplies. Her scorn soon transformed to a look of renewed interest as her fingers closed around a white bottle of pills. The label on them read: "Shakahnna Taylor. Phenothiazine. Take one a day for maintenance dose, or two under times of stress."  
_  
Phenothiazine? That's a neuroleptic. So she's actually been diagnosed schizophrenic? Well, if **I** was her doctor I'd have prescribed cyanide, but still. I found something out! I'm such a good spy!_  
  
Claudia smirked to herself and slipped the vial into her pocket. "Um..." she cleared her throat guiltily, "This kit is pitiful!"  
  
"Yeah," Shak smiled fondly, "Pierce already used all the good stuff on me."  
  
The doctor rolled her eyes, "Well luckily I have something that should come in handy," she opened her own bag and pulled out an aerosol spray can and handed it to her.  
  
"Well fuck me!" Shak exclaimed, turning the can over in her hands, "I heard of this stuff, but never actually seen it. How did you guys at OCRC get hold of this?"  
  
"I um...be quiet and give me the can," Claudia snatched it back irritably. The item in her hands was Umbrella's so called "miracle" First Aid Spray, and was most certainly not OCRC standard issue medical equipment.  
_  
What a bloody waste. This stuff wasn't made to heal **STARS**._  
  
"Hold still," the younger girl muttered, "This is going to sting."  
  
"Result!" she purred, a deep sound resonating in the back of her throat.  
  
Claudia flinched. "You are vile."  
  
"I've been called a lot worse." The redhead informed her while still having a the spark which always lit up her face.  
  
"I find that extremely easy to believe," she muttered through her teeth as she pressed the nozzle and sprayed the torn flesh.  
  
"Woo, money shot."  
  
"Huh?" Claudia looked at the can, puzzled, "They're not _that_ expensive," she wondered aloud.  
  
"I'll explain when you're older, kiddo."  
_  
No you won't cause you'll be dead._  
  
"I'm going to put a bandage on this," the doctor murmured absently.  
  
"I don't believe in those," Shakahnna informed her.  
  
"They're a piece of first aid equipment, not Jesus," she replied curtly, pressing a flat cotton pad against the already healing wound.  
  
"I don't think what they did to Jesus was so bad anyway. That sounds like my idea of a good Friday night. No pun intended." she beamed, "I 'member this one time..."  
  
"No you don't. Be quiet. Save your anecdotes for a dinner party."  
  
"The last dinner party I was at, I had to kill everyone. Rumour has it, infiltration is not my strong point."  
  
"I can't possibly see why you would have trouble being stealthy. You strike me as the sort of person who would blend in very well in a crowd..."  
  
_Of hunters._  
  
"I like you."  
  
"Don't compliment me."  
  
"You be's assuming its a compliment." Shak gave her a leer which the scientist found to be wholly unnerving. She didn't know why, but she could picture the same expression on the face of her boss. Was it that which disconcerted her, or the look itself?  
  
"Wow, it's started to heal already," the redhead began to stick her fingers in the wound curiously.  
  
"Well it bloody won't if you keep touching it," came the irate reply.  
  
"You're awful high strunged. You should lighten up..."  
  
Claudia went pale and ground her teeth together. "I wish..."  
  
Shakahnna held up a finger to silence her, "Shh."  
  
"A...are there more monsters?" the girl whispered, looking over her shoulder nervously.  
  
"No, I just don't want you to say anything that's gonna make me waste a pair of handcuffs."  
  
"Ah, yes, quite. We should get moving. Are you ok to walk?"  
  
The officer responded by leaping to her feet and cartwheeling backwards. "A simple 'yes' would have been acceptable."  
  
"Where be's the fun in that?"  
  
"I suppose it lies in the same grey area of your head that thinks slaughter and violence and not studying are perfectly acceptable pastimes."  
  
"Oi! Child! One must improve ones body as well as ones mind. I'll have you know, I have three degrees. I be's edumacated."  
  
Before she could stop herself, Claudia blurted out, "How did a cretin like you get three degrees? I bet you went to an ex-poly."  
  
"As in polystyrene? And I thought you were supposed to be the smart one."  
  
"Well if I'm the muscle we're in trouble. Polytechnic. And how in hell did you manage to acquire any qualifications apart from "Prisoner of the Week"?"  
  
"I've been suggesting they adopt that for years, but no one listens to me. Well you see, one degree I had to get so I could get promoted. They made me take one day off a week, it be'd _horrible_!"  
  
"And the other two...?" the doctor did not like wherever this conversation might be going.  
  
"Ah. Well let's just say that the head of the university may have had a dirty fucking drug dealing daughter. And let's just for example say that the little bitch may have been going to get off in court anyway. And then let's just say I may have accepted two degrees from his university in return for not arresting his daughter. I never said anything about not shooting the cunt though..." she trailed off as a cheeky little smile appeared on her face. "Justice was served."  
  
The older woman had already begun to walk away as Claudia stood in stunned silence for a few seconds, before scrambling after her, waving her finger. "That is ridiculous! That is completely ludicrous! You can't just give out diplomas like they're Christmas cracker toys!"  
  
"The head of Oxford disagrees with you. I don't care as long as I didn't have to earn it."  
  
Claudia actually whimpered in pain at this statement. It was utterly inconceivable to her that someone should actually not want to study.  
  
"Hey!" Shakahnna looked puzzled as she pulled out her map, "There's supposed to be an elevator here." She tapped the wall in front of them. "Instead all there is is this ugly picture."  
  
As Claudia caught up with her she stopped abruptly and took a few steps back to hide the expression of surprise on her face. Standing before the unlikely duo in faded oil paint, a young Daniel Lancaster stared at them from the canvas with a bemused expression on his face, a shadow falling across his brown eyes. A surge of unwanted emotion came flooding back as the OCRC operative fixed her gaze on the image of her former mentor.  
_  
Daniel? Here? Why didn't he come and help me? Wesker came back for me, why didn't you?_ she shook her head, _He must just not know I'm here. I wonder if he'll be happy to see me again? I wonder if we'll get married? No, shut up, he's like fifty, besides...he was always far too taken with Amber. Stupid dog. Still, why is this here in place of the elevator...?Oh.  
_  
Shak and Claudia exchanged almost identical looks as slow smiles dawned on their faces.  
_  
Ooh....puzzle!_  
  
**Ooh...stuff to blow up!  
**  
"Before we start, may I have a pen? You're a nerd. you must have one. It's the rules," Shakahnna held out her hand expectantly.  
  
"Ah, good idea," Claudia reached into her breast pocket and pulled out a fistful of biros, handing a couple to the redhead, "You want to get down some preliminary calculations, in case it's booby trapped? Do you want some paper? I think I have..."  
  
"What for?" the STARS captain shot her a sly grin and marched up to the painting. With a look of intense artistic concentration on her face, she proceeded to etch on the canvas before stepping back to let Claudia see her alterations. Officer Taylor considered them to be tasteful and an over all improvement to the decor.  
  
"Bloody hell!" Claudia was aghast. Lancaster's clean cut good looks now bore a crudely drawn moustache. His forehead was now sporting a cartoon drawing of a penis with some drips coming from the end. To Shakahnna it was infinitely amusing. To Claudia it was sacrilege. "You can't do that! I mean...no! You can't just go about defacing portraits like that!"  
_  
Especially not ones of Daniel!_  
  
Shakahnna shrugged, "It's all gonna look the same in a minute," she pointed out flippantly.  
  
"What do you mean?" Not for the first time that day, Claudia did not like where this was going. Her fears were proved not unjustified when Captain Taylor produced a grenade, holding it up in her palm as though she were a school pupil offering an apple to her teacher.  
  
"NO!" the doctor darted forward and yanked the explosive out of her hand, before looking at it fearfully. She forced a calm, rational element to her tone with great difficulty, "No. There's no telling what might happen if you blew it up. It's a puzzle, let's try to think with our heads, not our arsenal."  
  
"I did be using my head. My head said I should blow it up."  
  
"Well you know that voice inside your head that tell you to kill? Ignore it. Please." Claudia looked about with an air of intense scrutiny. "Clearly we have to do something..."  
  
Shakahnna kicked the base of the frame with full force, "It won't budge. Now can we blow it up?"  
  
"If by blow it up you mean leave it alone and not throw explosives at it then yes."  
  
**If you give me twenty minutes I could whip up some C4... Although don't believe what they tell you, that stuff tastes shit.  
**  
Claudia began muttering under her breath, "Now if I was Daniel, what would I do...?"  
_  
Stop Claudia from getting put in OCRC. And not marry Amber, that's for sure. He must have been blind...AHA!_  
  
The bespectacled scientist pointed triumphantly to a fixture on the opposite wall. "There!" It appeared to be a small lamp, virtually concealed in the shadows. Claudia stood on her tiptoes to push the switch.  
  
"Hey, does that be the detonator?" Shakahnna pouted, "If you wanted to blow it up yourself you could have just asked..."  
  
**She's trying to steal my destruction. I should kill her. No wait...resume normal thoughts and proceed to get that grenade back.  
**  
A concentrated beam of light shot out from the bulb, illuminating the darkness that was cast over the eyes in the painting. There was a loud creaking, and the frame dislodged from its fixture, falling to the floor with a clatter.  
  
"See," Claudia stuck her tongue out at the redhead, "Brains over brawn..."  
  
Shakahnna reached forward to knock her chin up in an attempt to make her bite through her own tongue, but thought better of it at the last second and gave it a light tap instead.  
  
"Owww!" the doctor lisped, scowling at her for a few seconds. "Now the elevator should be...oh dear." There was an impenetrable metal grate over the elevator door, with a keypad of numbers and mathematical symbols to the side.  
  
"_Now_ can I blow it up?" came the voice from her side.  
  
She shook her head angrily, leaning in to examine the keypad. In tiny, meticulous writing underneath was a single word. "Amber."  
  
_Hmph...what does he mean by that. Ohh, of course. It must be the formula for Amber's virus! Well, it wasn't really **hers**, all she did was get herself injected. Cretin. Anyone could have done that...he didn't have to marry her. Now what was the formula?  
_  
She stood mentally calculating for a few minutes while Shakahna's hand hovered impatiently over the pin on the grenade, all the while interupting her chain of thought to throw in not so helpful comments such as "Tick tock, tick tock...time's running out..."  
_  
For god's sake. It's a good thing I killed Pierce when I did, I was doing him a favour compared to being stuck with her for all eternity. Bitch. S'all her fault I ended up in OCRC and not in Umbrella with Daniel and...oh yeah, that was it._  
  
Her pale fingers skimmed rapidly over the buttons, pressing the combination in quickly succession. The code was around five hundred keys long, but Claudia's memory had been primed for such feats. At last there was a tiny 'beep' and the light over the elevator turned green.  
  
"Well done kid, you did good."  
  
**That's one grenade I can use elsewhere on monsters.  
**  
Claudia smiled appreciatively before checking herself and resuming her default scowl.  
  
"C'mon, let's go, let's go. There be's being stuff that needs killed up there," Shak leaned in conspiratorially, "All the good stuff's up there!"  
_  
Like Daniel. Oh, I hope he's there. And that Amber's dead._  
  
For once, Claudia agreed with her nemesis.


	12. Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter

_AN: New chapter. Fzzz. Long. Fzzz. Etc.  
  
S & C  
  
xxxxxxx_  
  
"Excuse me," Herrison addressed the hospital worker with a polite and genial tone, "Have you seen my Claudia? She's about this tall, brown pigtails, glasses...?"  
  
The aforementioned employee of St Appolonia's responded by trying to eat the OCRC officer's face.  
  
"Hey!" the brawny young idiot pushed the zombie off indignantly, "Sorry, I'm already taken. Thanks anyway."  
  
The infected nurse did not appear to be dissuaded by Herrison's vow of monogamy, and persisted with its current attempts to secure a meal. Suddenly a loud gunshot rang out, the bullet skimming past his ear with deadly accuracy and landing square in the centre of the monster's forehead. It toppled to the floor with a whine, and Alex whirled round excitedly.  
  
Staring at him down the barrel of her gun was a pair of crystal clear blue eyes that were narrowed in concentration. Lowering the weapon, full pale pink lips curled backwards in a friendly smile to reveal sparkling white teeth, perfectly aligned. Herrison's eyes took in long, silky blonde hair that reached down to a shapely waist in a neat pleat, a few strands coming loose from her blue police beret to frame her high cheekbones. Her blouse was tucked into her waistband, kept professionally loose, and her regulation uniform skirt hung just below her knees, unintentionally emphasising her shapely legs. She was a rare phenomenon, a true natural beauty.  
  
Herrison darted forward doe eyed. It took him a moment to find his words, although this was not an uncommon occurence with the young man, and when he did he blurted out, "Have you seen Claudia?" in a rush of breath.  
  
"Aww, is that your girlfriend?" the policewoman asked with genuine sympathy.  
  
Alex's face screwed up briefly before the line between fantasy and reality was blissfully blown apart and he nodded, "Yes! Yes she is!"  
  
"And she's lost in the hospital somewhere?" the apparition prodded gently.  
  
"We got separated. We're both in OCRC. We came cause of..." he gestured around him blankly.  
  
"The outbreak?"  
  
"No, so I could save Claudia. I think."  
  
"You poor thing, you must have been through so much. Don't worry, we'll find her. If you want I'll help you, there aren't many of those creatures left, someone's already cleaned up. My name's Angela Timmons," she held out her hand and Herrison shook it enthusiastically.  
  
"You'll help me find her? My name's Clau...I mean Herrison. Alex Herrison," his chest puffed out proudly, "I'm second in command of OCRC."  
  
"Pleased to meet you," Angela inclined her head slightly, "Do you know which way she went?"  
  
He shook his head sadly and she put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry,if she's here we'll find her. I'm sure anybody who's armed will be doing just fine. It's just a shame there weren't more officers here when things got ugly. But maybe, if we can save this one life, we'll have done the right thing."  
  
Herrison nodded with such inanity that it appeared as though his head might fall off, and the two set off, the brawny man blissfully unaware that for the first time in his life he had stumbled across someone whose patience was so great that they would not be harbouring secret, or not so secret, desires to put him out of his misery.  
  
xxxxxxxx  
  
They were both a little happier at having dealt with the puzzle, and the positive results it yielded. For Claudia it meant one step closer to completing her mission and getting her job back, for Shak it represented the prospect of more carnage, a way to really test out her skills. As they stepped into the elevator side by side, Claudia could feel her stomach tense up into a knot. What if Daniel was there? What if he wasn't? What if she'd made Wesker angry? What if there were monsters there she couldn't fight? And a sidelong glance at the redhead begged the question...  
  
_Am I really doing the right thing?_  
  
"Let's get ready to rumble...let's get ready to rumbuuuuuuuuul...get ready...get steady..." Shakahnna began to sing loudly, gyrating a little where she stood.  
  
_Yes._  
  
**I'm gonna show yooooouuuuuu....you think you're so good with all your genetic supersoldiers....well I'm better than them...I'm the favourite in the polls and I'm gonna kill everything and you'll have wasted loads of money and haha I'm glad and...where's Pierce? Oh yeah, he got airlifted. Shame he's missing this.... Aaah, I can't wait I can't wait I can't wait...and there'll be UMBRELLA workers here! People to kill people to kill!**  
  
The doctor watched the inane grin spread across Shakahnna face and wondered what she was thinking. Then felt glad that she didn't know. She began to fiddle with a loose thread on the hem of her dress nervously as the elevator ascended with unbearable slowness.  
  
_Maybe this isn't a good idea. Can I really trust Wesker? No, don't be stupid, of course I can. Can I really trust Shak not to get me killed?_ She glanced over at the police officer who was bouncing on the spot with excitement. _Well, I don't really have a choice. Orders are orders, right? There could be worse people I could be stuck with as the muscle...like Herrison. I wonder if he's ok. I hope he's dead. But he won't be. True stupidity never dies._  
  
"Penny for your thoughts?" Shak enquired innocently.  
  
"Alex is a fat useless fuck. He's the epitome of everything that is shit. The boy is a completely worthless little cretin, stupid to the point of it being inhumane. I mean, he has NOTHING going for him. He's ugly, stupid, boring, overbearing, stupid, smelly, stupid, did I mention stupid? We're talking like if he went on mastermind against a pile of excriment he'd lose. He is minging. He makes me feel physically sick, because when I look at his big round face that's grinning inanely he just RADIATES thickness. Like it would have been kinder if he was a down's, because then he'd have had an excuse," Claudia blurted out her inner tirade in one frantic breath, her nerves getting the better of her self retraint and making her ramble.  
  
The redhead blinked at her in shock, before giving her a smug, sarcastic, "I'm saner than you" kind of smile. "Um, who's Alex? Does he be living in your head?"  
  
The doctor scowled, "No, thank god. He's my second in command. Further proof that God hates me," she spat.  
  
"Well, sometimes you get people who're a bit rough round the edges. But with work and if they don't get their transfer request accepted, they usually end up ok."  
  
Claudia brightened a little, "You get lots of transfer requests too, huh?"  
  
"It's a compliment, you know," Shak nudged her cheerfully, "It just means they can't meet your high standards. But sometimes they come back later, after they've had more experience."  
  
"It's not my fault they keep giving me staff that are about as useful as a chocolate teapot," the teenager shrugged, "Besides, if Herrison applied for a transfer it would be the happiest day of my life. He's like Herpes, though, he just doesn't go away."  
  
"How come you've not fired him?"  
  
"My bosses won't let me. Apparently they think he'll be good for me. They are cretins."  
  
"Yeah, you wouldn't believe the stuff we get demoted for. A few kids get killed, a few angry parents, and all of a sudden...and apparently it doesn't matter that you took out a whole branch of Umbrella, oh no, that's not important....and you're back on desk duty. Again." Shakahnna was not best pleased by this recollection.  
  
"I got demoted once..." Claudia said forlornly.  
  
_It was your fault._  
  
"Well," the redhead put a hand on her shoulder, "I think you're smart. And hey, maybe one day you can be making something to put a stop to all this..."  
  
The scientist snorted derisively, then bit her lip and scowled.  
  
**No more Umbrella...no more people like him...all gone.**  
  
There was a mechanical 'ping' as the elevator came to a shuddering halt. Claudia began to scramble for her gun, but Shak held up a hand and smiled. "Now, now, there will be no need for that. Save your bullets."  
  
_What for, murdering the rest of your comerades? No...stop it._  
  
Shakahnna began to beam as several carriers had been attracted by the opening of the elevator. Having been on the 5th floor with little access to fresh bodies had made these zombies visually alot less pleasant. None of them were wearing much skin and she could almost swear they were tring to communicate with her through the markings that had been embelished on their bodies.  
  
**Whatever you be's having to say, I'm not listening. Don't try and pull that with me. Why should I be angry at Claudia? You don't know anything, you're dead. And even worse you be's UMBREALLA. Thou fucker.  
**  
There were only five or so and three were pre-occupied with the consumption of a fresh dead body. The other two were advancing on a terrified looking young man in a lab coat. He had his gun pointed at them with trembling hands, but his fear was so great that his shots were landing far wide of their intended target. Shakahnna's feet began rushing forward, already involved in the battle faster than Claudia's eyes could follow.  
The first kill was almost too easy. As the putrid flesh came within grasping distance, she side stepped to the left taking her feet into an L stance, and clenching her fist before smashing it through the cranium of the zombie. It's partner made a secondary lunge as she withdrew her blade from the vile skull. It's reward for its incentive was a heavy black boot to it's face. It swayed as though it might fall before remaining up right, the imprint of her under sole printed on it's face. She shoulder charged into the creature, knocking it flat before driving her knee into its throat and sliding her claws into its solar plexus.  
"You're shit." She quipped, making her way to the feasting trio and their meal. The zombie on her left began to rise, it's joints creaked but it did not get far. Grabbing it's scalp with her left hand, she used the right to create a hole the size of her fist with the cats claws. Twisting them clockwise inside the corpse until it twitched slightly, she did not stop until it was obviously no longer reanimated. Number two objected to the distruption of it's meal and rose to its feet with menacing slowness. She twisted her hip and swung her right leg in a semi circle, easily as high as her own head, and brought it down on the collar bone of her attacker. It did not take long to join its colleague on the floor. As it landed, the undead monster tried to snap at her ankle, so she placed both feet together and jumped up. Her aerial assult ended with her left boot crushing the ravaged zombie's head like an over-ripe melon with one foot. The blade on her other heel made short work of impaling the third monster, it's flesh so decayed that it took minimal effort to plough through until its head hung on its shoulders by a mere sliver of gangrened skin.  
  
"And that, as they say, was the end of that," she declared proudly, as Dr Graham inched forward to resume her position at the older woman's side. "Hey you," the redhead called over to the stunned survivor, "You get bit?"  
  
He shook his head numbly. Shakahnna narrowed her eyes, "Are you Umbrella?"  
  
Claudia, standing a little behind her, waved her arms frantically, shaking her head and mouthing "No!" Unfortunately the young man was too stunned to think, and simply nodded. His wide, bloodshot eyes looked down from her scarred face to the bold STARS badge that was prouldly emblazoned on her chest as she rubbed her hands in glee and muttered "Excellent..."  
  
"Y...you're with...STARS!" he blurted out, before pointing his gun at her head angrily. Shakahnna's reflexed were obviously several times better than his, and in what seemed like the blink of an eye she had knocked the firearm from his hand and slammed the tip of her blade through his palm, nailing his hand to the wall. A wet patch began to seep through the front of his trousers as she raised two fingers on her other hand and began to push the tips of her claws towards his eyes. Her breath hitched slightly in her chest, the tinest hint of a moan slipping through her lips, which were curled into a bloodthirsty leer. A red tint spread across her cheeks.  
  
**You're not even a person. You be worse than the zombies.**  
  
"Stop that!" Claudia turned away in horror, covering her mouth with her hands. There was a moist squelch as the Umbrella worker began to scream in blind terror. The cries did not last for long as the metal bored into his brain and he began to slide to the ground, blood pouring down his cheeks, the only thing holding him upright being the blade which was shoved through his hand in a twisted mockery of a crucifixion. Shakahnna withdrew both her claws at once and flippantly wiped them on Claudia's lab coat. The doctor staggered back and began to choke, emptying the contents of her stomach on the floor as her counterpart shrugged and withdrew a small black book from her pocket. With a look of intense concentration she began to etch her 'score' into it in the worker's blood.  
  
"Well it was just a scientist, but he _was_ armed, so does that count? It was quite a slow death, though. What do you think, Clauds, three or five points?"  
  
The only reply she recieved was the sound of retching as Claudia continued to vomit profusely. The limited contents of her stomach were long since on the floor, but her shoulder continued to heave until the spasms came to a quivering halt.  
  
"What? It's not like they're people..." Shak was puzzled, although it would be a lie to say it was the first time she'd had this reaction.  
_  
I'm really glad Shakahnna's on my...fuck. What's she going to do to me if she finds out who I work for?_  
  
"You..." Claudia cowered a little in the corner, ashen faced, "You...actually...enjoyed that..." she marvelled grimly.  
  
Shakahnna gave a smile similar to that worn by a Cheshire cat. "Hell yeah I enjoy it! I mean don't you enjoy... whatever it is that you are so dedicated to that you be here in all this monster-age? It's grate cause I have no life and all I do is train. It's swell. Wish people wouldn't leave messages for me on their faces, kinda hard to read when you be fightin but can't have everything." Shakahnna was glad with how things were turning out. After a tense start they appeared to be working out.  
  
"Science?" Claudia's eyes shone briefly, "Yes, I do enjoy it. More than enjoy it. I have no life either..." she said in a half whisper, almost conspiratorially.  
  
_Messages on their faces....?_  
  
"Ahh a fellow nerd, so I see. I'll be happy long as I can do this forever and if I happen to get shot down in my prime, well you win some, you lose some, right? You almost looked pleased for just a second there. And that is why we are here to take care of you. I honestly don't know why were weren't sent in synch, would have saved a hell of allot of your men from dying en route. Be's strange...."  
  
The redhead trailed off wondering to herself. Why weren't they sent in together? OCRC and S.T.A.R.S. had teamed up before. They were sent virtually unarmed, with no fighters. She wondered if perhaps that was the messages she was supposed to be seeing while the carriers attempted to eat her face.  
  
"I really do advise you stay behind me." Shakahnna said, marching so her heavier step was in toe with her charge, as they turned around the next several corridors, the alarming number of headless zombies beginning to play on something inside Shak's subconcious.  
  
"I don't want you to take care of me!" she blurted out, her tone not angry, but almost heartbroken. Her voice cracked, "I wish I'd never met you..."  
  
**Why? I'm great!**  
  
She ignored Shakahnna's advice once more and half ran around the next corner, to be faced with the reanimated corpses of three former labratory workers. "Bloody hell!" she leapt back, aiming her gun and pulling the trigger. The shot did nothing to stop them, due to the fact that it had gone completely over their heads, and ricocheted off the wall behind them. Trying again, she managed to hit one in the shoulder, but it barely even staggered. She grimaced, sensing that Shakahna probably wasn't going to be pleased at her, but not caring, as she opened a shaky fire, using an entire clip just to make one fall over.  
  
The broad shouldered woman frowned. What on earth was that girl playing at now?  
  
"SHIT!" Shakahnna yelled out, at the sound of gunfire and withdrew her Desert Eagle, sprinting in the direction that the young girl had disappeared. The sound of her powerful gun blasted, each shot save one taking the head clean off of a zombie, the popping resembling several wine bottles blasting off their corks all at once. Shakahnna turned the gun around and used the barrel to smash in the face of the zombie she had missed; the butt sank into the soft skin of the face and cracked the bones beneath it. She then thrust her elbow into the solar plexius of the creature and once again used her favourite weapon to remove the monsters head.  
  
"Will you fucking stop running off like that! Do you want your samples or not cause if you pull that again, you get cuffed and we go pick up Pierce! You understand?" Shakahnnas face had turned a beetroot red from having to run. She took in a deep breath, wishing she was more patient but not having the clarity of mind to do anything else as she began to reload her weapon.  
  
Claudia glared at her, fear making her irritability turn into hysteria, "Pierce is dead! We are not going back to acquire him because he is currently residing in a pool of his own blood, where we left him AFTER I SHOT HIM!" her voice echoed shrilly in the now devoid corridor, falling on the deaf ears of the dead workers. "And yes, yes I want my samples! Say you arrest me, what then, huh? We go back and stare at Pierce's corpse some more before you go completely nuts? Oh. Wait." Her eyes were flashing now, with hurt and fear, all of which she channelled into her uncontrolled rant, "Why do you keep threatening to arrest me? Don't you fucking know? If you do that you might as well take out that gun and shoot me. No really, I'd much rather you killed me because if I botch this and wind up in cuffs I'll never work again!"  
  
Shakahnna's eyes glazed over, reflecting the dim light. For a second the redhead would have been easily mistaken for a mannequin. Her glassy stare was not looking at Claudia but rather through her. The eerie look seemed to have the effect of removing all signs of life from the STARS team leader, with no reaction to outside stimuli. It took several seconds before her eyes came back into focus and the illusion was shattered.  
  
It was at times like these that the job became exceptionally hard. Her own face drooped and her brow creased with worry. For the briefest minute it seemed as though she might carry out her threat to arrest Claudia but there was something so genuinely disturbing about how the girl was acting that she did not wish to push her further over the edge.  
  
"I'm sorry," Claudia whispered weakly, "I like viruses significantly better when they're under a microscope."  
  
A wealth of affection washed over the stars leader. Damn, she was really getting attached to this little crazy scientist. It was completely ridiculous that this situation had ever been allowed to happen. She had no time for this. The others were waiting. They couldn't afford to be just stand around here having a heart to heart. There could be anything around here, waiting to pounce and drag them into the shadows.  
  
Shakahnna noticed several perspex windows, dimly light rooms behind them, various tables and instruments, scattered. There was still so sign of anything. Not even a carrier. Captain Taylor pushed the first swinging door open, squinting inside the dark rooms and takinh her first tentative steps into the most potentially hostile area they had yet come across. Claudia reached over and switched the light on, holding her breath. The duo studied the area. There was one central corridor with several doors leading off to more perspex prisons. It caused a steam of violent images to course through Shak's head and she blinked several times to remove the effect.  
  
"So, Dr Ice Clauds...no wait...you with the pigtails. What are we here for again?" Claudia winced as Shakahnna took a carving knife to her title. There was the same look plastered to the face of the Captain, while she kept watch over the much more slight scientist, the redheads gaze survaying the area which they occupied while awaiting an answer to her question.  
  
There was a brief pause before the nervous young lady blurted out. "I have to get a sample of Umbrella's new virus and find Dan...uh...no one."  
  
"Is that that Lancaster chick you mentioned before?" the redhead asked.  
  
"No," she replied scowling. She was just going to leave it there, but seeing the curiosity on Shakahnna's face, further explanation was obviously required. "Dr Lancaster is an Umbrella scientist. I have to find him cause of...ah...um...orders! OCRC orders." It was a blatant lie, but the STARS captain did not appear to want to notice. She did, however, acquire a sly smile, very much liking where this might be going.  
  
Innocently, she enquired, "So...he'd be quite high up then, wouldn't he?"  
  
Claudia giggled, turned red and nodded happily, "Oh yes, he's one of our...um Umbrella's chief researchers. And he got there really young too, he's a true genius. He created the virus that we're looking for. It's much more effective than the T and G viruses, which is what we're up against just now..."  
  
_Of course, Daniel made sure I was vaccinated against both of those... _She sighed to herself, _I miss him._  
  
Shak, of course, had taken no notice of the latter part of this speech as she said eclesiastically, "Chief researcher? He's fifty..."  
  
"No, he's forty eight actually," Dr Graham interupted defensively.  
  
"No, you be's misunderstanding me. He's worth fifty points. This is a dream come true. A fifty pointer, here! Wait until I tell Pierce, he'll be gutted that he missed an opportunity like this. Do you think it would be considered bad taste if I got him stuffed?"  
  
"Who? Pierce?"  
  
_No, you cretin, she means Lancaster.  
  
No! She can't do that! I won't let her! Fuck Wesker's orders, I'll kill her myself if...  
  
Oh dear. I didn't think that._  
  
The sound of Shak's voice pulled Claudia out of her reverie and she looked at her sullenly, trying to hide the anger in her face.  
  
"Claudia," the redhead's tone was suddenly grave, "Stop joking about that. You might jinx us." It was not aggrivation that seemed to cause the contorting of her features but the thoughts which constantly pounded through her head. A silent enemy seemed to be determined to confuse her, stuffing cotton wool into her head through her ears, clogging up her senses.  
  
**You know she's right. He's dead.  
  
No. No he's not. He wouldn't leave me.**  
  
"Whatever you say," the teenager mumbled, heart sick of having this conversation for the umpteenth time.  
  
"The samples are probably that way," one clawed finger was extended in the direction of the far corridor, "I know from experience they always be's leaving the good stuff til last."  
  
"Capital," Claudia began marching resolutely in the direction that Shakahnna was pointing. She felt an abrupt tug on her backpack as suddenly, although her feet her still moving, she did not appear to be going anywhere. "Let go of me!"  
  
"Ahh but we have other suitably more entertaining endevours to partake in first!" The young doctor was not fond of the gleeful smile which was blossoming on Shak's features. The redhead began mimicking an air hostess as she pointed to either side of her to the BOW containment rooms, "And the fun is here, here, here and here. It be's hiding."  
  
"Have you ever heard the expression "Let sleeping dogs lie"?" the scientist groaned.  
  
"Only by those fucking new age liberal hippies. Fucking pussies." she pointed the .50 caliber Desert Eagle at Claudia and frowned sternly, "You're not a hippy, are you?"  
  
She shook her head frantically, "No sir...I mean ma'am...I mean no."  
  
Shakahnna began to giggle, "S'ok, I'm only joking. But that's ok, you can call me sir'. I _like_ it." Her tone of voice was positively disgusting.  
  
"I think I'm going to be sick." It was a very real possibility for the OCRC operative at that moment.  
  
"That's what Officer Hatcher says every time he sees me. Maybe I should fix yous up?" The STARS captain's face brightened with inspiration. She could not see any reason why she was not the world's most helpful and considerate soul.  
  
**Shak: Angel of Mercy.**  
  
"No thanks, Cilla, I don't date. Ever. Especially not _police officers_," Claudia sneered.  
  
"They're really good in bed," Shak shrugged as her companion turned pale and screwed up her face.  
  
"Sex! Yuck!"  
  
"Anyway, shut up. We have to go into..." she began to point to the rooms at random, "Eenie, meenie, m inie...that one!" She charged off in the direction of a room to her left, before pausing thoughtfully. "Oh yeah, and there's a rule. Do as you're told and stay behind me, or else something will ensue and it won't be S&M."  
  
"What's S&M? Does that have something to do with Marks and Spencers?"  
  
"Add that to the list of things I'm gonna tell you when you're older. I'll bring Pierce and we can come and visit you in your lab."  
  
"Sure," Claudia replied without thinking about it. The response was genuine and that made her feel even more uncomfortable. A flicker of sadness and brief regret crossed her face, before she resumed her default scowl.


	13. One More and You're Off, Son

_AN: It's that time again; like a porn mag in a monestary, we have come, like angels of providence and serendipity, to bestow upon you, our blessed children, the next chapter of LIVING LIKE A DISASTER!_

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_Shak and Claudia_

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* * *

Shakahnna pushed open the swing doors with a gesture that was devoid of all tentativity. Before them stretched a small corridor with a large control panel at the end. This was not however what the duo first noticed. Blood was splayed up the white walls with gay abandon, the floor littered with several maimed corpses in shredded hazmat suits. One particular soul who lay at Claudia's feet was nothing more than a withered shell, having had his innards sucked out via two gaping holes in his torso. The others had fared just as poorly, but the presence of a huge, six foot long tarantula which was missing part of its body made it apparent that they had not died before eliminating the escaped BOW. Blue blood was oozing from the crevace, eight beady eyes staring up at the pair lifelessly.

"Oh no!" Claudia darted forward, not to check for survivors, but to examine the state of the fallen spider. "They've shot right through the carapace! And ripped off the right pedipalp. Hmm, the presence of tibial spurs would indicated that it was male, poor thing was probably only engineered for breeding, not combat!" she knelt down beside it and ran a hand over its metatarus in a crudely affectionate gesture, "Ingenious," she whispered, "They managed to find a way to derive the phenotype from Haplopelma genus. Lividum species if I'm not grossly mistaken. I suppose they are notoriously aggresive, but still. If they'd aimed for the metatarsi and not the cephalothorax they'd have been able to neutralise him without irrepairably damaging the exoskeleton and the sample could have been saved. Any idiot knows that. Cretins."

She yelped as she felt a sharp prod at her shoulder, and looked up at Shakahnna. "You're boring," the police officer informed her simply, "You should be thinking about more important matters, like how funny it is that their own monster got them."

Claudia rolled her eyes, "I think you had to be there," she replied in a deadpan voice.

"Are you a spiderophile or something?"

"Arachnology is one of my many specialist fields," the doctor smirked proudly, "There's just something to beautiful about spiders. Seeing one this size is...." her gushes were cut short as Shak butted in.

"I didn't know they let you play with insects in OCRC."

This single statement was enough to make the scientist turn purple as she rose to her feet, pointing accusingly at the redhead. "They...they..." she choked on her own anger for a few moments before practically screaming, "THEY'RE NOT INSECTS! THEY'RE ARACHNIDS!"

"I know that, silly," the older woman did not appear to be fazed by Claudia's latest outburst, "They're the same as scorpions. You find them around these sorts of places a lot. But that doesn't change the fact that you're weird. And its further proof you're delusional that you just called that ugly pile of shit 'beautiful'. What be's ewe seeing?"

"Don't you have better things to do than give me a headache?" snapped Dr Graham, removing her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose with a sigh.

Shakahnna looked up at her for a few seconds before reaching the only inevitable conclusion, "Indeed I do." She rubbed her hands together and rolled up her sleeves, "Let's get beasted in."

"Do lets not," came the nervous reply, but Shak had already bounded off in the direction of the control panel.

"Hey Clauds! This door's stuck as tight as a nun's..."

"Coming!" the scientist interjected hastily, scurrying after her.

"Nu uh," the redhead waved her hand, "Just stay there, I'll blow it up."

Claudia stopped in her tracks, hands on hips, glaring daggers at her cohort. "Is that your solution to EVERYTHING?"

Shakahnna stood for a few passing seconds, deep in contemplation, before staring down Claudia's scowl with a calm expression. "Yes," she concluded, "And its a pretty damn good solution."

It's never let me down so far. Well, maybe that once...he he he that was a riot though

"Let me take a look," pursing her lips, the bespectacled girl strode up to the door mechanism and peered at it curiously.

_This is one of Daniel's labs, so there must be an emergency door release here somewhere. Of course it'll be coded...Daniel's so smart._

Her blue-grey eyes scanned the vicinity for anything small that might get them in without a keycard. At last her gaze alighted on a tiny, inconspicuous looking tile, virtually indesinguishable from the other wall fixtures, save to someone who was already looking for it. Claudia sidled up to it and gave it a surreptituous nudge with her elbow, and it clattered to the ground. "Hey, Shak, look what I found!"

"Good work!" Shak proclaimed with gusto, stopping herself just in time from giving her slightly more fragile companion a hearty slap on the back. She quinted at the mechanism. There was a series of nine detatchable buttons, each with a mathematical symbol printed on it, and they appeared to fit into a square grid. "Is that in Arabic or something?"

Claudia shook her head absent mindedly, "It's a mathematical puzzle," she explained.

"That's great," Shak's tone made it clear that it was anything but, "You play with your nerd toy and I'll go see if I can find a keycard." She walked off, shaking her head to herself dispairingly.

Her partner, meanwhile, was a lost cause as she thust her nose up to the grid and stuck her tongue out of the side of her mouth in concentration. "It's a magic square!" she called out.

"Of course it is," Shak called back over her shoulder as she rummaged about in the pockets of a corpse, "If you rub it and say the magic words, S&M ensues..."

"I don't appreciate your sarcasm just because you're mathematically ignorant," Claudia scowled while calculating Pi to twenty decimal places.

"Ooh, credit cards," rummaging beneath the hazard suit into the pockets of the deceased males clothes, the redhead muttered under her breath, "If I was dirty rotten Umbrella scum, where would I keep my keycard...oh, he's not wearing a bra...EWW! He's not wearing any underwear!"

"Will you shut up for five seconds?"

**Five, four, three, two, one...**

"Woah! And he's shaved his pubes!"

"FOR GODS SAKE!" there was a rattle as Claudia fumbled and dropped a handful of buttons on the floor.

**What did I say wrong? Damn she's weird.**

**Hey! I know what'll cheer her up!**

Very loosely following the tune of Handel's Hallelujah chorus, Shak began to sing at the top of her lungs, "YOOOOOU ARE MENTAL, YOOOOU ARE MENTAL, YOU ARE MENTAL, YOU ARE MENTAL YOU ARE MEEEEEENNNNNTTAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!"

With a look that could have easily turned milk sour, the auburn haired girl turned around and hissed through gritted teeth, "I...hate...you."

It seemed for the briefest of seconds as though Shak might have been hurt by this, but she simply shrugged nonchalantly and said, "Fair enough."

Given the abysmal conditions which she felt she was having to work under, Claudia was quite pleased with how her progress was coming along. She did not feel that having someone question her sanity in the form of a loud and tone deaf song was conjusive to a productive working environment. However, while Shak amused herself with the various dead bodies, she felt she was making rather good time.

"Hey Clauds!" the scientists turned round instantly; from experience it was better to respond immediately rather than have the redhead persist with trying to get ones attention. The captain was holding up a dead Umbrella worker, her claws shoved through the back of its head so she was able to animate its mouth in the style of a ventriloquist's dummy. "Tell your Auntie Claudia how much you love STARS," she instructed her bloody new friend. "Nyaff nyaff nyaff nyaff!" she thrust the man's face at Claudia, moving its jaw up and down manically. "That's right!" she exclaimed, "Tell her Jimmi!"

"Finally," the doctor muttered, "You've found a friend who is your intellectual equal."

She dropped her new pet corpse and tugged on Claudia's sleeve, "Don't you want me to protect you?" she asked innocently.

"Excuse me, I have an appointment with a razor blade and my wrists." she turned away with a sickened look on her face and began slotting the last few numbers in, whispering calculations under her breath. There was a loud bleep as the mechanism unlocked. "Eureka!" the doctor shouted, her cheeks flushed with pride. "I mean um...yeah. The door's unlocked now..."

"You're great," Shak patted her head, leaving drops of blood and God knew what else deposited on top of her pigtails, which were slowly become less and less ravelled. The redhead pulled open the door heartily, and shut it again instantly as one giant hairy leg shot round the opening. It was severed with a squelch and landed unceremoniously at her feet. "Hmmm...." she thought for a second, "You're good at maths, aren't you, Claudia? Pick a number."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

"Um...three?" the confusion was plain in the doctor's voice.

"Right, three it is..." she began to rummage in her pockets, pulling out grenades left, right and centre.

_Oh dear._

Much in the style of a small child at a bowling lane, Shak dropped to one knee and began rolling the live explosives into the room one by one. She then closed the door and stood next to it, jiggling her leg excitedly as she waited for the bang. The floor shook and there was a loud rumble which caused Claudia to squeak and hide behind the STARS captain, peering out from over her shoulder. Then silence. Shakahnna withdrew her twin Colt pistols and pointed them at the door as she slid it open with her foot.

"Aww! This smells rank!" she declared unnecessarily, as a cloud of evil yellow smoke billowed into their faces.

"This reminds me of the time Herrison tried to make Super Noodles in the microwave..." Claudia choked. "That boy is an idiot. Do you know he tried to bleach his hair with Toilet Duck once?"

"That's just dangerous, what if he'd gone blind?" It struck Dr Graham as rather odd that the kamikaze police officer considered anything dangerous. She began to laugh, "I bet he looked really stupid..."

Claudia sighed, "No more so than usual..."

As the smoke gradually cleared, Shak stuck her head round the door, "Nope. All gone." She turned to Claudia, "You wanna wait out here while I have a look around?"

"That would be acceptable. I doubt the samples will be in here anyway..."

_Daniel was always so afraid of spiders. No way would he risk having to interact with them. I wonder who he got in to handle them after I was gone...? Obviously an amateur considering the scientists didn't even know how to neutralise them..._

The redhead disappeared for a few moments, quickly nosing about but finding nothing of interest. "Okies," she popped back out suddenly, "Let's go see what's behind door number two."

"Is this really nec..."

"Yes."

The duo retraced their steps back into the main corridor. Shak did not waste any time in marching straight towards the next door, directly opposite the one they had come out. This room layout was slightly different, as it was simply a big open space hosting a large tank full of water, with a hatch at the top. The glass was several feet thick, and swimming about in the crystaline liquid were several bizarre creatures. They were around five feet long, with long spindly limbs and humanoid hands. Their aquatic movement was guided by several inches of webbed tail, and they appeared to have no heads, spines rising up on their backs from where a neck should have been.

"Albinoids," Shak grinned, "They're great fun, they shoot electricity..." As she was talking she began to remove her clothing, starting with her bullet proof vest. As she bend down to untie her shoes, Claudia wished she was dead.

"What the hell are you doing?" she exclaimed in horror.

"I don't want to get my clothes wet," she explained as though it was perfectly obvious, "Especially not my socks. Damp socks are the fucking worst."

"You are NOT going in there to fight them. Who do you think you are, Indiana Jones?" her eyes began to dart about frantically for an alternate solution to murder and skinny dipping.

"Well you've got until I get my boots off to come up with a better idea," the captain shrugged, kicking off her shoes and strolling towards the ladder.

She was already halfway to the top when Claudia cried out, "Shakahnna Taylor! Get down here this instant!" she looked around nervously, "Just give me a minute to fiddle with the environmental controls. The albinoids are very sensitive to temperature fluctuations."

"That's great," Shak blew her off.

"Well I'm going to raise the temperature whether you like it or not, so if you want to go in there, you'll be boiled alive." the uptight scientist sniffed as she strode to a small control panel. The dials and buttons might have been double dutch to any lay person, but even though it had been five years, Claudia was still extremely proficient with the computerised aspects of her former line of work. Inputting Daniel's former passcode and hoping it would still work, she cracked the temperature up dangerously high. "This should denature the cell membranes," she sighed despondantly.

**What a waste.**

_What a waste._

"Ooh!" Shak somersaulted down from the top of the tank. She landed on her feet gracefully, but Claudia could have sworn she felt the ground shake. The redhead sat down cross legged on the floor, quickly strapping up her boots and producing a cigarette as she happily watched the creatures writhe in agony.

"So," Claudia folded her arms across her chest, "Why are we doing this again, considering they were in a tank and helpless?"

"In case they get out of course. Hey, you got any popcorn?"

"No. And I don't see why we had to kill them. You could learn a lot from them!"

"I did. Tasers are fun." Shak waved her baton at Claudia and grinned. "400,000 volts. Wanna try?"

The doctor jumped back, "Put it away!"

"Well," the redhead leapt to her feet and began sauntering towards the door, "We've got more rooms to check, so I suppose we should get going. Although..." She took a long, thoughtful draw from her cigarette, "I wonder how those things taste?"

"Let's go." Claudia was not in the mood for culinary adventure.

Shak smiled sadly, "That's what Pierce would have said."

_I think she knows he's dead. She just can't accept it. Shit, what've I done?_

As they left the room, now devoid of any BOW life, Claudia felt a lurch in her stomach. She wasn't quite sure if it was fear or guilt, but either way it made her feel distinctly uncomfortable.


	14. Pot Noodle and Buckfast

_AN: Welcome to another instalment of the never ending adventures of everyone's favourite band of sociopaths and arseholes. It's like Manna from heaven; give this to the starving Rwandans, they'll forget all about AIDS and poverty. You want it, you need it, we've got it: CHAPTER 14!_

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_S&C_

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"Pray tell, Jonathon, what are we paying you for?" a voice which should most certainly not have been present interupted the young man as, in yet another sly attempt to avoid doing any work, he was sitting idly in the surveillence room of the Achma base. Having been unable to find any pornographic magazines due to their sudden and most vexing disappearence as invoked by Wesker's staff, he was leafing through the women's underwear section of a Kay's catalogue. Wesker raised an eyebrow, obviously in a better mood after having partaken in some form of brutality, "Are we thinking of making a purchase?"

"Oh...um...Albert," the junior Dr Lancaster turned an uncomfortable shade of red, "I wasn't expecting you back so soon."

"Evidently," his superior drawled, casting a languid eye to the security monitors. "E3 section 4A site 369." It was not a request.

"Huh?" Jonathon had long since lost interest in the survaillence system after the fifty year old obese cleaning lady had walked into the Umbrella Women's Locker Room and he had come to the conclusion that he was not that desperate. Betty the tea lady was not what he considered suitable viewing material. "Ah yes...the cameras. That's what I was already about to do..." he scowled as he tuned them in to the fifth floor labs.

Then wished that he hadn't.

"St Appolonia's? Oh dear, this is most trying," Jonathon was still slightly flustered, "STARS have been called in." He squinted at the screen, "And one of them is in my father's labs!"

Wesker gave his subordinate a cold stare and the younger doctor scrambled to his feet and gave up his seat with gritted teeth. He began to tap at the keyboard, a small smile playing on his lips as he enlarged the screen to full size, the object of his twisted affections examining a corpse. The exuberance was not gone from her step; something was certainly amiss. His smirk faded as another form came into view, that of the young Doctor Graham.

**_This is a most unexpected development. I have to wonder, Claudia, how someone of your limited talents managed to persuade Miss Taylor not to end your life? This is regretful, I had assumed that by my return you would have already expired. However, a spectacle such as that is always more enjoyable when watched live. How sweet it would be if she were to weep while you died by her hand._**

"So are they good friends then?" Jonathon wondered vaguely if there was any prospect of some 'girl on girl action'.

"She's one of ours. A spy." Wesker's tone did not convey his disgust.

"Sausage time!" Dr Lancaster grinned and ran a hand through his hair, "Does that mean she'll be coming back here?"

**_Perhaps in a body bag._**

Wesker's jaw tightened and Jonathon began to wonder what it was that had his boss so rapt. All at once it dawned on him and he sneered at his superior accusingly, "**_THAT'S_** the redhead you're so taken with?!"

The blonde man went to reply but was distracted by the same spectacle that Jonathon was. The soundless video display showed the STARS captain holding up a dead researcher gleefully, wagging its jaw up and down and thrusting it under Claudia's distastefully upturned nose. Wesker's lipreading abilities were not to be scoffed at, but even he had to double take as it appeared that the redhead was ebullientlyscreaming "Nyaff, nyaff! Tell her Jimmi!"

How uncouth, my love. It was a rare occassion when Wesker's internal smile manifested itself on his face.

Jonathon opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water as his expression conveyed a sentiment that was beyond revulsion. It was not often he felt pity for another human being, but the look on Claudia's face meant that he certainly felt sorry for the bespectacled scientist. Although this did not stop him from betting to himself that once he got those glasses and lab coat off she'd be a right little minx in the sack. Speaking of the sack...

"Albert!" Even someone as indiscriminate as Jonathon in his choice of female company was aghast, "That's her?! Look at her face!" he managed to salvage a little of his composure as he wrinkled his nose in disgust "She's so...**_council_**!"

"Where are your manners, Jonathon?" Wesker chided, "Surely that is no way to speak of a lady."

"I'm not even sure that's female," Jonathon leaned in to adjust the camera angle so it was zooming down Shak's top. "Nice tits, love," he muttered under his breath, but he knew from personal experience that having a big cleavage was no proof of a double X chromasome.

"Unfortunately our reconaisance is complete, and it would appear that Appolonia is where your father's precious Minataur Virus is located. I shall take my leave to recover it. I expect you to have those reports written upon my return, as well as all the samples to have been stabilised."

As Wesker strolled leisurely out of the room, Jonathon groaned to himself. Oh well, he reflected, five more minutes with the cameras wouldn't hurt. His lips parted in a perfect hybrid of a smile and a leer as he zoomed the lens in on Claudia's rear, his eyes following her movement as she walked through the corridors.

* * *

Claudia had made the mistake of giving Shak access to the chemical storage area, and was surprised to find that the redhead was more profficient than she had expected in the area of chemistry. The scientist had tried to instigate a discussion on the merits of relative equations, but unfortunately Shakahnna's expertise ended with her vast knowledge of explosives and poisons. The triffids in room number three had met a firey end at the hands of a flammable substance which the captain did not know the name of, merely the colour and what it tasted like. Doctor Graham's foul mood had deepened when the sister genus of the chimera, the drain demons, in room four fell prey to the redhead's home made poison. After the usage of much ammunition and even more instances of the word 'cretin', the two had made their way into the second chamber of rooms, and were attempting, much to the doctor's chagrin, to gain access to a room full of Bandersnatches.

There was a series of electronic sounds as Claudia deftly hacked through the computerised locking mechanism. Shakahnna was sitting relatively quietly, having been enlightened by her companion to the theory of "If you don't keep your trap shut, it'll take me longer to get you into the monsters and in that time they may get out and hurt someone and you won't get another point for your scorechart." She did, however, still insist on relaying orders as though Claudia was in STARS, much to the girl's annoyance.

"Hey Clauds," Shak said brightly and the doctor winced. Usually the words "Hey, Clauds" in her limited experience with the captain tended to be followed by carnage in some guise or another.

"Hmm..." Claudia did not look up as she worked away.

"You're really good at that. You've gotted us into all of these. It's swell."

While Claudia could not deny that it was true, it was still nice to hear a compliment come from someone who not a snivelling sycophant. Shak may have had many flaws, but insincerity did not appear to be one of them. Still, the idea that her abilities might arouse suspicion at a later stage frightened her and she turned pale as she looked away. One key press away from completing a mathematical formula that even she would consider complicated, she gave a faux sigh of despondance and a final longing look at her work, before furrowing her brows and looking up at Shak.

"Nope," her voice was slightly too loud, "I can't do this one."

"Yes you can, you're clever." It didn't even occur to Shak that her new friend was not infinitely competent in all non-combatant areas. "I'll sing, if that'll help."

"Singing? Is that what you call it?" Claudia frowned in distaste as she had to physically pull her finger away from typing in the last digit of the code. "Sorry, Shak, I think you're going to have to blow it up..."

Captain Taylor was instantly on her feet with an exuberant grin contorting her scar tissue. Reaching out and grabbing Claudia by the scruff of her neck, she moved her out of the way before the scientist could even register what was happening.

She happily rummaged about in her pack and produced a plastic bag full of clear viscous fluid triumphantly. Humming happily to herself, she pushed her thumb through the plastic and squeezed it out round the frame of the door, making a trail that lead all the way back to her companion. Kneeling down she began to hunt in her pockets for her lighter, pulling out fistfuls of ammo.

"Hey, Clauds, you got a lighter?"

Claudia nodded once and reached into her pocket, pulling out a zippo. It was a useful tool that every good field scientist should have, and besides, she was afraid of the dark. She was about to hand it over when the light glinted off the surface and she noticed the huge red and white Umbrella logo that was emblazoned on it and hastily shoved it back into her lab coat. "Um...it's out of fluid."

The redhead sighed and resumed emptying her aparently limitless pockets onto the floor. "Where are you, you little bastard. I had it like two minutes ago..." Swearing was clearly the key to locating it, because no sooner had the words left her lips when her clawed hands closed about the shiny silver box. "Gotted it."

"Are you really sure about blowing this up..." the doctor began nervously. Shak began to grin as Claudia looked down and saw that there was already a trail of fire working its way down the corridor.

"Too late." A pause. "You should duck now..."

Unfortunately Claudia did not so much as duck but find herself thrown backwards as a huge explosion ripped through the hallway. Shakahnna thought her warning of one seconds notice had been amply sufficient, but the crumpled heap of scientist on the floor disagreed.

"I think I broke my glasses...." she moaned dazedly.

"We can put them back together with chewing gum," offered Captain Taylor helpfully.

Claudia held up her bent spectacles and sighed mournfully. With thin pale fingers she began to tug at them in an attempt to straighten them out, but they had other ideas.

"I'll fix them," before Claudia could protest, the policewoman had held out her hands and there was nothing for it but to hand them over.

"Are you sure that's wise...?"

"I am the pinnacle of wisdom," the red haired cop replied in perfect seriousness. "See, there's nothing...oops." There was a crunch as the teenager winced and was presented with what was formerly her glasses. Each half was still intact, but sadly they were no longer joined in the middle. "Er...they're fine really," as Claudia scowled murderously at her, she gingerly settled the broken frames on her nose. They promptly fell straight back off, clattering to the ground with a finality which told both women that they were irrefutably DOA. "We can fix them. With chewing gum..." Shak offered.

"No, it's quite alright. I came prepared for such eventualities," the doctor began rummaging blindly about in her rucksack, squinting comically. The whole world was a nice shade of fuzzy as she sighed despondantly and emptied her entire bag out onto the ground. Alongside various medical supplies was five identical spectacle cases, all stamped with the NHS logo.

"Wow Clauds, you're prepared for everything!" Shakahnna marvelled.

"No," Claudia gritted her teeth impatiently as her hand closed about one of the cases, "This just happens at least twice a day." She shoved a new pair on and began piling the contents of her pack back into the bag. "Now about these monsters. I read through some of the files we found earlier, and they've increased neural activity in the Bandersnatchers, so you have to remember...HEY!"

Once again Claudia was cut short as Shakahnna's brawny arm shot out and send her flying backwards. "Hey! I was just trying to help! You didn't have to..." she looked up and the limited colour in her face drained to a sickly ashen. "Bloody hell."

Out of the darkness and smoke, an arm as thick as a tree trunk and as solid as oak shot forth. The rubber like muscles allowing the projection so the owner remained still hidden. Only the over developed arm visable from where the doctor stood. The mustard yellow hue of it's grotesque skin, bulbous veins pounding just below the paper thin epidermal layer truly was a site to behold. The young researcher knew immediately what the creature was. A parody of a human face slowly began to emerge from behind the curtain. Carried across on legs that put Captain Taylor to shame, the ground seemed to quiver under it's weight. Too late Claudia noticed the creature, the speed at which it moved utterly at odds with the huge bulk of it's figure.

Three thick digits clamped down, boring down with a ruthless intensity, determined to compress the mass below it. Closing around Shakahnna's skull and digging into it's walls with an almost mechanical strength, the thick fingers obscured her vision as they clenched tighter. The muscles of its face which pulled upwards so it almost appeared to be leering and the vaccant stare behind it's eyes told her that it could only be a bandersnatch. The genetic engineering give the apperance that it enjoyed the struggling and wild thrashing of it's prey.

Claudia may have cried something out but it was lost to the pounding in Shak's ears.


	15. Did you bring your sandwiches? I've got ...

_AN: Here we go, yo yo yo, getting down with da funky Living Like a Disaster drum an' bass. Wotcha. If this story was a person, it would be a cross between the Queen and the Pope. Living Like A Disaster: the story that bends you over the desk and takes you up the poo-hole._

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_S&C_

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* * *

Wasting no time with testing her strength against a vastly superior foe, the redhaired captive did not sink her claws into the arm, aware that the bandersnatch would have no reaction to such a paltry attack.

The pressure grew in her head, threatening to cause her to pass out, the pain bringing tears to her eyes with each milimeter that the killer claw won over her body. It was obvious to her what action was required. Withdrawing the.50, snapping it from the holster at her hip, her arm raised perfectly straight, she levelled the piece so it was aimed directly into the face of her opponent, firing four shots directly into it's ghastly skeletal face. A trail as thin as a feather shot through the remenants of the carnage that the explosion wrought. The metal at first only impacted into the skin but the subsequent bullets pushed further through the mass of rotting flesh until finally the third penetrated the wall behind the creature leaving a hole the size of a fist in its wake.

Shakahnna landed down on one knee, whacking it with her whole weight on the cold steel floor. She winced and swore before pulling herself up right. "HA! Take that bitch!" she called to the now faceless creature which lay before her, still pulsating and twitching as its blood oozed out into a puddle on the floor. She twisted her head from side to side, grinning smugly.

As a secondary arm appeared, this time the alpha team leader was ready as she withdrew her twin colts. Heavy fire power which she would have loved not to use. Prefering to smash their skin under her own. It shot over her head, the powerful bicep flexing as the creature pulled itself forward, slamming into the wall over her head. The female officers feet going over the red hair, tucking into a ball, rolling out of harms way.

"You lose." She clicked from the roof of her mouth. So involved in the fight, she did not pay much attention to the third monster lurking. Flicking her head back, several clumps of hair slipping back out of the marred face. Her pink tongue moistened her lips as a small breath hitched. Shakahnna's feet slid under as she tackled the creatures legs, as it towered above her form, almost straddling the female as she slid between the yellow skinned fiends legs. Looking up, she fired the gun, emptying the rest of her left clip into it's crotch, blood raining down on her as the captain twisted to the side, hitting the beast in the face one time as it fell to it's knees. Dropping to the floor, turning her head over one broad left shoulder

Her lips curled upwards in a snarl of anger, the blood coursing hot through her veins in rage at the sight of this creature with it's one deformed hand closing around Claudia's auburn locks. The doctor began to scream phrenetically, tugging uselessly at the Bandersnatch's thick fingers and kicking out at the air in front of it, her long legs barely managing to land a single hit on its body as she dangled in its grasp.

"Put me down you cretin I'm sorry I mean don't I mean HELP!" Claudia blurted out in one breathless shout as she began to hyperventilate and sob.

Shak brought her foot down hard, kicking the back of its knee, but these creatures could feel no pain. Her feet slipped from an L shape, left replaced right and the right foot slipped backwards as she took her position to behind the monster, sinking her claws into the back of it's throat. Her right leg hooked its equivallent, forcing the creature down on one knee as she fired the rest of her clip into the back of the monsters head, executing it. The officer watched her charge slip to the ground. It was a heady cocktail of lust for violence, the pleasure in the pain and fury of someone hurting the young scientist. It kept her pounding the creature to a bloody mess. Even as she heard one more approaching she did not stop, merely dropping the desert eagle to the floor. Its slow steps indicated the distance between them, the corner of her lips curving upwards in a leer, a vicious smile.

"I don't be's thinking so." she informed them as her eyes narrowed, each arm raising from its position, withdrawing the embedded claw and twisting one hand behind her back watching intently, emerald eyes alive with the force of her own convictions. The tip of the redheads chin brushed the material which barely covered the bone beneath it. The woman's arm straightened full out, perfectly horizontal. The last two bullets in the colt which graced the cop's right hand blasted from the gun in a dramatic explosion, straight into the forehead of the creature, splattering its brain matter out behind it. It was only then that Shakahnna Taylor could allow herself to take note of the events which had transpired to her charge, re-acquiring the dropped piece in less than an instant.

"Clauds! Do you be's ok?!" the sight of the scientist lying crumpled on the ground, pale and unmoving, terrified the kamikaze STARS captain more than any monster.

"Urgh..." Claudia groaned dazedly and opened her eyes, blinking twice as a thin trail of blood ran down her forehead. The redhead's face was a picture of worry and anxiety, and for a sickening second the doctor was afraid that she had come to her senses about Pierce. Then she realised that it was her Shakahnna was concerned about. "Fine..." she mumbled, adjusting her miraculously unbroken glasses, "M'fine..."

"Jesus fucking Christ Claudia!" Shak leaned back against the wall with her hand over her chest, "Don't bloody do that to me! I thought you'd gone the same way as..." she trailed off in confusion and began to blink forcefully, gritting her teeth and shaking her head as she rubbed at her eyes. The image was vaguely surreal as she was still wearing her cat claws, and the leather on the back of her gaunlets chafed at the skin around her eyes, making them appear puffy.

**Stop it, Pierce, you're hurting me.**

**Shak, it'll be okay...**

**Promise?**

She tilted her head to one side, as though there were invisible arms to support it. As her neck began to slump, Claudia darted forward to catch her, tilting Shakahnna's chin up and tugging urgently on her sleeve. "C'mon Shak, snap out of it..." the concern in her voice was disconcertingly automatic, and she paused, "You cretin."

The cop looked up at her in bewilderment, "What the fuck are you doing?" she asked in a bemused tone.

The doctor turned bright red and pulled back. She was not sure what bothered her more, the fact that she had done something nice, or the fact that said action had not been well recieved. "Well it's not my bloody fault that you keep spazzing out, for want of a better term," she spat, using anger to hide her embarassment, "I mean, for God's sake, can't you keep it together for five fucking seconds? How the hell did you last in the police force if you keep going off into your own sodding little world? It's not my job to..." she stopped abruptly as she realised that Shakahnna's attention had already been lost and the officer was busy jumping up and down on the groin of the monster which had grabbed her charge.

"You're not singing any more...." she erupted into "song" and the doctor closed her eyes and leaned back weakly against the wall, "You're not siiiiiiingiiiiiiiiiing any moooooore! You're not siiiiiiiiii...."

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!" Claudia cradled her head in her hands miserably, "If you persist in your frankly distressing attempts at music, I will shoot..." she debated exactly who she would use her gun on for a few moments, "...myself!"

The captain smiled happily, producing an imaginary key before miming a locking motion against her lips. Claudia exhaled in exasperation as her new partner sauntered happily into the room where the monsters had formerly been held, whistling "Always Look On the Bright Side of Life" gaminely. Reloading all her weapons as she walked. As Shakahnna checked the room, Claudia sat back down, glumly watching the dead monsters twitch and spasm erratically.

_This isn't how things are supposed to be. They should be in a lab, and I should be studying them._

_Why is this turning out so hard? It's just a job like anything else. I have to stay focused and scientific. I'm Umbrella, she's STARS, it's as simple as that. She can go to hell for all I care, I'm just going to follow my orders and then everything will be fine. I don't feel guilty about what I did and I don't feel guilty about what I'm going to do, okay?_

_Yes you do. You know this isn't right._

_And creating bioweaponry and doing human experiments is? I think I'm in the wrong line of work to be..._

_But you never did any of the human experiments, did you? Dr Wesker always took care of those..._

_I just wanted to study the virus. I don't like pain. Does he? What does he get out of all this anyway? He doesn't need the money and he's not like me and Lancaster. I heard him say so himself, he was bored with research._

_That's ridiculous. Who could get bored with research?_

"Um...Clauds?" A familiar voice cut through her reverie and she looked up to find Shak holding out her hand sheepishly. "I burnt it..."

"How did you manage..." Claudia's eyes darted over to the smouldering door frame. "You're an idiot."

"Yeah, sometimes I suspect I might be," she looked down, "But someone's got to do it, right?"

"Sigh." The doctor was already on her feet and dragging the policewoman in the direction of the Bandersnatch laboratory. "We need to run this under cold water or it'll just get worse."

The lab, like every other lab the doctor had been in, was equipped with a wash hand basin. Claudia turned the tap on gently and shoved the burnt skin under the running water. "Hold that there for a bit..." she murmured vacantly as her attention was caught, not by the utter bloody disarray, but by the state of the art research equipment.

_We never got anything this good in OCRC. This is so unfair._

"We can't waste time on this," Shak withdrew her hand from the sink and began refasting her gloves, "Besides, we've only got two rooms left."

"But...but..." Claudia held up a non-stick dressing, "I was going to...oh never mind. You're right, we should get moving."

They began to leave, passing through the destroyed door and into the corridor that was strewn with yellow corpses. Claudia kept her eyes fixed resolutely in front of her as Shakahnna's own emerald vision wandered excitedly over the carnage, giving her a look akin to Alice in Wonderland.

"You know, we're not doing too bad," Shak mused. "This is the first time I've been in one of these places with a civvie."

"Hey, I'm no ordinary civvie," Claudia muttered under her breath, scowling at nothing in particular, before forcing her features to relax. It was only now that she was beginning to realise just how much that particular expression graced her features. She had not been consciously aware of it until that moment, but it felt very out of place to not be frowning.

_God, no wonder everyone hates me._

"I'm really glad I don't have to tell everyone who's died in this place's family and friends about all this. Before I was a captain, I sometimes had to do that, when you found people who'd died in car crashed, and it was shit. Still not as bad as having to tell them that their family worked for _Umbrella_."

**Well maybe not. The jury still be's out on that one.**

The scientist blanched. It was definately the last thing she wanted to hear.

_No, fuck you._ She scowled. _I won't let you make me ashamed of what I do._

They continued walking past the intersection to the main corridor.

"Ahh, there's a lot of evil in the world, Claudia, but we're gonna stop it," Shak patted her shoulder in a gesture of cameraderie. "You be's gonna make a cure. And I'm gonna kill everything else!" she proclaimed brightly.

"Is that so?" Claudia replied through gritted teeth.

_Well it's not like I couldn't make a cure if I wanted to. I just don't want to._

"Hmm..." Shak pointed to the open door in front of them. Claudia looked up from her shoes questioningly. "There is an important prerequisite which is not being met here."

The scientist's eyes followed her companion's outstretched finger. "Would that be the absence of a door..." she squinted, "...and all the BOW's?"

"Excellent deduction, my dear Watson," Shakahnna rubbed her chin thoughtfully. She charged off in the direction of the felled door, Claudia scurrying in tow. The cage was burst clean open, its bars twisted in a display of rage and brute force, eerily devoid of its former captive. The rest of the room played host to standard laboratory kit; a workbench, oil immersion microscope, array of notes and chemicals and a state of the art computer terminal.

_Hunters and cerebrus could be kept in a pen..but they wouldn't have cerebrus in a lab like this, they're too common, and the hunters are Wesker's...and Daniel didn't like them so..._

Her attention was caught by the perverse display of Shakahnna reading something. "It be'd a licker. A big one."

"Was," Claudia corrected, "It was a licker and now it's probably out killing lots of people," she smirked spitefully, "You are going to lose SO many points on your chart for this..."

Once again, before she had a chance to register, Claudia was being hauled out of the room, accompanied by an urgent cry of "Lets go! We have to find it!"

**It better not get to any of the fucking Umbrella workers before I do... Would a licker be eligible for the league table? And if it was, when I kill it do I get its points?**

Shakahnna marched towards the last remaining containment area and despite having longer legs Claudia found that she was being dragged in her stead. Apparently no one could hope to keep up with the redhead when the prospect of violence was on the agenda.


	16. Danger! Danger! High voltage!

_AN: Ah...after a minor break the Living Like A Disaster team have returned to bring you a new meaning to the word insanity. It's like bumsex but fun. Enjoy._

_Shak and Claudia_

_-_

"Ok, this is the last one," Claudia paused outside the door with her hand leaning against it. "So after this we have to start being seri..." Her words degenerated into a scream as the door flew open with a force so intense that it knocked her flying backwards as a bestial screech tore through the air and a pack of wirey, deformed, almost skeletal creatures poured out into the main corridor.

A large grin blossomed on the face of the older woman as the monstered swarmed en masse. They burst forth from the opening with such ferocity their movement blurred and it was close to impossible to guess their numbers. Ragged scalps blended in to each other, various cracks of the indiviuals not visable within the whole as a sea of metallic sythes thrashing wildly at the sight of this new prey.

"RESUUUUUUUULT!" came the jublient war cry from the law enforcement officer, a loud whoop which would have ordinarily earned her a disapproving glance from the auburn teenager was met with a silence which although frosty was not deliberately so. Shakahnna watched with the same fascination as a cat would bequeath a mouse. The gamine redhead was clearly allured with the prospect of brutality.

Meanwhile Doctor Graham had adorned a livid grimace at the situation she once again found herself in. It would be considerably easier for her to just hide behind one of the many other doors but at this point perhaps firing a few shots of her own weapon would make her look less conspicious, not to mention result in less time being wasted, painting the walls red as it were, in the absence of any kind of academic endeavour. So, raising her forearm upwards she prepared to fire.

Officer Taylor, however, was not quite so reserved and, instead of holding back and using the cannons attached to her hips, she withdrew instead the long metal tube from her belt. It was a unique piece of equipment that was far from standard issue, combining the raw power and easy of use of a baton with the fatal level of voltage given from any heavy duty tazer. The rounded end gleamed in the light, giving the illusion of some kind of magic wand as the redhead flicked her wrist once and leered at the beasts before them.

**STARS are the fucking bestest for letting me have this, it's a thing of beauty.**

Staring into the open ribcage with an almost raveneous lust to inflict pain on the genetic abombination, her fingers holding on to her baton with the loose and relaxed stance which indicated a high degree of professionalism, she accepted the invitation that it was obviously giving to her. Officer Taylor's elbow bent as she lunged towards the space between the spiked chest cavity, thrusting the tip of the baton diagonally forward before pressing the button on it's handle. A huge flash occured as the monster slammed backwards, taking two of its kin with it, all three slamming into the wall as the hulking form of Shakahnna glided over to them. Her right arm swept in a semi circular arc as the tip fluttered lightly over the second and third antagonists forms. The light was almost blinding, rivalled only by the howling death cries of all three creatures as their bodies writhed and contorted before finally resting still.

Not missing a beat, one of the larger Chimera capitalized on the fact the Captain was not facing it's direction. Twisting its huge bladed arm upwards, it aimed to decapitate the female before it. The sudden rush of air towards her neck caused the redhead to reflexively roll sideways. Her entire body traveling over her left arm but despite a flawless execution, she did not travel quickly enough to outmaneuver the slicing blade, the strike slashing the redheads skull and the cut finishing on her forehead. Sticky red blood began to ooze out, the mop of red hair clumping together along the area where the blow was landed. A trail of blood slowly made it's way down over her right eye as her head snapped over her shoulder, looking for the perpetrator of this act of violence against her.

Doctor Graham was firing blindly, the danger to her person kept to a minimum by the presense of Shakahnna gleefully immersed in the middle of the fray. Various limbs flew upwards as red fluid slapped against the walls and the floor. She had already used two full clips and was well into her third but, for her efforts, two of the monsters lay gurgling in a pool of their own blood while a third limped forward and clawed at the floor, clearly ready to expire. As she looked on, she watched the captain fell another two of the creatures. Another particularly large specimen began to run hunched towards the police officer. Clicking her heels together, her foot lifted upwards as her left knee bent and her roundhouse caused the top of it's head to become sliced off. The body stayed vertical for a few seconds. The bottom part of the head was still grinning upwards as the diagonal slice had still left it there before the small wings flapped and it toppled over to the ground, landing with a wet thud.

Spinning 180 degrees, the blade in Shakahnna's heel made light work of the crawling chimera. Crushing down, it wriggled beneath her boot as she twisted her ankle to the side and the movement ceased all the while weilding her baton as though it was on it's last legs. The pile of mounting bodies gathered, electricty being one of their greatest weaknesses as discovered while they fought with baby albanoids. The largest creature of the group, not content to lay down, reared up once again and this time found it's skull being piereced in four different places as Captain Taylor sunk to one knee and impaled its face with the blades of her cat claws.

A secondary blade slashed down her torso as another monster attempted to kill the Captain. Hunching her shoulders upwards, she raised her fists into a fighting stance; to Claudia's shock it almost looked as though the two were boxing. They exchanged blow for blow until the grey skinned hand of the Chimera reached out and clasped around the throat of the red haired officer, who had a morbidly pleased grin on her face. The reason became aparent as she withdrew one of the .45 calibre colts from its holster, forced it into the creatures mouth and pulled the trigger. She winked and followed it up with a shrug, figuring it would make sense to finish off her clip and the monsters. The last shots echoed and mingled with the cries of the creatures before dispersing into the atmosphere before all was silent again. Captain Shak returned the gun to its rightful place at her side, only looking away for a fraction of an instant, which was all it took.

A loud scream rang out from between the bloodied lips of the STARS captain as she found her form falling backwards, being brutally pressed towards the hard surface of the floor by a stray creature, its weight pinning her down and its sythe like arms drawing deadly close to her throat. Its will was strong as it was being driven into a frenzy by the scent of her blood. It howled and thrashed as the captain withdrew her second gun, even while sliding her claws into its gut, having dropped the tazer as she fell.

A loud bang denoted that she did not in fact need to unholster the weapon because there, standing above her, was Doctor Graham, weapon in hand, the creature's entire width slouched atop the redhead as she pulled herself up, affording Claudia a huge beaming smile as way of thanks.

"Phew," Shakahnna wiped her brow on her cuff, bending down to retrieve her tazer. Her once neat ponytail had come undone and her red locks were plastered to her face with a mixture of blood and sweat. Her well kept uniform was torn and shredded in various places on her body, the rips oozing viscous blood through the fabric. Yet in spite of all this, she still had a beaming grin on her face, white teeth flashing elatedly. "That was ACE!"

"Claudia disagrees." Her civilian counterpart was feeling slightly less ebullient about the whole fiasco. Although it could not be disputed that she had fared significantly better in the fray, the general disarray of her clothing which hid the unseen beginnings of bruises looked very much out of place on the prim young academic. Shak on the other hand seemed quite at home with her state of dishevelment. Her scars did not seem so prominent in light of the rest of her injuries; they were almost a compliment to her image now.

"Well," Claudia fumed, "What now?"

"If the virus is here, it's in there," Shak pointed to the last unchecked door, a small wooden door at the end, perpendicular to all the containment rooms.

"W...what?! How do you...and why didn't you SAY?" the scientist spluttered.

"Oh Umbrella labs all pretty much have the same layout these days. Every one we've been in for the past four, five years has had the same layout, ever since HCF went tits up. And don't be silly, if I'd told you, you'd have insisted that we go there, then it would have been harder for me to get you to do what I want. Which when you think about it, be's ridiculous considering you're just a civvie."

"You...you..." Claudia could not keep the hurt from her voice, "You could have got me killed! And you knew where it was all along?!"

"I would not have got you killed," Shak's tone was deadly serious. "I'm never careless..."

Claudia arched an eyebrow.

"...with other people's lives," the redhead finished.

The doctor shrugged churlishly, "Can we just get on with this?" she demanded pettily. There were no windows, but she suspected it would be nightfall by this point, and it had been a painfully long time since she had properly slept or eaten.

"Hmm..." Shak had already wandered off and was peering at the door inquisitively, "It doesn't have a key card."

"Are you sure? Daniel wouldn't...ahem I...that is...Umbrella security is generally tight..." Claudia coughed loudly and gave the door a nudge. It swung open freely.

The next room was barely more than an alcove, a square enclosure around six feet wide. Dr Graham could not help but smirk to herself as Shakahnna looked with faint dismay at the next entrance.

_This must be Daniel's office. And he would never have been stupid enough just to leave the door unlocked._

"Look! Keycard reader!" Shakahnna was already bringing out a handful of explosives, but she stopped with a contemplative air. For a moment her companion thought that she had decided to try a new and novel approach such as thinking before she acted, but she was sadly mistaken as the redhead held up her tazer stick and flashed her a grin. Before Claudia could say 'cretin', 400,000 volts of electricity was decimating the electronic lock. As smoke began to rise from the device, the small LCD screen began flashing "ERROR" in red letters.

The door did not open.

"Now look what you've done!" the doctor was practically beside herself, "How the hell are we going to get in now?"

Almost as if by reply, there was a low rumbling to the left hand side, as a previously hidden panel slid across to reveal a large stone tablet with four oval indentations and some ornate carvings. Below the first hole was an engraving of a winged horse, rearing up on its hind legs. Beside that was a carving of a large, ferocious looking dog which was lying in a cowed position, over which a bee was hovering, directly above its head. Underneath that was a beautifully rendered image of a crucifix, and a gargantuan man in ancient Grecian dress with a long beard who sat atop a cloud, a large bolt of lightning in his hand. In the centre of the four pictures was a tablet, on which was inscripted:

**_"Where Zeus dwelleth and the winged horse soars, Minerva will be the icon you seek."_**

There was a loud cackle from Claudia's side as Shakahnna practically doubled over with laughter. Between gasping and holding her sides she managed to choke out, "What a fucking poof!"

Claudia scowled and sank to a cross legged position on the floor, biting her lip with a vaguely puzzled air. Shak thrust one of her cat claws into an indentation, tiling her head to one side.

"Aw this is shit. I don't fucking want to fucking collect stuff. This is stoopid. Fucking find a key, fucking stick it up a dogs fucking arse. Why can't we just have a puzzle that involved fighting?" she grumbled. "I knew this guy once who had access to the coolest training facility ever. Like you had to kill all the monsters before you got into the next room. It was ace..."

"Sounds like something Umbrella would come up with," the scientist mumbled, only half listening.

"Well yeah, it was. Fucking bastards. Stupid fucking no keys for fucking locks. Now I've got to go fucking look for fucking stones, meh. Couldn't have fucking told me that before I'd fucking killed everything and this place was boring as shit."

_If you find those stones you're in for a nasty shock. Hee hee, Daniel's so clever. I remember once all those STARS members came in and collected all the stones...then got electrocuted when they put them in the slots. So what's the real solution behind all this...?_

"You stay put here while I go look," the STARS captain ordered, "There's a licker running about and considering that's their favourite toy, don't want you being about where it can get you." Without waiting for a reply Shakahnna was already disappearing out of the enclosure. "I think I seen one of those things in the spider room..."

As the young scientist was left alone with her thoughts, she could discern a booming voice droning out enthusiastically, "WE'RE ON A HEEEAAADDHUNT....durn dun dun dun..."


	17. Fuck you death, I'm still full of piss a...

_Yo yo yo._

_Shak and Claudia_

_So..._ Claudia leaned back against the wall and began to suck her thumb. It was a familiar and soothing habit that she had found would better facilitate her cognition. _The Zeus part is obvious, and the winged horse is clearly the pegasus...icon is most likely the crucifix...but what does Minerva have to do with a dog and a bee?_

_Why would he use a crucifix though? Daniel always said the only real religion was science, that all the other stuff was nonsense... Of course! How like him to throw in a meaningless decoy. The religious icon probably doesn't mean anything at all._

_Okay, so what about Zeus? Well he was the most powerful of the Gods...Minerva was the goddess of widsom...I think she was his daughter...anyway, Zeus must signify something really big...something important... Well the two biggest things here are the spiders...but Daniel hated spiders...and that missing Licker... So it's something to do with the Licker?_

_But it's too big to fit in a lock._

_Don't be such a cretin...the licker room, maybe?_

_I'm hungry._

_Shut up. Was there a remote terminal in there? There must have been. Oh! Well that makes the next part obvious. Pegasus was the name of the data entry program for the experiments...are they still using that? They must be on at least version 6 by now..._

_But that still leaves the dog and the bee? There were no cerebrus here...they stopped needing containment cells after I made that neural chip to control them...I couldn't work with them otherwise...god, I hate dogs..._

"NAE DANGER!" A booming voice from behind her told Claudia in the most unsettling way possible that Shakahnna had returned from her minor adventure. The doctor instinctively hunched into a ball as the redhead bounced up and down on the spot and cried excitedly, "Guess what I got, guess what I got?"

"Herpes?"

"As in the chocolate bar?" Shak enquired blithely before waving her hand, "Anyways. Six more points for the league table! Fuckers came out of hiding when they heard the explosion. Bet they're glad they did that. Ha, they thought UBCS was coming..." she shot Claudia a look that was filled with hope and anticipation, "Ohhhhh....I really hope UBCS comes." She turned away, having finished her speech. "Oh yeah," she added casually, throwing some stones down with a clatter, "And I founded these."

"It doesn't matter, we don't need them," Claudia stood up confidently, "I'm going to get us in by remote access." She held up one finger in an explanatory gesture, "If my calculations are correct, which they are, of course, then we can use the computer in the empty Licker room to deactivate the lock," she furrowed her brows slightly, "That is, if I can figure out what Minerva has to do with dogs and bees." The last sentence was tacked on as though it was the most logical statement in the world, but as Shak followed her out of the room the officer began making circular motions with her finger at the side of her head and mouthing "cukoo".

-

Having insisted on taking a detour into every room except the Licker room, in an attempt to locate the last stone of the puzzle, the duo were finally entering the last holding area. The last piece was proving, unlike the others, to be extremely elusive and despite Claudia's insistence that they didn't need it, Shakahnna was very difficult to dissuade once she had an idea into her head.

"Right, will you stand still, be quiet and not bother me?" Claudia settled down at the computer stool and rested her hands on the keyboard.

"Unlikely." Shak sauntered off in search of something vaguely fun to amuse herself with. She settled with creeping up behind the scientist, swiping a pen from her breast pocket and scribbling on the wall behind her.

Reading aloud to kindly allow her friend to share in her poetry she began, "There was an old man from Nantucket..."

"Right that's quite enough of that," Claudia snapped hastily as she entered Daniel Lancaster's ID number and password with a nervous expression. Her actions almost felt like a betrayal.

_But I'm sure he'll under...what the fuck is that?_

She whirled round after catching something disturbing out of the corner of her eye. Shak was thrusting a pair of test tubes in her face. She had drawn eyes on them and was making them 'talk'. Dr Graham was not amused.

"Can't you just...go play in traffic or something?" she snarled.

Shakahnna's inane grin did not waver. "That's not very nice," she pointed out, just in case the scientist was unaware of her own irritation.

"Okay, okay, I'll behave. This just happens when I'm bored. Especially during a mission. This is supposed to be the time when I'm enjoying myself. Once we get this sorted out, that's us done. I'm gonna have to go back and do all the paperwork for this crap. And even if we get the anti-virus, I'm not sure how far this'll go towards making it be not happening again. Suppose I just got to get as many of those guys as I can."

"I...I don't think...not all Umbrella workers are evil..." Claudia spoke up timidly.

"Of course they're all evil. Look at what they do for a living. Look at what they've done over the past hundred years. I want them fucking dead. I don't want my STARS having to deal with this any more. Although," she trailed off, "There was this kid once. Saved my life and a good twenty other STARS along with it. Well I got my throat slit anyway, but...that one was Umbrella. Suppose they'd get a quick death. Or maybe life imprisonment."

"They sound like an idiot to me," the scientist interjected in a low growl.

"Everyone sounds like an idiot to you. You might be a snob. That's ok, its cute when you be angry."

"I...uh...." Claudia spluttered for a few seconds. Normally her frosty glare and harsh tone was immediately met with at least mild discomfort from any one else. She was not sure how exactly to reply to the officer's comment. "We'll be here all day if you don't let me work on this," she ran a flustered hand through her hair and rested her elbow on the desk, the cursor darting about the screen as she guiltily raked through Lancaster's C drive.

"Pegasus...pegasus...pegasus..." she muttered under her breath distractedly. "Oh! Here it is!" her countenance brightened as she located the folder she had been searching for.

_So I've got this far, but what's the connection to Minerva?_

Running her finger lightly over the screen, she was dismayed to see that there were literally hundreds of files, in non-alphabetical order.

Wonderful. Daniel never changes...he never did keep his files in order. Things must have gotten in such a mess without me around. The first thing I'll do when I get my job back is sort everything out for him.

_Okay...let's see...hmm...what's this? Amber?_

She hovered the mouse pointer over the file for a few seconds, debating whether or not to open it.

"Hey, Clauds!" the doctor looked up sharply, turning slightly red. Shakahnna had a single pen line drawn on her upper lip and was posing comically. "What do you think? Does it suit me?"

"You...look very dashing?" she faltered, wincing to herself.

"Want one?"

"No."

_Add that to list of fears for the day. Shak giving me a tash. Ohhh...what's this?_

"Minerva!" Claudia exclaimed, pointing at an execute file near the bottom of the long list. She double clicked and an empty bar popped up, simply a blank screen with a space to type.

"Why do you think that guy earlier wasn't wearing any underwear. I mean there's swinging freely and then there's..."

"Do you mind? I'm trying to work here!" came the terse reply,

The redhead giggled, "Ha, you're as busy as a bee. Zzzzzz." she began to make buzzing noises, flicking the younger woman's pigtails.

_Busy as a bee?_ Claudia smiled fondly, _That's what Dr Lancaster used to always say..._

"Busy as a bee!" she banged her hand on the table, "That's it!" The scientist grinned broadly and repeated, "Busy as a bee..."

_So that's what it meant. The dog is the cerebrus and the bee is...me! You didn't forget me, you didn't!_

With the same happy smile on her face she entered her own Umbrella ID number into the box and hit the return key. The machine hummed and whirred for what seemed like an interminable time, before there was a loud beep from out in the corridor. "Ok, we're in."

The STARS captain rolled her eyes, "I'm sure. Tell you what, if the door's not open, I get to draw a moustache on you."

"And if it is?" the doctor smiled slyly.

"Hadn't thought about that," shrugged the broad-shouldered woman. "I'll let you deal with the next big monster."

"So essentially what you're saying is that this is a lose-lose situation for me?"

_Story of my life since I met you._

"Dunno, sounds like a pretty good deal to me. Let's go take a look-see anyway. Maybe that fourth fucking stone will be there."

-

"Well fuck me..." Shakahnna folder her arms across her chest, "It's open."

"No shit Sherlock," Claudia muttered as she made to push the door and paused. What if Daniel was there? Her stomach gave a lurch as she stood motionless, staring at the ornate wood in front of her.

The redhead reached across and moved forward, peeking her head round the door frame. She nodded to her companion once. "Nae danger." With Claudia hovering behind her, she opened the door fully. They could hear the sound of scuffling, as a figure in a lab coat crawled out from under a desk.

_Daniel?_ Claudia peeked hopefully over the captain's shoulder.

"Oh my god!" the worker rushed forward, and it became obvious that she was a woman. Her ash blonde hair and brown eyes belonged to an infititely forgettable face with little distinguishing features.

"Where's Dr Lancaster?" the bespectacled girl barked immediately, her tone automatically tranforming into the cold, demanding one she often used on her subordinates.

"I..." the woman faltered, but Shakahnna interjected.

"Hang on. Who are you?" she asked warily.

"I...Dr Smith..." she sniffed tearfully, "I was Dr Lancaster's assistant..."

Claudia's expression was positively murderous, "What do you mean 'was'?"

Shakahnna was equally unfriendly, "What do you mean 'assistant'?"

In her anxiety, the doctor stepped out from behind the police officer who was obscuring the woman's view of her.

"You?" Dr Smith's eyes narrowed in recognition and jealousy. "What are you doing with STARS?" she sneered, "Daniel would have been..."

"Shak she's Umbrella!" Claudia blurted out, pointing at the unfortunate woman. "You should kill her before she corrupts me. And spreads her evil seed. Ahem."

"But you're...!" Lancaster's assistant was cut short abruptly as, quick as lightning, Shakahnna had shot one clawed hand forward and drawn it forcefully across the woman's neck. There was a gurling sound as blood began to spurt from her severed jugular and she slipped quietly to the floor.

"Hmm..." the officer produced her little black book and poised a bloody claw over the paper, then reconsidered and produced the pen she had been using to torment Claudia with earlier. "You know," she contemplated as she etched in her 'points', "In hindsight I probably should have listened to what she had to say. She didn't seem to like you much."

**See, those zombies were lying. If people in Umbrella don't like her then she's as good as one of us.**

"It must have been cause she was...um...evil?" Dr Graham offered nervously, glancing at the corpse on the floor.

"Now you're starting to get the hang of things, Clauds," Shakahnna beamed and slapped her on the back affectionately. "They're not people you know, so it's ok. No one's gonna hate you for killing a zombie, so why is this any different."

_Maybe I should apply the same logic to Pierce. They're the enemy so it's alright._

The room was a spacious, old fashioned study, decorated in warm hues of red and brown with magohany furniture. To the side was a small clinical work area; it would have appeared that the owner of the room was reluctant to leave his beloved research even while in the comfort of his own personal quarters. As her sturdy shoes fell softly on the plush carpet, Claudia felt an overwhelming sensation of loneliness and confusion. The room bore the familiar smell of cigarettes, chemicals and something indescribably fatherly which Lancaster himself had always carried. It was a scent which had been lost over the five years she had spent away from Umbrella, and the sudden torrent of unbidden memories made her feel as though she was thirteen again. Even as she rebuked herself for her emotional weakness, she wished with all her heart that Daniel was there, that she could bury her face in his shirt and sob, that he would show up and say something kind and everything would be alright, and that his assistant hadn't said 'was'.

"You ok, kiddo?" Claudia looked up at the redhead with a start as she realised that she had been quietly sniffling.

"Uhuh. Course," she lied through her teeth and wiped her nose on her sleeve as she approached Daniel's desk with trepidation. "Mind if I take a look here?"

"No, that be's fine. If you find anything about locations of other bases, just give me a shout. Otherwise, I'm gonna see if I can be finding samples." Shakahnna began rooting about on the shelves.

"There's a base in Achma," the scientist spoke up listlessly, remembering Wesker's orders to lure Captain Taylor there, although that was a secondary directive to finding the virus.

"Excellent. That be's swell, maybe they'll let us go there tonight. Although I'm guessing not, the team must be quite tired. I'll radio when we get out the lab."

"You never know," Claudia replied vacantly as she began pulling out files, "We might get there tonight..."

"I hope so!" Shak piped up enthusiastically, "I've still got plenty of ammo. Maybe I can be caughting me a Lancaster."

The doctor bit her lip to avoid saying anything which might blow her tentative cover. She wanted to scream out "DON'T YOU HURT HIM!" but bent her head over the desk instead as she sorted through the mess on his desk. She had a half-baked idea that she might tidy it up for him as a surprise, when she happened across an old dictaphone, complete with headphones. She slipped them over her ears and pressed the PLAY button.

_"We've lost another batch of the virus infused Haplopelma's. It really is most unfortunate that we haven't as of yet found anyone to replace her. I would still take her back if my orders were not so explicit. She called every day for the longest time, asking if she could come home. I think it might have been a bit easier had they at least allowed me to deal with the situation. By the time I knew what was going on, she'd already left. This was not my choice, nor even a decision I supported. Anyway, I digress. Again. I really have no wish to disband the project on the arachnids, but at the rate we're going through both test subjects and handlers it seems that it will not be economically viable to continue if we do not find someone competent. Even though there is someone competent and clearly not happy in their current line of work. Isn't that right, Doctor..."_

The recording began to crackle as the dated machine started chewing up the remaining tape. With tears streaming down her cheeks, Claudia set the dictaphone back in the drawer and put her head in her hands.

"This doesn't be working!"

Claudia looked round and was dismayed to find the room in utter disarray. Pictures were smashed, chemicals were spilled, tables were upturned and Shakahnna was standing in the middle of it all standing in front of a safe on the wall with her feet shoulder-width apart, her knees slightly bend. Before the doctor could say anything, the redhead had swivelled her body and planted a thunderous kick square in the middle of the metal door.

"Whoops," Shak bent over and put her ear to the door, "Fuck. Um, Clauds, it's ticking. This didn't happen last time..."

"Bloody hell!" Dr Graham was on her feet in an instant, "What did you do that for?" her eyes darted nervously to the wall, where an LCD timer was counting down from 120 seconds. She rushed to Shak's side and picked up a piece of paper which had fallen loose after the captain's onslaught. Her face fell as she began to read aloud four algebraic puzzles which would certainly test her mathematical skills to the limit.

_Dear god, this is how to find the combination. Even Dr Wesker would have trouble with these..._

With a niggling doubt in the back of her head as to why the safe would have been inaccessible even to her current boss, she ran to the desk and snatched up pen and paper, scribbling furiously. Ordinarily when faced with problems such as these, she would have prefered a leisure of more than two minutes to solve them, but the countdown which taunted her from the wall spurred on her urgency to a frenzy.

For once, Shak had the good sense not to make 'helpful' comments, choosing instead to stare at the numbers in front of her.

"Twelve!" came the shout from the desk, as thirty seconds later the first equation was solved. Claudia could only pray that it was correct, being unable to afford the time to verify her answer. The redhead turned the old fashioned dial immediately and waited for the next number.

"Forty-four!" A slightly shorter pause this time as the scientist got warmed up to her task and Shakahnna entered the second digit.

"Eighty-six!" By now the timer was down to twenty seconds as Claudia's hand scrawled erratically over the paper.

_We're not going to make it! Oh shit!_

**We're not going to make it. Oh well.**

**Win some, lose some.**

**I don't want Pierce to die. I don't want the STARS to die. I don't want Clauds to die. Ahh so THAT is the downside of explosives....**

Seven seconds remaining and Claudia was still far short of an answer. Her brain working as fast as she possibly could, she muttered something under her breath and continued writing. There was a tense pause as the numbers ebbed down.

**I hope the kid gets out ok. I should absorb most of the blast. Ha, your cleaning bill's gonna be pish this month, Umbrella.**

As the counter read '003' there was a cross between a gasp and a choke from the desk as the teenager practically screamed out, "Seventy six!"

With less than a second to spare, the dial was turned into place, the counter frozen at '001' as the ticking stopped. There was an interminable pause, both sets of eyes fixed on the safe door, then a creak as it swung open. Simultaneously they both exhaled a sigh of relief, staring at it with their hearts pounding.

Shakahnna was the first to break the silence with an exuberant whoop, which was soon joined by Claudia with an incredulous shout of "I'm so smart!"

With a mock bow and flourish, Shak gave her a mock bow and drawled, "Miss Graham, would you care to do the honours?"

The younger girl smirked happily and approached the safe excitedly, removing a portable test tube holder with various vials inside. "Oh my goodness!" she bubbled ecstatically, "This is it! Everything's here, the virus, the anti-virus, Dan...uh Dr Lancaster's life's work!" She gave the samples a light hug before opening her backpack. Producing a spare grey jumper, she wrapped them up gingerly and set them inside her bag.


	18. Nice Girls Don't Use Tongue

_AN: This the season etc. And like Santa Claus and his big sack, we have something which will have you pissing in indignance on the presents under the tree, because they pale in comparison..._

_An update! _

_Shak and Claudia_

* * *

Claudia made to speak, but Shakahnna held up one warning hand. "But...but..." she faltered mournfully, thinking that the police officer was about to threaten her with cuffs. Again. "I didn't do anything..." 

"I heard something out there," the redhead said, still half listening, "Means it be's either Umbrella workers, or that monster. Either way, you stay here and lock the door behind me."

"Are you sure?" Claudia could not deny that spending a little more time in Lancaster's office, albeit in it's new decor, courtesy of Officer Taylor, was appealing. But at the same time she was not overtly keen on the idea of Shakahnna going out and getting herself slaughtered. "I don't want you getting killed."

"Course I won't get killed," Shak threw her a wink over her shoulder as she exited the room, "I'm the heroine."

As Claudia slid the latch over the door, she listened for the captain's trademark tuneless singing, but heard none, only slow footsteps. She walked to the desk and sat down with the intention of going through more files, but found that the only thing she had the heart to do was sit and stare at the wall in front of her blankly, imagining that her former mentor would walk in at any moment.

Minutes passed and she began to scuff her feet against the carpet, swinging her legs idly and looking about her, trying to take in every detail of the room before Shak returned, no doubt with some trophy limbs or some such nonsense.

There was an urgent banging from outside which made her almost fall off her chair. Regaining her balance she ran to the door and called out tentatively, "That you, Shak?"

The response was a more prolonged knocking and she hurried to release the lock. "It's ok, I'm just letting you in now..." she called with concern in her voice.

The second the simple mechanism was disengaged there was a huge impact against the door and her light frame was thrown backwards as an enormous tongue shot forward, lashing out blindly. It was quickly followed by a grotesquely humanoid head, the skullcap of which was missing to reveal a discoloured, throbbing brain. The sight of the saliva dripping from its blood stained jaws, and the carnal hunger in its almost reptilian movements was more than enough to make Claudia gag with fear. The quiet tick of its claws upon the floor made her stifle a scream as she stayed as still as a mouse, hoping not to rile it. She began to inch backwards tentatively until she was half curled, half cowering against the wall. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and decided to risk trying her best chance at survival.

"SHAAAAAAAAK!" the words came out as a desperate, almost incoherent scream. At the sudden noise, the Licker dashed forward, rearing up on its hind legs to swipe at its noisy prey with bloodied claws. Rolling awkwardly to the side, one protective arm about her samples, she pushed her bag behind her and pulled out her gun with trembling fingers. Closing her eyes and firing at point blank, she emptied her clip into the monster's chest, the close proximity ensuring that only one stray shot went wide. The bullets, fired in quick, frantic sucession, were enough to knock it back fractionally.

The respite afforded to the young Doctor was exceptionally fleeting and within a mere second the horse-sized beast was already advancing once again. Despite its huge size it was still clearly the same monster which had roamed the RPD, its pointed teeth being lubricated by a trail of clear saliva which dripped from its mouth and splashed into tiny rivulets on the floor. It rasped the whole while, sensing weaker pray it took its time, creeping slowly forward, each step weighted out and malciously calculated. Then in a burst of speed it ran directly for the young woman, sharpened claws rapping against the floor in excited bursts. The skinless creature's head impacted with Claudia's torso and sent her sprawling backwards, landing heavily despite her light weight.

This monster had no eyes but the sensation of being watching was all too familiar; this was no place for the scientist and she felt paralyzed with fear in the face of such a gargauntuan foe. It was gearing up to charge at her, as its slinky movements indicated, and its dashing charge would surely crush her beneath its weight. She could feel the floor vibrating underneath it's collosal mass, its mere presense buckling the surface which held them both.

It was at this point that the OCRC Captain forced her eyes shut; she would be damned if she would watch that thing as it made it's final move. This course of action resulted in Doctor Claudia Graham missing a specticle that would very much change events to her favour.

The tremors in the ground were caused not by the licker but by the pounding foot steps of the STARS captain. She was rushing back to the room from where the screams had resonated, her heavy boots thundering against the floor as Ms Taylor gritted her teeth. Even her emerald green eyes widened at the sight of Umbrella's very special project; it truly was everything that Shakahnna hated. It took her seconds to adjust and in that time she realized distracting it would not save Claudia's life; her charge would be dead. So she undertook the only sensible form of action: continuing to sprint, she charged and vaulted atop the creature's back, wrapping her thick biceps around it's neck.

"YEEEEEEEEHAW!!!" The warcry certainly belied the situation, although the picture was akin to some crazy kind of rodeo. It was the sort one might see while on an acid trip.

If one had purchased said acid from Satan himself.

"Not so fucking tough now are you, you fucking pussy!" rasping in it's ear, the muscular woman tightened the arm bar that laced around the animal's neck, causing it to rear backwards and buck in a desperate attempt to remove the dead weight from its back. But Officer Taylor was fueled by anger and would not be removed. The licker, unlike the zombies, was not a mindless drone, however, and, with an almost sly look on its twisted visage, it lashed out with it's razor sharp tongue, wrapping it around the womans bulging muscles, trying to remove the pressure from it's wind pipe. All that came loose, however, was a bloodied chunk of skin as the redhead bit down on her tongue to hold in her cries of both pleasure and pain.

"AH! That fucking hurts!" Came the booming sounds of hurt from the redhead as the creature's tongue retracted into its mouth, taking the armband of Shakahnna's flesh with it. It ingested the meat and sent the pink lance backwards, this time determined to take Taylor's head from her body. Instead of meeting soft skin, however, it was rewarded for its efforts by finding that its tongue had been impaled on the redheads metallic blades. It reared backwards trying to pull away which only worsened its own situation. Holes began to appear in the leathery tissue, until there was a tear and it came loose in the redhead's hand. Holding it with a almost reverant fist, there was a a sloppy wet sound as the now free blades began to work into the creatures neck, her scarred face clenched up in determination, teeth gritted and eyes surprsingly focused.

The beast howled, through it's triangular teeth; the noise was low and rasping. Bucking forward, the young officer found that despite her knuckles holding on so tightly they had turned ashen, it was just not strong enough to stop her from being removed and impacting into the floor, her rodeo experience ending as her face slammed into the heated floor surface.

Using the tongue she was still grasping, she struck it smartly on the forehead, cutting through its brain. White and red fluid trailed down over the cerebral mass where its eyes should have been.

"So how do you be's liking it, BITCH!!!!" Shakahnna growled out, obviously agitated. Jumping forward, her foot crashed into the gaping maw and impacted with hard enamel surface, a sharp and brittle crack ensuing, several teeth having been knocked out or decimated. A new trail of red joined that already drizzling to the floor from the partially severed throat.

However, as a smug look spread across her face, the officer failed to notice the hooked claw that smashed into her ribs, swatting her aside as though her two hundred and twenty pound frame was no heavier than that of a child. Sensing a moment of oppertunity, the hulking bioweapon scuttled forward, the excited clicking of its claws rebervating throughout the room. Its jaw clamped shut on the redhead's hip causing several puncture wounds and more than a small protest from the recipient. The only factor which saved Taylor from being immobilized was the several gaps in the weakened jaw.

In an instant the balance shifted and a crushing weight was atop the Captain. Pinned below the entire form that she had barely seen move, blood loss caused a fog to form in her head, making concentration difficult. It was suffocatingly close, the stench of its body,an experience which was nausating by itself but heightened by the pressure pushing her the floor. There was a real chance the huge weight might crush her bones.

Wriggling and twisting with a litheness that had been learned in an entirely different playground, the Desert Eagle was unholstered and placed to the remaining connective tissue that held the head to the body. She tensed as three shots impacted, silver bullets burying into rotten pink muscle fibres and lessening the creatures ability to hold the mass upright, rearing upwards in what could be considered to be an admission of pain. The licker now looked like a puppet with broken strings, disjointed and jerky.

With renewed vigor, Shakahnna rolled out of the way keeping her limps tight together, avoiding all the sloppy and clumsy shots as her advesary left its soft underbelly exposed, a fact which had to be capitalized on. So she discharged the remaing bullets from the chambers and into the creatures tender torso. It was indulgently satisfying and a delightful glow that spread all through the young woman's body as five rounds tore apart the underside of the once massive creature. Reloading the eagle, it was placed back into it's sheath and replaced by the twin colts.

As Taylor got to her feet and walked backwards, she fired two shot at a time into the creature's suddenly diminished form. Trails of red made various patterns on the floor, the blood resulting in an awful slaughterhouse stench as the guns clicked empty.

The creature had already uttered its death cry.

As a last gesture of defiance, five silver claws twisted in the exposed brain, the hardened surface cracking beneath the young womans last movement as the final blow was delivered. The head dropped to the floor, thudding once before landing still while the body collapsed and let loose an involuntary shiver.

"And that, as they say, was the end of that."

Red faced, battered and grinning, Shakahnna tossed the severed tongue to one side. Blood was spurting in a crimson torrent from her upper arm, the wound so severe that it managed to be prominent among all her other injuries and distinguishing marks.

With her face creased in pain, Claudia made to pull herself to her feet, using the wall as a support. The impact had knocked her almost to the other side of the room, and as she looked down queasily she noticed that, although the fabric on the front of her dress was intact, the throbbing ache of the skin underneath, and the constriction on her breathing told her that at best she had escaped with heavy bruising, though broken ribs were a real possibility. Her legs buckling, she sank to the ground again and coughed tentatively, before bursting into tears.

With her customary agility, Shak leapt over the Licker's mauled corpse and was at her side in an instant. "Are you ok?"

"NO!" the young scientist practically screamed at her, the word almost lost in her sobs.

The redhead felt a surge of guilt and affection, an overwhelming sense of protectiveness. "I won't leave your side again," she told her solemnly.

Claudia sniffled and nodded, clutching her bag of samples as though it was a security blanket. She gestured sheepishly to her discarded handgun, "I...um...tried to shoot it," she smiled through her tears, "I think it would have been a damn close fight."

"You be'd doing good," Shak said consolingly, "How many people could say they went up against one of those fucking bastards that's twice as big as a horse, and survived?"

"I'm lucky," the bespectacled girl replied bitterly.

"Well," the policewoman offered, "That may be being the case, but it doesn't change the fact that you shouldn't be being here."

"I'm scared," her friend stated simply.

"It's ok. When we find whoever put you here, we'll go murder them."

But I don't think I want you murdered any more.

"It's ok for you, though. You're good at this stuff," Claudia reflected on her own martial shortcomings.

"Yeah, but I also be thick as shit!" laughed Shakahnna, before trailing off. "Or is that happy as a pig in shit?" she shrugged, "Anyway, if it'll make you feel better I can be telling you a wee secret." The redhead felt that she would have justification for telling the scientist this, considering what they had just gone through. Pierce might give her a row for telling a civvie, she reasoned, but she could just pull rank. He got all cute and mad when she did that. "I...em...may....since an incident five years ago I...em...the pressure resulted in me...kind of acquiring schizophrenia," She said in an oddly lucid moment.

"Oh," Claudia replied flatly, lacking the energy and spirit to try and pretend that this was a surprise to her. "Well it certainly explains a lot of how you act."

"Oh no," the STARS captain waved her hand, "I've always been like that. It's only a disorder, it doesn't change my personality. It just means that a lot less of the monsters I'm fighting these days are real. I can pretty much control it with my drugs, so its not a big issue. It's not something that's common knowledge these days. It's not even on my records."

"Uh, doesn't that mean you shouldn't be a cop?" Clauds pointed out nervously.

"Well there are some extremist factions in society who believe that if you have a mental illness you shouldn't be a cop and be given a gun. But I threatened to sue and I know a lot of their dirty secrets." Shakahnna seemed distinctly smug. "My drugs are in that bag you've got. I'm not as good at this job as you might think. If I was then all that stupid stuff wouldn't have gotted to me. And I don't think it did. But it must have. That doesn't change the fact that you shouldn't be here. I shouldn't have let you come with me, but I need someone to do whatever you do with those sample things that doesn't involve drinking it."

Claudia winced, "Well I can think of better ways to spend a Friday night," she muttered. "Like getting crucified."

"You too?" came the entirely serious rejoinder. "So it's your turn. 'Fess up."

"What?" the doctor's stomach churned involuntarily, "I don't believe I agreed to that stipulation."

"Oh come on. You must have a secret," Shak said playfully. "You like taking it up the arse or something?"

"I work for Umbrella," Claudia said in a monotone.

The redhead erupted into fits of guffaws, throwing her head back and roaring with laughter. "You're priceless, Clauds."

"Yes," the flat tone remained in her voice, "I'm a comedienne."

"It would be quite funny if you did. Well, it wouldn't be funny for you cause I'd have to gut you," she cocked her head to one side, "It's not like its not something I've threatened before." The brawny officer rose to her feet, "Anyway, now we've got the samples we can get heading. I'm sure it'll delight you no end to hear that there probably won't be any monsters left," she made a face, but the expression on her face was utterly surpassed by Claudia's look of complete horror. Her wide eyes were drawn to Shakahnna's arm, which was dripping blood all down her side, and all over the floor.

"We're not bloody going anywhere with you in that state," the doctor admonished.

Shak looked down and shrugged. "It's not like I've shat myself or anything." She winced briefly, "Come to think of it, that's really hurting."

"And here was me thinking you were too stupid to feel pain," Claudia muttered as she involuntarily reached for her med kit and began stiffly pulling out bandages. "You need to keep putting pressure on that wound and elevate it." she smiled, remembering her childhood first aid classes "My little friend Pepe..." Her demeanour grew serious again, "I need to give you a shot of the anti-virus. Just to be on the safe side..." she bandaged up Shakahnna's arm tightly, with a prescision that almost bordered on artistic.

""Who's Pepe?"

"Pepe?" Claudia looked at Shakahnna as though she had just asked the answer to two plus two, "It stands for position, examine, press and elevate. Don't you know anything?" she frowned, but it was slightly more good natured than before.

"I think if I ever memorize what pepe means, my days here be very much numbered," Shakahnna insisted on talking while she was being patched up.

"That should hold you for a while," Claudia said, pulling out one of the vials from the test tube holder. She looked at it ruefully. Using it would mean that she only had one remaining sample of the antivirus left. "Right, I'm going to prime a syringe with this."

Working deftly, she rummaged through the medical supplies bay and procured a hypodermic, transferring the contents of the test tube into a syringe. Holding it up critically, she squeezed it and flicked the needle with her fingernail, ensuring that the liquid was flowing correctly. Kneeling down next to Shakahnna, she slid the point into the crook of her other arm, monitoring the fluid as it slipped into the STARS captain's blood. Retracting the needle and tossing it aside, she smiled at her.

"There you go. Good as new. Except, quite possibly, the fact that there is a chunk missing from your arm..." she coughed, "...but you know what I mean."

Shakahnna tilted her head and nodded once. "Thanks" She attempted to give a small smile along with it. She was extremely grateful for the bandage but her arm hurt like hell and being as to the location of the wound, it would be difficult to fight as accurately with her bladed gloves now. Still, it was only one arm, and she'd fought in more extreme circumstances. It didn't matter too much as they would be returning to base shortly at any rate.

Claudia opened her mouth to say something, but was distracted by a low bleeping from the radio in her pocket which signified that someone was trying to get in touch with her. Given that most of her team mates were dead and Herrison had no radio, and even if he had possessed one, would more than likely have been unable to work out how to use it, odds were on that it was Wesker. "Hold on a sec," she instructed, limping to the far side of the room, more or less out of earshot, before picking it up. Shak meanwhile clamped one hand over her arm and screwed her face up.

**That really fucking hurts...** she looked contemplatively at her sleeve, which was hanging down at her wrist. **Oh well, at least I'm not naked.**

* * *

"Sir?" Claudia made an educated guess as to the identity of her caller. 

"What is your current location and what do you have to report?" the demand was brusque, the tone constrained as ever but with an underlying severity that made her crease her brows. The events up to now had been troubling her in the back of her mind. Why would Wesker have her break into Daniel's labs? And why would his security be tight to the point of paranoia? This niggling doubt, coupled with Shakahnna's earlier kindness brought on a decision that she would not normally have considered.

"I...uh...I'm in the fifth floor labs...in Daniel's office..." she swallowed hard, "But there's nothing here except notes." If Lancaster was alright, she resolved, then she would make sure that she gave the samples to only him.

"Have you collected all information pertaining to the synthesis of the virus?"

"Virus? Well...I...I suppose so..." she faltered, "I've got the formula memorised." It was a lie, but one she could very easily rectify, with the information that came with the samples. "I had to destroy the original manuscript because of...well...that is...I'm still with Shak...uh...Captain Taylor..." she lowered her voice to a tiny whisper, "I...I've changed my mind. I don't want her dead any more. Don't be mad. Please."

"How could I possibly refuse the request of the new head of the Achma base?" he replied smoothly, the insincerity as natural to him as drawing breath. "But I'm afraid I must depart. I have urgent business to attend to."

_**Like this.**_

The only reply was a muffled squeak from Claudia, who found her spirits instantly lifted. "Over and out, sir!" she said happily as the radio went dead, more than likely from disgust on Wesker's part.

"Hey, Shak?" she called out in good spirits, "I got my orders from...OCRC..." she grinned, "Everything's going to be fine."

_Slow down, Claudia. She's still STARS, you know._

"Right then," the redhead groaned, "Time to go back to the desk. I be's hating it when the field stuff's finished, gotta go write reports on all the people I killed."

"Well when your default greeting is to disembowel someone, you..." she began.

"I already told you," Shak admonished, "They're not people."

"The laws of human biology disagree," Claudia wagged her finger as they began to saunter back into the main chamber. Shak was clearly in no rush, having completed her mission.

"You aren't a person if you don't be having a soul."

"That's unscientific." The doctor frowned and paused, suddenly serious. "Hey Shak," she said in a small voice, "I want you to know that, no matter what happens from now on, I really appreciate what you did back there. These samples are more than my life is worth."

"Fuck off," the redhead waved her hand nonchalantly, "'Sides, they're more than my life's worth too. They're going to stop people from getting sick."

_Well, that might not be strictly true. Oh dear. Well at least I don't have to get her killed anymore._

"Hmmm..." she replied noncommitally, but Shakahnna had already bounded off in the direction of a lone headless corpse.

The body was that of a male police officer, and the head was nowhere in sight.


	19. Star Crossed Lovers Reunited

_AN: Listen up, you heatens. While you are all clearly the spawn of Satan himself, and are surely to be condemned to the deepist pits of Hell's firey bosom for your tainted and dirty protestant souls, God has been merciful and bountiful and has granted you a fraction of compassion and a slice of Jesusy goodness. FORSOOTH! The next chapter of Living Like A Disaster is nigh! Let the herald angels proclaim this wonderous event. Better than prayer, better than penance...this is your direct link to God._

_St Shak andFather Claudia_

* * *

"Aw Christ!" Claudia groaned.

"Um...I don't like this," the redhead screwed her face up in worry; "We should hurry up a bit. I can always come back and check this out later, but we should get you and this stuff to safety before anything else."

**Then I can get the little bitch that did this, and castrate them. And thus more time away from doing the boring stuff.**

"I concur," the doctor nodded hastily, not particularly enamored with the prospect of a game of hunt the monster.

They had reached the corridor which would lead them to the elevator, approaching the first bend. Claudia was staring at her shoes as usual, but Shakahnna's alert green eyes were constantly scanning the shadows.

She stopped abruptly in her tracks as the slow, powerful echo of footsteps could be discerned.

-

From the dark edges of the corridor a solo figure emerged, a form which was infinitely confident. They heavy fall of boots upon the clinical, blood staining flooring was a noise which Shakahnna recognized immediately. She did not need to wait until she could see the clear outline of a face before the sense of Deja Vu came flooding over her. Her heart tightened in her chest, her breathing constrained by the force of her own realization. It wasn't an unusual occurrence, because she often seen him in the shadows, in the faces of strangers, a leer which was burned onto her retinas, but this seemed more lucid. Her pupils began to dilate, and the unfamiliar sensation of clammy palms became apparent, even as beads of sweat collected on her brow. She sometimes felt like this, late at night when she was on her own and there was no trustworthy officer by her side to allay her paranoia.

It had never been like that before, not until she felt her life drain on the floor all those years ago.

"Shak," Claudia whined urgently, having failed to notice the presence of a third entity in the corridor, "Come on, I want to go home and by home I mean my own labs." She looked up and tugged on the STARS captain's sleeve, before following her stricken gaze to the far end of the corridor where the lone adversary stood.

_Gee whiz, you'd think she'd never seen a zombie before._

"Come on Shak, you can take him. It's only one guy."

But for the first time since coming to St Appollonia's Shakahnna Taylor was one hundred percent sure she would need her Desert Eagle, not even sure if her blades would scrape the skin of this gargantuan foe.

As though waking from a dream, the elder member of the duo made a grab for Claudia. "You," she said in a flat, urgent tone, "Get out of here. Go back to the STARS, tell them to evacuate. Get everyone out. You shouldn't have much problems but you have to leave. Right now." She stared into the girl's eyes, trying to make her understand that this was the one time she had to follow orders, should she never do it again. "I mean it, doctor, get out of here!"

As the figure approached with all the mocking grace of a tiger, Claudia began to back away, not because of the imminent danger which this creature held, but because of the Captain's reaction. She pulled her backpack from her shoulders and hugged it protectively as she looked up briefly and mumbled, "Sir."

Ignoring his operative, the impossibly tall BOW stalked up slowly to the redhead and purred with malice, "Long time, no see..."

**Well your dad's brown...no.**

**Haha! NO.**

**I am Shak, slayer of evil and I will vanquish thee.**

**Shut up.**

Shakahnna desperately tried to think of a witty comeback, to shoot back some kind of remark that would be cutting or show that she was not scared. She wanted desperately to say something to wipe that look of perfect smugness from his face, but settled for simply ignoring him. She had to buy time, distract him and get Claudia to alert everyone else. Having someone else to fight for made it so much easier for her to exhibit the bravery which she normally felt.

"Claudia" Shakahnna hissed, keeping herself as a human shield, making sure her broad shoulders were covering the petite frame of her scientist colleague. "This does not be being the time. You need to get to my men, they need to be safe. You need to be safe, you need to go. I'll be right behind you, I promise." It was not the most poignant speech that had graced her lips but she had to get the younger girl out. She flicked her wrist behind her with the smallest amount of force behind it; something to jolt the doctor into action. They were not too far away from the elevator. It was close quarters and all the advantages were currently with him. The memory of their last battle was still as fresh as the scars which littered her throat.

His pace had not quickened in the least. There was something primal to the steps, a beast dressed in human skin masquerading as though he was one of them and the fact they were backing away slowly did not seem to phase him in the least. The police officer's constant attempts to remove the lady from OCRC did not seem of any consequence to him. The redhead's shoulder rolled backwards and her chest puffed out in a show of pride. It had been many years since their last meeting and she would be damned if he would just show up again and expect her to be cowed into submission. An arrogant self assurance and a righteous indignation flared red in Shakahnna's mind.

**How dare he be here! How dare he show up now! **

She bit down on her tongue to keep her screams of rage from echoing in the corridor. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

**I won't enjoy it. Not from you.**

"There's no point in fighting, Shak," Claudia hissed urgently. There were few things she hated more than confrontation, and it was looking less likely by the minute that Wesker's intentions here were benign. "You have to come with me. And not fight."

The figure's focus shifted, imperceptibly from the STARS captain to Claudia. It was the slightest of movements, barely detectable, but Shakahnna could feel his eyes momentarily no longer upon her.

"I'll deal with you later," he stated simply. There was no discernible malice in his tone, but the meaning behind his words made Claudia's eyes widen in shock and confusion.

_Did I do something wrong? Why did he say that? Do they know each other? What the HELL is going on?_

His attention reverted to the red haired woman, "I believe, Miss Taylor," he uttered, his tone dripping with calm sophistication, as he focused on her with an unnerving intensity, "I believe you and I have some unfinished business." She bit back a retort, remembering what had happened the last time she had caused him vexation.

She shook her head, "No. I be'd finished with you a long time ago. You have no right to be here." Her voice held a resolute steadiness which still belied her inward panic.

He seemed to ignore her, his gaze still fixed on the doctor, eyeing the terrified scientist coolly, "Just as a matter of curiosity, do you think Dr Graham here can last as long as you did?" Claudia blanched, biting down on her lip. She glanced at Shakahnna's claws, her eyes widening a little as she moved back away from her own boss as well as the STARS officer. Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, all of a sudden it did not seem that being with the redhead was such a good idea, especially not if Wesker was planning on blowing her cover.

"Wesker, she's just a civvie. That's all!" resisting the urge to look at her and detract her attention from the man, as the slowly inched away.

"Are you sure?" came the chiding reply, "You always had a knack for choosing your associates badly."

**And aren't you just proof of that,** she reflected, as she addressed Dr Graham, her tone harsher than she would have intended, brusqueness brought on by fear, "I won't ask you again. Go!" she commanded.

"I..." Claudia looked at Wesker, "I can't."

To Shakahnna the reality of her own weakness was painfully apparent, but the OCRC leader obviously could not see this. She sighed, exasperated. It would have been so easy to transfer her anger from Wesker to Claudia, but she was not prepared to take it out on someone who was innocent, "I can't fight and protect you at the same time," she hissed, shoving Claudia around the corner.

Stumbling backwards as she fell to the floor, her only thought was to ensure the safety of her samples. She landed on her back with a painful thud, jarring both her elbows on the hard floor. Even as she squeaked in pain, she let out a relieved sigh as she cradled the bag to her chest protectively. Crouching in at the wall, she peered curiously round the corner.

"There's been so many other missions," she said in a low growl, fighting to keep the rage from her words, "Is it this just because I made Captain at last? I know how much you love irony."

He smirked, "Such anger..." his tone was lightly mocking, "In my absence it appears you have developed an over inflated sense of self importance. Perhaps we should rectify that, don't you think?"

Shakahnna needed no further encouragement to raise her gun and open fire, desperately. The last time her 9 mm had been of no avail, but no human could sustain a hit from a Desert Eagle and hope to avoid incapacitation. Claudia buried her face in her hands at the sound of the gunfire.

Despite her shaking hands, she managed to drive three bullets home, as she emptied her clip, the final shot barely grazing his forearm. As the smoke cleared in front of her vision, even as she had begun to reload frantically, the stoic black figure remained upright.

"Fuck..." she cursed in trepidation, a cold burning realization flooding her chest, constricting her breathing. She felt a light tug on her trouser leg. Claudia was looking up at her fearfully, shaking her head mutely.

Wesker raised his eyebrows slightly, a chidingly superior expression on his face. He had not taken terribly kindly to Shakahnna's affront. His lips twisted upwards slowly, an expression of sardonic malice gracing his features.

There was a sickening blur of movement, a flash so rapid that she barely had time to react. And all at once Wesker was no longer at the other end of the corridor. He was standing directly in front of her. Officer Taylor jumped backwards, aghast, a cry escaping from her lips as she propelled herself into the air, hands flailing. She landed solidly on her right heel, a shot of pain driving up her leg as she regained her balance.

"What the fuck?!" Her green eyes were a perfect circle of horror.

Reaching out with a tapered finger, his face a mask of wry amusement, Wesker lightly stroked her face, running his touch down possessively to the scar on her throat. This action of twisted tenderness terrified Shakahnna more than any physical blow. She thought there was a genuine possibility that fear might lead her to loose control of her bladder. Monsters did not scare her, dying did not scare her, but the idea of someone else having to watch the sickening display that was about to occur, and possibly even fall prey to it was the only thing to cause her any real horror.

The gentleness of his touch made Shakahnna realized that he obviously had something much worse planned, if he could afford to be so blaze in his actions of cruel affection. The scar on her cheek stood out violet against her crimson face, as she shook with righteous indignation, her aversion to this creature absolute. Despite everything she had experienced, every horrific situation she had been placed in, Wesker was the only thing she could name that made her wish she had never joined S.T.A.R.S. She stole a glance at Claudia and was puzzled to find her looking up in confusion and hurt, in direct contrast to the taken aback expression on the older woman's face. Wesker's superhuman properties did not seem to faze her any more than anything else which had transpired; there was no surprise in her eyes, merely a childish anxiety.

_Has Wesker betrayed me?_

His thin, pale lips curled into a malformed gash of a smirk as he purred, "If I cut off your arms and legs, you'd still want me..." With the grace of a tiger leaning in on its prey, he brushed an errant strand of hair from her face.

Shakahnna jumped back, as though she had been burnt by a hot poker. "False," she spluttered, her face draining of all colour to a sickening shade of ashen grey. There was no reply, only a fluid blur of movement as he shot his hand out calmly, gripping her tightly with the flat of his hand pressed against her clavicle, digging his thumb into the jagged purple gash on her throat. She gasped, biting down on her tongue and forcing her head sideways.

There was a tiny whisper of "bloody hell" from the floor, which was rapidly silenced with a withering glance from Wesker.

With a shaking hand, the red head looked up at him levelly, keeping eye contact with him, reaching out to take his sunglasses. She did not anticipate that he would stop her action. With a power as great as he possessed, he could stall safe in the knowledge that he had no competition, no challenge. He was bored, and he had been bored for a long time, and Shakahnna knew that the danger with Wesker did not lie with him killing her. It lay with him keeping her alive.

Gently she pulled the shaded spectacles from his face, twining her fingers about the frames as she slid them slowly down his nose, revealing those cat-like irises, dancing aflame in hues of gold and orange. She took a deep breath, almost theatrical in its volume as, with the other hand she rapidly brought her claws up, an expression of premature triumph on her scarred features. The blades were dangerously close to his eyes, the feeling of blind hope welling up in her stomach, before he shot out a languid hand to grab her wrist. This time there was no smirk, no chiding remark, only an expression of melancholy sobriety which seemed to say "this is too easy".

She had captured his unwavering attention, his focus so intent that Shakahnna feared it might actually bore itself inside her. Deliberately, once again she allowed her eyes to become wide, scared, hopeless as though his touch had already drained her ability to defend herself. Only this time it was followed with her left knee raising towards the point where his legs ended and body began. She threw her full weight behind her knee as much as his pin would allow, making sure the whole time never to break eye contact. The impact should have caused bleeding but in this case the best she could hope for actually happened. The vice like grip loosened the fraction of an inch she required, as she slid her wrists in a semi-circle away from the rest of her form allowing her to get her hand free.

While her knee slammed into his groin twice in rapid succession, following up the original blow, her shoulders followed the course, adding more power to the strikes. She stamped the left foot as it landed, giving projection to her right as it charged into his ribs, his one hand now the only thing that pinned her to the wall. The red head twisted the upper half of her body, snaking underneath his arm.

She re-positioned her legs, sliding them towards the new spot inhabited by the her torso and head. The lady now found herself to be standing south west from the direction Wesker was facing. Extending her arm, Shakahnna fired one shot directly into the ribs which had previously been graced with her foot. Replacing the safety, she haphazardly dropped the gun into the baggy pockets, her chest still constricted to the point where her breathing was laboured.

Shakahnna made a lunge for a reluctant Claudia, hauling her to her feet by her collar, dragging her up and forward as she ran.

_Stop it, Shak. You're just going to make it worse. This is all just a misunderstanding, it's a mistake!_

The scientist stumbled over her own feet as she slowed a little, fumbling with the zipper on her bag as she ran. She pulled out a small bottle of pills, and stopped dead in the corridor, looking at the potential missile in her hands. Turning with a desperation that betrayed the utter hopelessness of her situation, she threw the bottle at Wesker as hard as she could. Shakahnna looked at her in horror.

**-**

The bottle arched through the air in a perfect parabola, and for once Claudia's aim was catastrophically spot on. The plastic container ricocheted off his fair head with a grotesquely comical crack. He actually stopped in shock, his face a perfect mask of disbelieving fury as he glared at the scientist, whose bottom lip was trembling as though she was going to throw up having realized the sheer magnitude by which she had just degraded her friend's current prospects of survival.

He threw her a look of unadulterated frost, "Well, your audacity certainly warrants my attention. I don't know where you get your confidence from. Tell me doctor, do you have a death wish?"

Mutely she looked from him to the plastic container on the floor, willing his eyes to follow hers. The cap was open, the medication spilled, and a glance at the label told him that it was anti-psychosis medication for Shakahnna. His eyes locked with hers again, an amused smirk playing on his lips. He chuckled softly, a dangerous display of inappropriate mirth. Claudia gritted her teeth as she pleaded with him wordlessly.

"Do you be completely mental?" Shakahnna almost screamed at the younger girl.

"No..." Wesker whispered under his breath sardonically, "But you are, Miss Taylor. How delightful..."

The STARS Captain made another grab for Claudia, jarring her into action, even as she frowned at Shakahnna indignantly. "Careful, my samples!" she protested. In spite of everything, she could not forget her precious materials.

"Claudia, this be's the part where we have to LEAVE," Shakahnna replied, exasperated, pulling her along by the wrist. They rounded the last corner, the elevator in sight. Both girls felt a draught of air, and looked around puzzled. They continued to make their way frantically down the corridor, skidding as they came to a halt.

Only to find Wesker already standing there, arms folded smugly.

'Fuck..." Was all Shakahnna could say at the sight of her foe. She really could have cried.

Which was exactly what Claudia was doing, the tears streaming down her cheeks unchecked as she started sobbing hysterically. "You said..." she began in a small voice, but was rapidly silenced with a look from their superhuman adversary.

With that same sinister leer, he produced something from his pocket. Claudia's eyes flew wide open as she let out a strangled gasp. What else could be causing him to look so smug but the pills she had thrown at him?

"No...!" she squeaked in spite of herself, even as her hand flew to her mouth in an expression of abject horror.

"Oh dear," he chided mockingly, "Were you worried that things were perhaps taking a turn for the worst? We cannot have that now, can we?"

He pressed his thumb down on the small object which lay hidden in his palm, and there was a rumble behind him, followed by a deafening roar and the shrill protestation of shattering glass. As a wave of warm air whooshed past their ears even as Shakahnna executed the time honored strategy of duck and cover, dropping down to one knee, tucking her chin into her chest and pulling her arms over her head. Claudia did not have quite as much military finesse, the back draft knowing her off her feet. She lay crumpled in a heap at Wesker's feet, groaning, looking up at him with her glasses hanging off her face.

"But...but..." she stuttered as she realized that Wesker had just blown up their only escape route, and worse, one of the best facilities of scientific research in the country! "You just blew up the bloody labs, sir!" she hissed, before realizing just who she was addressing. "Which...is...ok..." she faltered.

A fresh wave of indignation rose up in Shakahnna Taylor, as she came to the defiant resolution that, if she was going to go down, she would be damned to hell if that bastard was going to have any fun. She would go down on her terms and he could just go get fucked. With a sideways glance at the unhappy scientist who was ducking behind her, a melancholy smile of acceptance on her lips, she stood to face this monster in human clothes. Striding up to him with a renewed sense of purpose, he did not even flinch as she backhanded him with her claws, lines of crimson appearing on his face for the briefest of seconds before vanishing into his pallid complexion. He smiled an expression of amused satisfaction on his features at the bold defiance of his protégé.

"You know," he told her in that low, refined voice which used to drive her into frenzy, "This all seems so very familiar. Do you remember what happens next?"

**S&M...no. No.**

Shakahnna nodded grimly, calling to mind all those long training sessions with him. How ironic that she was relying on the very same skills she had learned from him, to now attempt to kill him.

With one fluid gesture, he gripped her hand tightly. Even as he did this she brought her foot down hard upon his, and then drove her boot into his ankle. Simultaneously, she grabbed his shirt with her free hand; pulling his face rewards her in an almost endearing gesture. Bringing her mouth level to his face, she bit into the rigid flesh savagely, before releasing him from her jaws, hoping to have the satisfaction of tearing his skin but finding none. Abandoning this course of action, she proceeded to head butt him on the bridge of his nose, in an attempt to break the bone. Her only reward for her efforts, however, was a split forehead, the blood dripping into her eyes momentarily. She took advantage of his mild surprise.

The fingers on her hand pressed close as they became a fist. The four claws attached to her special weapons mimicked the process, themselves becoming one larger sword.

Aiming for the spot on his left side where his ribs ended, she rammed the bladed fist with all the strength that she could possibly afford, almost feeling his skin below the cloth which tore to accommodate the silver metal. Then as she began to withdraw them, something tugged for her to take notice. There should have been a river of thick blood flowing down and drenching her hand but there was nothing. She yanked the make-shift entity from the hole where it entered, raising the clenched fist closer to the ceiling from where the light shone down.

A single pure drop of blood trickled down the hard material. It twisted from side to side, not enough to even leave a trail as it disappeared underneath the gloves and onto her skin. Splaying her fist out the blades divided back into their four separate claws. Her bottom lip repeatedly began to vibrate and she watched as her hand quivered. Looking at Wesker, a cold chill began to form and her face seemed to lose its years of experience, reducing her to a naive teenager again. She had caused him pain but he had not gone down.

His lips curled upwards in a condescending appraisal, as he spoke, "I do believe that it is my turn now..." He raised his hand smoothly, calmly returning her backhand. The force of this seemingly effortless blow propelled Shakahnna backwards into the elevator door.

"Owwie..." she moaned through bloody lips, as her left hand slid upwards, rotating the palm as she suppeptitiously pushed the elevator button. After a few seconds there was a deceptively cheerful "ding" as the doors opened. With a colossal effort, she staggered upright and grabbed the cowering Claudia by the scruff of her neck, throwing her into the elevator.

As the scientist landed with a thump against the mirrored interior, she looked about her in indecision, her eyes filled with fear. She hauled herself to her feet and looked desperately at the buttons for a few seconds. As much as she wanted to press the button to the third floor, and return to its relative safety, she was loathe to go against orders, knowing full well that Wesker was not a man to cross.

In a blind panic, she pushed the button to open the door again, stifling a sob. The metal began to slide back, and she covered her face with her hands, expecting to find him standing over Shakahnna's dead body. Opening her fingers just a fraction, she peeped out, only to find the red head still alive. And fighting.

Wesker was dashing towards the officer as she kept her left foot forward along with her left hand guarding between her chest and the bottom of her face. Her right leg was behind with her foot horizontal to the wall and her fist clenched, guarding her ribs and chest. His blurry form reached her, one large gloved hand pulling at the ripped stars t-shirt possessively. Using her matching hand, the redhead swung his elbow down keeping it pressed tightly to her chest. Almost like an embrace, the woman slipped her right hand around his waist, pulling him tight onto her body. Her foot turned in a semi-circle, the second one following so her back was to her antagonist. Sinking her hips down she used the momentum which had been aimed at her to pull the larger man over the her shoulder.

It didn't matter that she pulled her toss off perfectly; instead of the shaded man's back slamming into the ground, his feet landed lightly, barely making a sound. Then he reversed her throw, using the girl's own grapple against her, pulling her body with him as he was upright and she was launched towards the floor. She, however, did not have Wesker's litheness and felt her eye puff up instantly as it collided with the floor. He was by her side at once and, keeping her arms and legs flat out, she rolled out of the way as a large black boot scuffed her own ribs.

He towered above her as she lay on the floor grimacing. Bending down, he ran his hand down her leg gently before twining his fingers about her ankle. As he stood up she was lifted upside down, her red hair dangling underneath her wildly as her bruised face wore an expression of indignance, before breaking out into a sly smile. Claudia looked at her as she swung slowly from side to side. From the doctor's point of view it looked as though Shakahnna was frowning, but her analytical mind quickly told her that the opposite was the case.

She whispered in confusion, "Why are you...?" before there was a sickening crunch of metal into solid flesh. Claudia's mouth opened in a distressed, utterly taken aback, "oh" as Shakahnna drove her cat claws home into his groin in an attempt to castrate him. Wesker's face turned ashen as she twisted her hand counter clockwise viciously, withdrawing her gloved hand as he released his hold on her ankle and fell backwards, sending her sprawling to the floor. She wasted no time in rolling backwards into the elevator, knocking Claudia flying backwards as she did so.

"Fuck you," she informed him as the doors slid shut, obscuring his view of her raised middle finger and manic grin.

Wesker's outline was visible on the door, the metal structure buckling under his colossal strength. Claudia crouching in the corner, now on the verge of hysteria as tears flowed down her cheeks and her stomach twisted up into anxious knots. Shakahnna shook her head fiercely, blood flying from her numerous wounds to splatter all over the OCRC scientist, before she drove the blades of her gauntlet into the elevator mechanism to short circuit the door system and prevent Wesker getting in.

"GRAHAM!" was the roar which came from outside. Claudia buried her face in her hands and screamed over and over again, unable to contain her fear any longer. With a sickening lurch the elevator began to move downwards.

Shakahnna turned to look at Claudia's face, spattered with crimson. Her green eyes shot wide open. She screwed her face up in consternation, as though a memory was struggling to resurface in her brain. The bent glasses, the wide terrified eyes and the bloody face all brought something back which she had closed out from long ago. She staggered a little, leaning back against the elevator, "You..." she began.

Claudia bit down hard on her lower lip at the older woman's reaction to her, her tears ceasing their flow as a wave of cold horror washed over her.

_Oh god...she remembers..._

The bespectacled girl stood up in a fit of blind, raging panic. She spluttered at the red head for a few moments, trying to find the words and failing. Shakahnna looked at her curiously as her companion opened her mouth and screamed right in her face, "I HATE YOU! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU I WOULDN'T BE HERE! YOU RUINED EVERYTHING AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

She took a step back, aghast at herself as Shakahnna looked as though the OCRC operative had just slapped her. The redheads eyes began to glaze over, hunching herself over as though there was an unseen predator in the area. Her eyes began to roll back in their sockets, her mouth lolling open. She stumbled towards Claudia, an uncomprehending vacancy in her face, and suddenly without a warning, she let out an ear splitting, tortured scream.

Dr Graham jumped in pure, undiluted fear, her tear stricken face a ghostly white. It was all too much for the young scientist, whose racing pulse began to slow as her own eyes traveled blindly towards the ceiling and her body crumpled at Shakahnna's feet, partly from pain and partly from sheer terror, in a dead faint.

Shakahnna's howls of anguish drowned out the creak as the elevator doors to the third floor opened.


	20. Santa Stole My Fire Engine

AN: HA WAH! Guess what, I know that some Umbrella scum are reading here and I want you to be knowing THAT I BE'S ON TO YOU, YOU DIRTY FUCKING CUNTS! YES YOU! Everywhere... YOU think you be's being getting in but I am smarter than that. I be's having a master plan, don't I Clauds? Hey canI eat that? Why not? Ha ha it'll be funny if .....

* * *

"GRAHAM!" he roared out as the elevator began to ascend. When he caught hold of that little lab-rat he fully intended to cause the girl a lot of misery. And as for Shakahnna....

He spat out the faintest taste of blood from his lips, as he turned to make his way back through the burning laboratories. It did not take him long to regain his iron composure, despite the nagging thought of how he wished he could have both women in his custody as he travelled in the direction of the helipad, returning to Achma with his trophies. A stray chimera fell from the roof and dropped in front of him. Wesker barely even afforded it a glance, as his hand shot out from his side and grasped the monster about its throat in an steel grip, holding it dangling as it thrashed wildy in his grasp. With a nonchalant half smile he tensed his muscles briefly, the action causing him minimal effort, as the creature's head popped under the pressure, in a bloody cascade of bone and cranial matter. He dropped the decapitated corpse carelessly on the floor, tosing it aside as though it were a piece of litter.

The heat from the burning labs barely even troubled him as he strode purposefully towards his destination. He stopped mid-stride to see the burning, half dead figure of a woman in a lab coat, whose short blonde hair was smouldering. The woman writhed on the floor in pain, struggling to call forth a plea of succour from her burning lips. "Ah..." Wesker smirked, "Shona. Well from your current position, dear, it appears you are no longer of use to us..." The woman's head fell in agony, moments before his boot smashed down on her occipital bone, shattering her skull with a sickening crack.

He barely even gave her corpse a regard as he casually wiped his gory boot on the dead woman's torso and continued along the hallway, Upon reaching the door he pulled out a keycard from his breast pocket and slid it through the reader in one lightning quick motion. The electronic box crackled and spluttered for a few seconds before short cicuiting.

"I don't have time for this," he murmured impassively as he stepped to one side and nonchalantly put a gloved fist through the wall. When he withdrew his arm the wall crumbled like stale bread, creating a large hole revealing access into the next room. As he stepped through the rubble, he briefly contemplated the events which had just unfolded between him and the two survivors.

His eyes began to burn that fiery gold and crimson as he snarled inaudibly.

-

Jonathon did not know where Wesker was, and he certainly had no desire to find out. After having completed the bare minimum of what was required of him, he embarked on a wholly more pressing search for...alternative research projects.

Namely his Playboy collection.

It was, of course, inconcievable that Wesker had confiscated the jazz mags for any other reason than his own use, and Dr Jonathon Lancaster was on a reconnaisance mission and nothing, be it hellfire, sleet, snow or an outbreak of killer BOW's could keep him from his rendevous with Miss Jeana Jamison.

So, if Wesker had them, where would they be? In his private quarters, of course. It was a well known fact that the door was never locked. It was also a well known fact that no one was brave and/or stupid enough to go in there. No one, that was, except Jonathon. This was the first time he'd gotten desperate enough to engage in such folly, but honestly, what did Wesker expect him to do when he kept murdering all the women? It was hard enough for him to spend his time stuck in this blasted base, trapped in some frigid scientific prison. How could Wesker be so cruel, to deprive the general female population of what was undoubtedly the greatest lover the world had ever not clapped eyes on.

Truly, the man had no humanity.

And it wasn't cause he wanted his hole or anything. Honest.

Scowling to himself and checking furtively over his shoulder with a naughty schoolboy air that had never been lost in the dubious transition to adulthood, he slipped into the living quarters, and was surprised to find that Wesker's bedroom was starkly, strikingly, disappointingly normal. The room was neat and clinical to the point of being spartan, with a standard issue bed that looked like it had never been slept in. The only reading material the junior doctor could find were research notes and files. There was no weaponry, not even a trace of blood. Jonathon had been expecting a torture chamber at the very least, but there was not a single sensational thing there. Although it was unlikely, he had a quick peek in the wardrobe and, finding nothing there, decided to check the en-suite bathroom.

Or at least, what he thought was the en-suite bathroom.

"Jesusmaryandjosephandallthesaintsandangels!" he whispered in one breath, the colour draining from his face as he removed his glasses, rubbed his eyes, and looked again. The sight before him did not change.

The walls were practically papered with survaillence photographs, some in colour, some in black and white, all of the red haired woman he had watched on the security screen. Tacked to a corkboard were numerous polaroids. The subject was unaware in all of them, but they had been taken at an uncomfortably close distance from her. There were some older pictures too, of a small, chubby red-haired child which he recognised from the same manic grin and flaming hair, posing happily with her parents and sister. Old school photos, official police files and oh dear god what the hell was that on the floor? It appeared to be a cat's skull. He nudged it gingerly with his foot before morbid curiousity compelled him to open the large ornate cabinet in the centre of the room.

The chesnutt haired man gasped in utter nausea as he viewed the contents of the chest. Neatly stacked and apparently catalogued, were various blood soaked rags and articles of clothing. There were even crimson stained bandages. One small, clear plastic bag held a lock of red hair, interspersed with red droplets. On one shelf sat a crudely made set of blades stuck to a glove, possibly the prototype for the hideous things he had seen adorning the hands of the STARS captain. Next to it sat a police badge and ID card, and an ancient looking stuffed flamingo which had been coloured in green with felt tip pen. There was a row of rusted iron nails, candlewax cast from life in the shape of body parts, knives, scalpels, and an ashtray which was cracked in two. There was a small stack of paper, mostly NRPD letterheaded, which were covered in doodles and scribblings. Each item on the shelf had a meticulously neat label bearing its own date, and sometimes even time. The inside doors were lined with yet more photos, these ones much much worse. Jonathon's eyes were almost as wide as his spectacle lenses in utter disbelief, his head twitching involuntarily, bile rising in his throat as the colour in his cheeks turned to a sickened grey pallour. One door was an homage to brutality. There were two pictures of the officer executing people; one with her gun at the back of a man's head, the photo having been snapped just as the bullet shattered his skull, and another taken as she slit someone's throat, a bloodthirsty leer on her face. Yet another picture was of her standing in the midst of a group of livid looking men, amidst downed bodies, in a fighting stance, covered from head to toe in blood and bruises. This mode d'art was continued all over the left door; pictures of her mauling and being mauled by various Umbrella creatures, pictures of her straddling a hunter, beheading a licker, pounding a zombie's face into pulp with her bare fists. But it was the right hand door which Jonathon really had the aversion to. A collage of polaroids and other photos stared back at him starkly; two of Shakahnna sleeping; one of her face as it was now, slashed up with scar tissue, the smooth skin broken by a patchwork of angry welts, and the other of her with her visage relatively intact, both showing her mouth open, saliva dripping from the corner of her mouth, although the latter looked slightly more peaceful. There was another of her in the bath, all the more sinister because it had been taken from such an angle as to preserve her modesty. Another had her strapped to a hospital gurney, not unlike the ones Jonathon himself occasionally used fot test subjects, and more often than not an impromptue roll in the hay. The steel bed was soaked in blood, and she was straining against the straps violently, her face a mask of rage and pain. In one of these, Wesker himself was visible, one hand on the perspex glass, watching intently. In another he was holding her jaw between his thumb and forefinger, making demands upon her as she grinned manically through her pain. Still more of Wesker and Shakahnna, one of them having dinner in an expensive resturant, in which the redhead looked criminally out of place. There was a particularly disturbing one of them engaging in sadomassochistic acts together, made all the more disturbing by the fact that he had clearly commisioned someone to take pictures while he had foreplay, or worse, and another of them sleeping together, both covered in each other's blood. He had one arm around her, a gesture borne entirely of posession, rather than affection. There was another of her in a hospital bed, IV tubes imbedded in her arms, a brace around her neck, her face obscured in part by bandaging and padding, her body tense and frightened looking. It was so disgusting that Dr Lancaster could not tear his eyes from the sight. There were a few more pictures, group photos which would have been ordinary were it not for the fact that the other people in the scenes had large, deliberate crosses drawn in black ink over their faces.

Jonathon turned round with a forced gesture, not wanting to delve further into the cupboard. Everything he had seen was more than enough to set his teeth on edge. "I think those pictures have made me impotent." He shuddered. "What is wrong with you, Wesker, that's the worst looking woman I've ever seen, even without the scars. This is worse than if you were gay. A LOT worse. Even a torture chamber would have been more tasteful."

In his shock he had overlooked what he was now staring at, as things went from bad to worse. The opposite wall was lined with tapes, both audio and video, with an enormous television screen, VCR and...oh dear god. A two seater plush couch.

Who on earth did he have over here? That creepy little UBCS guy he was always training?

The television was on stand-by, and Jonathon reached over and gingerly pushed one of the buttons. It flickered to life, revealing a scene which was obscured by lines of static, having been left on pause. There was nothing, nothing in this world which could make him press the PLAY button, he told himself, nothing. Wesker's home made porn? He did NOT want to see this, he did not.

He pressed PLAY.

Wesker and a much younger Shak appeared to be engaging in some form of consensual brutality and were they....oh god, they were. There were a series of low, deliberate footsteps, and for a moment Jonathon thought the television had surround sound, until someone cleared their throat behind him, and, with a show which was braver than he felt, he turned around very, very slowly, a creeping sickness in the pit of his stomach, a knot which grinded. He fervently prayed that the sheer disturbing nature of this sinister little room was making him imagine things; he had been caught with his hand in the sweetie jar a fair few times in his life, but there was no way he'd be able to charm his way out of this mess.

As he reached 180 degrees, his dread was confirmed as he found himself staring into the glassy eyed gaze of his boss. He had seen people with contacts in before, but Wesker's eyes looked as though they were carved out of cold marble. It was the first time he had ever seen him look angry.

Jonathon gulped audibly and began to laugh nervously, "Ah...Albert. Well, you see...I...I...I...I was just looking for my Playboy collection but I...I see you have your own taste in literature...I...I mean! I'll just be going now!" he scurried past the much older man, letting out a sigh of relief as he made it past him. Jonathon had never felt so...

His sigh was cut short as he felt a large hand on the scruff of his neck hauling him backwards. The feeling of nausea grew inside him, a feeling, he imagined, not unlike being punched square in the stomach, until he feared that he would retch. Despite the beads of sweat appearing on his brow as he faced down the martially superior individual, he reassured himself with the fact that he was in posession of an unparalleled charismatic charm, which he would utilise to its full potential.

"Albert," he began in his best "lets be reasonable" voice, giving him a friendly smile and running a hand disarmingly through his hair, "Clearly we have both found ourselves in a grave misunderstanding. Of course I am certain that a man of both your intelectual calliber and higher reasoning is already aware of this. Now shall we just forget about this little incident? After all, we all have our own particular areas of recreation and...ah...well, as they say, variety is the spice of life ha ha ha..." His hollow, nervous laugh faltered and died in the face of Wesker's stony silence.

"Invading ones personal space is very rude," Wesker pointed out in a low growl.

Dr Lancaster swallowed audibly and changed his expression to apologetic, "Of course, Albert, you're absolutely right. Absolutely. And that is why I am most contrite. Perhaps I could relinquish some of my wages, as a gesture of how deeply sorry I am?" he offered hopefully.

"That is not acceptable." His firey eyes narrowed in irritation.

"Ah..." Jonathon attempted unsucessfully to keep a level tone to his voice. It was while fixating intently on Wesker's face that he figured out what was amiss with the gargantuan BOW. His hair was a mess. And there was dried blood encrusted on his skin. "I...uh...I see you have been very busy. Perhaps you would like to have someone look at...your...wounds..." he trailed off as his eyes travelled down Wesker's torso and eventually his horrified stare settled on his crotch. Which was missing a huge chunk of material. "I...I...uh...that is...Wesker I can see your...." Jonathon Lancaster began to snigger in spite of himself, nerves lending him a sense of impropriety. Suddenly Albert did not seem quite so imposing in lieu of the fact he was missing part of his trousers in a most unadvantageous place."What have you been up to?" he snorted. "I hope it wasn't...you didn't let that disgusting..."

With a motion that commanded the most minimal of efforts, Wesker reached out and gave his second in command a light shove. It sent the doctor propelling backwards with an impossible force, the wall which he slammed against doing nothing to break the impact. He groaned and crumpled to the floor in a sitting position. "Urgh..." he coughed, his breath hitching in his chest, "Now now, Dr Wesker...." he held up his hands in a pacifying gesture, "Do lets not do anything...uh...hasty..." The VCR had not stopped playing, and in spite of himself Jonathon cringed at the scene on the screen. Wesker strode over casually and smiled at the television, before switching it off. He turned round as Jonathon was slowly getting to his feet, and swung a languid punch at his face. Even as the boy went sprawling backwards, stunned, Wesker caught him easily by the hair, to avoid his body making contact with the wall of photographs. As blood spurted from his burst nose, his expensive wire rimmed spectacles fell from his face, utterly ruined.

"Argh!" Jonathon shouted, his hand flying to stem the flow of crimson, "Not the face! Not the face! Wesker please!" The blood seeped between his fingers and dripped onto some stray pictures on the floor.

Wesker kept his fingers twined through the shorter man's hair, lifting him up with ease and hauling him to the exit, throwing him forward into the adjacent room before closing the door behind him with a reverent care. Jonathon crawled forward a few paces, pulling himself upright with aid of the clinical white bed.

"You bled on my photos," Wesker observed simply.

"Well...I...you can clean them and it will be fine and no harm done, eh, Albert? Come on, lesson learned...I'll just be on my way now and did I mention I'm sorry?" Lancaster babbled.

"Oh no, Jonathon, I don't think you've even come close to learning your lesson yet," the BOW informed him calmly.

"I..." Jonathon sank down onto the bed and his bottom lip began to tremble as he gave Wesker a look which was a cross between hatred and pleading, "Stop this, Albert," he sobbed, "I'm only twenty three!"

"Granted, you are young. But you're not too young to die."

"Y...you can't kill me! I'm too valuable to this company...the board of directors..." the doctor's blood ran cold as he remembered that the board were all dead. "There'll be no one to take my place...the virus...I can decode it...you need your time for other things...you need someone to run the day to day things, there's so much stuff, you'd need to train something new..."

"Actually Jonathon..." the blonde haired man drawled, "Your replacement's on her way. She has the minataur formula memorised."

"I'm fucked..." he whispered to himself, looking up sharply, "You mean...the spy? But Wesker...you can't leave a woman in charge of the facility! We'd be overrun!"

Choosing to ignore the babblings of the younger doctor, Wesker grabbed Jonathon by the back of his neck, forcing him to bend forward. With his other hand, he rammed his fist into the younger man's stomach, a blow which was not hard enough to cause internal damage but was certainly given with enough force to cause Jonathon to slump forward in pain. He gasped and wheezed for breath, but was unable to afford himself any respite because his head was being held down. Wesker pushed him forward, knocking him clean into the door on the other side of the room.

"Take your presence elsewhere."

Using the wall for support, Jonathon clambered up, leaning against the door frame. He tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled cough.

"Young Lancaster, I should warn you. Your days here are numbered. You have made a most grevious misjudgement, but if you'll excuse me...necessity dictates I must change my attire."

And with that he closed the door in Dr Lancaster's face.


	21. We shall be such a merry party

"I heard something..." Angela Timmons was alert as always, "It sounded like rumbling."

"I farted." Herrison looked proud of himself.

The blonde officers olfactory senses confirmed that the OCRC second in command was not lying, and she wrinkled her shapely nose, "No, not that. Something else. I think someone's in the elevator..."

"Claudia?" Alex's face brightened.

"I hope so..." Angela replied sympathetically, still even tempered despite the last few hours with Herrison.

As the mismatched duo moved closer to the double doors, the sound of a bellowing scream could be heard, growing steadily louder as the lift neared its destination. It was high pitched and shrill, and sounded like it belonged to a woman. The mechanism came to a shuddering stop, there was a computerised chime, and the doors slid open.

Angela's jaw dropped while Herrison continued to grin inanely.

The immediate sight which caught their attention was a woman in military police attire, soaked from head to toe in blood, shattered body armour and matted red hair. Her green eyes were frozen in silent horror, and her mouth dangled open as she continued to scream and scream, not registering the doors having opened and the presence of two other people. Even before Angela had a chance to rush forward, her eyes caught a second figure, collapsed on the floor. It appeared to be a woman in a lab coat, eyes closed and ashen faced.

"What the fudge?" Angela had never been a fan of coarse language. And despite the spectacle in front of her, it was no excuse. She ran towards the pair in the lift, her blue eyes filled with concern as she caught Shakahnna by the shoulder. "Hey! on...snap out of it..." her voice was gentle as she gave the STARS captain a slight nudge.

All at once the screams stopped, leaving a ringing silence in the air, and Officer Taylor spurred into life to backhand the blonde policewoman out of the way.

"Claudia!" Herrison ambled forward to the unconscious scientist, but as soon as he reached the girl's body, Shakahnna leapt forward, knocking him clean off his feet, her claw poised at his throat. Her entire weight was planted on the officer's chest, making it rather difficult for him to breathe.

"DON'T YOU TOUCH HER, UMBRELLA SCUM!" She screamed in his face.

There was a few seconds pause. "What?" Herrison choked. Even he was not unobservant enough to miss the fact that he was in some danger.

"Now calm down!" Angela stepped in with a worried half frown on her face, "He doesn't work for Umbrella. He's with OCRC."

At this point Shakahnna, not moving from her current position, withdrew her gun and pointed it to the blonde haired woman at her side.

"You shouldn't do that to a police officer..." Angela pointed out almost apologetically. "I...I...I might have to arrest you."

The redhead's head snapped up, "You are not in the police force," she said with a sneer that would have made her scientist counterpart proud, had she not been out cold. With a movement that afforded Alex no gentleness, she sprung from the brawny man's chest and held out one clawed hand to the policewoman. "Badge. ID number," she demanded, keeping her gun levelled.

"Lostonberry Police Department, 847364," replied the more petite female promptly, holding out her constubulary identification, dropping it in Shak's hand. The STARS captain glowered at it for a few seconds, mentally going through the police database before she handed it back with a begrudging, suspicious expression. "Are you sure you don't work for Umbrella?"

"Positive!" Angela giggled nervously.

"Aaah!" Shakahnna suddenly remembered her fallen friend.

**Wesker's here...fuck. Got to get everyone out. No...Claudia first.**

Giving Herrison a kick, and lowering her gun as she backed off. "You should treat your superiors with more respect," she informed Angela as she approached Claudia. At that point Officer Timmons realised that the new addition to their august company was wearing what was left of a STARS uniform.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, ma'am!"

"Be shushed," Captain Taylor gave the prone girl a worried look, "And make her cease that behaviour."

"What?"

"Being unconscious."

Herrison meanwhile had gotten to his feet and was bounding over to Claudia like the retarded puppy that he was.

"I'm warning you, if you take one more step..." Shak began, but Herrison was already trying to approach his fictional "girlfriend" again. With a fluidity of motion that was almost businesslike, he found himsef with his arms pinned behind his back.

**What about the three chances...? Fuck that.**

As Shakahnna snapped the cuffs onto his wrists, there was a dazed groan from the elevator floor as Dr Graham reluctantly found herself re entering the world of the conscious. The first thing she saw as her eyes fluttered open, much to her chagrin, was the inanely confused face of her second in command.

_Oh god. Knock me out again. Please._

"What...the...HELL is going on...?!" she half mumbled, half growled.

"Ahhh! You be ok!" the redhead abandoned Herrison for the moment and began to prod at her friend.

"Well I bloody won't be if you keep sticking your fingers in my ribs, you idiot."

"I think I be'd finding one of those cretin things you're always talking about."

Claudia caught sight of Herrison who was ambling about happily in handcuffs and rolled her eyes, "Wonderful," she huffed, "Just bloody marvellous." She stopped and turned to Shakahnna, "Officer Taylor, you are looking at the cream of OCRC intelligence..." came her dry introduction, "_That_ is Alex Herrison, my..." she winced, "...second in command. Oh god." She strode up to her fellow OCRC member, "Herrison," she berated, "How the bloody hell are you still alive?" She looked around and threw her hands up in despair, "Ah yes, Herrison, congratulations! You have single-handedly managed to **lose** all of the survivors you were supposed to be getting to safety. Your complete stupidity and lack of anything which could remotely be considered competence is so overwhelming I am actually _dazzled_."

Shakahnna turned to Angela and smiled, "She's feeling much better now."

The doctor paused for breath, but she was far from finished, "Honestly, how the bloody hell did you manage to wander around this hospital for so long, with your IQ as a negative number, and _not_ manage to get eaten? I'll tell you why! It's because God hates me, which is why I am stuck with such an abject **cretin** for a second in command," here she leaned over to stage whisper conspiratorially, "_And in case you hadn't worked it out Herrison, since I know you have some difficulty understanding what I tell you, I am talking about **you**_." Claudia glared daggers at her subordinate, "I am surprised, nay astounded, that you were not outsmarted by the T-Virus subjects which are currently roaming this hospital. Or were you not aware of this, Herrison? In your infinite wisdom, did it seem like a sensible course of action to leave two nurses wandering about _on their own_ in a building full of zombies? Did it? " she hissed, her face white with anger. It soon became apparent that Claudia's nickname of ice maiden was no misnomer, as she shot frosty glances at the rest of the party before rounding on Herrison again, "So tell me, what exactly, besides that is, proving to me that you have all the self awareness of a single celled organism, what exactly have you been doing with your time?" her hand flew to her forehead despairingly, and her voice subdued very slightly, as she winced in pain from her injuries, "No...no wait Herrison. Just...I don't care. I don't want to know. "

"You're alright!" Alex squealed in delight and tried to hug Claudia. Unfortunately this process was impeded by the fact that he had his arms fixed behind his back. "Hey..." he said slowly, "Why can't I move my hands. Am I infected?"

"Hope springs eternal."

Claudia rounded on Angela, her face utterly livid, "Oh christ, he's found a pet. Who the hell are you?"

"It's ok," Shak interjected, in a tone which she thought would assure Claudia that things were now looking up, "She's a cop. I don't think she works for Umbrella..." the redhead looked her up and down suspiciously.

"I'm one of the good guys," she smiled, "Scouts honour!"

"Umbrella wouldn't employ that," the scientist remarked coldly.

"Well that makes her one of us then."

"Oh joy."

"We can be like a family!" Herrison chimed in.

"That's the spirit!" Angela patted him on the back.

"I wish I was dead." Claudia did not look best pleased.

"You nearly were..." Shakahnna's tone became sober. "Do you remember what happened...?"

Claudia's face creased as she pieced together the events in her head. "I...we were...in the labs and...ohgodwesker!" she looked around frantically, "Oh god! My samples!" She scrambled for her rucksack and clutched it protectively, before glaring at Shak. "Are you ok?"

"Who's Wesker?" the blonde haired woman asked curiously.

"Shut up. Come to think of it, I am feeling a little faint..." the redhead swayed on her feet for a few seconds before crashing down to one knee. She smiled up at Claudia hazily, "Je suis fucked."

"I know first aid!" Angela said excitedly.

"Angela knows first aid!" Herrison repeated like a sub-intelligent parrot.

Claudia looked at Herrison, "With your mind on other, more important things like completely bollocking up our mission, it appears you have overlooked that fact that I am a doctor..." She sighed deeply, "I would be rather disconcerted had I been awarded a degree in medicine without being able to treat a few scrapes." Although it was obvious that Shakahnna had a little more than a "few" scrapes.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful or anything, but...you seem a little young to be a doctor, sweetie. It's ok if you're lost here and scared, we'll take you back to your parents." Angela put a soothing hand on Claudia's shoulder which she shrugged off angrily, "I'm a little scared too, you know?"

"The only thing that's scaring me is the sheer magnitude by which the average IQ in this room has degenerated..." Claudia began, "And furthermore..." she stopped abruptly and looked at Shak, who was using the floor to support herself, before scowling at Angela, "No. You're not that important." She crouched down beside the redhead with a look of genuine concern.

"I have the worst taste in men..." the STARS captain groaned with regret. "We have to get moving, I have to tell everyone he's here."

"You are bloody well going nowhere," the bespectacled girl admonished.

"I'm fine. Look, I can stand up all by myself..." Shakahnna rose to her feet slowly, allowing the rest of the party a full view of the extent of her injuries. In addition to those she had sustained in the labs, her face was a mass of blood and bruises. A long, wide gash ran across the centre of her forehead, dried blood having crept down the bridge of her nose. The left side of her face was a purple mass, the features swollen almost beyond recognition, her eye forced shut.

"Bloody hell! Right let's get that eye sorted before we do anything else." Claudia began rummaging in Pierce's first aid kit.

"No, no, it's ok. You be patching up yourself. I'll take care of this..." Shak breezed.

_I'm NOT gonna like this, I'm not going to like this..._

Squelch. Biting down on her lower lip, she gouged the point of her cat claw into the pulpy flesh. "Ow...ow...OW!" she yelled as blood began to traipse down her battered face.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing. For the love of God, Queen and is....STOP THAT!" Claudia began to swat at Shak's arm.

The redhead looked up at her with blood flowing down her face and her expression became quzzical. "What?" Using the heel of her hand she pushed the bruised skin flat against her forehead. Gritting her teeth, she shook her head, before her features relaxed. "Oh. I can see. Hullo Clauds!"

"You," Claudia poked her in the chest with her index finger, "You might be immune to the virus, but that doesn't mean you can go sticking those filthy things in your skin. Now I know that you are stupid, but even YOU must know what gangrene is. Shall we recap? It's the thing that YOU'RE GOING TO GET. Think of all the bacteria that are teeming on those, I mean, Christ, do you even wash them?"

"Of course I do..." Shak snuggled her weapon, "They're my babies."

"Shut up, I'm not finished. How the hell do you expect to get out of here if you go about sticking what actually qualifies as a biohazard into your face?"

"It wouldn't be the first time Wesker's stuck something in me..." Shak sniggered, "Oh. You were talking about my blades, weren't you?"

"Yes..." Claudia hissed through gritted teeth. The low brow innuendo was lost on her, who thought that Shak was referring to a laboratory incident, or some such rather more wholesome definitions of the term "stick it in." "I don't give a damn if that's how you idiots in the police force treat wounds, ie make them worse, but as a medical practitioner..."

"I think my ribs are broken," Shakahnna interrupted.

"My spray will sort anything else, but those will take a bit more time." Claudia groaned to herself. "Right, sit down here," she gestured to the floor, "And don't talk."

"I gotta radio my team," Shak pulled out her radio and began to tune it in to the STARS frequency.

_Oh shit. She can't do that, Wesker'll kill me._

As Claudia kept her eyes fixed resolutely on the captain's injuries, Shak began to talk into the reciever. "Redrum? Rat features? Come in..." the only reply was the crackling of static. "Fitzpatrick? Kotch? Anyone?" she looked puzzled for a second, "They must be out of range already. Horse boy said they could only afford one truck. They must have got one spare to get them out so quickly."

Claudia exhaled a sigh of relief as Shakahnna pronounced, "I'll just have to go to Achma all on my own."

"Right, give me that," the scientist bristled. "Hey, Alex, catch!" she hurled the communications device at her subordinate, who failed the catch due to the presence of handcuffs. The radio shattered into pieces on the floor, and the whole party looked at it dumbly except Claudia. "Oops," she said flatly, "Well he gets by doing everything else with his forehead."

"Give me your radio, Claudia."

"What?" she jumped. Her C/B was tuned in to the Achma base, and she was fairly certain that a direct connection to her boss would not be met with a whoop and a game of prank calls.

_But is he still my boss? What's my status here? What's going on? We get to Achma and what then? Do I end up back at OCRC? How do I explain what went on back there? And why didn't he tell me they knew each other, or the fact that he was in the labs? And where's Daniel?_

"You know," Claudia looked up guiltily to find Angela staring at her contemplatively, "You could be really pretty if you didn't have your glasses..."

"You'd be really pretty if I didn't have my glasses too," she snarled.

"Enough! Radio!" Shak held out her hand. "You can bicker all you want later."

"But...but..." the scientist's hands curled tightly around the reciever, but one glance at the serious expression on Shakahnna's face told her there was no use protesting.

_I'm fucked_. She held out the device, hoping that whoever picked up would have the good sense not to say "Hello, you have reached the Umbrella secret headquarters. For information on why Claudia is a spy, press one."

-

Things were not going well for Dr Jonathon Lancaster. He was stuck with Wesker for a boss, in a base where most of the staff were dead, he had a workload that would have made his father blanche, and worst of all...

He had a black eye.

"Oh Christ..." he groaned, pulling out a pocket mirror from his trousers, "Look at my face. I hate you, Wesker." With a despondant sigh he put the mirror back and turned his attention to the ever growing pile of paperwork in front of him. Considering everyone was dead, why did he need to be doing paperwork. It wasn't as though there was anyone left to read it.

As he lifted up his pen, there was a shrill ringing from under a pile of folders and he sank back in his chair. "That better not be Wesker checking up on me..." he muttered petulantly.

As he picked up the phone, the ringing did not stop, and he rumanged about some more until he found a radio lying on the desk. "Wesker's? What's that doing here?"

He pressed the recieve button and scowled, "Yes?"

"This is NRPD 768493. We need a helicopter. We're on the 3rd floor of St Appolonia's hospital, Lostonberry. Viral outbreak confirmed and suspected explosives rigged. Two officers, two members of OCRC, rest of team evacuated. Over."

"Um..." The realisation dawned on Jonathon that the STARS captain had got the most fortuitous wrong number possible. "You're...that redhead, right?"

"I does indeed be's." Jonathon winced as she proceeded to destroy all semblances of professionalism.

"And you're at St App's?"

"Are you new?"

"You could say that..." he smiled wickedly. "Make your way to the roof."

"No shit. I didn't expect for the helicopter to pick us up and for us to jump through the third floor window."

"Yes. Quite." There was a snigger and a whisper of "Hey Clauds, this moron on the other end's almost as uptight as you."

"We shall have someone pick you up within the hour, Captain." the last word was said as a sneer. "Over and out."

As he set the radio down, he was sure he heard the words "Bug up ass" through the fading static. Perhaps today was looking up after all. "You think you're so smart. I'll show you, Wesker. I'll sort out your little bitch."

He lifted the telephone and smirked. He knew just the man.

"Put me through to Squadron Leader Jack Tabernacle...no, I don't care if he's "in prayer" at the moment, this is Dr Lancaster, and it is urgent." There was a pause as the switchboard operator gulped, then put the call through.

"Who disturbs my communication with god?!" came the booming voice, and the doctor winced and held the phone a few inches from his ear.

"Jack?" he said despite it being rather obvious.

"Yes, that is I! The Righteous Sword by whom all infidels shall be smote! Working for God and Umbrella..."

Jonathon stifled a snigger and rolled his eyes, "This is Dr Jonathon Lancaster. I believe I have a small favour to ask of you..."

"Ah, long hours I have spent praying for your soul, Jonathon my lad. Tell me, have you found God yet?"

Jonathon thought it best not to offer his anecdote involving a virgin called Mary, and sighed, "No, Jack. All my...err...Holy literature has been confiscated."

"By that heathen Albert Wesker? God will punish him, my child, for God is vengeful! The wrath and power of the holy spirit will descend upon him like a flaming blade, and he will be cleansed by FIRE and BRIMSTONE! And the lord sayeth that he who viewith himself as a false deity shall be punished in the lower pits of HELL. Arrogance is the work of Satan, my boy, the only true way to Our Lord's holy kingdom is the path of humility and self-flagellation..."

By this point Jonathon was making a list in his head of anyone else he could call, as his finger hovered over the disconnect button. But if he got caught, Jack was the only one who wouldn't tell Wesker who put the order through. "Ah yes, you're quite right, Jack. I was just saying the same thing to him this morning, but he's far too concerned with a certain red haired STARS captain to...ah...see the light as it were."

"You're a good boy, my son. A good Catholic boy. But sometimes the face of adversity is just too strong for one mere mortal. That is why God put me on this earth, to lead his lost sheep to salvation at the hands of his holy fire. We will burn their bodies, but their souls will be free."

"Of course. And that," he attempted to steer the conversation round to business, "Is why I am calling. There is a...um...heathen trollop roaming St Appolonia's. Not only is she a...satanist but she's a lesbian too."

"A HOMOSEXUAL?!" Jack boomed, "THERE IS A GAY IN OUR MIDST! God will strike her down. Just give me the place and I will move a squadron of my disciples to rip her vile soul from her body and purify it."

"The roof of St Appolonia's hospital. Can you be there within the hour?"

"I will fly with the speed of the Holy Ghost himself. Consider it a gift from God, boy."

"Thank you. Ah...one more thing. Do let's not mention this to Albert?"

"I would not spit on that man! He is a half beast, a godless, immoral spawn of HELL! His mother was a dog of Satan himself. He is not a good and righteous member of the Holy Mother Church like ourselves. He betrayed not only God, but Umbrella, our holy Catholic shield."

"I hate him." For the first time in the whole conversation, Jonathon was being genuine.

"You have turned out so well, unlike your bastard of a father."

Dr Lancaster grinned, "A righteous sword not unlike youself struck him down for his immoral ways. And with that I am afraid I must take my leave. I must...attend mass."

"I understand, my boy. The Lord waits for no man. May your soul be spared from the firey depths of Satan's inferno that surely awaits most of the sinners who plague this earth."

As the line went dead, Jonathon leaned back in his seat and began to roar with laughter, tears streaming down his face. It had been a sheer effort of will not to break down during the conversation. Still, amusement aside, at least he had gotten what he wanted and Jack may have been unhinged, but he was extremely effective.


	22. Enter The TOEDLING!

AN: The City of Nerdsvile is under attack from the evil Weskertron! But fear not gentle citizens, the fabulous, sexy and not just slightly ugly

**_MUNTY AND FOUR-EYES!_**

are here. Quick Munty! To the Nerd mobile!

* * *

_**Doctor Albert Wesker**_

It was fortuitous that events were happening as they were, as the tedium of having no equals weighed heavy on him. There had been Miss Ashford, of course, all those years ago, but she had been felled by a _Redfield_, and their encounter had taken place long before his powers had matured. She had fifteen years to acclimatised, and he had been superhuman for a mere matter of months. Not that this was acceptable, when he had taken the appropriate steps to better himself. He had heard of one Morpheus Duvall, but unfortunately that individual had expired a long time since.

And now there was very little to keep him entertained through the monotone that was immortality. In retrospect, he thought, perhaps it had been a slight error of judgement to cut himself off from Captain Taylor. Their time together had been many things, but certainly not dull. That was why he had begun the practise of taking on UBCS members to train. He had only accepted the cream of the crop, but only one man had made it through even the first session.

Which was who was currently standing before him. Although Wesker's features did not change, the disappointment was evident. "Your progression had been rather slow."

The younger man did not apologise, not because he was incontrite, but because he had always been taught that apology was a sign of weakness. Nor did he make excuses, choosing simply to incline his head and bark"Yes sir."

"This simply will not do."

**_She'll barely afford you the courtesy of playing with you. Currently you are just a lamb to the slaughter. Gifts of your calibre are poor form_**.

"Yes, sir" he stood rigid to attention. He was a hulking brute of a man, over six feet tall with a towering physique, but even he was dwarfed by Wesker. His head was shaved closely, the light glinting off the top of his skull. As he stared at his superior there was no emotion in his cerulean eyes. He was shirtless, and emblazoned across the pale skin of his back was a huge black swastika which ran from the nape of his neck to the base of his back, and spread its way out across his shoulders. Heinz Toedling, although his moniker would suggest otherwise, was not in fact German. He just really wanted to be, as if this would give him some sort of connection to his early 20th century heroes.

**_Those markings are most distasteful. Still, there is no effective remedy now, save peeling the skin off your back. And I am sure that Miss Taylor will delight in that transaction_**.

"You will improve. Events are at hand where you may have the opportunity to prove your worth."

Heinz did not smile, merely cracking his knuckles. He did not hold any fondness for his sensei, merely a combination of deep respect and hatred. It was the best training that he could get, and it was training that was all the more valuable to be received from an Aryan.

Wesker's mouth hardened. "Now let's begin this again..."

-

"What do you mean, you've not killed any Umbrella workers" Shak looked at Angela aghast. "You mean… like...none at all"

"Oh no, of course not. Those were not my orders, and I would never take a life if I could avoid it" Angela simpered.

"Ahh, fucking beurocrats. They told us we weren't supposed to kill Umbrella workers and keep league tables either. Never let it stop me! If all else fails" she nudged the blonde conspiratorially"You can just say they were infected." She shrugged with a hint of sadness"They never keep track of any of the death tolls around here. But, on the upside" her mood brightened again"They can never pull you up for murder."

"But...but...murder is wrong" Officer Timmons was vaguely horrified.

"You're boring. I'm going back to talk to Claudia."

Dr Graham meanwhile was deep in concentration, memorising Lancaster's notes as she walked along, occasionally stumbling over a dead body, more often than not zombies felled by Shak or Angela.

"Hey Clauds"

There was no answer from the scientist, who was lost in Daniel's painstaking handwriting with a mixture of adoring fascination and an intent need to commit every character on that page to memory.

"Claaaauuuudiaaaaaa" Shak trilled in a singsong voice and stood right in front of her. Claudia simply kept walking until she bumped into the STAR and looked up with a start.

"What do you want" she scowled"Go away, I'm busy."

"How does Wesker know you" Taylor asked innocently, head cocked to one side.

Claudia spluttered and dropped her notes on the floor, turning white. "Look what you've made me do, you ingrate" She dropped to one knee and began gathering up the files"Well...well...how does Wesker know YOU? Huh? Huh"

"We used to be fucking."

"WHAT" Claudia, who had just picked up the files, dropped them again. "You...you were...that is...you two were...doing that"

"Yeah. He kinda makes me glad he's my only ex, cause imagine if there was more than one of them running about. We finished up about five years ago, and normally stalking is a trait I would find endearing but..." she trailed off, looking troubled.

**He's an inhuman monster who I can't kill. He probably caused this. It's his fault I'm **

**not well. Or is it mine? Sometimes we're so alike, and that scares me even more. No. I'm nothing like him. Just because I can enjoy what he does. I'm not evil. Fucking Umbrella scum...I suppose I did, yeah. That'll be one to tell the grandkids...**

_Five years ago? But that was when...Why didn't he tell me? Why did he pretend he barely knew her?_

"I don't mean to intrude" Angela looked sympathetically at the glum pair"But who's Wesker"

"Nothing to worry about. I think."

"Just some guy who wants us dead." Both women shrugged.

Shak grinned"There aren't any shortage of them for me."

"I suspect I might be in the same boat" Claudia remarked dryly, thinking about the sheer number of people in OCRC who hated her.

There was a moan as a carrier came shuffling round the corner, and Shak leapt forward, swiping at its throat. She did not quite decapitate it, but her strike had the desired effect in that the zombie was no longer active. Wiping her blades on her trousers, she turned back to the group.

"If he be's here, then we be in trouble. We'll get to a helicopter and get you guys out of here" she raised a hand to her face"I'm much better now. I'll go to this Achma base on my own."

Angela smiled at Claudia"After this, you can come back to mine and I'll give you two a makeover."

_I wish I was dead_.

**I wish she was dead**.

"False" Shak and Claudia both decried in unison.

"What next? Frappuchinos" the doctor spat.

"I love frappuchinos" Angela giggled.

"I'll have a round of SM please, and let's go light on the M..." Shak groaned.

"Aw come on, it'll be fun! A bit of concealer and you won't even know your scars are there..." Angela was clearly not getting the point.

"Even if you are a cop, if you come near me with any of that stuff, zombies will be the least of your worries."

"Does concealer make you invisible"

"No Herrison."

"Shut up, Herrison."

"Where the hell are we going anyway" Claudia scowled.

"We're going to the nurses station, sweetie" Angela smiled.

"We have to alert anyone who's still left to get out" Shak explained while Claudia contemplated murdering Angela"I think my guys are out of range but this is just to be sure."

Angela placed a delicate hand on Shakahnna's shoulder"I understand" she said gently as the captain shrugged her off. and glared at her.

"Are you sure you don't work for Umbrella"

"I think she does, Shak! You should shoot her. In the head." Claudia spoke up eagerly.

"You're such a little kidder" Timmons giggled nervously and ruffled Claudia's pigtails.

"I hate you" the doctor growled through gritted teeth.

"Aw, I bet there's a whole load of sunshine inside you just bursting to get out, honey."

"My...name...is...Dr Graham..." she said in a very slow, very irritated tone"And I'm not a piece of confectionary, you imbecile."

"Where's the nurses station anyway" Angela decided to change the subject.

"Over there" Shak pointed.

"You been here before"

"Many times."

"Hawee, you're a pure bawbag, ya ticket."

"Herrison, was that you" Claudia snapped tersely.

"I like eggs" Herrison contemplated in wonderment, making it obvious from the look of deep concentration in his eyes that he had not been the one to speak.

"I think it came from inside the nurses' station..." Angela simpered, before smiling"There must be another survivor. Oh, I wonder if I'll get a chance to practise my First Aid"

"I keep telling you, I'M A DOCTOR" Claudia stamped her foot. "Tell her, Shak"

Officer Taylor did not reply, choosing merely to lean against the wall with a smug smile on her face. "I don't know what she's talking about. She's delusional" the policewoman grinned infuriatingly, before winking at Angela, who looked confused.

"I HATE YOU ALL"

"It's ok, dear, we'll get you back to your mommy and daddy." Angela put her arms about Claudia's shoulder"Don't be scared."

"Don't touch me" Claudia snapped"Besides, didn't you want to go and play at nurses with whoever's in there."

As the doctor did her best to instigate a fight, Shakahnna, in her usual style, kicked the door open.

"Haw, ya radge! Whit the fuck ya dein'? A've goat a pure hangover, man." An atrocity in Burberry appeared before them. Clad from head to toe in white sports gear, with his socks tucked over his trousers, about 50 pounds of gold jewellery and luminous yellow teeth, his hair was covered by a cap which was set at a perfect 180 degree angle. His face fell from anger to chagrin as he saw the two officers of the law. "Aw pish. It's the polis." He looked at Shakahnna"You're a pure minger" he declared. "Mutley! Woof woof woof" the youth dissolved into hysterics at his own wit.

"What's that" Herrison asked, puzzled.

"It's a ned." Shak did not look best pleased.

"A ned" Angela gave it a sidelong look as it leered at her and mouthed "'Allo doll."

"Non Educated Delinquient" Claudia scowled and rolled her eyes, before sneering. "God. He's so...council."

The ned did nothing to disprove that theory by producing a quarter bottle of Buckfast from his trakkie pocket and taking a swig. "Haw, who are you calling council, ya speccy bitch."

Officer Taylor darted forward and picked the young man up by the scruff of his neck. "Look, Claudia, I caught me verminage" She thrust her face into his"WAH"

"Let go a'me or I'll pure fucking chib you, ya bowfer."

"Why doesn't he speak English" Angela asked in confusion"Parle vous Francais"

"He's not responding because I've cut off his oxygen supply" the redhead explained as the ned turned purple.

"Oh my god, Ma'am, put him down" the blonde squealed.

"For the love of god, don't. Squeeze harder." Claudia did not agree with Angela.

"It's tempting, but that wouldn't be nice. Besides, there's no point, he's infected. I'll shoot him when he regains consciousness." Shak dropped the rat boy.

"Haw, you in the pure white threads, are you a doctor" the ned enquired.

"Yes..." the scientist shot Angela a sidelong scowl who smiled "understandingly".

"Gonnae pure take a look at this then. Ah was just gettin' ma baws checked oot when aw these pure rockets started trying to chew ma face aff." He undid the tie on the top of his tracksuit bottoms and his trousers fell to his ankles.

"Monster or maggot" Shak turned to the doctor.

"Maggot..." came the monotone reply. "I have a cure for you, young man. Do you have any of that flammable stuff left, Shak" She winced"And incidentally, that looks like gonnhorrea."

"Is gonnhorea supposed tae make yer skin drop aff" he asked, unfazed by his STD as he showed his forearm that was in a state of tissue necrosis. "It pure itches like fuck."

"No. But the T-virus is."

"Ah well, win some, lose some" Shak shrugged, before pulling out her gun and shooting him in the forehead. His cap flew from his head in a spray of blood as he crumpled to the ground. The officer knelt down beside him and dug her claws into the hole in his forehead.

"What on earth are you doing" Claudia asked.

"It would be really lonely in there" Shakahnna replied with a small smile, holding up the bullet.

"I..." the doctor scowled"I really like you, you know that"

There was a scuffling from under a desk and three out of the four survivors looked down, while Herrison admired the ceiling.

"Oh thank God" A figure in a suit crawled out from under the desk, and Angela rushed forward to help him up. "I thought he was never going to lea..." he trailed off, stroking his well trimmed black beard as he looked down at the dead body"...well anyway." The man took a few steps backwards.

"He was infected" Claudia explained, although her tone clearly conveyed to the newcomer that he was not welcome, as far as she was concerned.

"It's so nice to see someone else alive in here" Angela squealed"Nice to meet you! My name's..."

"Excuse me" Shak cut in"Rank! Do you have no sense of professionalism"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Captain. I didn't mean to offend you..."

"Dear god. Stop talking." Claudia pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Sir, I'm with the Neo-Racoon Police Department, next town over. We have a bit of a situation here, so if you'd care to come with us. But don't worry, there are still plenty of Umbrella workers to kill..." Shakahnna grinned.

"Umbrella? As in the pharmaceutical company" the newcomer looked confused"My kids like their brand cola." He fumbled in his breast pocket and pulled out a photograph. It was a picture of a smiling dark haired woman in a nurses uniform standing next to himself. "Tell me, have any of you seen this woman"

"Oh yeah, I be'd having her in cuffs earlier" the redhead smiled"It be's ok. My guys should have evacuated her by now."

The man's face broke out into a relieved smile. "So she's ok? Oh thank you so much officer"

He had already lost Shakahnna's attention, however, as she began to hunt for the tannoy controls.

"Hey Claudia" Herrison grinned"They're married like we will be one day."

The doctor whirled round to face her subordinate, her face slowly turning purple. "Alex..." she began slowly"Now I know you are very, very stupid, so I'm going to spell this out for you. There is a tiny flaw in your hypothesis, one which may just put your plan on ice for the interim. You see..." she put a hand on his shoulder and leaned in as though she was going to whisper in his ear, as he smiled happily"...I HATE YOU" she screamed in a loud shrill voice, and he winced and covered his ear. "I WOULD RATHER BE DEAD THAN EVEN SPEND FIVE MORE MINUTES WITH YOU, LET ALONE MARRY YOU. WE ARE NOT DATING. WE ARE NOT ENGAGED. WE ARE NOT EVEN FRIENDS. YOU ARE SO FAR BENEATH ME WE ARE NOT EVEN THE SAME SPECIES. EVERY NIGHT, BEFORE I GO TO BED, I PRAY THAT I WILL WAKE UP AND FIND OUT THAT YOU, IN A CHARACTERISTIC ACT OF IDIOCY, HAVE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO GET YOURSELF KILLED. THE ONLY TIME I WOULD EVER VOLUNTARILY SPEND ANY TIME WITH YOU SOCIALLY WILL BE AT YOUR FUNERAL" she pulled out her gun and pointed it square at his forehead"IF YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD, ABOUT ANYTHING, IF YOU DARE GIVE YOUR INPUT ON ANY SITUATION THAT WE FIND OURSELVES IN FROM NOW UNTIL DOOMSDAY, THEN I WILL SHOOT YOU. AND FURTHERMORE..." her face was a picture of rage"YOU'RE FIRED"

"You mean..." Herrison said slowly"...you don't like me."

"No, Alex..." Claudia sighed"No, I don't like you. And you are now unemployed." She turned to the bemused man and gave him a smile that was more of a snarl. "I'm Dr Graham, Nice to meet you" she spat.

The former OCRC second in command's face crumpled, and he began to sniffle. Sniffling turned into sobs, and sobs turned into full blown howls. "I WANT MY MOMMY"

Claudia raised her gun once more with shaking hands"STOP THAT FUCKING RACKET, YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE"

"Oh my god, oh my god, Mr Herrison, please, calm down. I'm sure Claudia didn't mean what she said to you" Angela flapped.

"I DID MEAN IT. I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM" The doctor screamed.

"Claudia, there's no need to be mean" Timmons placated urgently.

"AND I HATE YOU TOO" she screamed back.

"Now I understand you're under a lot of stress but..."

"AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH! SHUT UP" Shakahnna yelled at the bickering trio, while the man looked around nervously. She pulled out her own gun and fired a single shot into the air. The room went silent as plaster rained down on Claudia's head and she glared at Alex as though it was somehow his fault. The redhead picked up the tannoy microphone and pushed a button. "All civilian and military personnel, evacuate right now. The majority of the hallways are clear. This is Captain Shakahnna Taylor and I repeat there is a dangerous bioweapon on the loose. Please evacuate immediately." She set the microphone down again and turned to the group. "Come on kids, things to do, people to see. Or people to not see as it were."


	23. The One Who Got Away

"Now my children..." an imposingly tall UBCS officer stood up, the cramped surroundings of the helicopter making him seem like a giant. A wild, bushy overgrowth of ginger hair covered the man's face and head, in the midst of which glinted two wide, manic, bloodshot eyes. The gargantuan man was clad in the standard UBCS kit, with a few ecclesiastical modifications; about his neck he wore a large white marble cross, and instead of the regulation handgun he carried a large tankard of what appeared to be holy water. On his upper left forearm was a tattoo emblazoned with the Umbrella symbol transposed by a cross. He beamed down at the squad of soldiers; in his minds eye they were his lambs and he was the shepherd. "...let us pray."

With sidelong glances at one another, the men began to recite dutifully, "Our Father who art in Heaven..." as Jack "The Righteous Sword" Tabernacle smiled in serene contemplation. When the prayer came to a close, he harrumphed in a booming voice, "AMEN! And may God smite our enemies." His eye rolled heavenwards and he grinned insanely, "Now it has come to my divine attention that on this glorious day which the Lord hath provided for us, we will be facing both a foe and an upstanding pillar of the Holy Mother Church." He pulled out a drawing of a red haired woman. She was covered in scars, but for once this was not the most notable feature of Captain Taylor's appearance. She appeared to have a giant pair of feathery wings, and a glowing halo, and she was standing before a large flaming cross. "This is an artists impression of her." It appeared that in his spare time, Jack Tabernacle was a budding artist.

No one dared to snigger.

"Now, this Saint of our Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit is imbued with divine power," he ran a hand through his ginger mop, "Not unlike my good and righteous self. I expect a challenge for you good Fenion lads, so it will be best if you leave this Vessel of Holy Fire to me." He raised his fist, "FOR I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND THE HOLY GHOST ON MY SIDE. JESUS IS MY COMERADE IN ARMS AND TOGETHER WE SHALL VANQUISH THE DEMONS OF HELL IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER!"

A youthful voice spoke up timidly, "Um...sir? Is she really that dangerous?"

"DANGEROUS! DANGEROUS! WHEN JESUS WAS IN THE WILDERNESS FOR FORTY DAYS AND FORTY NIGHTS, DO YOU THINK HE WAS WORRIED ABOUT DANGER? DO YOU THINK THAT HE WAS PISSING HIS HOLY PANTS WHEN HE WAS BEING TORTURED BY THE ROMANS! A TRUE CHRISTIAN KNOWS NO FEAR! I WILL SHOW YOU, MY BOY. I WILL SHOW YOU THE WRATH OF THE DIVINE ANGEL...!" he undid his trousers and let them fall to his ankles, his arms splayed wide, "BEHOLD GOD'S WRATH!"

In stunned silence the troupe of UBCS men simultaneously dropped their jaws as all eyes were drawn to The Righteous Sword's crotch in horror.

"GAZE UPON THE DIVINE RETRIBUTION OF THE LORD! BEHOLD FOR I HAVE BEEN RELIEVED OF THE SHACKLES OF MAN'S FILTH!"

"He..." the rookie whispered to his neighbour, "He's got no...no..."

"NO TESTICLES!" Tabernacle boomed proudly, baring his teeth in a bizarre mockery of a smile.

A voice came over the intercom, "Squadron Leader Tabernacle, sir? We're five minutes from our destination."

Jack's face became a picture of bliss, "Ah...! The hour is upon us, lads! Let us go with god and fight the blessed fight!"

-

"Are you sure this is wise. It's not supposed to be used in the event of an emergency..." Guy Rivers, the black bearded new addition to the happy gang, eyed the elevator cautiously.

"It's not to be used in the event of fire," Claudia hissed, "Do you see any flames, cretin?"

"That's easy enough fixed," Shakahnna produced her lighter.

"Oooh, fire is pretty," Herrison tried to touch it and Angela pull at his arm.

"Careful, you might get your hand burnt," she admonished gently.

"He's too stupid to feel pain," the doctor groaned.

"I am not!" he protested, with his finger still in the fire and a look of vague complacency on his face that can only be found on the countenance of the truly doltish. "Hey Claudia, can I press the button?"

"Knock yourself out. Please."

"I wanna press the button! Button for me!" Shakahnna piped up.

"No! Claudia said I could do it! I'm her favourite!" Herrison pouted as he began lumber forward, with Shakahnna in hot pursuit.

"BUTTON FOR ME!" the redhead re-insisted, grabbing Herrison by the hair and pulling him back, punching him square in the face. The former OCRC officer crumpled in a heat on the floor, sniffling petulantly and Shakahnna gleefully pushed the button.

"I wanted to do it..." he huffed from the floor.

The doctor marched forward to Shakahnna with a grim scowl on her face and glared at her for a few seconds, before her face relaxed into a grin and she shook her hand enthusiastically.

As Angela looked on reproachfully Shak gave her an angelic look and cocked her head to one side. "What?"

Before the blonde haired cop had a chance to answer, the double doors in front of them opened with a ding and the mismatched band of survivors began to pile in.

"Bags I the button!" Herrison squealed, pressing the button to close the doors and almost trapping one of Claudia's pigtails in the process.

"Herrison!" she screamed, tugging her hair free and turning to face him with a sigh. "Ok..." she forced her tone to stay calm, clenching her fists until the knuckles were paper white with the effort, "We're going to play a game of statues. If you stand still and don't move, then you win, ok?"

"Ok Claudia!" he beamed, "I'm glad we're best friends again!" He stood rigid against the wall, a look of utter concentration on his face as the elevator began to judder into action.

Guy leaned back against the wall and sighed to himself. This was turning into a circus, when all he wanted to do was return to his family.

"You know," Angela put a hand on his arm, "When I'm feeling bad, I talk to Jesus. I find he always listens. Kinda like a best friend, you know?"

Claudia and Shak looked at each other and groaned.

"I'm Jewish..." Guy looked at her.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to offend you!"

"That's ok," he gave her an easygoing smile, "I'm not offended." He grinned, "I'm just so relieved that my wife is safe. I guess I owe you police officers a real debt of gratitude."

"I'm sure she'll be real glad to see you're alright too," she replied.

Claudia meanwhile was looking about with unease, her breathing gradually getting faster and faster until she was almost hyperventilating.

"Stop that." Shak poked her in the shoulder and she jumped back.

"I'm claustrophobic."

"No," Herrison explained serenely, sounding almost as though he was about to say something intelligent, "You're Claudia."

"For...the...love...of...God..." she sighed.

Angela put her arm around the scientist and smiled sympathetically. "Have you had a bad experience? Do you want to talk about it. Sometimes a problem shared can be a problem halved."

"My parents used to lock me in a cupboard when I was little with nothing but a Bible and a candle," the doctor snapped flatly, "Now leave me alone, I'm panicking."

"I could shoot Herrison, would that help?" Shak asked brightly.

"Absolutely." Claudia looked at him, "Please. Be my guest."

As Shakahnna withdrew her gun, Angela put a nervous hand on her arm. "Uh...Captain Taylor..."

"You know," Claudia remarked in between gulps of air, "You're very touchy feely. Are you gay?"

Angela faltered and was about to reply that no, she was straight and still looking for that special someone, when the elevator began to shudder, before grinding to a halt.

There was an awkward silence which was broken as Herrison stated in wonderment, "We've stopped moving."

"No no no no false no no..." the scientist began to press the elevator buttons over and over again, a look of complete horror on her face. Today was not her day. "Shak, make it work..." she whined.

Shakahnna was already eyeing up the ceiling grate. "I'll be back in a minute. Hey Herrison, get down on all fours and stand here." As the former OCRC officer complied, the captain made to take a running jump.

"Wait!" Claudia growled and for a moment it seemed as though she was going to make some humanitarian protest against the treatment of her subordinate. "Don't hack anything up. Don't set anything on fire. Don't jump on anything that looks unstable. Don't eat anything you don't know the name of. And for God's sake...don't sing." She sighed, "Right, on you go."

She gave a casual salute, before charging forward and using Herrison as a trampoline. As his form buckled under her weight and he began to cry, she knocked the grate aside and projected herself through the opening.

The STARS Captain mimicked a motion which could be described as a chin-up. Pushing the hard substance below her body, the redhead pulled her figure out from the emergency hatch, curious primarily as to what had caused the elevator to jar like this. It was hardly orthodox but at the same time with low power levels and various monsters chewing on the areas around the building, it could be anything.

The inside of the shaft was a cold, dark black. A few thin beams of light sporadically intersected the room, cutting the air into straight lines, getting less visible before fading out into darkness and leaving the redhead with a very dim view. The hollow tapping of her own footsteps as they clapped mockingly seemed to cloud out the other noises which much surely have been lurking below the spectrum of human hearing.

Shakahnna began touching around the area with her hand, knowing something was caught and keeping the survivors from reaching their goal but not entirely sure what to expect. Letting her bruised knuckles run over the hauling mechanism, she tested various areas until the source of the problem was apparent. An arm had been caught and embedded into the pulley which would be used to crank up the little metal box. There was not a lot left of the arm and as there was no need to try and remove it. Just as the captains finger came into contact with the decaying flesh of the said arm, the owner leapt out of the shadows.

As the hand reached for her, Shakahnna grabbed the hand, quickly upright again so much so that, had the zombie been self aware, her speed would have surprised it. Using its only remain arm as leverage, she stuck her right leg out and spun the creature around. Its feet rolled over its head and the sound of tearing was the result of the fragile skin ripping and leaving it armless and giving the female a new and more interesting weapon. A hot flush ran up her neck and lighting up her cheeks. Although since arriving in the hospital the usual kick that came with her job had been there, it had become more intense since surviving her battle with the more than human monster, sparking the desire which had waned in recent years to be destructive.

While keeping the limb, the redhead smiled as she took a step towards the downed monster, the need to start an assault growing stronger.

"Cutting with a knife, blood is spilling everywhere..." the young woman started, her voice louder than even the hum of the vertical corridor which encased her. She brought the arm down once, then twice until a pattern began and the zombie's body began to turn into liquid.  
"She WILL be my wife " She sang the words that seeing Wesker once again had brought to the surface of her mind. It had been her favourite song during that period of her life; many years had passed since the words had graced her lips, however, due to the events which had resulted through her association with Wesker. "SECONDARY SPINE! Incisions must be accurate! I know just what to do..." The voice of the captain continued, almost rivalling that wet crunching sound which accompanied the last stages of the demise of the wretched creature. "My hands are trembling I CAN'T SPARE, TO SLIP UP WITH THIS KNIFFFFFFFFFE WOOOOOOOO!" The elation finally caused her to throw the arm to the ground beside the mangled corpse. "Fuck you America!"

Something sparkled in the light and the young lady picked up a glittering object, a huge smile blossoming on the dirty and bashed face.

"Must be's my lucky day..." The stars captain threw out with a grin.

Re-opening the emergency shaft, she knew the elevator would move in a few seconds and there was no need to remove the carrier. It would be there if she needed it. The police officer doubted it would be going anywhere.

Poking only her head through the opening, her red tresses dangling from the roof, hanging upside down.

"You lot are all boring." She threw out with a degree of flippancy as she lowered her body back into the carriage. Feet appearing where once her face had appeared.

Shakahnna laughed heartily as she slid her body back into the small box room. The light briefly causing a squint as her feet slid down and came into contact with the mostly solid floor.

"I've got an Ape Drape yes I do..." This comment caused the stars agent to laugh even harder. "Oh the joy of it all." Her blood was flowing with adrenalin and it made the girl feel damn good. Noticing the looks she was getting, the police officer decided to continue.

"Oh don't worry about it, there just gotted an arm stuck in the cranky pully bit and it'll grind itself into nothing in a few seconds and then we shalt be on our way." The redhead said a silent thanks to the person above who had suddenly made her own life improve dramatically.

Shakahnna began unwrapping the candy bar she had found next to the carrier which had been on the roof of the elevator.

"Isn't life beautiful?" She added with a smirk as they began to ascend to their destination as the last fragment of bone shattered and the elevator began to move once more.


	24. Your Body Needs My Scripture

_AN: We're back (with a kind of unnatural glow) and ready to enrich your lives with the classic work of literature that is Living Like A Disaster. We know you just can't get enough, you dirty little fudge sluts. So much like giving a man with a frigid wife an all access pass to a brothel, we present to you...THE NEW CHAPTER!_

_Shak and Claudia_

_-_

The grin had stayed on the face of the redhead's face as they approached the door to the helicopter pad, the group having successfully reached the roof.

**Ah, it appears my dearest has found something else to amuse himself with. Wonder what that dirty little bitch is up to. Never mind that...Umbrella base! Result! Place full of Umbrella workers! Ace!**

The spray Claudia had used to patch her up was working wonders and she felt much better than after her encounter with her former lover.

"Oi Herrison..." She called, summoning over the big dumb ox. Reaching into her pocket, she withdrew a set of keys. "Now you be's good else I'm gonna have to shoot you. And that would be a shamed. Well not really but I need my ammo for later" She gave a nod in his direction as she unhooked the cuffs, which she had re-affixed to his wrists after deciding she did not like how he looked at Claudia in the elevator.

Angela was smiling at her. "I knew you would come around eventually!" She squealed and Shak looked at her charge through tilted vision, pointing at Angela she asked. "Does she really be there or does this just be my mind playing a cruel trick?"

"Clearly," Claudia scowled at the blonde, "God hates us. I thought people like that were just something that were made up to scare naughty children." She rolled her eyes and scowled, catching sight of Herrison, who was still holding his hands behind his back, apparently ignorant of the fact that he had been released. "You can move your hands now, Alex," she groaned.

"Wow!" Alex held his hands in front of his face with a sense of infinite wonder and joy, "How did you do that, Claudia? Was it magic?"

"No..." the doctor pinched the bridge of her nose, "I'm afraid the only magic at work is how you managed to gather the sense of self awareness to even remember to breathe in and out." She turned to Shak. "Can we leave. Now. Because my gun's still loaded and I don't think I trust myself with these cretins."

Shakahnna grinned inanely "Of COURSE we can be going cause the sooner we do, the sooner I can catch me a Lancaster and get fifty fucking points!" The excitement proved just to much for the twenty-nine year old as she let out a huge whoop. The mere thought of getting near a director was more than enough to propel her forwards. Shoving past Herrison and almost politely moving her fellow officer out of the way, her clasped one steel encased hand on the door in front of them. The STARS captain began to hum as she walked, bouncing on the spot and wondering about the events that had transpired. The fact they were so close to being able to leave the hospital and that her beloved team were safe brought the skip back to her step.

"You are NOT going to kill Dr Lancaster..." Claudia blurted out, before turning red, "Before...ah...that is...I have to...um...ask him some questions. Because ...OCRC orders. So there." Dr Graham sighed to herself. Despite Shak's insistence on killing her treasured Daniel, she felt a vague sense of wellbeing as the door swung open and the low whirr of helicopter blades could be discerned.

_Things'll be fine. I'll find Daniel, and he'll explain to Wesker that all this was just a big misunderstanding, and I'll be back home and I'll never have to see any of these idiots again..._

Her thoughts trailed off as she looked at Shak and grinned to herself in a mix of fondness and sheer exasperation,

_Well maybe not. I have a feeling she'll be causing us trouble for a while to come. Still, at least this time she managed not to ruin my life._

As the group stepped out onto the asphalted helipad, they looked about cautiously, before Angela pointed. "Hey guys...not to be a party pooper here or anything but...why does that chopper have the Umbrella logo on it...?"

Shakahnna's ears perked up as the "other" magic words were mentioned, butterflies began to dance around in her stomach.

**They thought UBCS was coming... Wesker be'd here...**

Shakahnna looked upwards towards the sky, her face and body radiating with pure elation, and she raised her hands as though giving thanks for some heavenly gifts that had been bestowed upon her. Opening her mouth, she let out an almighty "AH!" that was devoid of any tune but reflected the mania in her eyes.

**So just who DO I have to thank for this?**

She silently wondered if it was due to the fact her former lover had been around. The grin that beamed from her face almost shone out, the two rows of teeth almost obscuring the scar on it's left side. "This is fucking ACE! UBCS are HERE. NOW! For me to be's playing with." She turned around to the other members of the party. "Clauds, the bimbo and you who be's thick... you are now gonna be having the best time of your lives. Member... double points for every castration!" Officer Taylor was positively beside herself in glee and hardly noticed the less than ecstatic audience that was receiving her.

"I think we should try to avoid confrontation. I'm sure that if we just treat them with respect and explain the situation we can appeal to their better nature..." Angela began.

"Oh for Christ's sake, shut up," Claudia snapped tersely.

"DID SOMEONE MENTION CHRIST!" a booming voice suddenly erupted across the empty helipad, the deep tones echoing all around the band of survivors. There was a loud, deep guffaw as, from a previously overlooked raised platform at the edge, a fiery missile arched in a perfect parabola through the air, trailing a plume of smoke behind it, before landing with precision accuracy at the feet of the STARS captain. All eyes, except Herrison's, were drawn to what appeared to be a thick black book with a white cross and the words HOLY BIBLE clearly visible, despite it being in the process of being engulfed by flames.

"And as it is written in Matthew 10:34, 'Do not suppose I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a SWORD!' " as the last word was thundered through the air, a black-clad figure leapt down, rushing towards the group at speed, a blur of black cloth, fiery hair and wild manic eyes. The group were not afforded a chance to speak before he launched into speech once more.

"FOR GOD AND UMBRELLA! Here me now, for I am Jack 'The Righteous Sword' Tabernacle, God's living archangel of fire and brimstone upon this wretched earth. Like Christ himself in the wilderness, I have faced the trials and wretched temptations of Satan, and I have been reborn! I will purge the world with His holy righteous flame and put evildoers to the sword." He raised a thick finger and pointed it at Shak, "And so providence has smiled upon me, oh fellow angel of retribution. We meet again...COMMUNION GIRL!"

_Oh my god, oh my god. Is he dressed like a priest!_

_Don't blush, don't blush…don't…blush…_

Claudia turned scarlet, but luckily the rest of the group were too taken with the less than godly apparition to notice.

Officer Taylor did not think her day could go any better until there in flesh stood before her 'The One Who Got Away'. "JACK TACKLELESS!" She screamed into his face, a show of maturity as she roared with laughter. "What the fuck did you just be calling me? You turned into one of those kiddy fiddling priests now? Oh this is fucking priceless, this is beautiful!" Tears began to stream down her as she howled in laughter, a mixture of amusement and mania.

**UBCS ARE HERE!**

His speech left her some what confused. "What on earth do you be talking about you fucking dirty scum? You are just a little bitch and this time you are NOT gonna be getting away." Shakahnna leered at him.

"Your taunts will not sway my pure and true soul this dark morrow, oh Communion Girl," he turned to address the bemused and vaguely terrified survivors, "This servant of the Lord speaketh the truth. Yes, I, the righteous sword, have cast away those filthy mechanisms of fornication by the grace of this Saint's blade. I HAVE NO GENITALS AND I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT. I owe you a great service, Communion Girl, for your just and vengeful wrath has saved my soul. And as your divine reward, oh fellow Horseman of the Apocalypse...I WILL REUNITE YOUR SOUL WITH THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY IN HIS ETERNAL KINGDOM..." he held up the tankard, which was engraved with the sign of the cross, "By lieu of this...MY HOLY PETROL!"

His comments nearly caused the young woman to double over as the laughter. The fact that this scum was talking about righteous anything was like the death of irony. "You fucking idiot you still work for Umbrella! You be's completely off your fucking trolley. YOU ARE THE BAD GUYS! You fucking weasel, you fucking little pussy, look at you! You aren't even a MAN any more. And stop fucking calling me that. Your fucking God can kiss my fucking big white arse!" She yelled at him, her fists clenching and unclenching as her stance became a mirror of Wesker's. That same unforgiving smug smile that indicated that she was going to do very wicked things and enjoy them. "What kind of person THANKS you for castrating them...! Well just means gotta be more creative this time, ya dick." Her emerald eyes wandered to the bottle he held. "Holy petrol... I must've hit you really hard last time... come to think of it... not hard enough. Jesus Fucking Christ I am gonna nail you to a cross this time. Lets see what God does then. The fact is... no one likes a eunuch." she said sticking her tongue out.

"I once got a eunuch free with my Happy Meal..." Herrison piped up blissfully, and the self-proclaimed Righteous Sword turned to him with a look that was filled with all the wrath of Hell itself, swinging his arm so that his finger was flat against the OCRC officer's chest.

"ARE YOU A BUM BOY!" he demanded in a voice that was full of thunderous suspicion.

"Oh god," Claudia exchanged glances with Shakahnna with a look that was a mixture of scorn and nervousness, "This cretin makes YOU look sane."

"Silence witch!" Tabernacle boomed, producing a vial of Holy Water from his back pocket and casting it at the scientist, before standing back and looking smug as it shattered at her feet. Claudia looked down at it for a few moments, before looking back at him quizzically, and his smile faltered into a look of rage and horror. "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS!" he intoned with outrage, "What vile Devil's magic have you invoked that you do not burn in the presence of this sacred liquid!"

"It's...water..." Claudia replied slowly, scowling at the scientifically ignorant ecclesiastical eunuch. "It's not combustible."

The mirth turned to anger very quickly as Shak watched him lay a finger on HER group of survivors and the red haired captain turned positively rabid. Her face turning beetroot as she opened her mouth and let out a colossal bellow.

"HOW DARE YOU! Herrison is OUR idiot and you won't fucking touch him again!" She glowered and her reflexes twitched as she assumed a place directly in front of Claudia with her claws raised and a growl emanating in her throat. Genuine anger was fuelling her movements. Tilting her blades forward, the threat was clear, the redhead was going to pounce and slash his throat. "Enough of your pish you fucking idiot." She barked at him. The vein in her temple throbbing as she turned almost purple.

**You don't fucking touch her, she's all I've left because... Pierce…**

The redhead swallowed once as her eyes bulged and she howled out. Small snakes crawled through her vision and all she could see was her nemesis' face. The rest of the group glanced at her nervously as all the sanity seemed to ebb from her eyes until they were merely glassy orbs.

"I do not fear the sharp bite of the sword on my holy journey!" But Tabernacle took a few steps back from the tip of Shakahnna's points, anyway. "See! Proof...CONCLUSIVE PROOF that this wench hath bewitched you with her dark magics. Fear not, Communion Girl, for I will cast out the demons that consume you..." he paused dramatically, "WITH FIRE. AND GOD. I may have no testicles left, but when faced with the Servants of Lucifer...I STILL HAVE BALLS!" he pointed at Claudia, who had a protective hand on Shakahnna's shoulder, and screamed into both women's faces,

"You will drink the wine of God's fury which has been poured full strength into the cup of his Wrath! You will be tormented with burning sulphur in the presence of His holy angels and the Lamb. And the smoke of your torment will rise for ever and ever. There is no rest day or night for those who worship the Beast and his image, or anyone who receives the mark of his name!" he paused for breath, grinning inanely in a display of black and yellow teeth. Apparently toothpaste was the work of the Protestants. "Revelation 14:10. Learn it well, Communion Girl, learn it well."

Claudia inched behind Shak and scowled murderously before smirking, "He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord," she shot back, folding her arms across her chest, "Deuteronomy 22:13." her smile faded, "Are you alright, Shak? Come on, you need to kick this cretin's arse..."

The snakes grew larger and devoured all that she saw before her, their insidious fangs laying waste to all that was there and for a second all she could see were the jaws of the beast until a voice of comfort rang out in the redheads ears. Someone who had been before she had grown sick and it was that voice that proved to her that this could not be part of reality. She dug her claw into the side of her left leg, a habitual gesture which served to bring her back to reality. "YOU AREN'T HERE!" She screamed at the beast until it exploded and the girl flinched backwards until the insanity ridden face of the new found priest was before her. The last ebbs of the conversation played through. "Even God won't have you, you fucking Umbrella DOG." She yelled out. An all consuming desire to make this man before her bleed was one which she could not help but obey. "We'll see who be's laughing soon enough and stop fucking call me that!" She jumped forward, talons outstretched, this time to knock him backwards to buy her ward time. "Clauds get back and stay down. Angela, The other two, cover me." She gave the orders as they naturally rolled off her tongue with an air of authority. A few droplets of blood spilled from her palm. The pain always grounded her.

"Aye aye!" Claudia said vehemently, relieved to see the captain's return to them from her world of delusion. She grabbed her arm and sniggered sarcastically, "May god and her majesty be with you, Communion Girl..." she choked out, before scurrying back to the relative safety of the hospital. In the meantime Angela nodded reluctantly and unholstered her gun, and nudged Herrison, who was still contemplating whether or not he was a "bum boy". The OCRC officer smiled dopily and produced his own weapon as Guy looked about nervously.

"DOG! Dog you say!" Tabernacle snarled angrily, before raising his right fist into the air and yelling out in a voice which seemed to be off the decibel scale, "ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS! FOR GOD AND UMBRELLA WE MUST CONSIGN THESE HERETICS TO THE PITS OF MOLTEN LAVA AND RESTORE COMMUNION GIRL'S SOUL TO OUR LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST!"

On this rather long-winded signal, a swam of UBCS officer, armed to the teeth, began to pour out of the helicopter.

The rooftop was instantly flooded with soldiers, many falling almost immediately to Shakahnna's blades. Jack watched as she ploughed through his men, a look of almost admiration on his course features.

Shakahnna wiped the tips of the blades on her ragged combat trousers, rusty blood disappearing amongst the other stains that littered her garment. Licking her lips she set her eye on the ultimate prize, he was so far the only one to ever escape and that was something which she very much planned to rectify right now.

Their eyes met, and he strode towards her, two old adversaries about to engage in battle once more. The air was rife with expectation and pregnant with suspense. As few paces short of her reach, he slowly reached into his pocket to unveil his trump card, the weapon which would surely earn him victory.

It was a Missal Book, and some holy water.

Raising his right arm, he pointed a large finger at her and intoned in a booming voice. "Communion girl! Do you reject Satan and all his empty works and promises!"

Her face squinted up briefly. "Nu uh don't be silly. I like

getting presents on Satan's birthday. Now... stay still!" She shouted leaping forward with claws aimed at his throat.

Jack blocked the attack with his thick holy book, the blades sticking deep into the pages and coming through the other side just shy of his thick hairy neck. "AHA COMMUNION GIRL! YOU HAVE NO HOPE OF KILLING ME WHEN GOD IS MY ALLY IN BATTLE!" he laughed manically and twisted the book in which her claws were embedded, in an attempt to knock her off balance.

"GRRR BE'S STOPING THAT RIGHT NOW!" Her fist twisted clockwise and shredded through the thin pages easily, having gone through skin and bone earlier that day.

**I wonder if this be's happening every time you castrate someone and leave them alive... hmm... experiments for later on me thinks...**

Shakahnna hopped from one foot to the other, completely impatient for Jack's blood to be falling on the ground and her to be performing a rain dance in it. "God does not be likeying you because you be having no knackers tackless."

"NAY! FALSE!" Jack intoned with a look of sublime confidence on his ruddy face. "JESUS IS MY SHIELD AND MY MOST LOVING SHEPHERD...although not in a gay way." But all the same, he began to think that bringing a weapon with him would have been advisable after all.

"FEAR NOT!" he boomed soothingly, "I WILL RETURN YOU TO THE LORD'S MANLY BOSOM OH WORTHY AND YET NOT AS HOLY AS ME ADVERSARY!"

"Do you ever be stopping talking, you sound like a complete queer. I bet you well take it up the arse. Hey Herrison you better watch yourself cause Jack's gonna be trying to put the moves on you!" Shak called over her shoulder to the OCRC officer.

Jack grinned in a display of yellow teeth as an idea occured to him, "BEHOLD THE WRATH OF THE LORD!"

Producing his large crucifix from his belt, he grasped the top and bottom ends and pulled it. The bottom end slid away to reveal a concealed blade. "GOD IS NOT A POOFTER!" he exclaimed, "AND HE'S GOING TO CHIB YOU WITH HIS HOLY BLADE OF SMITING!"

Raising up her cat claws so both arms were level with her chest, the gamine began to dance around, circling Jack as though he was wounded prey. Her green eyes were lustful at the prospect of this kill. Finally taking down her nemesis was going to be positively delightful. She aimed a thunderous kick directly in the area which normally would have resulted in a chant of goal but in this case... the redhead was confused as to what one would scream when there were no balls to punt.

Jack gave a whoop of elation. If he'd had any testicles, that would have hurt like a bitch, so he was feeling rather smug at the fact he had lost his manhood. But not, he reminded himself, his manliness.

"HA HA!" he ejaculated effervescently, "YOU FORGET THAT MY ACHILLES HEEL HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH AN ACHILLES 'YOU'RE GOING TO HELL'!" he roared with hearty laughter at his own lame pun.

"BUT LET US NOT DALLY WITH PLEASANTRIES ANY MORE, COMMUNION GIRL!" He was convinced in his own world that Shak was not in fact trying to murder him, but was merely expressing her joy in a misguided fashion at his arrival and resultant mission to save her soul. Producing his seemingly never ending supply of holy water, he began to sprinkle her with it, all the while making the sign of the cross in mid air, dangerously close to her face. "I BAPTISE THEE IN THE NAME OF THE..." he began.

And found a rather large fist making it's way to his own. The proximity of his halitosis was making even Shak's tolerance for noxious substances put to the test. "Jesus fucking Christ have you been eating dog shit or something? Fucking hell that's RANK!" The redhead stepped backwards waving away the air from her face, trying to clear some of the green fog away that had erupted along with Jack's speech. Swiping with her claws, she ducked under the holy water and, grabbing the glass, smashed it over Jack's head. "See how you bloody like being wet bitch!"

Water ran down Jack's face as broken glass imbedded in his ginger hair. "FORSOOTH! THIS IS JUST LIKE OUR LORD'S CROWN OF THORNS! THANK YOU, COMMUNION GIRL, YOU TRULY ARE A MOST EXCELLENT SERVANT OF CHRIST!" He began licking the trickles of liquid that ran down his face. "I DRINK FROM THE WATERS OF JESUS!" he proclaimed, gleefully, before resuming his hack and slash signs of the cross.

Had she been the type, Shakahnna Taylor would have buried her head in her hands and sighed, aware that even by her standards this was completely ridiculous. He should CLEARLY be at the end of her cat claws by now. All bloodied and screaming for awhile before quiet and then she could perhaps award herself double points on the league table. She'd need to discuss the relative merits of each of the score brackets with Claudia. She was good at maths, she could help her decide. Twisting her hips forward and thrusting forward to remove the cross from him at least... deciding it would be infinitely more funny if it was stuck into his head or maybe his eyes... she'd need SOME memento of this fight of course. Leaning back, she pounced.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Jack pre-empted her move and howled in anguish at the prospect of having his toy taken away from him, "ONLY A SERVANT OF THE LORD BAPTISED IN THE HOLY CATHOLIC CHURCH MAY LAY HANDS ON THIS SACRED BLADE BLESSED BY A PRIEST AND..." Did he just hear someone giggle? "AND...AND...YOU CAN'T HAVE IT IT'S MINE JESUS IS MY PAL!" He dropped to one knee and tucked the crucifix-sword hybrid bastardisation into his barrel-like chest, before executing a roll to the side and swiping at her ankles with the religious weapon.

Jumping up and tucking her knees into her chest, the blade sliced the area directly where her feet had been a moment ago. It was refreshing, for the UBCS squadron was actually well trained, but it did nothing to curb her desire to have blood spilled; as always the prospect brightened up her face and caused a certain feral element to light up in her face.

"Jesus doesn't be liking you anymore because your breath smells like death. And be's not liking Umbrella scum. No one does. So there." Her voice was the pinacle of maturity, Landing hard on the blades, she kicked foward, aiming directly for Jack's mouth. "I am gonna sell your body to a Jewish medical school when I get being doned!" she screamed happily.

Jack raised one tree-trunk forearm to block the kick, his face a picture of mania. For you see, when Shak informed him that she was going to kill him for being Umbrella scum, what Jack was hearing was "Oh Jack. You're so manly and Catholic. Baptise me now." and so the world was in fact a rather nice place.

When he did not stop to contemplate on the rather curious fact that Communion Girl had an identical voice to himself.

"FEAR NOT! I WILL KEEP YOUR SOUL FROM THE DEVIL JUST AS I HAVE KEPT YOUR SOLE FROM MY FACE!" God, Jack reflected, he was on top form today.

For that remark alone, Shak was ready to jump up and down on his ankle so that they he could not move. And then his teeth. So he could not talk. And also because that would be being ace. Grabbing him by the scruff of the neck, she held him up, pulling him to his feet and determined that she was going to eviscerate him and began to hump and jiggle around in time to the out of tune music in her head. This was her moment and she was going to enjoy it.

"I dun know I bet the devil could be really hot... like I wonder if he'd get it?" she pondered aloud to herself while trying to force Jack's abdomen onto her claws.

"AH!" Jack cackled for he had a trick up his sleeve indeed. One which would surely ensure his victory. With a beaming smirk he ripped open the front of his shirt to reveal his piece de resistance, which covered the hairy red thicket of his chest.

He had stuck pages of the bible to his torso with prit stick.

"YOUR EFFORT ARE IN VAIN FOR I AM BULLETPRO..." He trailed off as the claws began to tear through the pages. "WHAT!" he exclaimed utterly aghast at the unbelievable fact that sharp knives were tearing through cheap paper. "THIS IS WITCHCRAFT AND NO MISTAKE!" he accused the air indignantly, looking about him for some unseen sorcerer chanting evil and satanic spells before desperately punting Shak in the stomach.

Taylor's head snapped backwards from the force of the blow, her head returning back to the position with relative ease, only a single trail of blood dripping down from each of her nostrils. She sniffed loudly and splashed blood down over Jack before resuming straddling his chest, determined that this was going to be the end of their stale mate. An idea began to form in her head.

Ramming her knee into his crotch with all her weight, she was going to get blood. The first tip of her blade pierced his skin and Shakahnna almost felt sorry for her claws being subjected to that mangy bush. She was genuinely in awe. She had found someone who washed less than she did.

"AH MY BLOOD IS BEING SPILLED FOR MANKIND'S SINS!" Jack screamed happily, then realised he was in a considerable degree of pain. "BUT THAT'S ENOUGH BLOOD," he added hastily.

He understood that he was manly and sexy and that no woman could keep her hands off him, but this was ridiculous. He was a man of God, and he had abandoned such hedonism years ago. Communion Girl must have been in a state of temporary lust driven insanity after seeing his gorgeous body. "HOLD FAST TO THE LORD, COMMUNION GIRL!" He shouted encouragingly, "DO NOT DEFILE YOURSELF SO, FOR I AM BETROTHED ONLY TO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH, AND YOU ARE A PURE ANGEL OF GOD!" he brandished his cross in her face and wondered just how strong an evil spell the witch with the glasses had cast on the holy redhead.

"Silly Jack" Shak tutted at him while closing her fingers tightly into a fist before punching Jack in the throat and giggling to herself "I don't be hitting on you! Am trying to kill you... not HURT you and there be's being a difference" She nodded in affirmation before kneeing him in the crotch one more time, finally understanding why castration could be a problem in certain extreme circumstances.

**Wow I must be being sick or something. Castration is ALWAYS the answer.**

Bringing up her elbow, the gamine smiled sweetly while dropping it directly into his solar plexus, then flipping herself upwards and bringing her foot down on his mouth.

Things were not transpiring in Jack Tabernacle's favour. "OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN!" he shrieked. Having no balls was one thing, but he didn't want his pelvis shattered. Luckily having the physique of an overgrown ape was advantageous in many a war against the legions of Hell's armies, so his body could withstand almost as much as his iron clad and hearty soul could.

"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

With a roar of determination he gathered all his strength for an almighty Glaswegian kiss, Grabbing Shakahnna by the shoulders he stuck the holy nut in before pushing her back and sprinting a couple of meters to gain some distance and his breath back!

"OHO!" he half shouted, half coughed.

Shak shook her head as her vision blurred for a moment. When everything came back into focus, she spotted Jack galloping at a surprising speed across the helipad.

"HE WHO FIGHTS AND RUNS AWAY LIVES TO SERVE CHRIST AND FIGHT THE LEGIONS OF HELL OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN AMEN ANOTHER DAY!" Jack postulated concisely.

"HOLD THAT LITTLE FUCKER DOWN! BUT DON'T KILL HIM CAUSE I BE'S WANTING TO DO THAT!" Shak yelled to the other members of the surviving party.

Herrison immediately punched out the soldier he was wrestling with, looking up dopily before charging after the priest, Guy and Angela following swiftly behind. Shak was also in hot pursuit, stopping briefly and perfunctorily to shoot the unconscious officer in the head.

As the group closed in on him, Jack backed closer and closer to the edge of the roof.

"Game's up, Buddy!" Angela said unhelpfully.

"NAY!" Jack screamed confidently, "THE "GAME" IS NEVER UP FOR A TRUE SERVANT OF GOD!" He turned around and looked over the ledge, grinning manically.

"CHRIST WILL BEAR ME UP ON ANGEL'S WINGS!" he exclaimed triumphantly. Before throwing himself off the roof.

Christ did not.


	25. Third Reich Love

AN: Next chapter we shalt be moving into the land of R rated fiction. Mainly cause can't get away with being whatever the fuck they got to replace PG-13. Personally I don't see what's wrong with S&M, sex, violence and everything else here but some people are pussies so we have to hold their bleeding heart liberal hands and move things up. Personally I'd like to see more S&M in stories. And so would Clauds. She is just denying cause she is shy. Let's face it, that riding crop isn't really for decoration is it? Anyway insert the usual we are wondreful, etc etc.

Story is continuing now.

"Where the fuck does Umbrella find these guys...?" Shak marvelled dryly, once she had finished swearing at the fact that Jack had gotten away. Claudia crawled out from behind a pile of barrels, and the rest of the group looked around nervously for signs of any more soldiers.

"Some Umbrella workers are perfectly sane," Claudia sniffed haughtily.

_Like me._

"Are we gonna take that chopper?" Guy enquired, slightly impatiently.

"We can't do that! It's stealing!" Angela cried anxiously.

"Oh, I have a better idea. Let's stay here. And die." Claudia's tone was flat as ever.

"Besides, it's perfectly legal," Shakahnna paused for thought, "And even if it wasn't, it's no less legal than anything else I've done today."

"Can any of you fly a helicopter?" the Jewish man asked.

Shak shrugged, "Well no but..." she grinned, "It can't be that difficult."

"While a fiery death would be infinitely preferable to spending another minute with Herrison," Claudia scowled "It's still not up there on my plans for an ideal day."

"I played a flying game on my Nintendo once..." Herrison grinned.

"Oh shut up," the scientist snapped tersely, as Shakahnna yanked open the 'copter's doors and dived in. There was a scuffle, and moments later she remerged holding a UBCS soldier by the scruff of his neck.

"WAH! I caught me a stott!" she exclaimed gleefully, "It claims it can drive the chopper, which it's going to do.." she gave it a rough shake, "Or I'm going to gut it."

"Look lady...ma'am...sir...I mean yes." the young man stammered, looking rather green about the gills, "I'm not actually part of Umbrella, I don't know what the hell this is all about. They just show up when they need a pilot from my flying club. I figured with Christmas coming up, I could use the extra money."

"Oh you poor soul, do you have mouths to feed?" Angela's voice was brimming with concern.

"Um…no..." he looked confused, "I just wanted a new Playstation seven..."

"Angela," Claudia said in a condescending voice, "It may shock you to learn this, but we are not all living in a Charles Dickens novel."

"That's Claudia..." Guy whispered to the pilot, "I think she might be a bitch."

"Silence!" Shakahnna boomed, "No fraternising with the enemy." She grabbed the boy and dragged him to the side of the building, tipped him upside down and held him over the edge, "Now...are you going to fly us, or am I going to drop you...?"

"Now...are you going to fly us, or am I going to drop you...?"

The wild overgrowth of ginger hair stirred against the concrete, as two bloodshot eyes fluttered open and the view of his helicopter's pilot shifted into focus. "What sorcery...?" he groaned, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head tentatively. "I...I..." he shot bolt upright, his face the picture of incredulity, "I hath been VANQUISHED!"

Luckily for him, his booming drone was eclipsed by the pilot's terrified screams.

"Defeated! Usurped! Unvictorious!" his face was a picture of incomprehension, "How can this be!"

At that moment, as though the very devil himself was rubbing salt into the pseudo-priest's wounds, there was a low humming sound, as the helicopter took off. This was not in Jack Tabernacle's divine agenda. Standing up, he shook his fist at the sky, "YOU CAN RUN, COMMUNION GIRL, BUT NO ONE CAN ESCAPE THE WRATH OF THE LORD!"

Then he sat back down with a thump, wondering what to do. He came to the conclusion that he would pray, and was about halfway through an enthusiastic Hail Mary, when his radio slipped out of his pocket and fell to the ground. "Ah! A sign from the good Sacred Heart himself and his Holy Mother!" he cried as he seized the communications device and clutched it to his breast as though it were a holy relic. "THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER!" he exclaimed at the sky.

"Are there any brave and true knights of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ!" he boomed into the receiver, "Can any good Catholic soul hear me!"

"Ah..." Jonathon's voice came patching through, his tone a little strained, "Jack. How did your...ah...crusade go?"

"Young Lancaster, I ask you to prepare yourself, for this news may cause one so delicate and pure as yourself to be overcome..."

"I'm ready, Jack..." he groaned.

"Well you see… it was a long and arduous battle...I commenced by launching a missile of true divinity, that most Holy Book at the feet of the Archangel of Death herself..." he began, but Lancaster interjected.

"You lost, didn't you?"

"A TRUE SERVANT OF GOD NEVER LOSES...NOT EVEN WHEN FACED WITH THE BLACKEST DEPTHS OF HELL ITSELF...!"

"Yes...but is she dead?"

"No." Jack managed to sound sheepish while booming.

"Did she get away?"

"Yes..." he sat up once more in outrage, "They hath commandeered my most sacred metal winged beast!"

"They took the helicopter?" Jonathon was positively aghast, although made a mental note to congratulate himself for being fluent in Jack.

"But on my oath I inform you, dear lamb of god, that there was SORCERY afoot! Communion Girl was possessed by a most vile and insidious witch, a trollop of Lucifer!"

"Um..." the junior doctor paused at how best to ask this, "Did she have glasses by any chance?"

"YES! She was in receipt of the eyepieces of Satan himself!"

"Is she still alive?" Jonathon was getting agitated at the prospect of having lost his one and only chance of getting laid any time soon. It was getting to the point where he was going cross eyes, a hand shandy being off the menu as the images of both Wesker's room, and the gaping hole in Wesker's trousers respectively being still all too fresh in his head.

"SHE WAS PROTECTED BY THE DEVIL!" Jack protested.

"I see..." Things were looking up slightly for Lancaster, "And um...she's not...maimed...that is...she's still intact?"

"AHHH PRINCESS JONATHON, I HAVE FAILED YOU! THERE IS NOT A SCRATCH ON THE VILE DEMON'S BODY!"

"Right...well...can't be helped," he did his best to sound disappointed. "I'll have another..." he covered the receiver and sniggered, "...winged metal beast...come pick you up."

"AH TRULY YOU ARE A COMRADE OF JESUS!" Jack exclaimed delightedly, "And next time, I shall slay Communion Girl in the name of the Holy Spirit, and send her wicked sidekick back to HELL!"

"Over and out, Jack."

"MAY GOD BE WITH YOU MY CHILD!"

And with nothing to do except wait, Jack decided now would be the perfect time to say an impromptu Mass.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...we lift up our hearts...(we lift them up to the Lord)...Let us give thanks to the Lord our God...(it is right to give him thanks and praise)...Father, all powerful and ever living God..."

* * *

"Does it run on magic? Does it run on magic!" Herrison was jumping up and down excitedly at the wonder of flight, while the pilot did his best to ignore him. "There must be really big fairies holding us up!"

"There's got to be on here somewhere..." Shak was muttering as she raided through the UBCS squad's belongings.

"What are you looking for? Can I help you?" Angela asked eagerly.

Claudia, who had been crouching in the corner reading Daniel's notes, looked up with a scowl, "Which is it, Shak? Fags or alcohol?"

"Yes!" Shak replied happily. "There was petrol in my canteen earlier," she gestured to her hip flask, "But I drank it all."

"Did you actually do that!" the doctor spluttered.

"No." The STARS captain shook her head, before reaching behind a bench and holding aloft a bottle of cherry brandy which looked as though it might have been there for a long time. The label read in faded letters, "PROPERTY OF R.SALVEN (unless you are a lady, in which case feel free to bring it back to me yourself.)"

Angela looked at her quizzically, and she explained flippantly, "It brings up my sanity meter." She then began to gleefully raid pockets in search for cigarettes.

"Oh!" Angela held up a packet of cancer sticks; menthols no less, before a deeply caring expression appeared on her face. "Now...Captain Taylor, I know you want these cigarettes, and I know you feel like you need them, but I'm here to tell you that you're better and stronger than that. They're dangerous, and inner strength doesn't come from a little white stick, it comes from inside of you. I know deep down you don't really want these. So let's throw them out the window together and you can make a fresh start..."

"I wish we could throw you out the window..." Claudia rolled her eyes and muttered.

"Thaaaaat's great..." Shak drawled before snatching at the packet, "Now gimme gimme gimme gimme!"

"If you're going to smoke, would you mind not doing it around me?" Guy, who had been lost in contemplation, spoke up.

"Okies. I'll just open a window. Oh...there aren't any," her face brightened, "Oh well, the door'll do..." she reached for the handle.

"Shak..." Claudia growled through gritted teeth as Angela rushed forward, horrified.

"You're right," she grinned devilishly, "We should use explosives."

"Or alternatively..." Claudia was about to go on another rant when a monstrous growl interrupted her and she started nervously. "What the bloody hell..." she looked over at Herrison and trailed off. He was lying spread-eagled on the floor, eyes closed, tongue lolling out with a trail of slebbers running from the corner of his mouth, snoring deeply.

As Shakahnna reholstered her gun, she snorted, "What, did you think we'd go into the cargo area and find a tyrant or something?"

Angela eyed him thoughtfully, "You know...maybe we should get some rest. Who knows what's going to be waiting for us in Achma."

_Daniel, hopefully._

**A certain doctor...worth fifty points?**

"My family and I went to a seaside resort in Achma once. I'd guess that we're still a good couple of hours away." Guy leaned back against the wall and sighed, wishing he was with them right now.

"Then it's settled!" Angela had already began constructing makeshift beds from the articles of kit and clothing scattered about, which bizarrely included some priest's vestments.

"I'm not sleeping within five feet of you," Claudia snapped, inching back into the far corner and curling up, "I might catch bimbo."

"You know, honey, pushing everyone away from you is really just a cry for help."

"It's a cry for you to shut up."

"What about you, Captain Taylor," Angela changed the subject hastily, "Are you going to lie down?"

"Aye, bollocks. With a UBCS on board? Are you fucking kidding me? I'll be sleeping right here where I stand."

"Is that even possible?" Guy groaned as he stretched out on one of the benches.

"One way to find out," she shrugged.

As everyone began to settle down, Angela piped up once more. "Gosh, this reminds me of sleepovers! Hey Claudia, I bet you stay over with your little friends all the time!"

_Just pretend to be asleep. Just pretend to be asleep._

"Aw, she's all tuckered out."

_I hate you._

As she scowled up through the dim light at the crucifix which was nailed to the helicopter wall, Claudia's mind began to race over the events of the day.

_This doesn't make any sense. None of it._

_I wish Daniel was here, he'd be able to work everything out. I hope I get to see him soon. I wonder if he'll be proud of how I've turned out? What if he isn't? What if he says he doesn't need me anymore and sends me back to OCRC?_

_Why wasn't he at St Appollonia's? Those puzzles were a nightmare, no one else could have solved them, not even Dr Wesker. But then, why would he have security so over the top? Was he worried about something? I don't remember him being overly paranoid. Something must have got him worried._

_Dr Wesker should have told me that he knew Shak. That's not something you just forget to mention. He even acted like he didn't know her. Was he just using me to get to her because of what she did to me?_

_No. What he did to me. Was it really her fault? He was the one who gave the order even though that wasn't what Daniel wanted. And he looked so scary, just like today in the hospital. He told me in the hospital that everything was going to be ok, but then he tried to kill Shak when I asked him not to, and he threatened me. I don't think he's safe to be around._

_I can't give the formula to Dr Wesker, not if Daniel had reason not to trust him. He's not on my side. I don't think he ever was. And if something has happened to Daniel, the only person he'd trust with his life's work would be me. Right?_

_I'm not going to give that formula to Wesker. No way. Not unless Daniel himself asks me to. I'm just being careful, and if Dr Wesker is on my side then he'll understand that and not be angry. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do if he isn't. Maybe Shak'll kill him. Although she might kill me as well, being as to how I'm worth...well I don't know how many points, since I don't even know what my job is any more, but that's not the issue. Daniel's work is more important than anything, even my own life_.

"Hey Shak, are you awake?"

"Of course."

"I have a hypothetical question. About your league table?"

"Excellent. I knew you were just a late bloomer."

"Quite. So if someone worked for Umbrella say, I don't know, as a spy, but they might possibly be getting to become a head researcher, but it wasn't definite..."

"Uhuh?"

"How many points would they be worth?"

"You know, Clauds, that's a very good question..." she paused thoughtfully, "I'd never thought of that." Shak lapsed into deep concentration.

_Well I know what my plan is...I guess I just have to stick to it_.

Without waiting for a reply from her friend, the doctor closed her eyes and drifted into uneasy sleep.

* * *

Wesker was not having a good workplace experience. His sanctuary had been violated, and he had been forced to bestow violence on someone who was far from worthy of his attention. He decided to go and check on Heinz Toedling confident that there was at least one person in Achma who did not disgust him. He had good cause to consult his protégé at any rate; Miss Taylor was no where to be located, and he had received word from Claudia that the survivors were heading to the base.

With his hand on the doorknob, he paused as what sounded like. "Oh ja, ja ja!" could be heard from within. Entering, his facial expression did not change, but his inner monologue most certainly did.

Heinz Toedling appeared to be masturbating. This much was obvious from the fact that he was not wearing any clothing, and had his lad in his hand. This in itself was distasteful, but not the source of the bioweapon's consternation.

In Toedling's left hand was a picture of none other than Dr Albert Wesker.

"Put...on...your...trousers..." he hissed through gritted teeth, "And rendevous with me outside the detainment quarters in five minutes. You disgust me."

And with that he was gone, feeling his skin crawl as he left. The only thing that saved Heinz's life was the fact that there was no time to train up someone else.


	26. Take your carriage clock and shove it

"Wakey wakey, rise and shine!" Angela trilled loudly, jarring the occupants of the cabin into reluctant consciousness. She skipped over and gave Claudia a light shake, "Come on sleepyhead!"

"Are we there yet?" Guy groaned.

"Well..." Angela cocked her head to one side, "You know, I hadn't thought to ask. But I just thought since this might be our last time together as a group, we should all spend some quality time together."

"Or alternatively, you couldn't sleep and decided to make the rest of us suffer for it?" Claudia barked.

"Oh you are little miss grouchy when you've got your sleepyhead on."

"You're going to be little miss dead in a second," replied Claudia as she groped about for her gun.

"Oh, it's ok! I've got something that'll cheer you all up!"

"Suicide?"

"Travel games!" she squealed as Shak dashed forward to wrench the barrel of Claudia's gun out of the doctor's mouth.

"I usually play I-spy with my kids..." said Guy vacantly. His mind was clearly elsewhere.

"Sometimes Dan...uh I mean my adopted father would give me advanced maths puzzles to do for fun..." Claudia joined in fondly. "But you're all to stupid for that game," she sneered.

"BORING! I've got a great game!" Shak shouted, "Tenner If You'll Eat It!"

"You first, Herrison."

"I want to play at house! I'll be the daddy and Claudia can be the mummy!" he grinned dopily, "Cause we're in love!"

After much debate, and much to Angela's reluctance, the group settled down on Shak and Claudia's insistence, to a rather long windedly titled game of, "If You Had The Choice Who Would You Chuck Out The Helicopter?"

"Well..." Angela looked around as all eyes turned on her, "I um...I...I would throw out all the negative energy that's in each and every one of us..." she smiled, "Then we could all become better people."

"PISH!" Shak screamed out, "That goes against all the rules of the game."

"What rules?" Guy frowned, "You just invented it."

"The ones I be's making up of course. To stop her answering crap like that." She stuck her tongue out, "What about you Guy? That's a stupid name by the way."

"God wouldn't really approve of my opinions on the matter."

"God is for cretins," Claudia scowled, "See what too much God does to you? You'll turn out like that idiot on the roof. Or my parents."

"Castrating him probably helped that along..." Shak mumbled contemplatively. "Anyway, your turn Guy. Who's it to be, huh huh?"

"I'd really rather not say..."

Simultaneously, Shak and Claudia approached him from either side, and said in unison, "It's me, isn't it?" The doctor spoke with a glare, but Shakahnna had a beaming smile on her face.

"Hey Claudia, bet I could win this competition." The STARS captain grinned.

"How?"

The redhead raised her eyebrows twice in rapid sucession with a smile. Before grabbing the Jewish man's crotch. He gave an indignant yell and leapt back, almost falling off the bench. Glaring at Shak with the filthiest expression possible, he stood up stiffly and made his way to sit next to Angela.

"You're right," the doctor marvelled dryly, "You did win, Shak."

"WHEEEEEEEEE!" The redhead beamed, "So Dr Graham, that would be your turn then. Angela or Herrison?"

"I can't pick both?"

"I suppose you could, but for arguments sake, let's say there are Nazi veloceraptors with lasers on their heads who work for Umbrella and they're going to murder either Angela or Herrison, and you only have time to throw one of them out, which would it be?"

"Hmm..." the scientist gave the matter genuine thought, "Maybe I should calculate some equations to determine which of them is more irritating. Herrison is more annoying to me...but the world would be a much better place without Angela. Herrison is unlikely to procreate, whereas eventually Angela sadly will one day get married and most likely pass on her criminally irritating genes because she's too stupid to use a prophylactic sheath. So it all comes down to this..." she sighed and held out her hands as though she were balancing scales, "Benefit myself...or benefit humanity...there's not really a choice. Herrison it is!"

"But I'll use my big shiny gun to kill the velo...veloci...vel...monsters! Right now!" Herrison ran for the door, "I'll protect you Claudia!"

"Sit down, you inbred," she ordered. "What about you Captain Taylor?"

"Take a wild guess..." Shak grinned at everyone's blank looks, "The pilot of course. He works for Umbrella."

"I heard that!" a voice came over the tannoy. "I don't work for Umbrella!"

"Shut up and drive, Umbrella scum."

"Yes ma'am."

"Even though undoubtedly, I'm going to regret this...Herrison, who would you chuck out the helicopter if you had the chance?" The bespectacled girl spoke up.

"Duuuurm..." he looked at the ceiling, "The monkies."

Claudia pinched the bridge of her nose before looking at him, exasperated, "What monkies? The ones that sit in your head and work the controls?"

"No! The ones with the lasers on their heads. I seen them in that documentary..."

"What documentary?"

"Planet of the Apes."

"That was a work of fiction! And anyway, you mean the veloceraptors..." Claudia caught herself correcting him before throwing up her hands in dismay and looking at Shak accusingly, "How do you manage to turn EVERYTHING into a circus!"

"It's a gift," the redhead replied serenely.

The pilot's voice came over the tannoy, "We're twenty minutes from the base, people," a pause, "And I pick Herrison too."

"Umbrella workers don't get to play!" Shak replied indignantly.

"But I'm not Um..."

"RIGHT!" She stood up and marched towards the cockpit, but was impeded by Herrison who leapt forward and wrapped both his arms around her legs.

"I love you Shak!"

She looked down in disgust and booted him in the chin. "Don't touch me." She admonished vehemently, "MY personal space."

As Herrison whimpered like a hurt puppy, the group fell into silence once more, the prospect of approaching Achma one which held varying degrees of trepidation for all concerned.

"We'll send out the bioweapons first, to keep them occupied." Wesker sat at the head of the conference table which was occupied by a sullen Jonathon. "I had hoped to be part of the welcoming committee, but it appears Toedling had other plans, and his punishment merits that we will have to proceed with a slower order of events."

"Sir..." Jonathon spoke up reluctantly, forcing a deferential tone into his voice, "What is your plan?"

"It does not concern you."

"I beg to differ! If this girl," he sneered in spite of himself, "Has the formula to my father's virus, then it most certainly does concern me!"

"Young Lancaster, I would advise you to mind your manners."

"It's my heritage, not hers!"

"You may be in for a nasty surprise on that issue." Wesker leaned back in his chair and folded his brawny arms. He was feeling rather pleased with the sight of Jonathon's swollen eye. He had always found the boy's level of vanity distasteful.

Lancaster had to physically bite down on his tongue to refrain from throwing a temper tantrum. How dare Wesker treat him as though he were an insolent teenager? "What ever you say, sir..." he huffed.

"I've decided to employ one of my personal BOW's for the purposes of keeping our guests entertained," the blonde titan continued smoothly.

"Ha!" Jonathon snorted and Wesker raised an eyebrow. "Your measly petswill never take them down!"

"I suspect you're missing the point, Jonathon." There was no hint of impatience in his voice, "My intention is merely to give our intrepid heroes something with which to occupy themselves until such time we are ready to go greet them personally." He smiled sardonically.

"Your pathetic attempts at genetic engineering won't even keep them busy! What is it this time, Albert? Another hunter? Pah!" he sniffed haughtily, "My creation will show them a new meaning to the word 'Bioweapon'." While Wesker's intention was clearly to stall the St Appolonia's survivors, the scientist was confident that the fruits of his endeavours would utterly decimate them, thus ensuring not only that Wesker's plaything was removed from the picture, but that his professional competition would also be taken care of. What a fool Albert was, he reflected, for underestimating his creature's destructive capacity.

"Do elucidate..." The young Lancaster's statements held a degree of intrigue for Wesker, having heard similar monologues from the boy's father. And Daniel had been responsible for some of Umbrella's finest weapons.

"I know what you think of me, Albert." Jonathon was growing quite passionate, a fervour brought on by sheer revelry in his own scientific progress, "That I don't take pride in my work, that I'm not half the scientist that my father was. But you're wrong! I have created something which perhaps even puts the Minotaur virus to shame, something that even you would think twice about pitting yourself against...Michelangelo, named after the legendary..."

"So like your father," Wesker observed as Jonathon scowled darkly at the comparison, "He always had difficulty separating the Classical Arts from his scientific endeavours." Wesker found it mildly pretentious that the younger Lancaster had named his creation after an artist. Especially since he highly doubted that Jonathon had ever even seen the Sistine Chapel.

"My father," Jonathon sneered, "Knew nothing of true classics."

"This is neither the time nor the place for such folly," Wesker remarked disparagingly. "Regardless, we will stick to the initial timetable of events. When they arrive we will pit them against my hunter and your..." he waved a hand nonchalantly, "...creation. Dr Graham will be brought here, and I shall deal with any survivors."

"Not to rain on your parade, Uncle Wesker," Jonathon voiced his thoughts in the least tactful way possible, "But if this wench has the formula, don't you think it's a little risky to send out two lethal BOWs in her vicinity. If she dies, then the virus dies with her. And there's no way you can convince me that a woman can handle herself in a fight. I mean, she'd just cry about broken nails, wouldn't she?"

"You may have failed to notice the highly trained military unit which is accompanying her. Miss Taylor single handedly took out your father's licker. And surely you recognize the other young man with her..."

"Oh him..." Jonathon glared at Wesker, his cheeks burning, "What's he doing there?"

"Some form of protection role, I assume," he waved his hand dismissively.

"So she just needs a big strong man to look after her?" Jonathon's mask of attentiveness slipped back to its default state of sleaze for a brief moment before a distasteful glance silenced him.


	27. It Was The Size Of A Giant Schoolbus

_AN: Well, to bring some semblance of sanity back to the author's notes, I have commandeered the computer, and will proceed to write in **actual sentences**. You are all cretins who will never understand the true beauty of Umbrella's creations._

_Review please._

_Claudia._

_

* * *

_

It had been fifteen minutes, but Shakahnna had not yet accepted the fact that the helicopter had landed, dropped off its cargo, and flown away with the pilot intact. She was standing holding her fist aloft and shaking it at the sky, shouting "Damn you Namco!" for reasons unknown.

Guy had left with the pilot to be reunited with his spouse, and Angela and Herrison were attempting to hold back the redhead, who was practically foaming at the mouth. Claudia was feigning disaffection and swallowing down a lump in her throat as she buried her nose in her files. She had desperately wanted to be aboard that helicopter as it left. Her mission was over, she had lured Shak to Achma, and she had a very fervent desire to be removed from the front line. However, Shakahnna had insisted on her staying to the point of physically clinging to her, until the pilot had simply taken off without her. Herrison had refused to leave his Captain's side, and Angela was determined to stay and help rescue civilians in any way she could.

Which left them in their current situation. Stranded, lost and without any form of coherent plan of action.

"Do you cretins not perhaps think that we should MOVE OUT?" Claudia snapped irritably above the commotion. No one replied.

_Typical. Everyone always ignores me._

"I SAID CAN WE MOVE OUT!" she screamed, stamping her foot.

There was a brief moment of silence as everybody turned to look at her, before Shak resumed her screaming at the long departed helicopter. "FUCK YOU, YOU LITTLE BASTARD! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA FUCKING TEAR YOU A NEW ONE. I BE'S GOING TO MURDER YOUR PARENTS TOO..." a thoughtful pause, "AND YOUR STUPID DOG!" She took a deep breath and her tone switched to serene and well with the world. "Ok. I be's done."

"Despite the fact that our current plan appears to be GET KILLED HORRIBLY AND GIVE ME A MIGRAINE..." Claudia began.

"...I'll stick to my usual plan." The redhead interrupted.

"Which is...?" Angela looked towards the older cop for guidance. Claudia looked towards the heavens for succour.

"Carnage." Seeing Angela was not satisfied, she decided it would be more professional to elaborate, "...and murder."

Claudia groaned and put her face in her hands. Angela looked nervous. Herrison began asking a lamppost for directions to the nearest McDonalds.

"We could always go that way," Shakahnna pointed.

"Why?" the scientist waited for some inane rationale, which would most likely make no sense, be completely unscientific and result in usage of the word 'cretin'.

"The sign says "EXIT"," replied the older officer.

Without waiting for her to continue, Claudia stormed in the direction of the now very obvious sign, and the group followed suit.

"But," Shakahnna said cautioning, "We can't go that way."

"Why...not...?" the doctor gritted her teeth.

"There's an electric fence."

"Oh..." Claudia retracted her hand from the doorknob.

"However..." The Captain continued and the bespectacled girl dug her nails into the palm of her hand. "...the way to disarm the fence is probably in there." She gestured to a nearby control hut.

_You could have said that in ONE SENTENCE. ONE SENTENCE. But oh no, YOU had to turn things into a pantomime as usual._

Muttering under her breath, Claudia stalked off towards the shed. As she looked at the control panel and sneered. As she switched the power off there was a loud beep, and then a shout of affirmation from Shak.

Just as she was about to rejoin the group, there was a low rumbling, and the floor began to shake. The door hinges rattled and items began falling off the shelves. Claudia peered anxiously out of the window, to view what the other survivors were being treated to up close.

Officer Taylor whirled round. The deactivation of the fence had triggered the release of one of Wesker's more conspicuous pets.

"I be's suspecting that we are perhaps in a great big pile of shit..." Shakahnna informed the group calmly as the ground began to shake.

"What was that!" squealed Angela as she reached for her gun while Herrison grinned serenely at the oncoming monstrosity.

It was a Hunter, that much was obvious. The key difference in this creature from the other hunters was the size; it was around fourteen feet tall, and had devolved to walk on all fours like its evolutionary predecessors, a phenotype which was most probably due to its gargantuan size.

"Hey Claudia!" Herrison called out in the direction of the hut where his Captain was, "That frog's really big...!"

She poked her head out of the window, scowled at him, and resumed being a coward. She glanced at Shak, who was looking from the monster to the fence and back. In a second, an idea clicked with both females and they looked at each other with wolfish grins.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" the scientist called out over a deafening roar which was followed by gunshot as Angela opened fire.

"Yep! And then we can eat it!" came the rejoinder.

Rolling her eyes, Claudia ducked back inside and yelled, "Say when!"

With a nod, the redhead unholstered her gun and turned to the other two. "That's probably going to run at you. You should avoid it."

Herrison was blithely ignoring Shak as he waved his arms at the Hunter and screamed, "Hey Mr Frog! Will you be my friend!" while brandishing a Mr Freddo bar. It made an anguished roar and lunched at him, but the doltish OCRC officer avoided its rampage with an expert evasive dodge.

"Timmons, stop being useless." She pointed to either corner of the yard and barked, "You two, there, cover me."

**Cooked Hunter's gonna be ace. Luring it, however...**

**Don't be ridiculous, I'm much better than it.**

As the two officers complied with the STARS Captain's orders, she took a few experimental shots at the monster with her Desert Eagle, the bullets ricocheting off its hide as though they were pellets from an air gun. It was enough to attract its attention, though, and it let out a bloodthirsty growl and began lumbering at speed in Shakahnna's direction. The officer avoided its rampage with an expert evasive dodge.

"Hurry up, Shak!" Claudia called angrily from the window at the STARS captain who appeared to be having the time of her life. This was not the best idea in the world, as for not the first time in her life, Claudia acquired some unwanted attention. The hunter stopped in its tracks and began to plod in the direction of the control hut where the OCRC officer was taking shelter.

Dr Graham was not the only member of the party who was displeased by these events. Shakahnna gave an indignant holler at the backside of the green monstrosity, followed by a kick. "How dare you! Where do you think you be's going!" she declared angrily, "I'm not finished with you yet!"

It ignored her, and the redhead screamed an order to open fire because the monster had "offended her honour". Meanwhile Claudia looked out of the window with her mouth hanging open as from inside the hut she wondered where the sun had gone. Seeing the incoming hunter, she gulped, before grabbing her rucksack and leaping out of the wooden shack, just before a single enormous foot reduced it to matchsticks.

_Oh…dear._

From one corner, Angela and Herrison began to fire frantically, and Claudia assumed a position of relative safety behind some debris. She brought out her gun, looked at it, looked at the hunter whose attention was now attracted to her second in command, and reholstered the weapon.

_Bollocks to that._

A string of expletives that ended with "I'm gonna use you for a pair of shoes, bitch!" came from the direction of the redhead, who had clambered onto the monster's back and was alternating between shooting it and digging her claws into it's hide. It turned around and took a swipe at her, as she leapt down and began running towards the fence. It followed suit and she covered around half the heliport relatively quickly, as despite her size, she could move when she wanted to. It was only then a thought occurred to her.

**Hang on… **she looked towards the destroyed control hut.** Hmmm….**

"Can someone make that be working please!" she called over.

"I'm…already…on…it…" Claudia heard Shakahnna shout through the chaos, as she muttered through gritted teeth by way of reply. She was kneeling among the ruins of the control hut, trying to hotwire the electric fence. As a slight spark burned her fingertips, she dropped the wires, reflected for a split second that god hated her, and started over again.

As Shakahnna continued to run, and Angela and Alex kept firing, the doctor continued to fumble frantically with the wiring. After what seemed to the STAR as an eternity of pounding feet, a shout went up from Claudia.

"It's live!"

**Thank Fuck. Running is shit and I hate it.**

As the redhead was a few steps away from the fence, she threw herself to the ground. Flat on her back, she rolled to the side and left the path clear for her giant pursuer. The hunter lacked the necessary reflexes to stop in time, and ploughed headlong into the electrified fence. As its giant form floundered in the tangled metal, another portion of the fence crashed down on its broad back, its cries and howls fading into the dull hiss of sizzling flesh.

Shakahnna clambered to her feet and stood to watch the spectacle, her arms crossed and a distinctly smug expression on her face. Again. Angela and Herrison watched, dumbfounded.

"Well…" Claudia pulled the wires apart, shorting the circuit and stared down at her burnt hands with a wince. "That went predictably tits up."

Shak giggled. "You said a bad word."

Herrison nodded in agreement, "You shouldn't swear!" he turned to Angela, "What does predictable mean anyway? Is it rude?"

Angela smiled serenely. "Good job team!"

"Christ." Claudia glared at the blonde cop, "It's still alive."

"WHEEE!" the redhead made a run for the hunter's corpse and clambered up like it was a twisted mockery of a climbing frame and she was the biggest kid in the playground. When she reached the head, she began bouncing up and down. "I'm the king of the castle and you're a dirty wee rascal!" She ran her claws along the hide and threw strips down to the rest of the party as though it was confetti. "Hey guys, we winned!"

"I'm not so sure about that…" Claudia mused as she removed a chuck of the monster's skin from her hair and scowled at…everything.

"Oooh?" Shak pointed. "There be's huts and stuff over there. Didn't you pussies want some rest or something?"

Angela looked up at the fading sky, "Yeah…" she giggled, "I think it's past my bedtime already!"

"I wouldn't mind…" Claudia began, but was interrupted as Herrison grabbed her arm and started nuzzling at her shoulder.

"Can I share a bed with you Claudia?" he enquired loudly.

"No!" she shook him off and reached for her gun. "I'm not even sleeping in the same room as you, you disgusting little cretin." She sighed as he backed off to go and investigate a particularly intriguing pebble on the ground, which seemed to be calling him. "That aside, I do think rest is a good idea."

"It'll be like a sleepover!" Angela beamed.

"You pain me."

"I could use some rest…" Shak mused, before the last of the adrenaline left her system and she fell over, tumbling off the hunters head and slumping to the ground.


	28. A good nights sleep is all we need

AN: WAH! Well you see Clauds called me a cretin just one too many times so now I've put her in a box and am holding a poll. Should I let her out or not? Be's having gotted a big choice to make here readeresque peoples. It's really ace if you shake the box hard enough she makes this sort of cat noise. (Between you and me I think she loves it really)

Shak.

* * *

After Shak had regained consciousness, she had declared it dinner time. Angela and Claudia, being the two most female types, had taken it upon themselves to source out provisions for a simple meal.

Shakahnna rubbed her hands in glee.

"We're cooking?" A glint appeared in her eye. "I'll be back in a flash."

And with that she disappeared. Angela and Claudia began to engage in the first civil discussion they had ever had, a debate on the relative merits of different vegetables in sauces.

Herrison picked at his toenails.

After around an hour, Shakahnna returned with not only what looked like steak, but cooked steak. Herrison grinned widely and grabbed a piece. He was about to bite into it, when Claudia held up a cautionary finger.

"As much as I'm going to regret this…" she said loudly, "What is that?"

"It's hunter," she replied as though it was obvious.

Herrison turned green and dropped his piece. Shak looked at him in horror, "What are you doing! That's perfectly good steak! And I even cooked it!"

**Well, I cooked your bits**.

"Tenner if you'll eat it, Timmons," Claudia shot snidely.

"Don't be silly, I couldn't take all your pocket money, poppet," she replied.

"Excuse me!" the doctor was irate, "I make around ten times your salary, cop!"

"Oh well," Shak chimed cheerfully, "More for me! I wish I hadn't bothered to cook this either now."

-

"Ahh…" Shakahnna sighed contentedly as she took a swig from her hip flask to bring up her "sanity meter". Having found a suitable place to take up camp, Angela and Herrison had long since fallen asleep, and only herself and Claudia remained alert. Shakahnna had invited herself to sit next to the scientist, and Claudia for her part thought it best not to tell the redhead to piss off, in lieu of all the times she had saved her life that day.

The redhead proceeded to make herself comfortable among the blankets which the group had sourced out in the hut, before turning around and grinning. "So, Claudia. How are you feeling?" she asked as though it was the most natural question in the world.

"Um…terrible!" she spluttered in return. "This is the worst thing that's ever…" she hesitated, "The second worst thing that's ever happened to me!"

"What was the worst?"

_Getting put in OCRC…_

"The day Herrison got made my second in command," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Aye, he's not as stupid as you think," she shrugged, before grinning maddeningly.

"Oh please. Herrison is…" she sneered and Shak stifled a guffaw.

"The best thing to look at it is there's worse things and better people. And if you're going to be here, who better to be with than us?"

_Daniel?_

"I'm absolutely brilliant at this," Shak continued, "Herrison's a crack shot, and Angela, despite her many flaws, is a police officer."

"I'd rather not be here at all!" Claudia declared, almost angrily. It was, she reflected, grossly unfair for her to be in this situation. Especially when Shak seemed to be having the time of her life.

"It's not the best place in the world but…" the redhead shrugged, "We're here anyway, may as well enjoy it."

**Although, I wish I'd thought of what I be'd gonna do here before I came. Oh well, too late now…**

"We're walking into the unknown. You scientists like that kind of thing, don't you?" she continued.

"NO!" Claudia hissed, then looked at the other two and lowered her voice for fear of waking them and being subject to their company. "No we do not. In fact, quite the opposite. Don't…doesn't this scare you?"

"No more than everything else."

"Oh please. You're not scared of anything."

"What do you think paranoia is, if not just a deep rooted fear of everything?" Shak pointed out in an uncharacteristically philosophical manner.

"I wouldn't know. I'm not paranoid, just plain ordinary scared."

"I don't remember it being in the rule books that says you couldn't be scared. I'll tell you, there's been a good few times I've come close to shitting myself. The virus in general scares me, losing control scares me, Wesker's a fucking nightmare…"

_Amen to that_.

"…I'll tell you something else, I'd sooner be dead than be strapped down to one of those tables again. I mean, it seemed like it was going to be a lot of fun…I mean someone cutting you up, I mean what could be better than that?"

"Oh I don't know…cancer?" Claudia was aghast.

"Yeah, maybe. At least if you've got cancer, you can blow your own brains out. As opposed to knowing stuff's going on, and just being useless. I hate being useless, I hate being helpless. Hence why I always be's at the front." She shrugged, "Not like anyone's gonna miss me."

The doctor cleared her throat and adjusted her glasses, "You don't seem lonely."

"Well you're doing what you love as well. Are you lonely?"

"I'm not doing what I love!" Claudia bit her lip. "I hate OCRC."

"Why? You're playing with all that science stuff. Isn't that what you like? Why does it matter where you do it?"

"I…" she faltered, "I don't know. It just…does."

_Because Daniel isn't there._

_He's not at Umbrella any more either._

_Yes he is. He is. He has to be._

"I appreciate perhaps that Herrison may grate on your nerves, but at least you can go about calling people cretins all you like, because he's not gonna let anyone shoot you." Shak grinned. "I'm sensible. Although not of the octopus variety."

"I'd rather get shot if it meant I didn't have to put up with him."

The STARS captain brought out her gun, "Care to test that theory?"

Claudia closed her eyes. "Sure. Go ahead."

"We can play Russian Roulette," Shak chambered a single bullet and spun it, before handing the gun to the scientist. "On you go. If I kill you, I'll have failed my mission, so you have to do it."

_You wouldn't have failed your mission. I work for Umbrella_.

She looked down at the pistol in her hand for a few seconds, swallowed hard and thrust it back into the redhead's hands. "This is stupid."

"Ha…I'm glad, I knew you'd not do it. You make good company."

"It must be my sunny disposition," she growled.

"And your winning smile." Shak teased.

"Yes. Quite." She rolled her eyes and lay back so that she was staring at the ceiling. "You never answered my question, Shak."

"I kinda be'd hoping you forgetted about that."

"You could always lie."

"Oh yeah. So I could. I hadn't thought of that. It's too late, you know now."

"What about Pi…oh…" It had been a genuine slip of the tongue. "Yeah…sorry. So you are lonely then?"

"Well…I be's a firm believer in that not thinking about stuff is the way to go. So I hadn't really given it much thought, but yeah, I guess I am. Not enough to change, but there are nights when I be's just on my own and I wish I wasn't. But I'm not afraid of the price I pay…"

"Wouldn't it be funny if I'd just given you another complex?"

Shak leaned back serenely, put her hands behind her head and smiled. "What do you mean another complex?"

"Oh I don't know. Maybe in addition to all the ones Wesker seems to have given you…" Claudia replied tactfully. "Were you and he really lovers?"

_And if you were then say that you were_.

The redhead looked contemplative. "Most guys you're fucking feel the need to shower you with gifts. And you get stuff like guns, ammunition, cars, a home gym, a cows heart in a box. What does Wesker give me…? Schizophrenia."

"Ever the romantic," Claudia sighed disparagingly. "I don't know. My last boyfriend got me excommunicated."

"You mean like he stole your phone?"

_No, I mean like I fucked a priest_.

"My…uh….well…that is…I may have sort of…"

_Fucked a priest._

"…had inappropriate relations with a member of the Catholic clergy."

"So you fucked a priest then?" Shak translated. She raised a fist. "G'on yersel' Claudia!" She pulled a face, "Aw, you should have told me that a few hours ago. The look on Jack's face would have been priceless. 'This is my friend Claudia, she fucked a priest.' "

"Yes, yes, well there's no need to keep talking about…"

"I wanna be cannibalized!" Shak declared, "But don't you have to fuck the Pope to get that?"

"Cannibalised…?" Claudia frowned, "Oh. Canonised. No, I don't think that's how you go about it. You have to have a miracle attributed to you. Like…stigmata or something."

"Stigmata…" Shakahnna's eyes lit up with an ethereal glow. "I must be's having that. Maybe Wesker'll…hang on."

"It's so last season." Claudia replied dryly. "I hear crucifixion's not very 'in' right now."

"Irrelevant." Shak missed the sarcasm completely. "I want some anyway. It'll go with the one on my face."

"A scar for every outfit?"

"I've got that now. I only own three sets of clothes." She looked down, "Well I suppose technically it's two now."

"I suppose that beut on your face was courtesy of Wesker as well?"

"Hmm…well. Technically not. Once I found out he was a BOW…although I suspected something was a bit up after I nailed him to a wall…" Here Claudia gagged at this narrative, "Both figuratively and literally…anyways, well you see…I may…have erm…removed myself from the building via the second storey window. The _closed_ second storey window."

**Oh, happy days. (Ohhh happy daaaaaays).**

"Lovely!" the expression on the young doctor's face told Shak that her sentiment was anything but.

"He did give me the one on my throat, however." Her eye began to twitch. "Prick."

_So that's what happened. Why did he let her…he said it was my fault._

_It wasn't my fault._

Shak shuddered, as though trying to physically shake off the memory. "I've got to take him out. I just don't know how." It was spoken more to herself than Claudia.

"If anyone can do it, you can." It was not merely a platitude. The scientist believed it with all her heart.

"Well, any rate, doesn't really matter. But if we don't get some rest, you guys are gonna have to carry me again, and I really don't want that."

-

Wesker sat and watched the interaction between the two females through gritted teeth. The mental illness was one thing, but the fact that she was accepting an Umbrella worker as confidante was intolerable.

_**Your front does not fool anyone. Especially not I. It would be unbecoming of a gentleman to keep you waiting much longer. Our time is at hand, Shakahnna.**_

"She fucked a priest!" Jonathon repeated with incredulous delight for the seventh or eighth time.

I fucked a nun up the arse once, so she could keep her virginity.

"So it would seem," he replied dryly, "Now be quiet. It's time for you to show us your mettle. If you would be so kind as to release Heinz from his cage. I believe he may have learned his lesson."

"No way!" Jonathon was adamant. "I'm not going within three feet of that weirdo. You won't believe his latest…"

Wesker looked down at him. "I have no use for idle prattle, Lancaster. It does not matter who personally releases young Toedling, as long as he is ready to travel with us. He can act as a visual deterrent. That will be another part of his punishment."

"What did he do that was so wrong, anyway?"

"That is of no consequence," Wesker snapped.

"Yeah," Jonathon laughed, "I bet you caught him having a hand shandy over your beast of a girlfriend's picture or something," he joked inappropriately.

God, now there's an image to make the one eyed trouser snake commit suicide.

"No. He's still breathing, is he not?"

"Unfortunately." Jonathon reflected dryly. "At any rate, don't you think it's time for them to meet my most prized creation?" A fervent glint appeared in his eyes, reminiscent of the expression Wesker had often seen on Daniel's countenance.

Although after their encounter with my creation, we might have to send a hearse to pick them up. Oh Wesker, you simple fool.

"Perhaps it would be more sporting to allow them the grace of a night's rest," The blonde-haired BOW reflected. "I would hate to act unjustly."

"Very well," the chestnut haired young man scowled, "I can wait."

Tomorrow will see your ginger little bitch snuffed out. And then, once she's dead, Michelangelo will turn on you, Wesker. Then you'll regret that you ever underestimated this Lancaster.

-


	29. Oh Mickey! You're so pretty!

Check it out! Big shout! A madcap mix of action and adventure etc etc Just. Fucking. Review.

Claudia

* * *

"Mickey…" Heinz whispered huskily and caressed the brown skin of his friend, a fellow victim of captivity, as the sound of his own name crept into the cell, unceasing for three days now, creeping into his skull and thrusting long fingers into his brain.

"Toedling…toedling…toedling…TOEDLING…toedling…TOEDLING...toedling toedling TOEDLINGTOEDLINGTOEDLINGTOEDLINGTOEDLING TOEDLIIIIIIIIIIING…TOED…ling…toedling…toed…"

Three days. No sleep. Little food. And nothing save the sound of his own name over and over again.

If it hadn't been for Mickey, he'd have gone crazy.

It was odd, he reflected. He had never been one for human interaction; he hadn't counted on that being what kept him sane during his punishment.

But then, Mickey wasn't strictly human.

As it were, Mickey was anything but human.

In fact, two days ago, Heinz had taken a shit in a box and named it Mickey, and this had been his confidante for the last 48 hours.

Boy. Heinz was sure relieved he hadn't gone insane under the stress of his punishment.

-

"Could I have your attention please?" A smooth English accent came in over an unseen tannoy, rousing Shakahnna, Claudia, Angela and Herrison awake as they looked about, puzzled, for the source of the voice. As Claudia sat up, confused, there was a snigger, followed by the same voice declaring, "Woah, Claudia. Someone's had a visit from the titty fairy since I last saw you."

The doctor turned scarlet and crossed her arms over her chest, as Shak located the source of the sound. "Hey Claudia," she pointed to the speaker, "That box is a pervert."

"What's a prevert?" Herrison asked sleepily, throwing on his trousers over his Thomas the Tank Engine y-fronts.

"It doesn't matter, Herrison, it's going to be deaded in a minute."

"Sit down this instant, you thug." Jonathon's voice continued. He was in his element.

"You must be's thinking I'm really stupid if you think I'm gonna take orders from a box."

"Silence, you cretin." The sneer was apparent in his voice, and Claudia looked at the speaker with a renewed interest.

"Hey Shak, I think the box likes you," Herrison offered.

"What's going on?" Angela asked sleepily.

Shak was strapping on her claws. "Shak," Claudia rolled her eyes, "It's not the speaker. It's someone talking through the speaker."

"Don't be silly Claudia," Herrison admonished, "They'd be too small to fit in there."

"I feel your pain, Dr Graham, truly I do," Jonathon said smoothly, and she smiled appreciatively at no one in particular.

"I wouldn't be worrying about her pain, because I be's having a whole bunch of it for you, you creepy little…I bet you're Umbrella scum."

"How perceptive of you," he replied icily, "I am in fact head of this base."

"FIFTY POINTS!" Shakahnna screamed with a whoop of elation as she began slavering at the mouth.

"Ma'am, you should calm down…"

"You're lying!" Claudia yelled, turning white. "Daniel's head of this base!"

"Not any more, darling," he drawled, and she dug her nails into the palm of her hand, and glared dumbly at the speaker from which the words were emanating.

Shak tugged on Claudia's sleeve. "Now please may I be wanting to kill the fifty point box?"

"No," she said flatly, "We should hear him out."

**The only words I be's wanting to hear from him are 'Please don't kill me, AH AH AAAAAH!"**

"There's a good girl," Dr Lancaster's voice dripped with condescending malice.

Claudia looked round as there was a thud, the sound signalling Shak's discovery that the door had already been locked. She began to whistle as she set bags of plastic explosives around the door.

"Don't do that, you crazy bitch!" Jonathon yelled into the tannoy.

"You be's one to talk about being crazy. You're a box." Shak stuck her tongue out at the speaker.

"It's not a box…" Herrison pointed out, "It's a really small person hiding inside a box!"

"Oh my god!" Claudia slammed her fist against the wall, "Will you PLEASE stop talking or I WILL KILL YOU!" she screamed petulantly at Herrison, before rounding on Shak, "And as for you! We are NOT going to blow the door up! Do you know why? Can you think why I might possibly not want to be burnt alive in a fiery inferno just to indulge your penchant for pyromania!" She pointed at the box, "And as for you, you'll let us out this instant! I don't care if you're head of the base!"

_Oh shit. I just yelled at the head of the base._

_He's not head of the base. Daniel is._

The speaker's earlier taunt about the late Dr Lancaster motivated her to stand firm and tack the word 'cretin' on to the end of her rant, albeit in a slightly more subdued tone.

Shak decided to take matters into her own hands. "I tell you what," she declared reasonably, "At which point you can let us out, explain what ever little diabolical plan you have cooked up inside that little fifty point head of yours or…I'm gonna blow the place up. Starting now."

"It's time," he said coldly, "For you all to die. Now if you want to do it by your own hand, that's fine, but it really would be infinitely more entertaining if you were to pit yourselves against my latest creation."

Claudia gulped. Shak's ears pricked up.

"…it will be most interesting to see how long you can last against one of my little pets."

"Then take that cock out your mouth and let us in to play with it already. I'm bored." Shak began to grind her teeth.

"Now come on…" Claudia pleaded with the speaker, "Let's not do anything hasty here sir…"

"No!" Shak silenced her with a wave of her hand, "Let's do something hasty, IMMEDIATELY! Listen you fudge slurping little bitch," there was a crackle as Jonathon choked into the microphone and Claudia hissed 'you can't say that!', "If this thing is so fucking grate, then lemme at it RIGHT NOW!"

"Of course. I wouldn't want to turn down the request of…" he sniggered sardonically, "…a lady. If you are that eager to die, I will be happy to oblige."

Shakahnna rubbed her hands in glee, "Excellent."

"Are you sure this is a good idea. Perhaps we can negotiate…" Angela began.

"Silence, Barbie."

There was a creak as a dust covered bookcase swung back and revealed a hidden door which the STARS captain darted for at once. Claudia caught her arm, her eyes shining with terror and unhappiness. "Shak," she said, her voice trembling, "If this…if we die here well…just wanted to say…" she gave a little sob and threw her arms around the redhead.

Shak shook her off, bemused. "What are you doing? This'll be ace." She looked at her hand, then at Claudia's head, before ruffling her hair and grinning.

"Come on, Herrison!" Angela smiled bravely, "We should go back up our Captain!"

"And protect Claudia!" he lolloped.

"That's the spirit, Herrison!"

As the three traipsed after Shakahnna, a little less high in spirits, and the door opened, the only thing visible in the encroaching darkness was a pair of glowing red eyes.

It was then that Claudia knew they were going to die.

-


	30. The Begining Of The End

Right, you all better review or I'm going to rip off your head and piss down the neck hole. Presenting Living Like A Disaster, the best thing in the world that you can't roll up and smoke.

Claudia

Ps. I hate everything.

* * *

A single light bulb snapped on, the flood illuminating the room barely enough to allow them to view the unknown monstrosity, casting shadow about the enclosure. There was a melee of noise, mechanical whirring, horns sounding, metal clashing against metal, screeching in protestation.

And all the while those red eyes continued to burn.

Suddenly the room went silent, the noise cut out abruptly. With torturous slowness, the very gradual creak of a cage door cranking up could be discerned, the sound cutting through the air. It was obvious that whatever they were about to face, it had been enclosed in the strongest, most durable structure.

Eventually the creaking stopped and there was a sickening wet splash, presumably the sound of heavy wet footfall as the monster took it's first step onto land, still obscured in shadow.

Shakahnna began to pulse with anticipation, barely able to stand still as she hopped from one foot to the other. Angela whispered a prayer under her breath, and Claudia through blind terror clutched Herrison's arm desperately. Even the group idiot was devoid of all inanity as they waited for the beast to make itself known.

There was a sharp intake of breath as a hulking shadow loomed, the smooth contours of a gargantuan body being cast up the wall.

"Woah," Shak breathed at the shadow's size, "This makes Wesker look like a pussy."

There was silence, save for the manic laughter of Jonathon echoing in the background. The scientist was in his element, filled with sadistic joy at the prospect of watching his creation slaughter the survivors.

They waited.

And waited.

There was a second slosh of water, and the red glow from its eyes lowered, presumably because the creature was about to pounce.

Then it made itself known.

"Um…" Angela looked about in confusion. "Where is it?"

"Invisible monster!" Shak exclaimed, "Waaaaaaaaay!"

Claudia was staring at the floor in vague disgust and confusion. "Erm…" she coughed and walked over, shaking off Herrison's concerned touch. Crouching down on one knee she thrust her face into the red glow.

Her inquisitive stare was met with a blank, and kind of cute, look from the cream of Jonathon's genetic engineering. It was a turtle.

A _turtle_.

Slightly smaller than average size, clearly on the verge of death, it looked at Claudia, and twitched slightly.

Claudia responded by kicking it.

It ricocheted across the room and bounced lamely off a wall before the impact set it upright again. Shak meanwhile was idly playing with a pair of plastic nun chucks which had been lying next to it. Jonathon had indeed prepared his creation for battle.

"Is this a joke?" Angela mused as they all closed in around the sickly amphibian.

"Careful," the doctor cautioned, "It might still mutate."

There was a notably embarrassed silence from the tannoy.

They watched for a few minutes as the turtle staggered forward and began to choke, before vomiting up a pool of apparently carbonated brown liquid onto the floor.

"Meh." Quoth the turtle.

It then degenerated into a puddle.

Of _water_.

There was an awkward silence as they all crowded round the liquid that had formerly been Jonathon's bioweapon. Herrison poked the tip of the puddle with his shoe and looked at Claudia in confusion. Shak began to breath heavily in angry, bitter disappointment at having been deprived of a battle. Angela played 'Anywhere but here' in her head.

It was the doctor who broke the silence. "A TORTOISE! What the HELL was that?" she demanded, utterly indignant that someone could have such a low level of pride for their work. "Even Herrison could have come up with something better than that! This has to be a take the piss!" she looked around, half expecting Jeremy Beadle to appear with a video camera and an inane grin.

"FUCK YOU!" Shak roared, "I was promised a monster!" She stormed back into the hut, followed hastily by the rest of the party. The redhead grabbed the speaker and began to shake it, "YOU LIED TO ME, FIFTIES!"

The sound of Jonathon clearing his throat awkwardly came through, followed by a disgusted sigh and "Enough of this nonsense" from Wesker, who had apparently also been privy to the grand scale of Dr Lancaster's scientific failure.

There may have been more discourse to be had, but Shak was too livid to listen, and, with a rabid scream of "How dare you!" she slammed her cat claws into the speaker, shorting the circuit.

Claudia thought that maybe Shak had been this angry when Wesker had appeared, but she was too scared to remember.

-

"Oh Michelangelo…" Jonathon buried his head on the desk, a perfect hybrid of grief and shame. "Oh Jonathon Junior!" He stifled a sob.

Wesker was utterly disgusted. There was not much the pathetic excuse for a researcher could have done to lower himself in Wesker's opinion, but yet here he was. Disgraced to the point where Wesker was starting to bitterly regret having Daniel killed. The boy's father may have become a thorn in his side, but at least he was not shockingly lazy and incompetent to Jonathon's level of sheer inuntility.

_**This is so degrading, it is painful.**_

How could they have survived against Jonathon Junior! How could fate be this cruel!

"I see you inherited none of your father's talents," Wesker remarked snidely.

Jonathon looked up with tears shining in his eyes. "You don't understand, Wesker!" he wailed, "That turtle was like a son to me!"

Wesker idly picked up Jonathon's 'Research Notes' and leafed through them. "Although I have no offspring of my own, I would have to question the parental merits of feeding one's next of kin on a diet of the T-Virus and Coca Cola."

"Jonathon Junior…" the hapless 'scientist' sniffled miserably, "…was fed on a strictly measured equilibrium of the virus and caffeine. He was supposed to live up to his namesake," he sobbed, "And now he's dead!"

Wesker arched an eyebrow, "Pray tell, Jonathon. How was a bio-weapon supposed to live up to the reputation of a renaissance painter?"

Jonathon looked at him blankly for a few seconds.

"Michelangelo…" Wesker explained slowly, "Painted the Sistine Chapel."

"Wow…" Jonathon marvelled, "He really was the best turtle."

"I beg your pardon?" the blonde was most perplexed.

"Michelangelo from the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. I didn't know he could paint as well as kick Shreddar's arse."

Now it was Wesker's turn to look blank. Jonathon thought he would give his boss an auditory aid and began to hum the theme tune of this illustrious cartoon.

"Dun dun dun dun dun dun….Heroes in a half shell! Turtle power!"

"Forgive me Jonathon," Wesker said icily, "But for a moment there, I thought you might be referring to a children's cartoon."

"It's not just for children!" Jonathon defended his choice of popular culture, "It's exciting for adults too!"

"Is this some attempt at humour?" He looked at Jonathon. "No…you appear to be completely serious." Wesker was positively disgusted. Had he been capable, he would have been humiliated on the young man's behalf.

Jonathon was spared making a fool of himself further by a creak as the door opened and Heinz stood in the doorway, awaiting his orders. 'Mickey' had been confined to his room, as the pseudo-Nazi was far too attached to him to put him in any danger which a mission might bring. He made a hulking figure standing there. Had Wesker not been already present, Toedling may have been considered intimidating by anyone's standards.

"Oh." Jonathon looked up sulkily. "Look. It's Toedling." He spat the last word out viciously.

Heinz twitched at the sound of his name, having heard nothing but 'Toedling!' for the past three days while in confinement. Wesker smiled.

"In lieu of your recent spectacle, Jonathon, it may be wise to offer our greetings in person," Albert remarked.

"Oh goody," Jonathon snarled, "A school trip."

-

The four survivors were travelling through the intricate network of huts which spanned the rest of the helipad. It had for the most part been a monotonous, silent journey; both Shak and Claudia were in utterly foul moods, the redhead because she had been deprived of her carnage, and Claudia because the stranger over the speakers had claimed to be head of the Achma base, which cast doubt over her chances of finding Daniel alive.

It was in this wordless state that the group entered yet another dark wooden room.

**This is fucking shit.**

**What kind of fucking maze doesn't have any monsters in it? Stupid fucking turtle.**

**A FUCKING TURTLE! Fucking sadistic bastard. I mean who be's in charge of this place? They know I'm here, they know I'm gonna blow up stuff, they could at least oblige me with something nice. No carriers. Nothing.**

**I'm so bored! If we don't get out of here soon, I'm going to have to sacrifice Herrison. Wonder if I can radio in some monsters. Rent-a-beast. That would be ace. Speaking of which, where be's Wesker hiding. Hahaa, I bet he's afraid of me. I'm well going to turn his balls into a necklace. Or maybe I can make him eat them. Gonad salad!**

**Decisions, decisions.**

Claudia looked down at her chest.

_What did he mean, a visit from the tittie fairy? Why did he act like he knew me?_

_Who do I know from before? I never really spoke to anyone except Daniel and Wesker._

_Daniel. You have to be alive._

"Nope," Angela looked around the room and everyone glared at her for speaking. "This one's a dead end."

"Right." Claudia's tone was flat, "Let's go then." She tried the door. "The doorknob's stuck. Shak, you do the honours?"

"Indeed I can," she planted a firm kick on the door, but it didn't budge. She looked down at her foot. "It's not working."

"Just bloody…" Claudia trailed off as there was a loud hiss. "What was that."

Angela sniffed, "Oh my God! Oh my God! It's gas!"

"But…I never farted…." Herrison commented rather unhelpfully.

"I'll try and block it up…" Shak started to tear strips from her trousers to plug up the vents.

"That won't work!" Claudia snapped, "There's too many vents!" The green gas was seeping in from around twenty different points in the room. "There has to be something to shut it…off. Let me take a look… at…the…." The scientist trailed off and began to sway on her feet, before crumpling limply to the ground. "Oh dear," she whispered before passing out.

"Well, we're fucked," Shak looked at Herrison. There was a thud behind them as Angela lost consciousness. "That's why women shouldn't be allowed in the front." She shook her head while walking over to the door. Herrison and Captain Taylor were rather more sturdily built than their companions, and as such were able to resist the effects of the gas for longer. "I'll keep trying the door."

"No." Herrison looked up. "There must be some kind of failsafe mechanism in here somewhere."

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter. It'll be something to do with maths. I didn't think I'd ever need that."

"You can leave that to me," he replied, all semblance of idiocy gone from his demeanour.

**Haha, I knew it! I was right! Point for me!**

Shakahnna began to place strips of material over the girls' mouths to filter the air while Herrison located the control device for the room.

**I heard if you piss on it, it makes a good gas mask. That's what they did in the trenches.**

**Nah.**

**I can't go with company.**

The OCRC officer had located the controls and was deftly keying in numbers. While someone like Claudia would have dismissed it as easy, the reality was that he was competently solving some very difficult mathematical problems. As the gas crept up around his waist, he punched in the last few digits, and there was a click as the lock disengaged and the clouds began to recede.

"Come on!" he dashed forward and hoisted Angela over his shoulder, while Shak did the same for Claudia, "We need to get out of here."

As they escaped and began to backtrack through the corridors, Shak grinned at Herrison.

"I knew you didn't really be an idiot," she declared smugly.

"Then how come you didn't say anything?" Without the inane grin and vacant expression, the officer's face was quite transformed. Even his voice was markedly different.

"And spoil the fun?" she laughed.

"Look," he said, "Don't tell Claudia. Besides, I've been undercover for so long that sometimes I can't tell me and Herrison apart any more."

"So what's your real name?"

"Hunk."

"Well, you're not bad, but I wouldn't go that far."

He grinned, a smile which was more reserved than his customary beam. "So that was a close one back there. I mean, I've undergone extensive training for this sort of thing, but even that only afforded me a five minute window."

"Oh, it would've taken me a wee bit longer."

"I didn't realise STARS training was so all-encompassing!" he marvelled, "It must be second to none. I mean, I'm one of the best in my field, but even I would have gone down…"

She shrugged, "What's STARS got to do with it? I just ate the stuff the gas is made of, this one time."

"Shouldn't that have killed you?" he asked.

She looked herself up and down. "Apparently not."

They reached one of the previous rooms, which was a dormitory of sorts, with a row of beds. Setting the two females down, Herrison set up an anxious watch at the end of Claudia's bed.

"I've been with her so long," he mused, "That I don't think I know how to do anything else."

"I'm surprised OCRC would go to such lengths to give one of their members a bodyguard. Suppose they were lucky Claudia wasn't grabbed up by a big corporation like Umbrella, but…" her attention wavered as she spotted a vase. "Oooh!" Filling it up with icy tap water, she strode up to the unconscious women.

"Shak you shouldn't…"

Splash.

Angela was the first to shoot awake, gasping for breath and looking around in a daze. Claudia's eyes shot open before she rolled over, curled up into the foetal position and screwed her eyes shut again.

"Go away. I feel sick." Claudia sat up and glared at Shak and Herrison. "What happened? How did we get out?"

"I kicked the door down," Shak said hastily.

"Oh well done!" Angela beamed, her eyes full of gratitude. "You saved us!"

"She's a strong man!" Herrison ejaculated.

"I see you saved him as well," Dr Graham groaned. "Oh well, no one's perfect."

"He be's useful," Shak said, with a sideways glance at Hunk, who was letting his tongue loll out of his mouth. "I had to get him to carry Angela, cause she's fat."

Angela looked down at herself and looked vaguely hurt for a moment, before smiling. "You're such a kidder, Shak." Her grin was a little too stretched. The strain of her company was starting to get to her.

"And here, just for a minute, it seemed like there might have been something which annoyed you, Angela," the redhead observed with a playful smile, "How do you ever hope to find a nice man if you never punch anyone?"

"Oh, I don't think violence is the correct way to attract a partner. But I respect your lifestyle choices."

"I don't," Claudia thundered, "I think you're a cretin."

"Ah well, can't win 'em all, eh Clauds?" the officer smiled.

"Don't call me that," Claudia was still feeling irritable from the effects of the gas. "We're not partners. We never will be. I don't even like you!"

**Of course you…partners?**

**I had one of those.**

**Had?**

**Where is he? Where are you? Pierce? I don't like it on my own. What if he's here? Where are you?**

**I don't…I don't…**

Shakahnna began to clutch at her hair, as loud, anguished screams tore from her lips. Over and over again she howled out as she sank to her knees. Her eyes were bloodshot and vacant, her stare looking through the group, utterly blank. "Where's Pierce….where's Pierce…" she mumbled, repeating this mantra over and over again, growing louder and louder until she was yelling it out with full force. She stumbled to her feet and began to back into the corner; the room was suddenly full of unseen threats.

She stretched her hand out as she began to quieten down, her gaze intently focused on something that wasn't there. Suddenly, she withdrew, staring at her hand as though it had just betrayed her, pulling away as though she had been burnt.

"YOU PROMISED!" she screamed. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!" Crossing her hands over her face, she began to sob hysterically, tears spilling down her face.

Claudia glanced at Angela and Herrison irately.

_Wel don't look at me. It's not my fau…_

_Oh yeah._

_Oops._

"COME BACK!" Shak was shouting. She made a run for the door, but Herrison stepped up and clothes-lined her. She landed hard on her back, and as she thumped there was a slight tremor through the floor.

"What the HELL are you playing at!" Claudia glared lividly at Herrison before looking to Shak, who was lying on her back with her hands over her face murmuring 'no no no no…' over and again.

"I was trying to catch her!" he announced proudly. He drooped his chin, "But I missed."

"Well, it's the thought that counts," Angela offered warmly.

"At least," Claudia knelt beside Shak, "We don't have to worry about brain damage."

As she stared down at the redhead, a hand shot up and grabbed the doctor down to eye level. Claudia screamed and shrank back.

"Have you seen my friend? I losted him." Her tone was plaintive.

"He's dead. Wesker ordered someone to kill him."

"NO!" With one fluid movement of her arm, Shakahnna sent the bespectacled girl flying across the floor. She landed in a dazed heap against one of the beds and gasped for breath as the redhead scampered into a corner.

The doctor staggered to her feet, wincing, and made her way back to the STARS captain. Laying a light hand on her shoulder, she smiled gently. "It'll be ok."


	31. Four Man Tag

**AN: Topless pictures of Claudia will be provided post haste since we have our first official request. Ha it is gonna be's the king,it's a good thing that I'm pretty much immune to all those things she keeps stabbing me with. **

**You may all review to tell us collectively just how absolutely fucking beautiful and wonderful and talented we are. Divinity has nothing on us infact that word was invented just so that there would be something inferior to compare us too. People had once assumed that if the sun disappeared that we would be ushered into an ice age and all die, luckily now that LLAD exists, there is something to prevent this: You may all bask in our life sustaining etheral glow. You have blue balls and we are a jazmag. You are dirty Umbrella scum and we are a guillotine.**

**Asgentle as a kick to the bollocks**

**As fresh as all the corpses in Claudias work place,**

**We give you the next chapter.**

**You may suck our proverbial cock. **

**Shak Crusher of Genitals.**

_Leave me alone, I'm busy._

_Claudia_

* * *

This is stupid. This is beneath me. Why can't Wesker just call the SPCA for his girlfriend and her little friends, why do we have to tag along to watch him have a make out session?

How is Wesker getting laid and I'm not.

Well, I suppose I have standards.

The scowl on Jonathon's face did not do justice to the thoughts in his head yet, had Claudia seen his expression she would have been green with envy.

For once, Wesker did not notice. It was one of those rare occasions where he was engrossed in his own thoughts. His movements lacked his usual fluidity; it was as close as the bioweapon came to being tense.

_**This will not be an unpleasant endeavour. Merely something to whet the appetite. The odd instance of self-indulgence is beneficial to one's wellbeing.**_

Toedling twitched along behind them as they all climbed into the open-topped land rover. As Heinz switched the ignition on, there was a tumultuous roar from afar.

"By the power of all the saints and angels I order you to stop!"

A black and ginger blur gradually staggered forward into focus as Jack stood before them, wheezing for breath from his short sprint.

"Ah Mr Tabernacle," Wesker said smoothly, "How good of you to grace us with your presence." Jonathon buried his face in his hands.

"SILENCE HEATHEN!" Jack roared, showering Wesker with spittle. "I DEMAND THAT I BE INCLUDED ON THIS MOST HOLY MISSION OF COMMUNION GIRL RETRIEVAL!"

Inside Wesker smiled. Eccentrics were one of the few things which made the boredom in his life bearable, and no one was more eccentric than Tabernacle. Jack was a source of amusement to him, and he held a degree of respect for anyone who refused to cow to him. Wesker remained assured that nothing he could do would dissuade Jack from his more interesting personality traits, and this was a source of casual interest.

"Hullo Jack," Jonathon smiled. Jack's arrival gave him an ally against Wesker.

"AH! PRINCESS JONATHON!" Jack boomed affectionately, "YOU ARE A PURE AND RADIANT FLOWER ON THIS MORROW I SEE! GOD BLESS YOU MY SON, FOR YOU WILL WITNESS THE HEAVENLY GLOW OF COMMUNION GIRL FIRST HAND, AND YOU SHALL BE TOUCHED!" he leaned in and put his arm around Lancaster. "But I must warn you," he roared discretely, "BEWARE THE CORRUPTION OF THAT MOST VILE HEATHEN…" he shot Wesker a glance to make sure he was listening, "ALBERT WESKER, SON OF SATAN AND EXCRIMENT! And also beware the witchcraft of Communion Girl's most libidinous travelling companion, the vile tart who has ensnared her! We are travelling into a nest of vipers my lad, into the fires of hell itself to secure the soul of a knight of Our Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost, and it will be a treacherous journey. On foot we will face the trials and beasts of hell and the devil and…"

"Jack," Jonathon interrupted, "We're taking the Land Rover."

"AHHH! The Lord hath provided us with a chariot upon which to commence our journey forsooth!"

"So you will be accompanying us then, Tabernacle." Technically Jack did not come under Wesker's jurisdiction and for now Wesker would respect this.

"BUT OF COURSE, HEATHEN. HOW CAN I EXPECT A LILLY LIVERED BUM BOY SUCH AS YOURSELF TO BE MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE FIREY SWORD OF COMMUNION GIRL! I SHALL ASIST IN CHRISTIAN SPIRIT, DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU ARE DAMNED TO THE FLAMES OF HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY, YOU HOMOSEXUAL MAGGOT!" Jack congratulated himself on his grace and good form and planked himself down next to Jonathon in the car.

Wesker raised an eyebrow and considered responding, but instead nodded to Toedling to start driving.

_**Jack is amusing, but he will find himself reunited with his God very quickly should he interrupt my time with my delectable redhead.**_

"LET US PRAY!" Jack roared as the vehicle sped off, and all parties concerned became acutely aware that they would be subject to Tabernacle's unique travel entertainment.

-

She had stuck her claw into her leg a little far, but it had done the trick, and Shakahnna was back in reality. Claudia had patched up her self inflicted injuries, and had given her an all-over first aid spray just to make sure. They had rested for a little while, and were now on the move again.

They had long emerged from the network of huts, and were traversing an open area of the compound. It was starting to narrow down, and there was a hill in front of them on the horizon.

"There be's noise," Shak announced.

"For christ's sake. Not this again." The doctor groaned and rolled her eyes. "What is it this time, the fairies from la la land?"

"Might be…" Shak shrugged, "It could also be that car coming towards us."

"Don't be such a cretin Shak, there's no…oh." Claudia blushed and scowled. "Stop talking."

Shakahnna un-holstered her gun and began to fire at the vehicle.

"Ma'am!" Angela exclaimed, "There could be innocent civilians in there!"

"If you were innocent, you wouldn't be driving an Umbrella vehicle now, would you?" the redhead pointed out.

_Stop! Daniel might be in there!_

_On the other hand, the idiot who made the tortoise might be in there. Does my scorn for that moron outweigh my concern for Daniel?_

Claudia bit her lip.

"Stop that Shak," she hissed, "Think…think about how much more fun it'll be to kill them at close range."

The redhead paused, having already used up a full clip, and pondered for a moment. "Well that's why you're the brains, Claudia," she remarked, reloading then putting away her gun.

The group watched as the land rover emerged through clouds of dust and drew closer. It stopped thirty feet away from them and the engine shuddered off. First to emerge, in a flurry of red hair was Jack, his vestments flapping in the wind as he gripped his crucifix with grim determination.

The entire group groaned as one, and Claudia shifted behind Shak a little, who grinned.

Next to emerge was Toedling, a hulking topless figure whose swastika tattoo and lacerated torso were clearly visible. As he drew himself to his full impressive height, the fact that his own name was carved on his chest was obvious.

Shak and Claudia looked at each other and simultaneously mouthed "Toedling?" while Shak internally debated with herself.

_**Hmm, would he get it?**_

_**Good build. Clearly into self-mutilation.**_

_**But a Nazi.**_

_**Or a fucking hippie.**_

_**Same thing really.**_

**I'm sorry, my bald friend, but I think you have been cast to the rejects pile. You have been branded with 'You Would Not Get It'.**

Little did she know how dearly Heinz would have loved her to brand him.

Jonathon emerged next, fixing the group with a cold, arrogant sneer. Claudia balled her hand into a fist and glared him down.

So that's the little girl my father was so taken with.

"Do you think that's the idiot from the tortoise debacle?" she whispered.

Shak's eyes glazed over. "Fifty points…fifty points…fifty points!"

There was a pause as the three newcomers waited for the fourth member of their party to join them. He disembarked from the car slowly, every slight movement dripping with confidence. His feet landed on the gravel softly, barely making a sound despite his size. He drew himself up to his full height, and every set of eyes among the survivors went wide.

"Now there's as many of them as there is us…" Angela said softly. "Do you think it'll be a fair fight."

"Yes, I'll just take on Wesker and we'll be sorted," said Claudia sarcastically.

"So that's Wesker?" Angela asked, "Oh my." She could not help but think how funny Shak and Wesker must've looked going to the cinema together.

Shakahnna looked as though she was about to make a poignant speech, to convey the kind of inspiration which only a true leader could, but instead what came out was "Fuck."

"AH! COMMUNION GIRL!" Jack thundered, but was silenced with a look from Wesker.

"Tabernacle. In the vehicle. Toedling, keep an eye on him." Wesker's voice was curt.

"I'll deal with this," Jonathon sniffed as he strode forward. Wesker opted to observe what would no doubt be the young Lancaster's latest failure.

"Right, you there," he addressed Claudia condescendingly, "In the car, love."

"I beg your pardon!" she sneered, instantly recognizing from his voice that this was the man responsible for the turtle episode. Even if he was head of the base, she would not stand down to anyone save Daniel or Wesker.

"Are you deaf as well as blind?" he snapped.

"Are you retarded as well as incompetent?" she rejoined.

"Do you know who my father is?" he demanded.

"No. Does your mother?" At this, Jonathon turned scarlet with rage.

"Enough talk." Shakahnna bristled in and pointed her gun at his crotch in a business-like manner. Instantly the colour drained from his face.

"Those are important!" he exclaimed in horror, before calling over his shoulder, "Hey Wesker, call your little gadgie off!"

"You seem to have the situation perfectly under control all by yourself, Dr Lancaster," Wesker replied.

_Doctor…?_

"Down, you crazy little bitch!" Jonathon yelled at Shak, who took this opportunity to ram her gun further into his family jewels. Jonathon whimpered.

"EX-SQUEEZE ME!" she thundered, "I do not be Weskers!"

_**I would have to disagree with that my love.**_

"That's enough!" Claudia caught Shak's arm and pushed the gun away from him. Stepping in between them she grabbed Jonathon by the front of his shirt and looked at him with urgent anger. "You're not Dr Lancaster! You're clearly not Dr Lancaster!"

Shak looked at the irate young woman and debated whether she liked Claudia enough to let her get the fifty points.

**Hmm…friendship or the league table…?**

"No need to get hot under the collar, sweetheart," Jonathon shook her off, "I'm Dr Lancaster Junior. Daniel was my father."

"Daniel…has…a…son…?" Claudia took a step back, her mouth open.

_Oh my god ohmygod. I just insulted Daniel's son._

_Daniel's son who is head of this base._

_Shit._

"OhmygodI'msosorrysir!" the words came out in one rushed breath as she turned scarlet and looked at her shoes, mumbling apologies under her breath.

Shak meanwhile was beginning to get twitchy. She nudged Claudia to the side and swung for Jonathon's throat with her cat claws. The only way to make up for the disappointment of the turtle would be by bagging a fifty-pointer. There was a metallic clank as she suddenly found her own arm being blocked by an impossibly muscular forearm.

"Now now now, Miss Taylor, where are your manners?" Wesker chided.

"I see you've fixed your trousers, you dirty little fudge slut." Shakahnna displayed her legendary sense of decorum.

"You can't say that!" Claudia protested, "That's like asking the Queen for a blowjob!" She covered her mouth with her hand and resolved not to speak any more.

**Haw, yer Maj, gieze a gobble!**

Claudia looked from Wesker, to the other two survivors, before jumping behind Jonathon and lightly holding on to his sleeve, her demeanour towards him having utterly transformed upon finding out his lineage. He shot her a glare, contemplated shaking her off, then noticed the fact that she was starting to go red and scuff her shoes, so stayed his hand out of curiosity.

"I'll leave it to you Wesker," Jonathon's voice was dripping with disgust and distaste as he ushered Claudia, who was still clinging to his arm, out of the way.

"Angela, Herrison, get Claudia back!" Shak barked out, "I have a feeling I'm about to become busy."

Wesker took a step forward, and, not to be outdone, Shak mimicked this gesture. She glared up at him, not backing off despite the fact that her head was level with his midsection, and he towered over her.

**I should stand next to Wesker more often. It takes about three stone off my figure. On the down side, he's probably going to kill me.**

**Oh well, such is life. At least I'll die while I'm young and beautiful. I should really have gone for a performance wank before I got into this fight.**

Wesker's body was taut, his stance tense in anticipation of the violence to come. Shakahnna for her part, although she tried to suppress it, was receiving similar sensations; butterflies dancing in her stomach.

He shot out a gloved hand and gripped the bottom of her face, tilting it up so her visage was raised to his anticipatory sneer. His thumb and middle finger gripped her mandible, as his forefinger forced her gaze upwards further. Barely affording his subordinate a glance, he gestured with his free hand to Toedling, to take care of Angela and Herrison.

Toedling emerged from the car, leaving Jack unguarded, much to the ecclesiastical mental case's delight, and began to stalk towards the unoccupied two members of the group. Upon noticing that Angela was Ayran, his eyes lit up with thuggish interest, and he wished fervently that he had brought Mickey along to introduce them. Herrison stepped in front of Angela and whipped out his gun, not hesitating before opening fire. Several bullets peppered the shit loving neo-Nazi's torso, and when the smoke cleared Herrison expected to see Heinz's corpse.

Instead what greeted him was a huge fist in the face. Herrison sunk down to one knee, and as the second and third impact came, he did not notice it because he was sprawled on the ground.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't know Daniel had a son! Are you really Daniel's son? As in Daniel Lancaster. THE Daniel Lancaster, who worked at…"

Now that Dr Graham was behaving as a woman should, doe eyed and generally in awe of him, Jonathon was feeling more kindly disposed towards the bespectacled girl. If she was lucky, he might let her give him a blow job later. He smiled graciously, "My father didn't mention me to you? He must have wanted to spare you feeling the need to compete with me. He was such a considerate man, probably didn't want to add the extra strain of pitting you against a family member."

You know how neurotic women get about these things.

Claudia was too taken with this suddenly very attractive young man to notice the fact that he was speaking about his father in past tense. There was a loud thud, and she whirled round to check that Wesker hadn't broken Shak's neck, but found that it was only Herrison who had gone down. Heinz was chasing after Angela who was shrieking "Please, I know basic self-defence! I don't want to hurt you!"

At the sound of Herrison's gun firing caused Claudia to jump nervously, and Dr Lancaster put a protective arm about her shoulder. She froze, turned red and sighed deeply.

Jonathon glanced at the downed OCRC officer. "Do you want to bring H…"

"Herrison?" she spat incredulously. "I don't want him within ten miles of me!"

Dr Lancaster arched an eyebrow at this, but thought it better to drop the matter. The presence of her bodyguard would be troublesome at best, and besides, it was more important right now to continue flirting with her, so he could decide whether he was going to seduce her or kill her when they got back to the base.


	32. Titian vs Titan

Nobody loves me... everyone hates me... I think I'll go be's eating worms...

* * *

"You will indulge me this day, my love," Wesker drawled lightly, but there was an underlying insistence in his words.

The red haired STARS captain was not one who was accustomed to suppressing her desires. She swallowed hard and dragged her claws down his chest slowly, curling her hand and crunching through the fabric into the flesh. At first the skin would not accommodate the blades, but brute strength and persistence won out. As she ripped at his torso, his hulking form conjured up memories of past, far more illicit acts.

The mild stimulus of pain invoked a shudder of pleasure across his features, barely perceptible. He shoved her back, and she fell to the ground, rising forward swiftly so that she was crouched on her haunches, one hand in front of her and one behind.

Wesker's teeth clenched behind his lips, desire and sadism welling up in him as one. From her position on the ground she sprang up to attack him, pouncing forward like a hunter about to behead its prey. She would have ricocheted off his massive form had she not thrust her claws into his stomach, much in the fashion of a rock climber with a pick axe. The tips of the blades emerged, barely bloody and glistening metallic through a sliver of a red film, around the area of his sternum. With both Shakahnna's hands wedged in his torso, he could not contain himself. He leaned forward and sunk his teeth into her neck, the grip becoming harder and more vicious as he drew blood. She could have moaned out, she wanted to. But she was not going to. Instead she concentrated on trying to kick the nerves in his thigh. With one hand she ripped through the taut skin, no mean effort in itself, and pulled her limb free. He was holding her at the shoulders, but at this act he tightened his grip to the point where she thought her bones might pop. Her body bucked as she made a fist, intending to catch him under the chin, but she missed, and her blades merely lacerated the surface, a wound of no consequence to someone with Wesker's advanced healing abilities.

Jack, who was watching with bated breath, turned to Toedling and, finding him gone, addressed the steering wheel. "She truly is St Michael the Archangel in a battle against Satan himself!" he marvelled less than quietly. Leaning out of the car, he raised his crucifix and screamed, "MAY GOD BLESS YOUR BLADE COMMUNION GIRL, THAT YOU MAY SMITE THIS FOUL BEAST OF HELL!"

Ignoring Tabernacle, Wesker raised her up with ease, so that she was level with his gaze, and she responded with a defiant stare, followed by a well placed kick at his face. It stunned him momentarily, and she dropped to the ground as he let go of her, landing on her feet. She slipped one arm about his leg, which was so thick that she had to stick her claws in for grip, reaching up with the other to grab his hand. With a colossal tug, she wrenched his form off his feet, intending to throw him over her shoulder. It did not transpire this way. Both combatants ended up in a heap on the floor, Wesker quickly asserting himself on top before he even touched the ground.

"I do hope that you no longer entertain thoughts of denying me," he rasped in her ear. He ran his hand gently down the side of her face, digging in just hard enough with his nails to leave a thin red trail. She forced her head to the side by way of rejection, and he pressed the heel of his hand down on her collarbone to keep her pinned, before delivering a heavy blow at close quarters to her abdomen. It was so hard it made her teeth jar, but even as the pain flared up and her breath hitched, her mind went blank and she was momentarily unable to discern whether she was in heaven or hell. Locking eyes with him she choked, "You…hit like a girl."

This did not improve Wesker's already frayed temper, an aggravation compounded by the fact that the wounds on his chest were starting to heal already. Not wasting any time, the STARS captain slammed her fist into his mouth, shredding his lower lip against his own teeth.

Coughing through bruised ribs, she slipped her claws underneath Wesker's forearm and dragged them from his elbow to the heel of his hand, slitting his wrist.

"That's right, Munty!" Jonathon called unhelpfully, "Remember it's down the road, not across the street!" He was silenced by one of Dr Graham's legendary scowls as she debated doing something to help. The problem was twofold; one, Wesker made her nervous, and two, she wasn't sure if Shak was enjoying it or not. Jonathon flashed her an apologetic smile, and she opted to giggle nervously instead.

Wesker's lips curled into a smile, despite the running commentary from Dr Lancaster. It was a gesture he found much joy in. She bucked her hips, wrapping her muscular legs around his neck and wrenching her body to the side. This was enough to free her throat from his grip, but not enough to take him down, her vision temporarily obscured by a film of crimson as his blood spattered across her face.

The sight of his former lover smeared with his blood was enough to gnaw through his last vestiges of self control. He reached out to stroke her hair tenderly, before slamming his fist into her face. Her nose exploded in a flurry of blood and mucous, the bone and cartilage cracking. To his surprise, she stayed conscious, however much her eyes lolled in her head.

"COMMUNION GIRL!" Jack screamed out in anger. "UNHAND HER THIS INSTANT, PRINCESS WESKER, NAY, YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE TITLE, YOU VILE HELLSCUM PROLETARIAN! YOU MUST NOT HARM A HAIR ON HER HEAD UNTIL I HAVE BAPTISED HER! YOU ARE NOT HOLY ENOUGH TO SNUFF OUT HER EARTHLY SHACKLES!"

Wesker's eyes began to glow furious red. His expression remained stoic, unchanging, but his raging inner monologue made itself known from the fire behind his dark lenses, as Jack came charging towards them, crucifix brandished in his raised fist. "HOLD FAST TO THE GLORIOUS SPIRIT OF JESUS CHRIST, COMMUNION GIRL! I, THE RIGHTEOUS SWORD OF TRUTH AND HOLINESS AND MANLINESS SHALL SAVE YOU FROM THIS VILE DEMON'S CLUTCHES SO THAT YOU MAY BE DESPATCHED BY MY HAND INTO THE LORD'S ETERNAL KINGDOM!" Jack, understanding the grave danger and delicacy of the situation, congratulated himself on his concise, yet eloquent speech.

As the ginger clergyman launched himself into the air at Wesker, legs and arms splayed, his flight was cut rather short by an uppercut from the BOW. For the first time that day, Jack had nothing to say.

Namely because he was unconscious in a puddle of his own teeth.

Wesker slipped his arms underneath her semi-conscious body, as she made an insensible swipe at his face. His body braced, as though he was about to resume his assault, and Claudia's eyes went wide.

"Shak!" In spite of herself she dashed forward, but found herself restrained by two arms encircling her.

"I do think we'd best be off," Dr Lancaster said gently, his face a picture of concern as inside he rued the fact that the doctor was friends with someone he would never want to try for a threesome with. As Wesker walked off with the redhead's prone form, Claudia dumbly allowed Jonathon to take her hand and lead her to the land rover. When they reached the car door a barely coherent mumble of 'Fuck you' could be discerned from the bloody bundle in Wesker's arms, and the teenager pulled her arm free.

"He's going to kill her!" she blurted out and Jonathon inwardly rolled his eyes.

"He's not trying to kill her," Lancaster snapped, "He's trying to..." he visibly shuddered, unable to keep the disgust out of his voice, "...seduce her."

"I can't leave her..." Claudia was starting to think that maybe getting in the car was not such a stellar idea.

Jonathon thought he had better think of something quickly if he was ever going to get Claudia back to base. And maybe cop a feel in the car. An inspired idea hit him, and he congratulated himself in advance. "Don't worry," he said smoothly, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "Wesker's had his orders, your friend will be fine." The clincher. "I know you're fond of it...uh...her, and I was so looking forward to meeting the girl that my father spoke so highly of."

She could feel her cheeks begin to tingle. He was Daniel's son, and all the trust she had placed in his father was automatically transferred to Jonathon. At that moment, as much as she tried to tell herself otherwise, it was his only saving grace.

"Is Daniel back at the base?" she asked hopefully.

No, I murdered him.

Jonathon hesitated as to how to field that question when he was saved by Heinz, who was heaving Jack's unconscious body rather unceremoniously into the back seats of the vehicle. Claudia eyed his swastika tattoo and looked at Lancaster desperately. This was promising to be the car trip from Hell.

"Don't worry," he offered, "Toedling..." twitch, "Is quite harmless." He noticed the twitch and decided to rub it in, "Aren't you TOEDLING?"

Heinz spasmed his way into the drivers seat and turned the ignition key. The two scientists climbed in and the merry party was ready to be on its way.

-

Angela was employing her best police skills in trailing the suspect and his hostage. She was oblivious to the fact that Wesker clearly knew she was behind them as she whispered under his breath, "I have to save my captain!" and rallied her courage and Christian spirit.

She was aware that this would be difficult, but she was sure she could negotiate and appeal to his better nature. After all, what couples didn't have their problems. She remembered back to one time when her ex boyfriend wanted to watch the football, and she wanted to watch Home and Away. It was just the same, and they had resolved that peacefully and respectfully.

Yes, it was not problems that defined a person, but how they overcame them.

She followed them to the huts where the group had spent the night, and slipped in after them. From behind the door she watched as he laid her down, almost reverently, on one of the beds.

He turned around slowly, his eyes boring through her poor cover as she gasped and took a step back.

"Um..." Angela began and cleared her throat, "Now I can see that you have a lot of unresolved issues, but you know, anger is just a cry for help and love." She clasped her hands at her chest to emphasise her sincerity. "And I want to help you. Every relationship has its trials, but you know, raising your hand to your partner just degrades them...and it degrades you. I know you can rise above this..." Wesker continued to prowl towards her, not saying a word, and she began to slowly back away. "You know, I think I know a guy who can help you resolve your inner conflict...I know counselling seems "square", but it can really work wonders..."

In a burst of speed, Wesker was directly in front of her, towering over her with effortless menace.

"Oh my..." she gulped. "You certainly eat your greens. I know if you can put this much effort into your physique, you can turn it around and use it to benefit others..."

He did not dignify her speech with a response. He shot out a hand as she began to talk again, his enormous hand covering both her mouth and her nose. She struggled limply, trying to suck in air but finding none. As the world began to swim, she reached for her gun, but it fell to the floor as her eyes rolled back in their sockets and the fight left her body.

It was some minutes before he released his hold on her corpse, to make sure she wouldn't get back up and start talking again.

"You are everything I despise," he mused as he cast her body aside and returned his attentions to his redhead. She was still semi-conscious, covered in blood, a mixture of both their fluids. It had been a long time since someone had made him bleed. He took the opportunity to sit and stare at her, drinking in the sight which he had been deprived of for so long. She used to look good to him, but now he found her simply irresistible. There was a small pine table beside the bed, and on it he set down a jar of cream, a healing concoction usually reserved for BOWs. It would guarantee her continued activity in the sordid fantasy he was intending to play out at a later occasion. Dipping a long, tapered finger into the blood which was pooling around her, soaking through the white of the sheets, he traced on the light-coloured wood, "For you".

_**A parting gift for how you enthral me.**_

On his way out, he glanced at Angela's dead body and hoisted it up effortlessly. Placing it in a seated position on the bed, he gently eased Shakahnna's head onto the corpse's lap.

It would be a delicious gift for his sweetheart to awaken to.


	33. Fudge you motherkiller!

_FORSOOTH! A BRIGHT AND RADIANT DAWN HAS DESCENDED UPON THE EARTHLY REALMS OF THE SUBJECTS OF JESUS CHRIST, AND IT IS MY GREAT PLEASURE (ALTHOUGH NOT AS PLEASING AS GOING TO CHURCH...**WHY ARE YOU NOT ALL IN CHURCH!**) TO PRESENT THE LATEST INSTALLMENT OF..._

_THE ADVENTURES OF JACK TABERNACLE, THE HOLY, MANLY RIGHTEOUS SWORD WHICH WILL SMITE HEATHENS!_

_(It's not called that. Claudia)_

_SILENCE INFIDEL! FOR THIS CHAPTER FEATURES LOTS AND LOTS OF **ME** AND YOU WILL BE TOUCHED BY ITS SPIRITUAL HEALING!_

_FRIENDSHIP IN CHRIST,_

_THE RIGHTEOUS SWORD._

* * *

"Are you sure it's safe to be travelling with him?" Claudia glanced anxiously at Jack, who had progressed to snoring, "He may have...on more than one occasion...expressed a desire to end my life."

"It's ok," Jonathon explained, "Jack's my bodyguard, the way Hunk's yours."

"What do you...?" she began, but was cut short with a cry of "HEATHEN!" as Jack entered the realms of the conscious once more.

"Ah..." Jonathon looked slightly crestfallen. There would be no putting the moves on Dr Graham with Tabernacle awake. He hadn't decided whether he was going to have her killed, but he was definitely going to fuck her. She seemed weak; he liked that in a woman, it meant they knew their place. Which was under his desk.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Jack roared, before sitting up and looking at Claudia. "AAAAAAAAH!" he repeated. "PRINCESS JONATHON! PRAY TELL ME THAT COMMUNION GIRL'S EXISTENCE HAS NOT BEEN EXTINGUISHED LIKE A HOLY CANDLE IN THE WIND ON THIS BLEAK MORROW!" he enquired. "Ahhh! I SEE YOU HAVE SEPARATED HER FROM HER FAMILIAR!" he pointed at Claudia who squeaked, "YOU WILL NOT CORRUPT A FELLOW SERVANT OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST AND THE CATHOLIC MOTHER CHURCH YOU VILE SUCCUBUS!"

"Yes Jack," Jonathon pinched the bridge of his nose, "Quite." He leaned over and whispered in Claudia's ear, "It's much...much easier to pretend."

It was at this point that Toedling decided to enter the conversation. Turning round and blithely ignoring the fact that he should have been keeping his eyes on the road, he looked at the only female of the party threateningly. "You Jewish?"

She shook her head mutely and grabbed Jonathon's arm.

_And I thought being with Shak was like a circus._

"They're disgusting." Heinz turned back around.

"I CONCUR, FORSOOTH!" Jack boomed and Claudia cooried her head into Jonathon's shoulder. "THEY CRUCIFIED OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST! THE BASTARDS!"

"Ruin economies," Heinz offered.

"THE MONEY SUCKING BIG NOSED BASTARDS!" Jack screamed conversationally, "DO YOU NOT AGREE PRINCESS JONATHON? WOULD YOU NOT STAMP ON THEIR VILE JESUS-KILLING HEADS IF YOU WERE GIVEN THE OPPORTUNITY!"

"Hmmm..." Jonathon nodded non-commitally. Anti-Semitism, he had learned from experience, was not the best path to getting one's hole. Besides, he had shagged a really hot Jewish girl once and he'd heard the circumcision made your lad look bigger. Jonathon, not for the first time, complimented himself on his diverse acceptance of culture.

"Cretin..." Dr Graham muttered under her breath.

"HAVE A CARE PRINCESS JONATHON, THE WITCH IS TRYING TO CAST ONE OF HER VILE SPELLS. QUICK, TOEDLING, CRASH THE CAR!" he leaned forward and tried to wrench the steering wheel from Heinz, "WE MUST ABANDON THIS SACRED CHARIOT AND CONSIGN THE HARLOT TO THE FLAMES!"

"We can exorcise her when we get home..." Jonathon placated through clenched teeth.

We most certainly can. I can think of some things I'd like to do to her involving a crucifix. He sniggered, I suppose she's already had a bit of Catholic in her.

"We're close," Toedling commented.

"QUICK!" Jack sprung into action, "SHE MUST NOT ASCERTAIN THE LOCATION OF OUR MOST HOLY HIDEOUT!"

"Jack..." Lancaster began irately, but Jack was already reaching over and snatching Claudia's glasses away.

She made to grab them back, clenching her teeth angrily. "Give me back my fucking specs!" she thundered.

_I HATE people touching my glasses._

"NAY! I SHALL NOT, WITCH!"

"I MEAN IT, YOU OVERGROWN RETARD! GIVE ME THEM BACK OR I'LL..." she decided to take a leaf from Shak's book and pulled out her gun, "I'LL SHOOT YOU!" The firearm in question was pointing out the window, but from her fuzzy point of view it was as good an aim as she was going to get.

"Right!" Jonathon could feel his limited patience draining, as he snatched the gun from the girl, and held out his hand for Jack to return the stolen spectacles. When Jonathon Lancaster was the voice of reason, there was something gravely amiss.

"Up ahead," Heinz nodded to the road as Jack and Claudia both respectively began to sulk. There were a few stray infected personnel wandering the roads.

"It's nothing to worry about," Jonathon said calmly, "Keep driving."

They were wearing Umbrella uniforms. Their skin was rotting. They were all in the middle of a t-virus outbreak. The logical soul that was Jack arrived at the perfectly sane conclusion that they had infact all been possessed by Claudia. "FORSOOTH NAY! WE MUST ELIMINATE THE HELLSPAWN WHICH HAS POSESSED OUR TRUE AND CATHOLIC BRETHREN BY LIEU OF THE PRESENCE OF THIS EVIL WITCH!" He gestured vehemently to the female doctor who looked positively baffled. "MY HOLY AND RIGHTEOUS SELF IS DYING FOR A SCRAP!"

"Shut up, you idiot," Claudia muttered. Personally, she wanted to be as far away from anything which might be dangerous as possible. "We keep driving, right?" she looked up at Jonathon and he nodded.

Heinz pressed his foot to the floor and the vehicle gained speed. Unfortunately they only found themselves immersed in a thicker throng of carriers. "What now?" the nazi skinhead smirked, waiting until Jonathon was about to answer before adding, "Princess Jonathon?"

"Ah. Well. TOEDLING." Jonathon began the first of what would surely be many repetitions of Heinz's dreaded surname. "I…uh…I would stand and fight of course, but I couldn't possibly leave the side of our lovely prized virologist, given the danger." He smiled at Claudia and she all but melted into a puddle on the floor.

I wonder if she spits or swallows?

"I WILL DO BATTLE GLADLY," offered Jack reluctantly, whilst raising his fist in the air and plastering a mad grin on his face. He reached under his seat with a look of badly feigned surprise. "AHA! WHAT HAVE WE HERE!" What they had appeared to be a box with "To Jack from God" written on it. In Jack's handwriting. In crayon. "THE LORD HATH PROVIDED FOR US!" he boomed gleefully, producing the contents, a large automatic shotgun. Even Heinz, a trained military man, was at a loss to determine the make and model, and could only deduce that it was some custom affair. The barrel was certainly a very odd shape. "STAY BACK, PRINCESS JONATHON!" he cautioned, "DRIVE ON OH FELLOW DESPISER OF THE SEMITE EVIL!" he instructed Heinz with clarity, "FATHER JACK WILL DISPATCH THESE SOULS TO HELL LIKE THE MANLY ACTION HERO I CLEARLY AM!" he flexed his muscles, aimed his shotgun, and began to open rapid fire. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT YOU BLASPHEMOUS BASTARDS!" he screamed, spraying spit and bullets everywhere.

Claudia screamed and covered her mouth with her hands and Jonathon, never missing an opportunity, put his arm about her shoulders. She buried her face in his chest, squeezing her eyes closed tight, but curiosity soon bade her open them again, and even through the roar of gunfire and the sickening splat of corpses falling, she was forced to roll her eyes and mutter "For God's sake."

And for God's sake it indeed appeared to be, for the holes Jack was merrily blowing in the torsos of the zombies were shaped like crosses. As Heinz drove on through the monsters, Jack stood on the passenger seat and peppered ecclesiastical ammunition. The pistol apostle roared with laughter as he alternated between screaming "DIE BASTARDS!" and intoning the Our Father at the creatures he was mowing down. "NO ONE CAN STAND IN THE WAY OF THE LORD'S FURY!"

Claudia groaned and closed her eyes again. How could Daniel have let things go this crazy?

-

Pain.

Lots of pain.

Shakahnna felt as though she had had the complete and utter shit kicked out of her. Which, to be fair, was exactly what had happened. Her entire body ached, one of her eyes swollen almost shut again amidst the extensive bruising of her face. She was just too sore to move.

The simple act of breathing alone was laboured. She had taken a beating which could easily have killed someone less resilient, and there was a distinct possibility that she would lose consciousness once more. As she fought the blackness creeping in at the sides of her vision, she became aware of a gentle hand on her head, and not soon after realised she was resting on someone's lap.

**No one's done this since I be'd a small thing.**

She gave a half smile and cooried her head into whoever it was, and the hand trailed down her hair soothingly. The small act of kindness was enough to convince Shak that she should move. Stirring painfully, she heard herself groan loudly, involuntarily.

"Claudia…?" she murmured, but there was no reply. She tugged at the skirt, "Claudia?"

**Something doesn't be right here.**

She decided to give movement a try. As expected it was not easy, but she gritted her teeth through the pain and placed one hand on the surface of the bed and pushed herself up. There was a sliding noise, and then a thump, and she jerked her head up painfully, so fast that she was not able to open her eyes quickly enough to see the person fall.

**What be's wrong? Why did they do that? **

Leaning against the wall to keep her up, she covered her face with her hands and moved with as much urgency as she could muster. Taking her hands away, she looked down slowly to the floor.

As her vision gradually came into focus, she could make out a blue blur on the floor, motionless and still. Was that the person who stroked her hair a moment ago?

"Why don't you be moving?"

The redhead squinted, made out the pool of blonde hair around the lifeless head. Why was Angela here? And more importantly, why was her face an unhealthy shade of blue? A sick sensation crept through her stomach. "Angela?" she dropped down to her side with more speed than her body should have allowed her, and gave the police officer a shake, "Wake up Barbie."

At Shakahnna's prodding, the corpse rolled onto its back, two dead, bulging, glassy eyes starting blankly up at her. There was no telltale rise and fall of her chest, no hint of colour in her once rosy cheeks. The STARS officer began to wretch, heaving up semi digested hunter on the floor. Splashes of vomit hit Angela's colourless face as Shakahnna started to choke on her own bile and her eyes began to water.

Once she started crying she couldn't stop. Tears coursed down her face as she shook the other female insistently and pleaded, "Angela, stop it!" She slumped cross legged, buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Her attachment to Angela was acute enough that she felt pain, but the sensation was not so intense that she was given the luxury of escaping reality, as she had done with Pierce.

Opening her mouth, barely aware of what she was doing, she opened her mouth and let out a howl that tore through the dead facility and burned her lungs.

-

Wesker smirked to himself as he strolled leisurely back to the Necropolis.

It seemed Miss Taylor was awake now.


	34. The Cruel Ugliness Behind The Charm

_**AN: You know the drill, we are great please review, we are the kings etc etc.**_

She wished she'd said something nice to Angela. Just once. Was there even a way to give her a decent burial?

She looked about the room wildly, her eyes falling on the bedside table. The jar of healing cream that Wesker had deposited stared back at her, the words "For You" written in her own blood.

…

**YOU BASTARD! YOU DID THIS! F..FOR ME!**

She could feel her head beginning to pound more violently as her jaw clenched. "YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH!" she screamed. "YOU BE'S HAVING NO RIGHT! THEY'RE NOT YOURS TO PLAY WITH! THEY…" she pulled her gun out, "FINE! I'm not playing any more…" she shoved the barrel into her mouth, "You can't make me responsible…" She looked around, gun between her lips, when something suddenly struck her. No one else was there. No one had come when she screamed. Where were they?

**He's got Claudia…?**

"FUCK YOU WESKER! FUCK YOU RIGHT UP THE ARSE! WITH A STICK!" she roared. "YOU THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING, HAVEN'T YOU, YOU BASTARD? YOU WON'T BE LAUGHING WHEN I FEED YOU YOUR OWN NUTS!" In frustration she ripped the gun from her mouth and threw it at the wall. With a feral scream she upturned the bedside table, picking it up by the leg and smashing it to splinters. Keeping the wooden leg in her hand, she began to smash into the bed, the walls, anything in the remote vicinity of her person until it broke away in her hand. Tossing it aside in rage, she began to kick out, her anger overcoming the pain from her injuries. She was blind to everything, her fury all-consuming. Eventually, when there was nothing left to smash, her physical state caught up with her and she sank to her knees, panting.

She whimpered to herself, "It hurts so much…" It was not just in reference to her injuries.

"Honestly, I leave you alone for five minutes…" A familiar voice chided gently.

"Pierce? I thought you be'd leaving me…" She half smiled at the figment of her imagination.

He laughed fondly and gestured to the jar of cream on the floor, "I think you should use this, Shak. You're in a pretty bad way."

"Nu uh. Won't." She crossed her arms across her chest, "It's from him."

"Now come on. Don't be daft. It doesn't matter who it's from, if you stay in this state you'll never get anything done." He came and sat down next to her. "'Sides, it's my job to make sure you're patched up. If I don't do that, I'll have failed a mission," he teased.

She smiled at him, "Ahh, but that'll be more points on the league table for me."

"There won't be a league table if you don't make it out of here in one piece. And if you wanna make him suffer, that's the best way to do it, right? Play him at his own game."

"I don't wanna play."

"That doesn't sound very much like my Shak."

"I don't feel so good. I don't like it when there be's dying."

"That's just part of our job, Shak. It's dangerous, we're always gonna lose people."

"Can I have a cuddle?"

"Only if you use the cream."

"Yeah..kay. I spose so.." she grumbled, "But you didn't be playing fair." She opened it up and began to eat it.

"No Shak." He smiled, "Here, I'll do it."

As the solitary police officer began to smear the ointment on her arms, she continued to chatter away to her dead partner.

-

"Urgh…" the man who called himself Alex Herrison stirred on the ground, before sitting up and rubbing his head. The jeep was gone, along with its occupants. Claudia, Angela and Shak had disappeared, and there were smears of blood on the dusty ground. Wesker and Lancaster must have taken Claudia back to the base, he thought to himself, and shook his head with a groan. "But I promised I'd look after her. Shit." Clambering to his feet he shook a fist at the air and hollered, "I'll save you Claudia!" in an inane voice, before shaking his head. "I've been in character too long. If I keep at this any longer I really am going to forget who I am."

His eyes followed the blood, which splayed into a trail of droplets. There were one set of footprints, huge enough to put him in no doubt as to whose they were. His mother always had a saying about men with big feet. But it was best not to dwell on that.

He walked along in the sun, wincing at the pain in his head. The guy who slugged him was a real tank, he wondered if it was one of Wesker's little creeps. There wasn't many people that Hunk had an aversion to, but Wesker was certainly one of them and although he was sure Claudia would be happier back at the Achma base, he didn't like the idea of leaving her there with Wesker, especially now that Daniel was dead. He didn't think Claudia had picked up on that, but that was the distinct impression he had got. The last time he'd had an experience with Jonathon was a good ten years ago, but he might have turned out to be an OK kid. Originally his extreme training had been for his eventual post looking after the son of the head researcher, but even if Daniel had turned out to be closer to Claudia, that didn't necessarily mean that Jonathon was a bad guy. And he recognised Tabernacle as well, from his days in UBCS. Jack had always been loud and brash, but his heart was generally in the right place. Unlike his genitalia.

Soon he followed the trail into the huts, which served as dormitories for the guards of the helipad, and entered cautiously. The last thing he was looking for was a showdown with Wesker. Instead he found Shak sitting in the middle of the room next to an empty jar, apparently in perfect physical condition, which he knew was impossible, because even after the fight with the Hunter she had been pretty beaten up.

"Shak?" he enquired, entering the room and glancing at the empty container. BOW healing cream. No wonder she looked the picture of health. The next thing he noticed was that the room was utterly trashed, and in the centre of it lay Angela's dead body. "Did you do this?" It was not clear whether he was referring to the mess, or to the corpse.

"Angela's dead," she said forlornly. "He gotted her while I was unconscious."

"Oh." Herrison wasn't sure what to say. He had liked Angela, but the fact that she had not survived long in this place was not surprising. You had to be a little bit crazy. "Come on Shak. We shouldn't stay here."

"But what about burying her?" she looked lost, "I don't want her to be being eaten."

"We'll do it later," he placated, "For now we have stuff to do. She'll still be here when we get back, and we don't want to have more bodies to bury." He put a hand on her shoulder, "Listen, I think that you should get out of here. I can radio for a chopper for you, but there's not much else you can do."

She shrugged her hand off his shoulder, "Don't touch me," she glared at him. "Do you know what he does to people who I care about?"

"Um…" he looked at Angela's body, "I can imagine."

She looked at him sharply. "No. I don't think you can." The redhead looked at the fallen policewoman sadly, "She probably got off lightly because I can still make out who she is from her face."

"Right." Hunk was feeling less and less easy with the idea of leaving his charge with someone as unhinged as Wesker.

"I'm so fucking glad that my guys were outta here before this kicked off," she reflected. "I don't know how well I'd be coping. It's easier to be alone, yeah?"

"Um, I don't really know." It wasn't that he disliked Shak, it was just that she made him feel a little uncomfortable. And Hunk wasn't sure how to deal with death when Alex Herrison was screaming in the back of his mind that all he needed to do to wake Angela up was give her a kiss.

-

As Jonathon watched Heinz lumber away, he turned himself to the problem of Jack.

One down. One to go.

They were back at the base, and Jack was most insistent on not leaving young Princess Jonathon alone with a purveyor of the goods of Satan. Claudia was looking around hopefully, as though she expected Daniel to walk in any moment.

Sorry, love. Not today.

At any rate, it was important for him to break the news of his fathers accidental and completely nothing to do with him death in a sensitive and tactful manner if he was to keep hold of the adulation he had somehow managed to secure from the female doctor. Of course, Jonathon lacked the humility to attribute this good impression to his lineage, rather choosing to reflect on how he was just that good.

"Jack…" he began for the fiftieth time, in an impatient hiss, "I need to talk to her alone."

"ON YOU GO THEN!" Jack exclaimed.

"No. Alone. Ie, you have to leave."

"NAY! I WILL NOT FORSOOTH!"

Jonathon had an inspired idea. "Um…but after being in the presence of such great evil, surely you need to…attend mass?"

"AHHHH!" Jack began to rub at his arms, as though he had just realised he was unclean, "BUT YOU ARE CORRECT! MY PURE AND TRUE YET MANLY AND NOT AT ALL DELICATE SOUL HAS BEEN TAINTED! I MUST WASH AWAY THE VILE INFLUENCE OF THIS WITCH AND HER COHORT ALBERT HEATHEN WITH THE CHASTITY OF THE HOLY SACRAMENT OF COMMUNION!"

"Yes indeed." Jonathon nodded, "You should go do that. Now. Urgently."

As Jack departed in a flurry of Hail Marys, Claudia looked around anxiously. "Where's Da…Dr Lancaster?" she blurted out.

"Can I get you some tea?" Jonathon avoided the question once more.

She nodded mutely, wanting to scream 'Why won't you answer me!', but instead giving him a despondent half-smile.

As he filled the kettle, she began to bite her nails, checked herself, then started playing with the ripped hem of her dress.

_Where is he? If he knew I was coming, why didn't he come out to meet me._

_Oh god. He's mad at me. That must be why Jonathon's avoiding my questions. He's embarrassed because Daniel's cross with me._

"I'm afraid," Dr Lancaster sat down beside her gently, "I've got something to tell you."

_Oh dear._

"I…well…the thing is…"

_Oh my God, Daniel hates me._

"You see, my father…"

…_hates me. Oh God._

"…is…"

_He hates me._

"...well he…"

_Hates me!_

"…he passed away."

_He hates…what!_

"What!" she breathed.

"I'm sorry. There was an accident…in the labs…" Jonathon fought the urge to snigger, "…we were all…" he bowed his head to hide his mirth, but Claudia took it for a gesture of grief.

She stared at him, open mouthed for a few seconds. She had forgotten to breath, and she suddenly sucked in a gasp of air and exclaimed, "You're lying!"

"I assure you…it was…a terrible business…" Jonathon was not quite sure what to say. His only previous experience of hysterical females was when they'd found out they were pregnant. And he didn't think telling Claudia she could have an abortion would help.

_No…no no no no NO_!

"It's not true. It can't be. He was always so careful he…" Tears began to spill from her cheeks, "He's really dead? I won't get to see him? No. It's not true!"

He reached into his pocket and offered her his handkerchief. She looked at it dumbly and crumpled it up in her fist. "I…but…this wouldn't have happened if…if I'd been there!" Her eyes went wide, "What if…this is all my fault."

Well you know, Dr Graham, that's not strictly true. It's not like you pulled the trigger. That was me.

"Now, now, you can't think like that. We all make mistakes when we're young," he smiled sadly, "Of course, when it happened I blamed myself a little too. It's only natural."

She shook her head. "How long?" she choked out.

"A few months." Jonathon wiped a nonexistent tear from his eye, his face a perfect picture of grief. "It was a truly awful time. But…" he put a soothing hand on her shoulder, "He wouldn't want you to blame yourself, even if you could have prevented it."

He would want you to give me a blowjob.

"It was just such a shame he had such an incompetent research assistant. It hard to get the staff, because people are too scared to work for Umbrella these days."

This was enough to start Claudia sobbing hysterically, face in hands, shoulders slumped. The inside of her chest felt as though it was burning. "It's my fault…" she cried desolately, "It's all my fault. I should've…it's all my fault…" She looked up at him desperately with watery eyes, "Do you hate me?"

He contemplated saying 'Yes' for a moment, because it would have been amusing to see her reaction, but instead he shook his head. "I did," he said gravely, "At first. But not once I got over the initial shock. Come here," He put a protective arm around her shaking form, and she began to sob inconsolably into his sleeve, tears staining his pale blue shirt. As he began to stroke her hair, it occurred to him that he should probably feel guilty about this. He supposed that there was a minor twinge of remorse, but he was more preoccupied with imagining what she'd look like over a desk. Perhaps he could cop a feel while he was here. He put a tentative hand on her thigh. She was too busy crying to notice, but if he got a semi it might be pushing it.

"I'm so sorry," she wept.

"What?" he was confused for a moment, "Oh, my father. Right. Well…" he paused and put on his most sincere voice, "My father was so fond of you that, even if you let him down, I couldn't possibly blame you…" The more guilty he made her feel, the more vulnerable she would be, he reasoned.

Claudia, for her part, had never felt so awful in her whole life. This was worse than being put in OCRC, in fact she'd gladly go back if Daniel was ok.

_Daniel's dead. He's dead. What am I going to do? God, I let him down. I let him down and now he's dead. I can't even tell him how much I missed him, that I'm sorry. What if he thinks I didn't care because my reports were lost?_

"I sent reports…" she whispered, "But Wesker said they never got here. That Daniel thought I was dead."

Jonathon was starting to get bored now. Women were shit when they didn't have your cock in their mouth. "Well, there's nothing you can do about it now."

Claudia mistook his impatience for anger at her.

_He blames me._

She got to her feet shakily and sniffled. "I'll…I'll get out of your way. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Aw no. If she leaves, I'm going to have to do some work.

"It's alright," he said, following her to the door. As she avoided his eyes he wrapped his arms about her and gave her a hug which bordered on fatherly. "Come on, let's get you settled in."

-


	35. Step into my office, baby

_You know we're great. We know we're fantastic. And in our glory we will condescend to allow you to inform us of this in the form of reviews._

_S&C_

_-_

Claudia sat hunched over on the edge of her bed, looking down dazedly. She had cleaned herself up, dressed her own wounds because Jonathon was "busy" ie incompetent, and had been given a change of clothes which were not exactly to her taste.

They would have been even less to her taste had she known they had formerly belonged to Jonathon's ex lay, Nicky, the secretary that Wesker had murdered.

She had thought perhaps that she would feel better to change out of her ripped and bloody dress, but it unequivocally did not. And so she was wearing the best of a very bad bunch, a grey skirt that was ever so slightly too short, and a white blouse that was ever so slightly too tight. It was not the sort of outfit that really went with pigtails and a scowl, but at least her lab coat would hide it for the most part.

She had managed to stop crying for now, alternating between periods of sobbing, and staring blankly at her shoes. Before, when she was in OCRC, she'd felt alone, suspected she was alone, but now she definitely was. Daniel was dead, Jonathon blamed her, and Wesker was mad at her. Shak was probably either going to storm in and kill her, or storm in and get killed, and to make matters worse, she was the only person left alive who knew the formula for Daniel's virus and while it wasn't that she didn't trust Jonathon, she didn't want it ending up in Wesker's hands one way or another.

_If Daniel was here, he'd know what to do._

Tears began to trickle down her face again and she sniffled forlornly at the floor. She could have handled anything else, going back to OCRC, having Daniel angry at her, any outbreaks anyone could throw at her, but not this. She felt thoroughly ashamed of herself; while she had been feeling sorry for herself like a spoiled child, Daniel had been dying. She hadn't had a chance to say goodbye to him, not even when she left five years ago. She couldn't even remember if she'd ever thanked him for everything he did for her. Now that she was older, she realised just what that was, what he'd saved her from. It had been such a risk on his part, placing so much faith in her.

_And I let him down._

-

Jonathon was standing outside her door with a cup of tea in his hand.

I hope she's not still greeting.

He wasn't sure if he could cope with round two of a hysterical Claudia. Especially since it was quite hard to pretend he felt bad about his Dad's death. It never occurred to Jonathon that he was in fact a little shit.

He paused to knock on the door, then decided not to, in case she was getting changed and he could pretend he walked in by accident.

She was sitting on the bed. Something was amiss.

The lack of hot pink lipstick.

It baffled him as to how the hell she'd managed to make his slut of a dead girlfriend's clothes look so conservative. Maybe it was because she had her knees together. Jonathon was feeling something strange, a new sensation, what was this. He…he…oh dear God.

He didn't have a hard on.

Claudia looked up, her bottom lip trembling. She was tired, hungry and miserable, but there was no situation in the world which could not be improved, albeit slightly, by the presence of a caffeinated beverage. He really was his father's son. She offered him a small smile, and he came and sat down next to her, handing over the cup.

"I wasn't sure how you liked your tea," he began.

"With Pro Plus," she blurted out, "And a double shot of expresso."

"Um…right…" he looked away and pulled a face, "I'll be sure to make a note of it for future reference. For now I'm afraid, this'll have to do."

"Thank you," she smiled weakly.

"So..." he cleared his throat, "Are you feeling any better?"

Tears welled up in her eyes and she swallowed down the lump in her throat with a faint smile and nodded. "Uhuh. Thank you."

He nodded with a relieved look and put a hand on her shoulder.

_Wow, I must be getting really good at hiding my emotions. It must be all that spying I did at OCRC._

Well, at least she's pretending to be alright. Unlike Wesker, I can't get off when the girl's crying.

Claudia looked down at her shoes and reasoned to herself that her way of coping with grief would be the same as her way with coping with everything else. She would get stuck into her work. And from what she had seen, with most of the staff dead, there would be a lot of it. She couldn't believe the mess things were in. Daniel had always been the one to keep everything together. Still, she couldn't blame Jonathon for letting things slide, he'd lost his father.

"So..." she looked up again, "There must be a lot that wants doing. When do you want me in the labs?"

As soon as you get that outfit off.

Jonathon was vaguely perplexed at coming across someone who actually wanted to work. He supposed all the grief must be playing funny tricks with her mind. He noticed her watching him and altered his look of confused disgust to one of sympathy again. "As soon as you feel you're up to it, love," he said softly, squeezing her hand.

She opened her mouth to thank him again, when there was a loud beeping sound at his hip. She jumped back in fright as the young man shrugged apologetically and muttered a strained "Excuse me."

Raising the CB to his ear he pressed the recieve button. "Yes?"

"OH MY GOD LANCASTER WHY DIDN'T YOU LOCK THE CAGES!" the voice on the other end screamed frantically, as the sound of roaring could be heard in the background, "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! WE'RE ALL GOING TO..." The radio went dead.

Jonathon held the radio at arm's length and cocked his head to one side, before turning to Claudia. "Actually, love," he frowned, "Do you think you could start today?" he rolled his eyes affectedly, "I'm the only competent one left."

Claudia nodded eagerly, "Of course."

Jonathon raised an eyebrow, mistaking her eagerness to work for an eagerness to please. This was going to be an easy lay, he thought to himself smugly. "Good girl," he smiled approvingly, checking his watch, "Well, Wesker'll be on the warpath about now," he sighed, "I'll go and smooth things over with him and be back for you in an hour."

"Yes sir!" she gave him another of those half hearted, tearful smiles as he left her alone with her thoughts.

-----

Wesker was feeling rather jovial. Well, as jovial as an undead psychopath who'd just murdered his ex-girlfriend (who he happened to be stalking)'s travelling companion, kidnapped her best friend (possibly her only friend), blown up his former workplace and enlisted the services of a neo-Nazi with a romantic attachment to his own bodily waste got. He strolled at a leisurely pace through the halls of Achma's necropolis. Had he been the type, he might have whistled a jaunty tune, but as it was he just did not scowl, and amused himself with rather pleasant thoughts such as beating Shakahnna to a bloody pulp.

It was good for a man to have hobbies. It made one a well rounded individual. He feared that Jonathon did not leave the lab enough, and as such the poor lad had developed some anti-social traits. Such as pathological compulsive masturbation. And murdering his own father. Wesker himself had never felt any animosity towards his parents. Obviously, they could not facilitate his desires to move quickly through the ranks of Umbrella, so he had not seen them after he found gainful employment; he imagined they must be dead by now. But still, murdering one's own parents was just...distasteful. It bordered on melodrama. Still Jonathon always had been one for amateur dramatics.

And while such matters were in his mind, it might be fruitful to pay Daniel's son a visit. After all, there was still the contention of the Minataur virus to deal with. He had ordered a throughout search from a member of the skeleton staff crew on Claudia's bag, but while she was naive, she was not stupid, and he did not expect it to have yielded any notable results beyond whatever brand of caffeine pills she was currently taking. Much like Daniel, he noted she had a fondness for them.

His luck for the day seemed to be holding fast as he bumped into Jonathon before the thoughts had even cleared from his head. For his part, the younger man looked relieved that Wesker's trousers were intact this time.

"Ah...Albert," Lancaster looked visibly nervous. "Did you enjoy your..." he stopped and shook his head vigorously. "No. I don't even want to know..." he muttered.

Wesker inclined his head, "Jonathon. Have you any news pertaining to Minotaur?"

Jonathon ran a hand through his hair and looked shifty. "Patience Wesker. She's still doing that female thing. All teary eyed and bubbling over Dad. Honestly, gave me a headache."

But I'm still going to do her.

Wesker did not appeared in the slightest bit interested in Claudia's grief. "I always assumed crying women were your forte Jonathon."

"She's not pregnant...I don't know what to say!" he blurted out. "Can't you go put a fatherly arm around her or something?"

The BOW did not dignify that with a response, so Jonathon continued with his verbal car crash.

"Ah no...of course not. Well I'm sure a jolly good seeing to will sort her out. I can do that..." he offered helpfully.

Wesker did required that this image was not in the forefront of his mind. Sleeping with multiple women, sex without violence...how perverse did one get? He was even willing to bet that Jonathon had never had a redhead up against a wall. Such a very odd boy.

"As interesting as that is..." And the tone of his voice made it quite plain that it wasn't, "We have more pressing matters at hand."

I don't see what's more pressing than getting her to suck my cock.

"Yes, you're quite right. The virus. What was it called again?" Jonathon, despite his many charms, possibly did not have a future as an after dinner speaker.

"Have you made any progress?"

"Yes."

_No._

"So you've secured the formula?"

"Not exactly..." he answered evasively. "But...er...well you see...the thing is..."

"Is it worth our while to keep her alive? Does she have the information?"

"Yes...yes!" He was aware that it would be Claudia's fate if he answered negatively, and there was something about her dying prematurely that made him distinctly uneasy. Besides, he couldn't fuck her if she was dead. He wasn't "that" desperate. "She's got it. I just...well...I thought it best to...give her time to grieve properly. A couple of days and she'll have forgotten all that. You have to give her time, she is a girl after all."

"You had best see to it that her grief does not impede your progress. I require that information sooner rather than later." Although he could afford to be leisurely if it kept Shakahnna around, it was best that the junior Lancaster was not aware of this.

"You should have more faith in me," the young man drawled, smoothing his hair back once more in a gesture which had become thoroughly habitual, "I'm not incompetent like my father."

"Three days, Jonathon." Wesker continued to walk, past the scientist and down the corridor.

_**That is unless there is someone to keep me suitably amused.**_


	36. Poison In The Walls

_AN: It's the king and you know it, so for the love of God review, or Claudia will cry, and Shak will blow something up._

_S&C_

Claudia fidgeted nervously with the hem of her skirt. Jonathon should have been back by now. She supposed he must have had a lot of work to do. She did not suppose that at that very moment he was locked in his bathroom with a copy of Playboy having a performance wank just in case. Which would have been an infinitely more accurate assumption.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to take the initiative and go look for him, conveniently ignoring the fact that her sense of direction was on par with her eyesight. The corridor was empty, and she breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of a Wesker-free area. She was developing a real fear of him, and was not sure how she would hold up when he demanded the virus formula from her. But with Daniel dead, she couldn't, she just couldn't. Which was easy to say when Wesker wasn't towering above her.

With a sigh, she stepped out and began walking in the opposite direction from the way in which she had arrived, reasoning that this would lead her into the heart of the Necropolis.

After walking in silence for a good five minutes, a terrified scream rent the air. Whirling about with a start, a diminutive figure could be seen hurtling towards her. She did not possess the reflexes to get out of the way in time, and found herself on the floor with a crash.

Claudia and the mystery assailant, who was, incidentally, a fourteen year old girl in school uniform with bad hair, both scrambled to their feet simultaneously. The schoolgirl grabbed her urgently by the shoulders, trembling.

"C...c...cerebral toxin!" she blurted out.

"You're a cretin," Claudia replied.

The schoolgirl ran off.

As Claudia stood for a moment to contemplate this rather strange event, a scraping sound began to resonate through the corridor. A strapping figure in a bloodstained lab coat came into view, wearing a devil mask and carrying an enormous knife. He stopped in front of the bewildered scientist and looked at her for a moment.

"EVERYONE MUST DIE AND SUFFER FOREVER!" he informed her.

"And apparently so are you..." she muttered to herself. His name badge read G. Maxwell. She made a mental note to report him to Lancaster. Men covered in blood wearing halloween masks did not ensure a good working environment.

_Shak's right. Where does Umbrella find these people?_

As the blood stained apparition shuffled off in not terribly hot pursuit of the schoolgirl, Claudia cocked her head to one side and wondered if she was going insane.

Continuing through the labyrinth that was Achma, it soon became apparent that she was painfully lost. Stopping to look at a smear of blood on the wall, she could have sworn that she'd passed this part before. Was she going round in circles?

Across from her was a door that read "Security". She reasoned that at very least there would be a telephone connection, although calling Jonathon and having him come rescue her would be embarrassing at best. Still, the security office was bound to have a map.

The door was electronically locked, but this was no real problem for her, as she knelt beside the door and over-rode the system, barely even thinking about it. The action was becoming second nature and it did not occur to her that if the door was locked, it was probably because she wasn't supposed to be there.

The room was enveloped in darkness, and she flicked on the light, to be greeted with the corpse of a security guard. It looked like suicide. She jumped back a little, but she had been on tour with Shak that day, so dead bodies were not something which shocked her any more.

Pushing the man's remains off the seat, she booted up the computer as he slid to the ground. It was password protected, but again, hacking in was something she hardly even realised she was doing.

_Ok, map..._

She began to root through various folders in search of a plan of the base. The contents of the computer were in disorder, and she was about to run a search, when something caught her eye.

A record of surveillance videos, dating back to Orpheus, the base her and Daniel had been stationed at before she was sent away. Through morbid curiosity, she opened the folder, not really sure what she was looking for.

_I wonder what happened after I left...? _

Even though she knew it was standard to keep all files from the past decade, there was still something unnerving about seeing mementos of her early life sitting there on the screen. She would not have time to watch them all, as much as she desperately wanted to see Daniel again, albeit posthumously, so she selected the most pressing date for her. The day after she left.

As the file loaded, she looked over her shoulder guiltily, as the screen faded.

Daniel was sitting at his desk, head in hands. He was unshaven, his eyes were red, and he looked thoroughly miserable. Claudia's heart gave a little lurch. He began to half heartedly leaf through some paperwork. She noticed that it had only taken a day of her not being there for his desk to end up in utter disarray. She began to skip the video forward, until something caught her eye and she wound it back to watch Wesker entering. He looked the same five years ago as he did today.

On anyone else it would look as though he was just striding purposefully, but Claudia knew enough to realise that it was as close as her boss came to storming. Placing two mammoth hands on Daniel's desk, he pushed the wood down to the point where the legs began to splinter. She covered her mouth with her hands as Daniel looked up with his own brand of rage. The two men stared at each other in silence for a moment, then the sound of dialogue began to crackle out.

"You turned off her life support." Wesker spoke first.

"You can't use Umbrella for personal vendettas!" Daniel blurted out, clearly shaken but standing his ground. "This is not part of our job!" he stood up, "This is cruel..."

_"_You turned off her life support," he repeated deliberately, "You attempted to murder my lover."

"It's not murder to put a dying creature out of its misery. You slit her throat!"

"That action bears no consequence on this conversation," he replied simply. "She's out of bounds..."

"Wesker...what's happened to you!" he cut short, "And where is my daughter? I want to know where Claudia is!"

Wesker did not reply.

"What have you done with her!" his voice was hoarse, "If she's dead, Wesker..." he gritted his teeth.

"She's alive, although I cannot vouch for well. As is my Shakahnna."

Daniel stepped forward, looking up at Wesker with his fists clenched at his sides. His whole frame was shaking as the BOW stood there impassively.

"Where is she!" he yelled. Claudia was taken aback. She had never seen Daniel raise his voice in all the time she had known him.

"You would have such a tantrum over someone who is not even your own blood? Unfortunately for you, it was not Jonathon who caused all this trouble."

"How can you behave so irresponsibly?"

"You have no jurisdiction to speak with me on responsibility. Your charge has caused me much aggravation."

"She's just a child!" Daniel exclaimed tersely..

"You should have had her on a tighter leash," Wesker replied, "I assure you, Daniel, you will pay for her sins as well."

"What have you done with her?" he persisted, his responses indicating that he either did not notice, or not care about the blatant threat.

"She's been enrolled in the espionage division."

Daniel took a few steps back, a look of utter horror on his face. "Wesker," he said quietly, "That's a death sentence."

"No," Wesker made to leave, "If she comes back here, that will be a death sentence."

As Daniel sank back down in his chair, Claudia reached out with shaking hands and shut down the file. She wasn't sure if she would rather have watched that or not. As tears began to pour down her cheeks, she realise the latter was true.

Putting her head in her hands, she began to sob. Everything was in such a mess, Daniel was gone, and there was no way she could trust Wesker. She didn't know what games he was playing, but she knew he wasn't playing by the rules, and now more than ever she realised how alone she was. Wesker's presence had been somewhat comforting, a reminder of Orpheus, but he had made her adoptive father angry, and no matter how justified Wesker thought he had been, Daniel never acted unfairly. She had always assumed that ending up in OCRC was her own fault, but seeing Daniel's reaction made her realise that he was right. She had been just a child.

She knew she had to do something, and she made a promise to herself to investigate the events of the last five years. No matter how poor the staff were, she just couldn't believe that Daniel's death would have been caused through incompetence. But dared to outright kill him? He and Wesker had always seemed to work so well together. Maybe it had something to do with what she'd just watched. Was that why Jonathon had said that he'd blamed her at first? It never occurred to her to make the connection between Wesker's comment about the junior Lancaster on the video, and the fact that Daniel had kept his son a secret.

All she did know was that she hoped that she wouldn't put Jonathon in danger as well. The last thing she wanted was for history to repeat itself.

-

Shak and Herrison had been following tyre tracks for a few hours now, making their way in the direction of the base on foot.

"My feet are tired. You should carry me," Shak announced.

Herrison looked at her and groaned. "Not a fucking chance," he said shaking his head.

She punched him on the arm playfully, "You pussy."

He winced and continued walking.

"I'm hungry," were the next words out of the redhead's mouth, a statement prompted as she glanced at a corpse.

"Me too!" Herrison's face took on a dopy look, "Let's go to McDo..." he cut himself short and shook his head. "No. I like steak. I do not like fried burgers."

He made a face a walked on.

"I'll eat just about anything if it's fried," Shak postulated, "Hey, do you think there's any of that Hunter left?"

"That's disgusting," Hunk replied vacantly, frowning to suppress the look of ignorant bliss he had spent five years cultivating while undercover.

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

"So Hunk..."

Herrison winced at whatever was coming next. "Yes...?"

"Do you want down Claudia's pants?"

He stopped short and made a slight choking noise. "Don't be ridiculous," he snapped, "My job is to protect her. That's all."

"Protect her underwear from other men...?" Shak was annoying.

"You know people don't like it when you call their bluff," he retorted, not yet aware that Captain Taylor had no shame.

"Why would they need to bluff?" she asked innocently.

"Can we change the subject?" he asked tersely.

"From how you want down Claudia's pants to what?"

"I don't want 'down her pants'!" he cried.

"It's ok. When you two have kids I can be the Godmother and bring it up properly. It can be a STAR."

Hunk choked again imagining Claudia's reaction.

"So would it call you Hunk or Herrison?"

"I would imagine it would call me Dad..." he stopped himself short and rounded on her angrily, "Claudia and I are not going to have children together! She thinks I'm Down's!"

She put a hand on his arm, the picture of tact, "Do you have problems in "that area"? You could always get that Lancaster guy to donate some sperm, if I wasn't going to castrate him..."

"Not if I get there first!" he snarled, clenching his fists.

"I don't think you should wank off Lancaster," her face softened, "It's ok, you don't have any need to be jealous. He's Umbrella scum, Claudia wouldn't go anywhere near him."

Herrison would have decked her if it wouldn't have blown his cover. He was as devoutly loyal to Umbrella as his charge was.

"He's very manipulative," he finally said with a tense sigh.

"She's not as clever as me," Shakahnna announced, "But she's not stupid."

"You're not clever!"

"I figured you out, didn't I?"

"Only because there was no unspoken bond that you stupid people have together!"

She put her arm around him, and he stiffened, taking the gesture to be a portent of impending doom, "You know, I think that you two would make a very good couple." She grinned, "I'll fix you up, leave it to me."

Hunk shrugged her off angrily, "For the love of God, stop talking."

She looked at him inquisitively, "Is she your sister or something? This is uncanny. Are you sure you don't work for Umbrella, if you're into incest?"

**Hee hee...incest.**

"She's not my fucking sister!" he exploded.

"What?" she said obtusely, "You want to fuck your sister?"

"I can't believe none of your colleagues have ever tried to shoot you!"

"They have."

Herrison, in spite of things, was mildly surprised. "And that didn't faze you?"

She jumped up, making a tall gesture with her hand. "It's about this high and once that's fazed you, in comparison everything else is a piece of piss. Speaking of which, it currently has my charge..."

"She's not your charge," he said huffily, "She's my charge."

"Who saved her from Wesker?" she said immaturely, "NOT YOU, WHERE WERE YOU HERRISON? OFF CHASING ANGELA'S SKIRT!"

He opened his mouth for an angrily reply but she cut him short.

"RANK!" she held up her hand with a stop gesture.

"You're rank."

"Yes," the redhead was not insulted. "But I'm also in charge." She leaned in and raised her eyebrows twice in quick succession, "I'll fight you for it."

"I'm not going to fight you," he sneered. Hunk, cream of Umbrella's espionage division, from a long line of trained soldiers, was not going to roughhouse with a STARS captain, however irritating she was.

"YOU'RE GAY!" she screamed, pointing at him. "If you won't fight with me, you must be a poof or a hippie! But it does mean that you concede that I'm in charge."

"I most certainly do not, you little savage..." he trailed off, looking down to find that her cat claws had miraculously appeared at his crotch.

"Are you sure...?" she asked with an angelic air that was throughly perverse.

"No."

"Good good!" she jumped up and patted his head. Hunk wished he was dead.

"As much as I'd like to stand and argue with you, we should look lively," he nodded towards the oncoming hills. Carriers were shuffling towards them, their low moans breaking the eerie silence of the dead town.

Shakahnna broke into a grin and readied her claws.


	37. Last Of The International Playboys

_AN: Hello ladies. It's my pleasure to announce the latest chapter of **The Adventures Of Jonathon Lancaster: International Playboy **for your delectation. This is, in my opinion, the best chapter so far, because it features lots and lots of your favourite (and my favourite) devastatingly handsome, world renowned ladies' man and super-genius creator of the most fearsome turtle bioweapon in the universe. Did I mention I have a huge…_

…_that's quite enough of that. Claudia._

_-_

Claudia looked over at Jonathon, who was sitting at his desk, a look of intense concentration on his face as his eyes scanned the pages of the research paper he was reading.

_He's just like Daniel. _

She smiled to herself, then looked away, feeling her cheeks beginning to burn. It was all she could do to stifle a giggle. A sudden surge of guilt rose to the forefront of her mind.

_What am I doing? I should be working as hard as he is._

-

The only thing Jonathon was working on was getting an erection. Using the old schoolboy trick, he had a copy of Playboy concealed behind his folder, and was in fact studying the finer points of Pamela Anderson's bikini line, rather than RNA synthesis.

Looking up, he saw that the look of fascination on Claudia's face as she scribbled notes down mirrored his own, albeit faux, expression.

Craning his neck, he wondered where her concealed magazine was.

What is it that women read anyway? Housekeeping Monthly?

It couldn't be that she was actually working. Although she had spent a lot of time around his father, so stranger things were possible.

Shaking his head to himself, he decided to go over and check. Maybe if he caught her skiving he could guilt trip her into giving him a hand job. Walking softly, he put a hand on her shoulder and smirked.

"Hard at work, Dr Graham?"

She responded by almost falling off her seat. Jonathon peered over her shoulders and found that his suspicions had been confirmed. Pages and pages of perfectly written notes sat in front of her. In fact, she had done more work that afternoon than he had done in the past year.

He took a step back and she looked up anxiously. "Is something wrong, sir?"

Sir? 

…

Boing!

"I thought you'd been busy or something," he joked, looking down at her work.

She blanched, missing the humour completely. "Well, normally I would have done so much more," she began to babble in a panic, "But everything's just been…well, I mean…I…" she buried her face in her hands, "It's no excuse…I'm sorry!"

Jonathon was perplexed for a moment before he saw an opportunity and went for it. "It's alright," he said in a mildly condescending tone, and the highly strung doctor looked up with a slight flurry of tears stinging her eyes. Jonathon tilted her chin up and smiled, "It's understandable, given the circumstances. So try not to worry about it too much."

She nodded and began writing again.

Aw, don't do that. Less writing, more sucking.

_He really wants me to work harder. I can't let him down._

Jonathon was about to chance a sly grope, when the door opened and Wesker strode in. His demeanour was one of frosty impatience. It was not often the BOW allowed his inner frustration to manifest, but his recent interactions with Shakahnna were putting a strain on his iron self control. Claudia instantly shrank back in her chair and kept her eyes fixed resolutely downcast, trying to make herself as inconspicuous as possible.

"Hello, Albert," Jonathon cleared his throat. "Err…it's a rather nice day outside, isn't it?"

Wesker did not reply as he made his way to one of the desks and picked up some files.

Not going to make small talk then? Fine. Let's die together.

Jonathon went back to his desk and sullenly picked up his pen, and began pretending to work. Claudia continued to look at her shoes, every few seconds casting skittish glances at both men when she thought they weren't looking.

"Dr Lancaster." Wesker's voice cut through the tense silence, and Jonathon looked up sharply.

"Hmm?"

"Where is your analysis of the stability of the BOWs in ward 22?"

Fuck.

"Well, I…uh…it's…" Jonathon had not done it.

Wesker's eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses.

"Oh!" Claudia blurted out, "You left it over here, Dr Lancaster!" She grabbed her own work and hurried over to Jonathon's desk with it, setting it down before hiding behind him.

"Oh yes, of course…" Jonathon nodded hastily.

She's letting me take the credit? This is great! Maybe I can get her to do all my other work too. 

Killing dad was such a great idea.

He smirked to himself as he handed over the files. Wesker browsed through them with a critical eye.

"These are surprisingly well done, Jonathon." He looked at the younger man who ran a hand through his hair with a bashful smile.

"I try," he replied modestly.

_**It's a shame they're not in your handwriting.**_

_**As endearing as your little tryst is. You had best not get too attached, young Lancaster. Her days here are numbered.**_

Claudia bit her lip.

_Do not say anything inappropriate, do not say anything inappropriate. Look, he's pleased with the report, he's bought it, this is the best opportunity to keep **quiet.**_

"Sir?" Claudia blurted out and her inner monologue pinched the bridge of its nose. Jonathon looked at her as if to say "Shut the fuck up."

"Yes, Miss Graham?" Wesker answered like a schoolmaster.

"Um…about Shak…?" This was definitely not a good idea. "You're really not going to kill her, are you?"

Wesker responded by looking murderous. The auburn haired girl blanched, and Jonathon felt the need to cover it up.

"Come on," he laughed nervously, "Anything that ugly's better of dead, Claudia."

She opened her mouth to say something vaguely defensive of the STARS captain, but closed it again at the look on her boss' face. Wesker suddenly looked about three times his normal size, an air of imposing anger about him, a tightness to his mouth which betrayed his inner rage. He was not best pleased.

"Um…" Jonathon grabbed some more notes from the desk, "Would you like to see the rest of the work we've done? There's been great improvement on the…" he stopped dead as Wesker turned about and stormed for the exit. As the door slammed behind him, the junior Lancaster looked down at his arm. Claudia was clinging to it.

"There, there…" Jonathon petted her hair, "His…his bark's worse than his bite."

"That's not strictly true, is it Dr Lancaster?" she said in a small voice. Reaching up with one hand, she touched his cheek. "What happened to your eye?" She had noticed it before but there had not been an opportune moment to enquire.

The young man's face darkened, his jaw tightening in genuine anger at the memory. "Wesker and I had a disagreement…"

Claudia's hand flew to her mouth in a mixture of horror and sympathy. Seeing her reaction to be favourable, the doctor continued.

"Actually," his tone was grave, "I was defending you."

Her eyes went wide. "Me?"

This is almost too easy. Not for the first time that day, Jonathon wondered if this was the point where he was supposed to feel guilty.

Nope.

He nodded with an air of martyrdom, "He wasn't in favour of you coming to Achma. He wanted to leave you there with that…_ruffian._ He and Dad, they used to have disagreements, you know?" Claudia nodded as she remembered the videotape, and suddenly things started to make sense.

Unfortunately the conclusion she came to was not that Jonathon was a lying little shit who murdered his own father and the only man she'd ever loved, tried to have her and all her friends killed at the hands of a born again Christian, committed one of the most atrocious acts of incompetence this side of the former world trade centre in the form of a turtle and was now proceeding to make her feel guilty about Daniel's death despite it being one hundred percent not her fault in order to get his hole because he was desperate and workshy.

Which would have been the correct one.

"Actually," Jonathon decided to chance his luck, "While we're on the subject of Wesker, I have a confession to make."

I murdered Daniel. Haha at me.

"Yes?" Claudia looked up at him innocently, her gaze full of complete trust.

"Well, Wesker wanted me to create a BOW that would wipe out you and your team…"

She snorted in spite of herself. "The tortoise!"

Tortoise? Fuck you, you bitch. It was a turtle. 

"That's the one," he nodded.

I'm sorry Jonathon Junior. It's for the greater good.

"Go on…?" Claudia bit her tongue. It would not do to call Daniel's son a cretin. Not when he'd been such a gentleman.

"I was…I was so rude because I had to act indignant. I hope you don't mind the front…"

"So you made it rubbish on purpose?" she blurted out, relief colouring her cheeks that Jonathon was not in fact an idiot.

Bitch! That turtle was everything to me! He was like a son! My heart and soul went into him!

"Ah, yes. Michelangelo had to be sacrificed for the greater good. Did you know that caffeine almost completely overrides the regenerative properties of the virus?"

"Michelangelo? You named it after the painter?" she asked with a dreamy sigh.

_That's so Daniel._

"Ahem," Jonathon cleared his throat and tried to remember what Wesker had said earlier. "Yes, he painted the Sistine chapel, don't you know?" He flashed a charming smile and Claudia stifled a giggle. "For what it's worth," Jonathon continued, "Wesker's not usually this bad. It's just this past couple of days he's been…"

"Since Shak showed up," she said flatly. "He asked me to lure her to Achma. But he never mentioned they were a couple."

Jonathon's head began to shake violently, "Oh they were a couple all right!" he sneered, having seen the video evidence and not liking the recollection. "He has," he lowered his voice, and leaned in closer, "This room…"


	38. GO STRIKEFORCE TEAM OF JUSTICE 111ONE

_AN:_ Merry Christmas from the cast and crew of Living LikeA Disaster. It's around this time of year that we are reminded what the true Spirit of Christmas really is, that Santa Claws with his millions of presents just doesn't give as much back to the world as we here at team LLAD do. I mean seriously no PSP could provide the hours of merriment and mirth that we do with every single chapter. This is your real Christmas gift, the others were just taking the piss.

Shak, Claudia, Wesker, Jackand Jonathon.

* * *

When it was noticeable to the other members of the base that he was growing restless, it was a situation which necessitated action. It was time to pay his redhead a visit. She had been left to her own devices for far too long, and as a gentleman he could not abide such discourteous treatment of the only human being he did not wish in the ground.

He wanted to indulge some of those slightly less orthodox traits that deep down they both shared. Perhaps it would be a bloodbath… One could always hope. He had a certain fondness for events of that nature, and although he possessed the necessary abilities to locate her within a couple of moments on foot, with Shakahnna it was always better to conserve one's energy. As such, he had a vehicle on hand.

Rising, he made his way outside towards his mode of transport - a powerful quad bike.

As he mounted the four wheeled vehicle, the first thing he noticed were that the keys were not in the ignition where he had left them. Before he had time to think that none of his staff would have had the gaul to commit such an act, he felt himself sinking closer to the ground, accompanied by a loud hissing noise.

Someone had slashed his tyres. This was certainly unexpected.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" A loud booming voice came from a ledge one floor up, as his keys, attached to a mysterious large paper Mache ball, landed in his lap. A split second later, still accompanied by ceaseless manic laughter, the object exploded in a cloud of thick smoke. The air cleared and cross-shaped confetti rained down on his flaxen head, he observed that someone had left him a rather unorthodox parking ticket, emblazoned with the word "HEATHEN".

"COMMUNION GIRL MAY FORGIVE THEE, BUT THE RIGHTEOUS SWORD GRANTS THOU NO SUCH AMNESTY!" Jack Tabernacle trilled, leaping from his hiding spot on the first floor ledge and springing down, clad in a purple cape, which billowed behind him in the wind. He imagined that he must have cut quite the dashing figure in his ecclesiastical super-hero attire, but Wesker was less than impressed. It was ironic that the trait which currently was not met in good humour was one of the reasons Jack was still alive to perform such acts of mania.

He landed before the quad with a thunderous crash and continued to chuckle. "HOW DO YOU LIKE DIVINE JUSTICE, VILE HEATHEN? MAY I BE SO CHEEKY AS TO SUPPOSE THOU HAST SEEN THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS?"

"Tabernacle," Wesker replied calmly. "How can I assist you?"

"YOU CAN BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY AS GOD WISHES!" Jack roared cordially.

"That aside, what other matters bring you here?"

"MATTERS? WHAT SORCERY HAST THOU SO CALM WHEN THY VERY SOUL IS AT STAKE, TO BE TORMENTED AT THE MERCY OF THE BURNING LAKES OF SULPHUR IN SATAN'S ETERNAL KINGDOM OF WRONGNESS! WHEN THOU VERY CORPOREAL FORM SHALT BE THRUST INTO EVERLASTING SUFFERING BY HOT POKERS WEILDED BY THE MINIONS OF LUCIFER HIMSELF!" Jack postulated casually in his continuous stream of deranged verbal feces.

Wesker had fond memories of pokers. It was a source of mild regret to him that the regenerative abilities of his body had not enabled him to preserve those scars.

"FOR IT IS AS CHAPTER 47 VERSE 20 OF THE BOOK OF ISIAH TELLS YOU..." Jack took a deep breath, " "The LORD will send upon you curses, confusion, and frustration, in all that you undertake to do, until you are destroyed and perish quickly, on account of the evil of your doings, because you have forsaken me. The LORD will make the pestilence cleave to you until he has consumed you off the land which you are entering to take possession of it. The LORD will smite you with consumption, and with fever, inflammation, and fiery heat, and with drought, and with blasting, and with mildew; they shall pursue you until you perish. The LORD will cause you to be defeated before your enemies; you shall go out one way against them, and flee seven ways before them; and you shall be a horror to all the kingdoms of the earth. The LORD will smite you with the boils of Egypt, and with the ulcers and the scurvy and the itch, of which you cannot be healed. The LORD will smite you with madness and blindness and confusion of mind!" AND SO IT IS WRITTEN SO SHALL IT BE IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND OF THE SON AND OF THE HOLY GHOST AMEN FOR HIS IS THE KINGDOM, THE POWER AND THE GLORY FOREVER AND EVER...!"

"I am not sure if the point that you are making is apparent here, Jack," came the impassive reply.

"DOTH! CONVEY TO ME THE LOCATION OF THOU LATRINES!"

"Second floor. Third door on the right. I believe they are well sign posted."

"GRATITUDE UPON THINE VILLAINOUS YET NEVERTHELESS MILDLY HELPFUL HEAD, HELLSPAWN SCUM!"

And with a melodic chant of "AHAHAAAA!", Jack trotted rather quickly through the front doors of the facility.

-

"Hey Hunk! Catch!"

Hunk spun around just as a stream of viscera came flying through the air and hit him square on the face. As there was a sickening splat, Hunk brushed the gory intestines away angrily and rounded on the STARS captain. "That's the sixth time you've done that today!" he yelled. "It wasn't even funny the first time!"

Shak, who was in the process of pissing herself laughing, disagreed. Hunk shrugged it off, in reasonably high spirits. The pair were nearing one of the control centres, which meant the base could not be too far. Perhaps another couple of days on foot, but at least travelling with Shak meant good progress. As upset as he was at Angela's death, the blonde cop would have slowed them down. And they were on a mission.

Shak wasn't so bad company, he reflected. At least she distracted him from thinking about what was going to happen when they arrived at Achma. Wesker was not going to be pleased that they were showing up. He was taking a STARS captain, a destructive, kamikaze STARS captain, to one of the last remaining bases in this part of the country. Jack would probably try to baptise him, Heinz would probably try to bum him, and Jonathon was probably fucking his girl by now. This was certainly one to write home to Mum about. He wondered what his Mum would think of Claudia when he introduced them, then shook the thought out of his head with a little twitch.

"Isn't it great that we've been left alone?" Shak beamed, bounding about with seemingly endless energy.

A brief flicker of worry crossed Hunk's face. If she started trying to tongue him he was going to top himself.

"Look!" she bounced over and began to lift up her shirt. "I'm all healed and everything!"

"Woah!" he took a step back, thankful that she was only showing midriff. "I've not come to fix your fridge, you know."

"I don't have a fridge…" she said in a bewildered tone, "I don't have a fridge. I'm hungry, I could use a fridge. Where's the fridge?" She looked about and stopped. "Oh…you meant porno. Why don't you just have a wank or something? It's not like I'd watch. Although I remember this one time…"

"Stop talking."

"Hey, Herrison, would you consider wearing pigtails?"

"Why? Would that turn you on?"

"It's nothing personal, Herrison, but I don't date pussies. Just be's because you sound like Claudia. And I miss having her about."

"I hope she's ok. She's got the formula for the virus, so that should keep her alive, if she's had the sense to keep it to herself…"

"BORING!" Shak was not up for the hundredth discussion about Claudia's wellbeing. "She wouldn't fraternise with the enemy. I had no trouble keeping stuff from Wesker, I'm sure she'll be fine. Shut up. If they'd wanted to kill her, they'd have just done it there and then. Unless that turtle fucker really wants to get down your pants, you've got nothing to worry about. It's not like anybody has anything against us."

"I'm pretty sure Jonathon's not gay." Hunk had heard stories about Lancaster's womanising. If he was a bufty, then he was doing a pretty good job of repressing it.

"Nonsense. Since when did straight people start working for Umbrella."

"So Wesker's gay?"

"According to Scarlet Fever he is."

"And your ex?" Hunk pointed out the flaws in her rationale.

"I'm more of a man than you'll ever be!"

Hunk suspected for the hundredth time that day that he may not be getting anywhere.

There was a distant rumble and the duo turned to each other and said simultaneously, "Do you hear something?"

"More carriers," Hunk said gravely.

"BORING!" the redhead squealed, "Where's all the good stuff?"

"Just shut up and fight."

Albert Wesker disembarked from his quad with a sardonic smirk playing about his features. His heightened optic senses had already alighted upon his quarry, and one heavily shod foot fell upon the gritty terrain with an ominous thud which he seriously doubted had been heard by the pitiful band of survivors.

His amused little smirk widened a little as his gaze travelled to the redhead, and he slipped his sunglasses out of his breast pocket, settled them onto his Roman nose with a fluid gesture, and ran a hand through his flaxen hair, his colourless lips curved upwards in a repressed display of sadistic delight.  
  
**_Team effort may yield more fruitful results. There is no harm in letting Lancaster keep his new toy for now. There is no reason enjoyment cannot be had for all in this situation._**

For today, Albert Wesker was going to have fun.


	39. The beast come gliding in

It's like porn but sexier because there's violence.

Review or else I might have to hit on you.

Shak (of the cheshire cat esque grinning variety. Claudia for reasons unknown refuses to comment. )

* * *

A light moan of pleasure escaped from the lips of the young female. Even if they were once people, not anymore and it was the only time where everything made sense in the world. Her foot crushed another skull, the noise ringing out as a smile curbed the top playing with her features. She bit the inside of her lip drawing an inconsequential amount of blood, swinging her leg over one of the zombies. Straddling it, she plunged her claws into its cranium, before rejoining the fray.

"Shak!" Hunk called over as he glanced at the STARS captain toying with another undead victim, "Just kill them already!"

"But I like playing..." The captain pouted, a zombie's feather-like touch gracing her neck mere seconds before she snapped its own. She sighed and relented, "I suppose we should be getting back to getting Clauds back. Gotta go get her from those bastards. Can't wait to kill that fucking fifty point toffee chewing fudge licking, arse faced, cock riding..." There was a perceptible growl in her tone as she thought of the fifty points that awaited her at Achma.

Albert Wesker stood for a few more seconds, savouring the moment like a vulture hovers over its prey, prolonging that delicious feeling of superiority, before, with an almost feline grace and fluidity, he twitched his muscles and, with the barest of effort and a black blur of motion, he was standing before the duo, arms folded smugly over his chest, blocking any conceivable escape route.

He smiled courteously, his charming geniality pervaded with a chilling iciness which was all the more poignant given his present intent.

"Ah..." he nodded once in the redhead's direction, and reached out to touch her scar with one gloved hand, "Captain Taylor. Such a pleasure to see you alive and..." he smirked, "... well. Your travelling party seems to have somewhat diminished, however."

**  
Fuck…Wesker. Hang on, been there, done that. Right, strategy. If I go in high, and Hunk goes in low we can probably put him off balance, and if we can get him on the ground, there's two of us. If we can just get him before he stops playing…make that bitch suck my cock.**

"Wesker!" Hunk started forward, his voice degenerating into Herrison's halfway through the statement as he ended up screaming, "Where's Claudia!"

He was standing imposingly in front of the UBCS agent, and seconds before the statement had finished ringing out in the air, Hunk found himself held aloft by his throat. He reflected that he did not like it when his feet were not touching the ground. For once Hunk had the perfect retort; unfortunately with his airway cut off, the most he could do was snarl defiantly at the BOW in between choking and turning purple.

"Miss Taylor and I..." he intoned in a low growl to the UBCS officer, "...are otherwise engaged. It really would be most impolite of you to interrupt." It was not even a thinly veiled threat as he dropped Claudia's bodyguard to the ground.

Shak looked from Wesker, to Hunk, and back to Wesker again.

**Shit.**

"She's still just a kid, Wesker," Hunk said quietly.

**Oh yeah, appealing to Wesker's inner sense of decency. Now there's a good idea. Why didn't _I_ just think of that. Turn on inner Claudia. Inner Claudia activated.**

**You're a cret…**

**Hang on, he be's gonna go?**

Yes, yes he was. In fact, he was already gone.

"Well," Shak made a casual gesture, "As great as these reoccurring meetings be's, I've got some grenades in the oven. Better go check on them. Bye Wesker."

With an almost casual gesture, and a flash of speed, he impacted his fist against Shakahnna's face, bursting the redhead's lip. As a slow trickle of crimson ran from the corner of her mouth, his own lips curled into a reptilian smile, and he grabbed her roughly by the front of her vest and pulled her face towards him, his shaded eyes meeting her green ones with a cold schaddenfreudian expression lying in his stare.

His tongue snaked out and roughly licked the red stain from her bloodied mouth, before he shoved her backwards roughly.

"Now, now," he chided, "I thought you had better manners than that. As ever, Miss Taylor, the pleasure is mine."

Shakahnna chest heaved as she stumbled backwards and it felt for one terrible second that she might fall backwards, sprawl back and land flat on her well padded arse. But bending her knees rectified that situation and she landed on her feet, all the while her hand sneaking towards her gun. At that moment, she felt much younger than the age that the patchwork of scars on her skin betrayed, as she trailed a finger down her burst lip, licking the blood in a mockery of what had just happened.  


**At least he's not wearing a Nazi uniform this time. I probably should have got laid more often. Well, at least it doesn't really matter if I die this time.**

"Where were we...?" he enquired in a low, teasing voice, poised to strike at any second, "Ah yes, pleasure..." The Umbrella operative tilted the much less statuesque woman's chin up teasingly, "I will enjoy hearing you scream, Shakahnna," he smiled sardonically, "Although I trust you will endeavour to make this as entertaining as possible for me?" Wesker laughed softly under his breath. There was no need for him to hide his inner demon around the redhead; most of his subordinates would not have recognised him at this moment, this was a side of him reserved exclusively for his Shakahnna.

There was a very real need to scream building up in the STARS captain's throat, a pressure that just seemed to compound on itself. The frustration mounted as her inner monologue began to rant.

**A little S&M before I am horribly murdered. And probably have my body sold not only to fucking med students but umbrella funded med students. Those bastards. What happened to the perks which involved rocket launchers? I well want one of those. Again. Well it's not the worst thing in the world but today is heading for the fucking toilet. **

**Oh well. At least I'll get laid. **

"Is that a challenge..?" She purred. "Could you ever make me scream? Even in the labs?"

Wesker twined a hand through Shakahnna's matted red hair with a possessive gesture which belied his murderous intent, "Not that it wouldn't be simply delightful to have you in a lab again, my dearest, but I it would be _infinitely_ more enjoyable to see what fight you have left in you..."

With an abrupt move which still managed to be graceful even as he tautened his biceps with a jerk, his virally enhanced musculature straining under his regulation combat clothing, his mouth still frozen in that coldly amused expression of charmed amusement, with that hint of underlying sadism still ever-present.

"...I trust you will _not_ disappoint me?"

Even as his lips formed the question, he knew what the outcome would be. Of course she would not disappoint him. After all, _he_ had trained her, and he was extremely selective about his playmates.

"Disappoint? You're the disappointment. I'm great. No, in fact, I'm the king. It's humiliating how much better I am than you. If we were to be compared to food, because I'm hungry, I am raw bloody steak and you are the heart's filthy lesson. I'm a day out at laserquest, you are a holiday cleaning toilets out in Bognor. You are shit, I am wonderful. You suck old men's cocks." Shak had not attended the seminar on How To Diffuse A Dangerous Situation. But grinned at herself as she reflected on a job well done.

"I see we're in good spirits today," Wesker smiled thinly, "Do you honestly have such faith in your own superiority? Shall we test that out?"

"I have a great weapon, I'm not playing.. Maybe I wanna sit down here and be taking my toys and going home... " There was a certain feeling of relief that everyone else had gone. Being alone wasn't nearly as scary as having to protect other people. Especially around Wesker. It was almost sweet to be without the burden which had caused her to crack so often. She giggled erratically, "You honestly think I'm gonna indulge you after everything you've done? Well you can get to fuck.".  
**  
Claudia. I want to see Claudia.**

Her arms folded across her chest and a deep pout formed, slowly turning into a frown. She sneered and turned her back on him and began to walk away.

Wesker raised an eyebrow. He let her continue, smug in the knowledge that he would be able to catch and corner her instantly.

Besides, he had something that she wanted badly. The blonde man shook his head chidingly, "Come now, Miss Taylor," His voice was calm, but there was a teasing element to it which indicated that he _would_ be getting his own way today, "Your little doctor would not be so enamoured with your reluctance to play..."

He smirked.

"At least, that was what I gathered over her screams. Quite unintelligible really, for someone ordinarily so articulate. Pain and terror really are quite intoxicating, although you know that quite well, do you not?" Wesker was not above manipulating the truth if it gave him what he wanted.

**_Besides, two days is all she has left. There's no reason why such a statement cannot come to pass once the formula is safely in my possession._**

Shakahnna stopped dead in her tracks. Her movement completely halted and she shook her head, a freezing touch of fear spreading down her whole body. The captains breathing became tight and her pupils dilated in horror. Scarred skin jerking forward a few times though vomit may become an unwelcome third party but it was merely Officer Taylor's mouth reduced to flapping like a fish out of water. She put her head in her hands and felt so tempted to break down, to completely loose control. It would feel right but it was not an avenue open to her just yet. She did not turn around but she knew the monster in black would be able to hear her from where she stood.

**Could I handle it if something happened to her because I walked away…?**

…

…

**Bollocks. Round three. Ding ding ding.**

"I don't understand you…" She trailed off and inhaled deeply once, taking a deep breath and then slowly letting the air trickle back out and dissipate into the atmosphere, body temperature rising.

"Oh, I think you understand me perfectly," he replied smoothly, with an underlying gravity which stated that there had never been a truer statement.

"Is she goned?" her tone was deeply sad, hopeless. She didn't comprehend even why she felt so bad or like she had lost so much. "Did you kill her?" she asked her back still turned.

"Now now," he chided, "Why on Earth would I do that...?"

He let his voice trail off languidly.

"Because you're a dick," she said frankly.

"...I thought you knew me a little better than that, Miss Taylor. Perhaps your psychosis had addled your powers of deduction? I know how badly you want the little scientist alive, and besides, where is the amusement to be had in killing her when there are so many other fun things I could do?"

He shot up behind the STARS officer with his inhuman speed and leant over, his breath on her neck as he sunk his teeth lightly into the scarred skin, before whispering softly into her ear, He smiled demurely, "Little Claudia wants to know why you haven't come to save her, Shakahnna..."

**It just keeps getting better and better. My day at the theme park by Shakahnna Taylor, one day there was a redhead. She went to a hospital and met up with a doctor. They did nice and normal things like going for shots of petrol (and pineapple juice) in a bar and had a time laced with much swellity.**

"The end." She whispered mostly to herself "Actually that isn't how the story be's going does it?"

**I promised I wouldn't leave you again, and I won't. But you and Pepe better fucking patch me up, because I am about to get the absolute shit kicked outta me. Yay. Actually, it might be fun. No… Yes… **

"I won't disappoint..." Unsure even in her own mind whether it was the blond haired man or the captured doctor to whom she referred. She was starting to feel really pissed. Which was good because it meant she might be able to stay up right long enough to get in at least one decent groin related injury.

The lithe captain twisted her arm upwards behind her own body, reaching up towards his face with her cat claw, obviously aware he would not hinder her, not like this while he gently bit on her neck. He was just warming up, she had to press some advantage while he got his rocks off. Shak could feel them piercing flawless skin, and it felt so good that she pushed harder, contorting them as much as her body would allow.

She kept the answer as long as she could to herself. A small moan came from her bloody lips as she titled her head back. It was vile but oddly comforting and familiar.

"I'll play."

**For you, Doctor**.

Wesker barely flinched as her claws flashed up, twisting his face out of reach with impeccable reflexes, honed to perfection with years of training and enhanced with his viral powers. The cold metal sunk into his neck; his only concession to an injury which would have been devastating to a human was to furrow his brows oh-so-slightly, and press his thin lips together almost imperceptibly.

Locking eyes with her, the playful expression all but gone from his face as he grasped her wrist firmly, squeezing with just the correct amount of pressure to cause maximum discomfort without breaking the bone. He didn't want her incapacitated.

Yet.

With a grim smile, he yanked her arm back, exhaling sharply as the steel blades exited his cervical viscera with a friction that was almost dry. He could feel the wounds beginning to heal already, that heady feeling of flesh knitting with flesh; not quite painful, but sharp enough to enhance his enjoyment of the situation, his relish at the prospect of dishing out pain and, if she were to delight him so, receive some in return.

He smiled at her mockingly, and backhanded her across the face with a languidity that masked how his body throbbed.

"I see your sense of reason still has some vestiges intact, then, Shakahnna..." His lips twisted into a wider, tight lipped expression as he could barely contain his amusement, "Come now...don't hold back on my account..."

**Pain. Oh yes. Well that's me, I'm going to Hell. Go directly to Hades, do not pass go, do not collect 200 points on your S&M card.**

It was akin to a blistering hot breeze slapping her in the face, the fire in her wrist slowly burning itself out. It was mild but she could feel that he would not be able to control himself for long. His backhand sent the gamine reeling, slamming into the ground, but years of training allowed for a flawless break fall. This time there was no window for her to jump from. No conceivable way that she...  
**  
Fuck you Shakahnna stop talking like a pussy and kick him in the fucking nuts.**

She toe-punted him in the bollocks. Right in the nads. The family jewels were shattered. His meat and two veg were going to be stew tonight. Etc.

Of course he could have blocked it.

Did he _want_ to?

No.

The pain was intoxicating; it flooded through his enhanced senses, setting his nerve endings alight in a delicious blaze of frost. It was, he reflected, one of the more sensuous aspects of the virus to which he had sacrificed his pitiful humanity; his ability to enjoy pain without being incapacitated. Indeed, the discomfort of the blow was rivalled only by the thrill it sent tearing through his chest. As he mused on how much he liked pain, Shakahnna followed up with a punch in the face, her blades ramming through his cheek.

He chuckled softly in the back of his throat, a tortuously thick rivulet of crimson oozing from his skin in a thick river which coagulated even as it flowed from the minor injury, coming to a standstill before it even reached his chin.

She was beside him now, there was a whip sharp as night across his left cheekbone. He felt his skin rip with a tearing that was almost satisfactory, and then the metal in his throat again. Encircling her waist with one arm, he pulled her close to him grimly, gritting his teeth as the blade slid deeper into his neck with a sickening smoothness, before bringing his leg up and driving his knee into her stomach violently.

He gripped her tightly for a moment and laughed in her face.

"Come on, Shakahnna," he taunted her in a low whisper, baring his white teeth in a masochistic display of amusement, before thrusting his knee into her torso again with cruel persistency, "Hurt me."

Even after all this time, the many impasses they had come to and all the tortures they had inflicted upon each other in the name of sexual gratification and she still felt her mouth widen into a perfect circle of shock.

A bile rising and burning her throat which she swallowed down, determined not to let it show upon her face.

Her taunt torso should have taken the full impact from both blows, the virago was able to deflect some of the pressure by looping her arm and punching forcefully cold hard steel into a cluster of nerves which would have permanently paralyzed any regular creature. A life devoid of all save for training proved in situations like this to be advantageous because there was almost a hint that she had done some damage as one claw sunk into the same fleshy mound repeatedly.

**Waaay! Up the Shak! **

"If I win to do I get her back?" She rasped in his ear before burrowing her fingers further into the already closing throat wound. Digging them in deeper, feeling warm liquid dribble down her arm.

"Of course," he offered gentleman-like.

_**No.**_

Wesker laughed softly and swatted her hand away as if it were no more than a minor irritation. His pallid lips were pressed into a thin, harsh smile, the creamy white interspersed with the bloodied jelly of a minor wound, and the rusty hue of dried blood.  
**  
_I wonder, my sweet redhead, would you still say that if you could see your little charge now? In bed with Umbrella, so to speak._  
**  
The thought amused him no end, that the scientist that Shakahnna was willing to die for was little more than Jonathon's lapdog.

He did not feel the need for overblown statements of his superiority; he knew that Shakahnna was well aware of his prowess. He simply smirked almost imperceptibly, before aiming a smooth, flawless punch at her face.

Her neck cracked backwards and briefly her head oscillated in a semi circle, the clean fist snapping into her face. Pressure pushed her backwards so she landed on her rear, the pain demanding that just for a second she would shake the red locks to attempt to clear her vision.

From her position on the floor she grinned like a maniac. "Of course I'll win cause I be great.." she informed him, laughing as she looked upwards and spat a globule of jellied blood into his features, it mixing with that which was already there from his own wounds.

Wesker reached down in one flash of motion and seized Shakahnna by the tattered remnants of her collar and hauled her so her face was close to his for a few moments. He could feel her breath warm against his cheek, and he leered scornfully. Stealing a brief lock of two tattered lips.

**_So human..._  
**

"You can't help it you little bitch. You **want **me."

"Of course I do," he mocked her, his own Anglo-American resonance contrasting deeply with her childish voice, "But then again, Miss Taylor, that is not the matter at hand. Only emerging victorious would prove that you are in fact more than simply a broken toy of mine. Shall I assume you care to try?"

With a sickening crunch he slammed his pale and bloodied forehead into the bridge of her already broken nose and flung her backwards again, before aiming a roundhouse kick in her direction, his movements primed with a feline nonchalance.

There was crack as something in the young woman's face burst. A sensation similar to downing shots of a high proof alcohol spread throughout her face, temporarily forcing her eyes shut. It was only a break at worst, something which would heal easily within a few weeks.

But it really, really hurt.

"If you were anyone else you'd be deaded already..." She moaned, half mumbling before snorting out more fluid from her nostrils. It was easy for the stars captain to tell that her once green t-shirt was now tie dyed crimson. Or at least what had been left of it after it had been used to bandage the teams various wounds. The muscular figured pulled one pale arm across her face, smearing the blood slightly. She wanted to hurt him _so_ badly.

Subconsciously her tongue ran a trail and she rolled backwards to her own feet, putting them more on equal terms as she lunged unable to hold back, her foot directly between his legs.

Wesker leapt back with a breathtaking display of agility, managing to minimise the impact of the blow which would have brought tears to the eyes of any mere mortal.

"It appears..." he could barely contain his smirk, "...that you are rather fascinated with that area of my anatomy..."

"You know," she retorted, "For your next birthday, I'm taking you to a prostitute."

Narrowing his reptilian eyes behind his sunglasses, he flew forward and cuffed the STARS captain about the jaw viciously, before grabbing her arm and twisting it round her back roughly, pinning her body against his.

"Scream for me, Shakahnna..." he whispered devilishly. Wesker had his own ideas about his birthday present.

The stars officer's foe was finally starting to use some of his amazing abilities. Which, she reflected was both good and bad. Good because it meant she was offering a challenge to him and as such it was the sort of thing he was likely to approve of. It was bad because it meant most likely she was about to be reduced to having all the defences of the bastard offspring of a not very bright quadra spaz and a thalidomite on acid.

She gritted her teeth together and growled out between breathless pants "I does will not be's going to be's willing to be's doing that," she replied in her customary grammatical car crash. She had to push further back into him to alleviate the friction he was causing, pulling her arm at an angle it wasn't supposed to go.  
**  
He hurt Claudia. He has her and he is going to kill her.  
**  
The thought made the scar-faced individual's blood boil. The lust she had been feeling coupled with this sudden roar of blinding range fuelled her action. She stamped her foot down on his, and slammed her elbow into the area of his neck that she had previously sliced open.

"How DARE you hurt her!" She barked, wild, angry and crazed.

The briefest flicker of disconcertion showed on his chiselled features as he let her elbow glide home into his wounded throat. Where would the fun be, he reasoned, if he blocked every hit?

He loved to toy with his prey, secure in the knowledge that one idle flick of his taut arm and she would be dead. The edges of Wesker's mouth curled upwards delightedly at the sensuous flood of pain which coursed through him for the merest of seconds, before he caught her upper arm and chided her gently, forcing her into an arm lock and bringing his bloodied lips close to her ear.

"Of course I hurt her..." he sneered arrogantly, wishing that it were true, "...but Dr Graham doesn't seem to appreciate pain the way you do..." A single finger trailing the length of her neck and back.

Shakahnna's chest tightened, a sensation of undiluted resentment at how easily he flipped the words towards her. Her charge was hurt and all she had to do was kick the shit out of him and then she'd get her back. It wasn't complicated.

"You be nothing, your just a monster, oh no wait you've heard that before? If you didn't have your fucking whatever the hells you gotted in there, you'd not last five minutes here." Her voice was practically screaming as she twisted herself out and moved away. "And you're not even trying you ... no fucking better than before. I be'd getting better since last time, you never improve. Hiding behind all that reptile shit." She sneered feeling genuinely superior, whether this was due to delusion of grandeur or a legitimate argument, it was impossible to tell. She could not concentrate as the rage caused her blood pressure to rise.

"I'm just indulging the traits in you that no one else will." Not for the first time that day, Wesker reflected on how considerate a lover he was.

She was delirious, white hot sensation teasing her, encircling her form and she wished that she could call him a liar. She could not. That had always been the one thing they both understood. Pleasure in inflicting pain.

**You know, this would have been a lot easier if you just didn't work for Umbrella.**

**And it doesn't matter if I want you or not, because I can't condone the things you do.**

Her conclusion was grim. And Wesker now held both her arms and her thrashing seemed only to arouse him further. The virago's red hair had came loose from the pony tail in which it had been tied, falling and obscuring the vision of the pale and battered skin. It was unlikely that the young women would ever look the same. While Shakahnna was aware that modelling was never in her top ten career prospects, she was going to look like Quasimodo's ugly twin by the end of this. Her face, her whole body taking so much abuse since her mission began that it would likely never work the same, never mind be graded on aesthetics. But for now it still functioned and that was all the police officer cared about.

**And it's another one of those wonderful "I'm about to die" moments. I just want to see her, make sure she's ok.**

Her obituary thoughts snatched away as the monster wearing a human face began to pull her apart with more ferocity. She swallowed hard and before she could curb it, it just slipped out.

"Stop it Wesker.It was not a request or a beg for mercy but an order. A direct order. Much the same as she would give to anyone who worked under her. Authoritarian as the gamine was.

Wesker frowned and pulled harder on Shakahnna's arm. It was at breaking point, and for a moment it seemed as though his anger at her demand would cause him to go all the way and snap the bone as if it was a twig.  
**  
_But we're not finished here yet, dear, are we?_**

He let go of her arm; simultaneously kicking her in the crook of her right leg, before raising his foot up and driving the sole of his boot into the small of her back. Crossing his arms over his broad chest, his once-perfect, now crimson gashed lips curled upwards in a disgusted sneer, as he narrowed his lids over those slit pupils, his torn face a mask of derisiveness.

"Shall I just kill you now, Miss Taylor, and return to your little friend?" he stepped forward, his footfall softly belying his colossal strength, "Or do you intend to make this a little more entertaining for me?" He almost hissed out the last words, as though he took her lack of forthcoming as a personal insult.  
**  
_Our years together were not to result in you becoming a snivelling weak-willed child. If you disappoint me, I will be most irate. And your Doctor will beg for quarter and be given none._**

"Well?" he spat, before executing a simple kick in her direction. It all hinged on her reaction; whether this cat was willing to toy with its mouse for a few moments longer.

So was he just going to kill her and get it over with or what? It was the second time in as many minutes when she had expected to be finished and yet was still breathing. Normally Shakahnna would have been smug in the realization that the malice in his tone was only an indication that she was pushing all the right buttons. His own bloodlust must be going into over-drive. There was only one way she knew to calm the beast. Unfortunately she did not really fancy buying the farm just to make him quit his bitching.  
**  
I hate this. I fucking hate this. And I hate you. Ya dick.**

Her despair rarely lasted more than moments and the emotion quickly turning itself to a more appropriate source, to which her face responded with outward loathing. His constant dangling of the one person who at a personal level, she would give anything to see survive, was possibly the only thing that had made the red heads encounter with the blond haired ogre worse. The alpha team's leader despised being manipulated, being played like this. Rage was good, it ensured her masochism would be kept at bay. It made her feel like a puppet on a string. And to be teased and taunted by someone who casually flipped off her blows like she was a child was intolerable.

There was no verbal response she could give. Anything she said would either be a lie or melodramatic.

Laying flat on the ground as a decoy, she suspected that he was all to aware of her tactics, the resources available were limited. But Shakahnna had one more trick up her sleeve.

Alcohol.

Her hand moving to the flask at her hip, she took a long swig from the bottle and held it out to him, offering him the drink with a lopsided smile. As he stared, bemused, she whipped out her lighter with her free hand and a billowing stream of fire spewed from her parted lips. He parted his own mouth as the skin of his face began to bubble and burn. It was only the second time in his life that Wesker had felt the sensation.

"It suits you," she spat as her eyes trailed over the charred flesh of the once angelic face.

**Actually, that is kinda hot.**

"Resourceful as ever..." he drawled languidly through the pain, as he began to walk towards her with a deafening finality in the lightness of his footfall.

There was something bittersweetly satisfying about seeing his former lover lying broken. As much as he despised her now, and the organisation which she stood for, he could not deny the murmur of respect which was ever-present. For a monster of a man like Albert Wesker, for whom pleasure and pain ran hand in hand, Shakahnna's torment was exquisite. It was as though every bone he smashed of hers, every gash he tore deep into her pale flesh, every time he mottled her creamy skin with bruises and welts in hues of indigo and violet, every blow, every iron shod kick...it was as though each new physical trauma he imparted was a mark of his respect for her. With Shakahnna it was different...

She would never be a victim.

He was towering above her now, but he felt no heady sense of supremacy, save for the ever-prevalent smugness instated by his viral superiority. But bubbling low under the surface of his constant self restraint was a delicious, heady lust. A bloodlust which only the redhead could induce in the flaxen haired sadist. After all, why else would he have left her alive...kept on leaving her alive. She would never have been able to vanquish him in a match of brute strength and skill, but each and every time they clashed, that compulsive itch, that sweet alleviation of boredom, that heady, sadomasochistic prospect of trading blows with the only paltry substitute he would ever have for an equal, stayed his hand, made him go for the torture rather than the kill.

And so here they were once again, and the only thing that made it not perfect, the only thing that tainted it was that she was at his mercy.

How he hated that.

How he longed for a true challenge.

"Get up..."

**Get up? Oh no problem bitch...**

Seeing him like that coupled with the stench of cooking flesh… As the pain coursed through her body, it was such a delicious sensation. She could almost taste how much she wanted this. Of course she had to survive tonight but it was thrilling to feel the adrenaline pump through her veins. Suddenly she felt an unexplained urge to grin, to smile and beam like a Cheshire cat. A kind of mania gripped at her. She was so taken she wanted to slip. To have them indulge in acts so brutal and depraved she could never scrub the filth away. He needed to be punished.

Normally no movement an average person could inflict would do what the stars captain hoped that her action would incur. He was so close and the time was right. Her movements drunken and sloppy, the lady knew she must be convincing. Lurching forward she blew her handful of sand from the dusty, crimson stained ground at the beast before her, watching as the wind carried it behind his shades.

Her first strike was a raised kick which would have gone through bone, taken down perhaps even a hunter, but it was only the first stage. The second raised the athletic woman to his height, she ricocheted from his body and literally pounced forward. Shakahnna's frame was hardly petite and fuelled with all the emotions buzzing around her head. Insanity created a force similar to that of a small cannon.

As everything she was pressed into him, the female slipped the five blades of the cat claw into his side with the delicacy of a lady. She pushed them up to the hilt and could feel the rush of his life force flow down between the already sticky fingers of her left hand. Still with six inch blades in his abdomen, she filleted three long strips of flesh from his face, tearing her blades through the pallid skin. Blood splashed upwards, masking her demented smile.

**_That's my girl..._  
**  
He was impressed. But more than that, he was relieved. He wanted...no _needed_ this. It could never be known but, the closeness of their bodies, the heat from her breath coming short and fast in her crazed exertion, the memories of hot bruised flesh upon flesh...no.

And the pain. It was always about the pain. He could feel it surging through his once-perfect skin, the delightful screams of protestation ripping up the calmness which was his curse, making him base and carnal. It was all he could do not to seize Shakahnna and tear her throat out, not from anger anymore, nor from malice, or even from pity, but from the sheer burning, pulsing drive of his _bloodlust_. His hands itched to destroy something, the cool collected sadism replaced with a hot, heady ferocity which was ever-present below his emotionless glace, that spitting, hissing, flaming desire to main and kill and feel the boiling of blood spilling beneath his hands, his teeth, flowing into his mouth and bathing his tongue and...  
**  
_It's been too long..._**

Batting her raised fist out of the way as she continued her onslaught, he grabbed the back of her head, fingers twining brutally through the flaming red strands, and pulled her face close to his with a snarl and sunk his teeth into her bloodied lower lip relentlessly as her blood flowed, smearing across his chin, tiny hot rivulets running through his clenched white teeth.

Gasping, he flung her off him with much more force than was necessary, and looked at her from behind his film of shade with murderous eyes...

The confusion and disappointment was written across her face. Her whole gait screaming 'how _dare_ you'. The woman body positively ached but was also alight with passion. The hairs on bruised arms stood to attention as her head cracked against the ground. Shakahnna almost conceded, almost let out a tiny strangled cry of pain but it was suppressed only through years of training.  
**  
I'm not finished yet. Get back here and let me be's sinking my fingers under your skin. You can't hold out forever.**

There was a hitch in her chest as the conscious decision was made to get up. Movement. New muscles that had not so far been made demands upon had been spurned into life. Roughly tearing a slither of material from her torn clothes, she seductively wiped the excess fluid from her mouth and tossed the rag aside a gesture of indifference. It was so tempting to run the tip of her swollen tongue across the flesh which had been torn by brutal teeth.

The captain's nails began dig into the palm of her hands, so great was the enticement. Her appetite was insatiable. It was so good because he _deserved_ it. He needed to be put down so badly. The callous look, the danger that emanated from him should have caused mind numbing fear but all she could think was how much she wanted to break his fingers one at a time. Sink her claws into his face.

**Oh dear.**

Gone was the clean shaven, handsome man whose charisma could most likely be unrecognizable. She rolled her shoulders back, almost crying out again.

Wesker was almost panting, the intake of air like ice flooding into his inflamed chest as he didn't even bother to get up. He propped himself on one elbow and narrowed his eyes fiercely at the redhead, his reptilian gaze trailing hungrily over her battle wounds.

**_You want it..._  
**  
His ordinarily perfect hair was wild and tousled, his pallid complexion torn and streaked with crimson. His lower lip was burst, and the soft gash of the wound was only emphasised by the curious hybrid of a smirk and a growl which his perfect features were twisted into. Her lust having burned away his skin. Impeccable black clothing was torn in various places on his torso, revealing bare and bloodied flesh, gashes running deep into bulging muscle.

"Come on Shakahnna..." was the only thing he could snarl through a film of bloodlust and breathlessness, his impassiveness in tatters, the lack of breath due to his overwhelming, insatiable desire to hurt and be hurt rather from any physical exertion.

With a low growl deep in his throat he could no longer wait for the redhead to make a move and launched himself blindly at her throat.

It was bound to happen, a small slip, and she actually gasped in pleasure. She was dripping with sweat and blood.

Fingers grasping tightly around her throat and the all consuming thoughts of sinking her teeth into those didgets. How good it felt ripping away skin until the strong enamel came into contact with hard bone and all that did was cause Shakahnna become more violent, wrapping her strong thighs around his waist to give her leverage as spots began to dance wildly. She felt drunk, giddy and the lack of oxygen only made the experience more delightful. Auto-erotic asphyxiation was a new pleasure to her.

Shakahnna did not want it to end so soon and planted a hook punch to his temple, ramming those favourite toys of hers deep into the cavity which housed his wonderful sadistic mind. Her free hand gouging at the skin of his face. Pulling it away as she grinded harder into his body. Seeing that this had no affect, unhooked her legs to take another approach.

With the force of a battering ram, the captain thurst her knee into his mid-section, knocking her partner off. His arousal causing him to be careless. A tattered shred of decency, of sanity, of common sense begged with the red head to stop. This was wrong and she could not continue. Such thoughts were pushed down and ignored.

Wesker rolled back, shock hampering him for a split second before he rolled back perfectly, with his customary graceful agility and snarled at the STARS captain.

Crouching on his haunches, his movements feline, the rippling outline of his inhumanly flexible musculature visible through his torn clothing, he readied himself for the kill, and sprung through the air.

**_I am enjoying this immensely, my dear. But now..._  
**  
He couldn't hold back the itching in his fingertips any more. He wanted it now, and he would not wait. He landed upon the battered redhead, knocking her flat on her back and pinning her down by straddling her chest. His fingers flew to her throat and he dug his nails in so deep that blood began to seep over his fingers as his nails became talons under the force of his throttling.

Her face began to turn blue, and Wesker realised that he would never relive the moments they had shared over five years ago were he to snuff out her life.

He released his grip just a fraction, just enough to hold off her asphyxiation while he composed himself. The smell of blood...was just too alluring...  
**  
_But there is so much more fun to be had at Shakahnna's expense with her little doctor..._  
**  
He smirked to himself.

And released his vice like grip from her scarred and torn neck.

"Time to pay your friend Claudia a little visit..." he finished up, exhaling sharply as he rose to his feet, struggling to pull back from the edge of his lust for violence.

He sneered down at the redhead and bared his teeth as he fought the urge to launch himself at her and begin tearing her to pieces. "After all, Miss Taylor, I did promise that if you entertained me you could have her back..." he smiled, "Although I cannot guarantee you'll recognise her..."

And with a final kick to her ribs, which seemed to impart an intensity of feeling that could be found in no kiss, even if that feeling was simply lust, he turned and walked off slowly, a hint of a satisfied swagger in his gait.

"It's been delightful, Miss Taylor," was his parting shot before he embarked upon his quad, leaving a trail of blood and dust in his wake. As he sat in the vehicle, he could feel a steam of blood trickling from his mouth as he bit down on his tongue to fight the urge to return. Every jerk of the bike caused a rip of pain through his already regenerating body.

It had been a suitably pleasant afternoon.


	40. Suffer Onto Me

Hunk, in the interim, had left the duo to their games. Although the situation was regrettable, now was a good opportunity to go to the control huts and attempt to tune in to the cameras at Achma. It was not something he could possibly to with Shak around, lest he blow Claudia's cover. He was less worried about Shakahnna accompanying him to the base now that he was slightly better versed on the situation. The redhead would keep Wesker occupied, and he could ensure his charge's safety.

Breaking into the security room with brute force rather than bothering with the keypad, he sat down at the mainframe computer and began to trawl through the current CCTV footage. He noticed that whenever Wesker was around there was much more surveillance equipment than Daniel had been fond of. With Dr Lancaster it had been reserved only for places that was necessary, whereas under Wesker's command there were cameras everywhere.

After flicking through several empty lab scenes, many of which he noticed were littered with corpses and awash with blood, he found Jonathon sitting at his desk, looking decidedly smug with himself. Hunk was about to continue his search, when Claudia entered at the corner of the screen, holding a cup of tea. She had changed her clothes, and for some reason the more adult outfit caused a flicker of irritation in the UBCS officer. He knew that they would not have been clothes she would have picked for herself, and found it hard to believe that there was really nothing more suitable.

As she handed the cup to Jonathon and the two began to engage in conversation, his brows furrowed. She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that Lancaster was blatantly staring down her top, and Hunk's hand tightened on his baton, imagining himself swinging it at Jonathon's face. Despite her smiles, there was a drawn look to her, her eyes still slightly red and puffy, and he guessed that perhaps Daniel was dead, as he suspected. It would make sense, then, that she was latching on to his son, and he dearly wished that he could have been there. Maybe she'd have been looking that way at him instead. Sometimes when she'd been really scared, she would cling on to his arm, and try to pretend that she wasn't terrified, and during those moments he'd always wanted to just put an arm around her. And he'd always kept her safe, but he didn't know how he was going to be able to protect her this time. Jonathon was nothing but a lecherous little ingrate, but in her current state of grief he knew there was no way she would see anything but Daniel's son.

The conversation appeared to have moved to more serious tones, and he noticed her shoulders droop as she began to sniffle. With a look of utmost concern, Jonathon wrapped his arms about her shoulders, and Hunk felt a pang of guilt for being so harsh on the boy…

Hang on. Hang the fuck on. Was he _copping a feel!_

Yes.

As she sobbed into her hands, he watched a leer spread across the junior Lancaster's lips, a look which was soon replaced by one of boredom. The aesthetically acceptable male rolled his eyes and mouthed "Shut up" before shaking the look from his face and running a hand through her hair gently. As she looked up with watery eyes, Jonathon drew her into a slow kiss. It was all Hunk could do not to put his fist through the screen. It would never be pleasant to see Claudia with another man, but this was intolerable. As they broke apart and he ran his hand over her flushed cheek, wiping away the last of her tears. Hunk could almost hear the younger man's thoughts. What was he going to tell her, that his father would have wanted her to suck his cock? His teeth ground together in rage. He was going to go to Achma, and he was going to feed that kid to the BOWs.

"How could Shak let this guy take her away!" he hissed to himself.

He turned the monitor off angrily. He needed to go outside for a breath of fresh air; his mother had always told him that in a stressful situation he should count to ten.

He suspected he may need to count slightly higher.

-

**No. NO no no no NO NONONO!**

Perhaps just this once having no voice was a blessing. There was no guarantee as to what she might say. Demand that he cease or howl in the rage and futility of it all, of everything. At first all that would come was nothing more than a gurgling rasp, and then an attempt at a protest. If this was to be the final curtain she had no desire to see it descended upon her broken and battered body. How appropriate that she should die hear like this. If she must go at all, she wanted it to be for a purpose. The greater good or a higher calling. To explode out in a blaze of glory taking the Umbrella corporation with her. Not this. Not here rapped in a tryst, not just for the sake of some twisted designed for the amusement of someone so warped they were no longer human.

There were not so many rays of light in Shakahnna's world, even if no one could see the tears behind the mania, no one better understood how dark and unfriendly the world could be. With Pierce gone, the young doctor was all she had left. And she was so young, so painfully and obviously young. How could she justify exiting the world knowing that he was returning to do the same to someone who should never have been here in the first place? Dying was nothing to be scared of but leaving a monster like Albert Wesker running around was a damnable sin. Punished for all eternity for her own short comings. The ebony spots grew in size becoming larger until they merged together consuming her vision until all that left was black.

And he left. Just like that. For several minutes she choked in the best tasting oxygen she had ever had. For the briefest of moments it seemed as though each breath was a blessing from someone unknown deity.

Each inhalation wracked her chest, burning up her lungs. It took several minutes for the fragile mind to compute what had happened, yet there was no rational thought. Nothing coherent was able to form.

Despite the fact that Wesker was long since gone, Shak was still trapped in her own private Hell.

Flat on her back, pushing with biceps that had been privy to all the tortures that her body as a whole had had to endure, the young woman sat with her weight resting on those same arms, keeping them behind her form, watching in fascination as her own sticky innards continued to trail down her arms that were awash with welts. As the captain's back arched, she kept one arm firmly pressed onto the wet soil. The redhead lifted one finger up softly and delighted in the sensation as the liquid from her numerous wounds obliged and winded downwards before gravity caused them to drop, a small pool forming at her chest. Instinctively her hand followed the path and as she began to smear it over herself.

A small giggle began to blossom in her chest. It was so quiet at first, barely a noise at all. Her body vibrated from the effect of the maniacal giggles as they grew in volume.

Throwing back her copper head, she cackled, the laughter filled with inanity as the pitch was undeniably laced with insanity. No rational individual could emulate the noises which burst forth from her lips. It sapped the last of her resolve and Shakahnna fell backwards, sinking into the suddenly soft ground, out cold.

-

The deceptively powerful quad bike rumbled to a halt as Wesker eased the clutch, barely affording a thought to his actions. Such was his enhanced reflexes, he was able to perform such trivial tasks as moto-crossing over rough terrain with a skill and finesse that required absolutely no effort on his part. He disembarked from his vantage point at the top of the hill.

He narrowed his fiery reptilian eyes at the dim blur of black and red that was Shakahnna, and slowly she came into focus, his vision as keen as a hawk's.

He watched her gasp, watched her cry out, and he could barely control the thrill of pure pleasure which manifested itself as a smirk across his torn and bruised lips. He felt, at that moment, marvellously carnal, deliciously base and animalistic as he considered returning to her, the heady desire for her blood still pounding through his savaged body.

Slowly, he drew cold air into his burning lungs, his bloodlust causing him to grit his teeth furiously as he fought to control the ravaging penchant for destruction which surged through him. As he gazed upon his former lover with an intensity of passion borne only from rage and hunger, he realised through a film of red mist that she was...  
**  
_...laughing? Miss Taylor, how delightfully unpredictable you are..._  
**  
Her psychosis only intensified that all-consuming need to hurt her...  
**  
_...to be hurt by her..._  
**  
He swallowed down his bloodlust like he was gulping down fire, could feel it tearing up his throat from inside. He took another deep breath, the hairs on the back of his neck standing alert...  
**  
_...soon enough, my sweet redhead. Soon you will weep for me..._  
**  
Acrid thoughts of revenge and pain flashed through his swimming mind. He hated her, for being human and yet having such a hold upon him, for being so destructively weak, yet still being able to drive him to distraction. He clenched his fists tightly, boring his nails into the palm of his hand until cold blood ran between his alabaster fingers, and the light twinge he felt there was sufficient to bring that icy, superior smirk back to his face as he watched hysteria play upon her mauled visage like a parody of mirth.

He could feel his calm struggling to return like a viscous bath of cold creeping with tortuous slowness across his chest.  
**  
_Almost._ **

**-**

At first it was as though she was blind, trapped in eternal darkness. A blackened and bruised eye forced shut by the weight of its swelling But after a period of time which felt like a few seconds short of forever, tiny speckles of light began to filter.

The first conscious thought sprang at her with the ferocity of a tiger.

**Claudia... he's gone to get Claudia..**

The tightness in her chest increased due to mental pain rather than the physical stress of previously. No one else was going to get the Doctor out from there. If she was going to then she had to patch herself up. Although no medic, the solider knew one thing. The bleeding had to be stopped. If Wesker had hit an artery then she knew she'd be dead already but even if the wound was not instantly fatal, she could bleed to death. Using the final remains of her stars shirt and tied it in heavy knots from where the blond demon had broken the skin, leaving her only the bullet-proof vest for modesty. The green of the neck tie slowly tapered away, disappearing as a crimson flower blossomed, the makeshift bandage applying an iron ring of pressure.

As expected the task of acquiring verticality was going to be absolutely rubbish. At this moment it felt like it might have been the most trying thing she had ever had to undertake.

Her skin began to crawl, an itch present only through the girls tortured imagination. What made it worse, what made it infinitely intolerable was the fact she had enjoyed it. Up until the last moment where it appeared like it was over. Her body would never be the same and her mind had delighted in the process, adored the spilling of blood, of how everything else washed away and it positively sickened her. Trying to purge the guilt from the skin, Shakahnna Taylor clawed with her non gloved hand. The surreal pleasure that pain evoked was part of herself that the young woman detested. She was well aware a similar experience for Claudia would not be so alluring.

Tears began to form, so close to pull her to the edge. Even her years of training had not prepared her for the empty feeling which had gripped her inside and it she tottered on the edge of another break. But it was not to be. 

Still seated up right, the girl gently, taking the greatest of care not to agitate the tenderized muscles, reached into the deep pockets of the combat pants she was still in the loosest possible sense of the word, wearing. Extracting out the green and white spray can she had procured from the doctor. Right now it was the only thing which had any baring to the lives at stake in this place. It stung as the cool mist easily transformed into molten lava upon contact with the tender flesh. She had survived. Whatever has had happened she was alive. As long as that was the case she could still win.  
**  
Help me Shak...**

The tears were dangerously close to falling as the semi psychotic police officer heard the voice of her charge outside and all around her head.

"As soon as I get up I be's coming to get you and my fifty points…" The redheads mouth opened in a wail of agony, forcing the lady into action. Her heart silently broke in the suspicion that she was already too late. Standing up with the same grace and agility that she always possessed, she stretched quickly and was ready to move out.

-

Wesker could barely contain a chuckle, his mirth spilling low in his savaged throat as he watched the redhead's dogged attempts to persevere with her quaint little rescue mission.

**_Ah, Shakahnna, how little you know of your snivelling little doctor..._** he thought to himself with a secret, silent smirk. He ran his eyes over Shakahnna's form languidly, distance and the cool evening air going some way to quelling his seething destructiveness, replacing it with a euphoric feeling of voyeuristic superiority.

Albert Wesker put great store in irony...poetic justice was something he revelled in, in his own twisted way. How apt that the one thing that motivated Shakahnna to keep fighting the good fight would, he was sure, ultimately would be the tool he used to break her.

Closing his eyes for a fleeting moment, he thought of the redhead's pain; her physical savagery and her mental torture, and raised one pale, tapered finger to his broken lips, running her dried and rusting blood over his tongue. The taste, the thought of that delicious sadism sent a thrill of excitement free-falling down his spine, and he ground his teeth together in frustration.  
**  
_Patience..._  
**  
He wanted it now, to see how far he could push her, to see if she would break under him.  
**  
_Soon, my sweet Shakahnna. Soon..._  
**

**-**

Shakahnna began with gritting her teeth together, pressing them firmly together in an attempt from howling. Slowly she moved her arms, taking the greatest of care to not damage anything before indulging in the last of the spray that Claudia had left behind. Umbrella did work miracles as well as monsters it seemed. She used a squirt to the inside of her mouth. She didn't want to meet up with Claudia with Wesker on her breath.

"OW fucking hell, fucking fucker fuckity fuckling fuck..." Her angry shout coming as her body protested at the brutal treatment it has received. She angrily hooked and punched and ducked several times in the air. Despite having a lack of an opponent visible to anyone else, the monsters were very real. Her stiff muscles obeyed her commands as she hammered down blow upon blow, striking at those invisible enemies which never existed outside the young woman's head. But as always it was needed to bring the redheads mind back to what she had to do. Creature upon creature fell and she gave a grin to herself. The stars captain had to warm up and then would be fully able to go after her...  
**  
friend? **

Her upper body started to lean backwards, tilting over in an upright version of a crab, demonstrating agility rare for someone her weight and build. Pressing her finger tips towards the ground she snapped back up. Satisfied she could fight with hunters if need be with her bare hands if she could still get into that position.

-

Wesker smiled a bloody, death head grin, the metallic tang of Shakahnna's wounds still fresh upon his tongue as he stood, affecting a casual stance as he watched the redhead battle against her imaginary demons.

Her insanity fascinated him, and he looked down upon the furious martial artist with a smug satisfaction that it was he who was responsible for this most pleasing trait of her personality. It was his handiwork that had caused her to be so physically robust, and yet so mentally fragile. Wesker felt a thrill of excitement when he thought of the delicate thread she was walking between stability and breakdown.

**_And it is all my fault..._**

Thought with no trace of feeble guilt, only a delighted pride in his abilities to take one of the strongest examples of humanity he had ever stumbled across and twist it up from inside, until all that remained was a weathered policewoman fighting the shadows and mental manifestations of her own self-loathing and inner turmoil with bloodied and torn fists and limbs.

It was delicious. It was simply sublime, he concluded, as he toyed with the idea of providing her with a weapon at her request.  
**  
_To make matters even more entertaining..._  
**  
After all, he reasoned, it was only fair. Soon he would have a weapon against her greater than any firepower.

He would have Claudia.

-

Having lived with her psychosis for several years, the red head was aware of certain factor which indicated that her own delusions were wreaking havoc, the tactile sensations blurring and disappearing with every creature she took down. Relying on her faithful weapon; the claw, she sunk the blade into the previous wound used for such things. It regained her tolerance level but also left room for escape if need be. Again came the gasp of pleasure and pain as the blade retracted from inside the superficial wound. Surface pain was always her weakness, the thing that she enjoyed the most. It seemed so much less sinister when self inflicted.

She dropped down to one knee, examining the area for something that might give away the best direction to take. It was then an epiphany struck.

"Gotted you, you slimy bastard" she swore heartily, her mood improved some what by the finding of tracks as left by some kind of vehicle which could only have belonged to Wesker considering how fresh they would have had to have been to still be visible. This good luck did not however hold. Three carriers twitched, sensing movement around them enough to warrant their drive to switch on. Despite inching slowly towards restoring her status to well balance, it did not quench her desire to eradicate the vile monstrosities in front of her. Smash them down until they didn't move again.

Shoving her hand roughly through soft putrid flesh, she grabbed the spinal cord and with a swift kick and simultaneous twist, the neck popped leaving her hands covered in the remains of a dead person. No longer re-animated. The second zombie grabbed her from behind but she sunk her leg to the left, taking it flat in a diagonal line and pulled the creature over. Pounding the monster with her fists and smashing its face into an unrecognizable pulp through the weight of her anger. Her mouth hardened as the third creature attempted to gargle some kind of communication but Shakahnna was simply too far into over drive to react anyway other than violently, pouncing upon it, taking both their weights to the ground. Slashing its torso with her gloved hand she sliced its mid section into ribbons, crushing and tearing it literally in half. Standing up, she dusted herself off, the passing of the last half hour having helped with her injuries. Her head was still woozy and her muscles ached but she was back in with a chance.

The spray had worked and she only felt the dull aching of pain now. Her trek would take awhile but the redhead had purpose and began to jog, following the trail. She could pick up Hunk on the way. She couldn't discern if she was pleased that he had gone or not.

-

He watched with a voyeuristic fervour as his redhead took down the infected creatures, smirking as his gaze travelled over her fighting form. There was, he reflected, something infinitely arousing about watching her brutally execute his former employees, battling on through her shroud of blood and pain and misery and wretched insanity. It was a sensation...a lust...that no other woman, no matter how beautiful or alluring could ever hope to rival...

...and this disgusted him. His fascination with her, his morbid, uncontrollable obsession with making her suffer perturbed him, robbed him of the iron composure which he normally clad himself in.

It was in itself a form of self torture, the way he could never bring himself to kill her, not from any love or affection, but from a sheer, blind obsessive lust that came from knowing that she was one of the few individuals left in the world who could pose a genuine challenge to him. However pitiful that challenge may be, Wesker welcomed it, wanted so desperately to escape the dull, interminable, repressive stifling of his God-like existence and feel the heady euphoria of true sadomasochism once again.

He watched with the faintest, most imperceptible hint of a frown creasing his skin, which had already begun to heal drastically, much to his disappointment, as Shakahnna followed the trail from his vehicle.

**_Good girl..._**

He sighed to himself languidly. However much he would have loved to stay and toy with Officer Taylor all day, he had business to attend to, the long term ramifications of which would be so much more sweet.

With a flippant air of boredom, almost as though he was forcing himself to a chore, he swung his leg over the quad and revved the engine quietly before speeding off towards the main complex, a curious mix of anger and satisfaction darkening his countenance...


	41. Because what we need is more depravity

_AN: Like someone just removed the rubber band wound round the base of your cock and let you come in a torrent of semen which just hit you in the face, we present the next chapter of LLAD._

_S&C_

_-_

_He kissed me. He kissed me._

…

"You kissed me," Claudia blurted out, her cheeks an unhealthy shade of crimson, a giggle rising up in the back of her throat. "And now I don't know whether to be happy or sad…" she pondered aloud.

"Don't feel guilty." Jonathon wished she would get over Daniel's death already and give him a suckjob, "My father would have wanted this for us." He lied as he gave her a reassuring smile and brushed a strand of hair from her face, watching her go weak at the knees.

She nodded soberly, before embarrassed happiness took hold again and she laughed softly, her eyes wide and adoring to the point where she was blind to the fact that his motives might be ulterior. She was lost, friendless, Daniel was dead, and the unspoken trust that Jonathon would take care of her made things almost too easy for the male doctor.

_If we get married and Shak's the best man, she better not try and kill him. Oh God, what if we had a double date with Shak and Wesker. _

_"Hey, Lancaster, pass the salt…"_

_Gut._

She shook her head and smiled, before snuggling into Jonathon's already tear soaked shirt. He reflected with a smirk that his dry cleaning bill would be worth it to shag Daniel's adopted daughter.

Hey Dad, I'm going to bang your little girl.

Shit. Does that mean we're like brother and sister?

Nah, it'll just be a good excuse for her to get an abortion if she get's pregnant and pulls that "I wanna keep the baby" shit.

Jonathon rebuked himself for having such ungentlemanly thoughts. Proper etiquette dictated that he had to get his cock in her mouth before thinking about anything else.

Claudia looked up at him. He looked so deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked in a small voice.

Just wondering if you spit or swallow, darling.

"I was just thinking how proud my father would be to see us getting along so well," he replied smoothly. He was aware he should probably stop thinking about his lad, but that was easier said than done when he was going cross-eyed.

"Do you really think…" she began with shining eyes, but was cut short as the door opened. As Wesker entered, the pair pulled apart almost guiltily. Jonathon cleared his throat, and Claudia began to pretend to read some papers. They both stole a glance at their boss at the same time, and in spite of themselves cried out in unison, "Oh Holy Jesus!"

Wesker was a fucking mess.

After his fight with Shakahnna, even the long drive back to Achma had done little to detract from the bloody sight of his burned and charred visage. Half his face was horribly disfigured, and the other half had been ripped to shreds by her cat claws. His clothes were torn, revealing long crimson gashes across his torso. His flaxen hair was matted with rusty red, and his trademark sunglasses were missing, revealing two burning golden irises. Today Wesker's mental carnage had manifested itself on his outer form.

Yet his body was utterly relaxed, his facial expression one of complacent neutrality, what was left of it. Wesker was happy.

Noticing Claudia's wide eyed, horrified stare, he shot her a pleasant smirk and nodded jovially, "Dr Graham."

She screamed and dived under the desk, clutching Jonathon's ankles.

"How very peculiar," the blonde man observed, turning to Jonathon and remarking nonchalantly, "I think you might want to moderate her caffeine intake. She's obviously highly strung."

Jonathon's mouth opened and closed repeatedly, as no sound came out save for a strangled gargle. At least his trousers were intact this time, thank heaven for small mercies. "W..wesker…" he ventured, ignoring the shaking female that was attached to his leg, "What _happened _to you?"

"I am sure I have no idea what you are trying to insinuate," he said, perplexed, "I merely spent an afternoon out strolling with my beloved."

_You're mental!_

You're mental!

"Yes…" Lancaster cleared his throat, "Yes, quite. Well, glad you had…fun…old chap."

"Ah, maybe one day you will find yourself a past time that is as invigorating as mine," he replied nonchalantly, "Two days, Dr Lancaster."

_Two days? Two days until what?_

Right, I have two days before he murders her. I better put the moves on quick. I really hope he doesn't kill her. It would be a nice change from my previous girlfriends…uh…fuckbuddies.

-

After calming down somewhat, Hunk re-entered the room with the computer terminals and stared blankly at the screen. He wondered idly if his Umbrella email accounts were still active. It had been a long time since he had checking, being unable to access them from a remote terminal, and while he was waiting for Shak to either return, or show up dead, he booted up the computer.

His inbox was, predictably, clogged. There were several emails from his mother, some circulars from the UBCS boys about various football matches and pub nights which had long since taken place, and a host of other notices about lost property in the base and other mundanities which were not applicable to his current situation. He didn't know what he was looking for as he went through the files and marked them as read, but it was something to do to keep his mind off things.

His eyes alighted on a mail from an unfamiliar address. He almost skipped past it when he realised it was Daniel's oft disused username. The deceased scientist had usually neglected electronic communication in favour of more outdated methods, except when strictly necessary, and so with his curiosity piqued, he opened it.

_"To: (no subject)_

_Hunk,_

_I hate this infernal email system, but I don't want to risk blowing your cover by getting in touch with you directly. I think my mail's being searched anyway. I don't know if there's any way you'll even get this, and if you do, if you'll get it in time. I don't have much time, I suspect my days are numbered. Something bad's been going on. The past couple of years have been tense at best, ever since the incident. But now I suspect more than ever that Wesker is highly unstable. There's a sum of money being held aside, you know the account number. Take it and get my daughter out of OCRC. If you need Visas, Passports, you know where to go. I don't care where you take her, just make sure she's safe. It's ironic that I'm coming to you with this. After your father passed away I saw no need to get myself a new bodyguard, but right now I wish I'd had the good sense to employ another one. I never thought I'd have anything to fear, especially not from my own son, or whoever else it might be who's behind all this. That's the problem, there are enemies everywhere. Under no circumstances must you deviate from these orders. The most important thing now is that you make sure she's safe. It's truly been a pleasure having you work with me and I couldn't have asked for a better bodyguard for Claudia. Just keep making sure she's ok._

_Daniel."_

Hunk finished reading the mail and put one hand to his forehead, leaning forward against the desk. There weren't many good guys working for Umbrella these days, if there ever had been. Even when Wesker's escapades with Shak had spilled over into his work, Daniel had kept a level head, and always taken the humane option. And it was Daniel's last wish that Wesker especially did not get his hands on Claudia. Now, more than ever, it was vital for him to get to Achma. He began to formulate a plan in his head. He would leave Shak behind, go on alone. No distraction was so good that it would be worth wasting any more time for, now that it was apparent that Jonathon was not just a sleazy womaniser but an actual danger.

The door banged open and he reached for his gun. He thought it was a carrier, and the initial impression of the blood covered apparition did little to dissuade this conclusion. It was only when he realised that the matt of red on top was not blood but hair that the finger around his trigger relaxed as Shak staggered forward. She put one arm against the door to hold herself up, rested her head against the cold steel, and nodded.

"Hey Hunk."

"Oh." His tone was less than civil, "It's you." If she was going to come back, she could at least have come back in a half decent state. Or stayed there and died. "You're a mess," he sneered.

"Sorry, I just need ten minutes and I'll be good as new," she wheezed.

"What the fuck do you mean, ten minutes!" he exploded, "Do you think we've fucking got ten minutes to spare, while Claudia's there, all on her own with that monster, because of **you**!"

"I know." Shak made an effort to stand upright, "But you're right. We'll move now." She didn't think she was in any fit state to make decisions, currently, and if Hunk said they should move out, he was probably right. He wanted the same thing she did. Well, except she didn't want down Claudia's pants.

"And you think we had time to even stand chatting about this!" he raged, storming past her and knocking her battered form against the door.

"Ahh!" Shak crumpled, and struggled to get back on her feet, but Hunk was already setting out in the direction of the base, his anger propelling him faster than his normal gait would as he strode purposefully. Shakahnna trailed behind, half limping, half running in an attempt to keep up with him.

"Can't you move any quicker?" he spat over his shoulder after they had continued in silence, speeding up instead of slowing down, leaving her struggling in his wake.

-

Hunk arrived at the settlement ninety minutes before his injured companion and began to set up camp. The time alone did little to calm his furious temper. A voice in the back of his head told him he was being unreasonable, but the correspondence from Daniel, coupled with what he had witnessed on the surveillance footage meant that he was in no mood to listen to his inner conscience. And besides, Shakahnna was _STARS, _ the enemy, and the only thing which even merited her coming along was the fact that she would no doubt be a distraction to Wesker, leaving him time to get Claudia out.

And hopefully deck Jonathon.

How could things have been going so badly for so long, without him knowing?

And while he knew this wasn't the time or the place for this. It was wrong, and he knew it was wrong, and being in a place like this highlighted why he shouldn't be doing this. He needed to stay calm and focused, he needed to have his wits about him. But right now there was nothing he could do but wait for Shak to catch up, and collect his thoughts, and put the fucking curse that was Herrison to sleep for a while. He always carried something around…in case of an emergency.

Hunk recreationally used opiates. And by recreationally, we mean he was a heroin addict.

It was the one thing that was keeping him sane during this five year undercover mission. And there was a certain poetry to it, when you thought about it. What else would you do? There was a grim, but utterly vindicating, satisfying feeling to taking off his belt and wrapping it around his forearm, gritting the leather between his teeth and slipping the needle into a bulging vein. And then the voice in his head would stay silent for a while. There would be peace until morning came and Herrison woke up, and he had to go through the whole fucking charade of playing a persona he hated all over again.

And as he begun to undo his belt, the door opened and Shakahnna traipsed in. She was no longer staggering, the first aid spray having taken its effect, but she looked utterly worn and bedraggled, covered in dried blood and mud.

"Bed…tired…sleep," she announced, "Start your engines."

"Bed! You'd like that, wouldn't you, you slut!" Hunk thundered.

"What?" Shak looked confused, and a little hurt.

"This is all your fault! The fact that he's chasing us, the fact that Achma's in ruins, the fact that she's with him…all because you couldn't keep your legs shut!" he continued to rage.

"That's not very nice." There was no trace of flippancy in her tone.

"It's a lot nicer than you deserve," he spat back, "You're a cancer, you know that? Everything you touch turns to shit!"

"I know," she replied flatly. "I'll take first watch."

With a stinging in her eyes, she went outside, and took up a watch post.

…**but cheers for pointing that out…**


	42. Simply Irresistible

It was a beautiful day; blue skies to forever, the sun splitting the trees. Hunk was simmering under the surface with quiet excitement. Of all the days to be perfect, this day was the most important. After all that trouble with Achma, he'd thought this day would never come, yet here he was.

As per Daniel's request, he had run away with Claudia. She had been distinctly unamused with the notion at first, but he had finally had the chance to explain everything to her. Of course she was reluctant at first, and strenuously denied the possibility that Jonathon might have been involved in Daniel's death, but once she started to get to know Hunk, and not Herrison, she had come around. And now, he couldn't believe this was happening. If he could have had any life for himself, this is the one he would have chosen. Even with the pregnancy, she was still beautiful, perhaps even more so. It had been an unexpected surprise, but not an entirely unwelcome one. Hunk had always wanted a large family.

A registry office affair would be best, they had decided. Neither of them wanted to draw attention to themselves, and besides, there weren't exactly many people they could have invited. And that suited them just fine. After all, they had each other.

There was something slightly odd about the courthouse, he reflected as he arrived, but he couldn't quite place his finger on it. It looked different, but comfortingly familiar. Claudia was waiting for him, sitting in a plastic chair, but she didn't look as happy as he thought she would. And the reverend looked distinctly…odd.

"What's wrong Claudia?" he blurted out, in a voice which was not his own.

"Hey hey hey!" The reverend leapt forward enthusiastically, and it was then that Hunk realised why he looked so familiar. His hair was bright red, and his attire was outrageously clownish, but it was Daniel Lancaster.

He wanted to ask how it was possible, that he thought Daniel was dead, but instead what came out, in Herrison's dopey tones was, "Ronald McDonald! I love you!"

For Daniel was dressed as Ronald McDonald.

And the courthouse, in fact, looked distinctly like McDonalds.

Instead of a bible, he was holding a menu, and leaping around manically in his giant red shoes. "And we've got the perfect wedding cake for you two lovebirds!" he exclaimed.

Two greasy looking teenage employees came in bearing a cake made entirely of noxious looking hamburgers, with a Fry Guy and Fry Girl on top. Hunk wanted to shout out that this was wrong, that things shouldn't be this way, but his undercover persona had stolen his power of speech, and all he could do was jump around excitedly and clap his hands like a retard. Claudia stood up and began to walk away, shaking her head sadly.

Herrison clutched her arm, wanting to explain, but instead started screaming "I love you Clau-dee-aaaaah!"

As she tried to shake him off, there was the sound of manic laughter, as a dark figure entered the room.

"Oh no!" Ronald McDonald exclaimed, "It's the Hamburgler, come to steal the wedding feast!"

"Hahahahahahaha!" The villain of the piece emerged from the shadows, and revealed himself to be none other than the dreaded Hamburgler. With one small difference…

Blonde hair and sunglasses.

"It's Wesker!" Hunk wanted to shout, "It's Wesker, we have to get out of here!" But nothing came out.

"Ahahahahahahaha!" the Wesker/Hamburgler hybrid cackled, before waving a wand made out of french fries at Claudia. She opened her mouth in horror, but before she could say anything, she disappeared. Left standing in her place was a hamburger.

"Oh dear!" Ronald McDonald laughed, "It looks like your girlfriend got turned into a delicious meaty snack!"

"I want a burger!" Herrison exclaimed, and picked up what had formerly been Claudia, and shoved it in his mouth.

"Claudia!" Finally Hunk found his voice, but it was too late, and then suddenly he was back in the camp at Achma, covered in cold sweat and shaking.

Hunk shook his head. He couldn't keep this up for much longer. The sooner he got to Achma, the sooner he could bury Herrison, because he was never going to use that persona again. He would get to the base, explain everything, and make everything right.

He frowned as he heard singing. Loud singing. What the hell was that crazy bitch up to!

-

Shak had been keeping an uneventful watch for a few hours now. There had been a few loose zombies to dispatch, but nothing noteworthy. The night air was cool, but not unpleasant, and she had taken the time to do some much needed thinking. She couldn't understand why Hunk had suddenly got the worst case of PMT ever. She was sure he was worried, but so was she. It wasn't as though he'd ever had to deal with Wesker before. She was a vet…

"I should get a medal," she announced to no one in particular, "That says 'I Am The King', and they can erect a building with my face on it…"

She trailed off as there was a low rumbling from beneath her. The ground began to shake, and the earth began to split. Shak's first immediate thought was gulpworm, one of the creatures of Umbrella's which she had never fought. She'd heard they looked like giant cocks. The redhead thought about waking Hunk up, but after the events of the evening decided to handle this one on her own.

The ground opened and light started to shine out of it. A large sign emerged from the ground in neon lights, proclaiming "MUNTY AND THE MIS-SHAPES!" in bright green. Confused, she looked around, and found herself standing on a large, floodlit stage. Looking down, she saw that, over her STARS uniform, she was wearing a slinky red sequinned dress, which was short, low cut, and had slits up the sides, and instead of her gun in hand there was a microphone. The first few bars of a song began to play, and she began to gyrate in spite of herself.

From nowhere, a compeer's voice came thundering out. "Ladies and gentlemen, presenting, for your entertainment tonight…MUNTY AND THE MIS-SHAPES!" Rapturous applause sounded, and the announcer continued. "Introducing…on drums…HITLER CAKE!"

A small iced fairy cake with a swastika, a square moustache and a comb-over, wearing a bikini, made its way out and took its place at the drum kit.

"…on piano…MANIC GENTLEMAN STAR!"

A yellow star wearing a monocle, top hat and gimp suit emerged, holding a cane.

"…on guitar…SATANIC BALLOON!"

A red balloon, shaped like a love heart, with devil horns, floated on stage. He had a cape and a pitchfork, a curly moustache, and a goatee beard.

"..on bass guitar…BONGOS!"

A pair of bongos, with two breasts on top, which had their nipples pierced and joined by a chain, came out and took up the bass guitar.

"…and finally…CAPTAIN SHAKAHNNA TAYLOR…AKA….**MUNTY**!"

At this, the spotlight shone on Shak, and the imaginary crowd began to go wild.

"That's all from me, Suicidal Crack," the announcer exclaimed, "Enjoy the show, folks!"

The band of eyesores began to strike up the chords to a familiar tune, and Shakahnna began to gyrate, taking up her microphone.

"How can it be permissable…?" she began to sing (in Robert Palmer's voice), "She compromised my principles…woa woawow…!"

She made her way through the song, complete with perfectly choreographed dance moves, which featured an unhealthy amount of pointing, gyrating, and general things of an eighties rock nature.

"I'M SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE!" she sang in what she thought was perfect tune, as the audience applauded, the band played their little insane hearts out, and the world was Shakahnna's stage.

-

As Claudia frowned to herself, she scribbled frantically. In a day, she had managed to put some order to the documents, but it was by no means a turnaround. She couldn't understand how things had slipped into such disarray, especially with how hard Jonathon had been working. There were reports missing from up to six months ago, and huge gaps where no notes had been taken at all for weeks at a time. The notes that were there were sketchy at best, and many of them contained what she strongly suspected to be the wrong information. She was fairly certain that Daniel had not ordered that the BOWs be all fed on Chinese takeaways.

Removing her glasses and pinching the bridge of her nose in a habitual gesture, she sighed and fought the rising panic in her chest. How was she ever going to get everything in order? She was used to hard work, but not this level of utter administrative chaos. It would take months to get Achma up and running as a functional facility again, and something told her that she didn't have a deadline quite so lax.

Jonathon, meanwhile, was watching the security cameras, not very subtly avoiding his work.

"Daniel?" she called over, the name slipping out unconsciously. Jonathon looked up with an inquisitive expression, and she turned bright red. "Um...Daniel...didn't have any other...um...files, did he?" It was an obvious save, and a poor one, and Jonathon did not like being taken for a substitute for his father, but decided to let it slide on the basis of potential future blowjobs.

"No." Jonathon didn't know, and didn't really care.

She's not looked up for 3 hours. Is this how Dad wanted me to be? Well he can get bent.

Claudia was starting to make the junior Lancaster a little uncomfortable. It wasn't _normal _for someone to do all your work without complaining.

She must be desperate for my attention.

But if she was, then why is she calling me Daniel?

Well, I don't care. I'm going to get laid, and she's doing all the work.

He scowled at her and turned back to the monitors, not noticing her visibly crumple.

_Why would he...?_

_He's not Daniel, remember._

_But he's Daniels son._

_Yes, but he's NOT Daniel._

Some minutes passed before a roar of laughter caused her to almost fall out of her seat. Clutching her chest, she leapt up with a start, and wondered if he was having an epileptic fit. She rushed over, to make sure he didn't swallow his tongue, before realising he was, for want of a better term, pishing himself.

"Do you want a glass of water?" she asked nervously.

Jonathon tried to choke out a response, but failed miserably, tears running down his cheeks. Finally, he managed to splutter, "Look...!"

Shakahnna was on camera, singing at the top of her voice into a makeshift microphone made from someone's spinal cord. She was gyrating and throwing kisses to an imaginary audience. Somehow, and God alone knew how, she had found a red dress which was several sizes too small, cut it up the sides, and put it on over her uniform.

The sight was grotesque.

Claudia's jaw dropped as her friend continued her "performance", unaware that she was being watched by two incredulous Umbrella scientists at that moment.

"Sound..." Jonathon gasped.

Claudia adjusted her skirt uncomfortably. "I don't think..." She had a humanitarian duty to prevent anyone else from hearing Shak sing.

"Now!"

_Do it yourself... _Sulkily she began to adjust the settings on the computer and the room was filled with auditory horror.

"SHE'S A CRAZE YOU'D ENDORSE SHE'S A POWERFUL FOOOOOORCE!"

"Is that..._Robert Palmer..._!" He managed to ask before dissolving into giggles again.

"So it would appear." Claudia was less than enthusiastic about watching her mentally ill friend humiliate herself for Jonathon's entertainment. "I think we've seen enough...?"

"No way! Get me a tape! This needs to be recorded for blackmail..." he trailed off and erupted into mirth once more as she did a crotch thrust.

"No! We are not recording this!" Claudia looked away.

"We can use it to stop Wesker killing you!" Jonathon stopped and wished he hadn't said that.

"What!"

"Just a joke, love. You really need to lighten up."

Claudia clenched her fists and felt her eye twitch. If there was one thing she hated hearing...

"Oh come on," he teased, putting a hand on her arm, "When did you suddenly become some kind of Ice Maiden?"

Jonathon had just rigged his boats with TNT. One more, and he could have a hat trick in the game of How To Piss Off Claudia.

"When did you suddenly become some kind of cretin?" she snapped back.

He went to give her a comeback, but one off key bellow from the STARS captain on the screen sent him reeling back into laughter. "Sorry, love," he gasped, "Your pissing contest is going to have to wait. This...this is just too good!"

"Pissing contest!" the bespectacled girl was not best pleased, gritting her teeth at the sight of Shak making sexual advances towards a lucky tree.

"Yeah, well there's no point. You're a woman, you'll never win in a game of intellect." Jonathon tried to slap her arse playfully, but missed because he was laughing so hard.

Jonathon had just scored his hat trick.

"Tell that to your tortoise," she bit back.

"Looks like you've picked up a better pet," he jerked a thumb in the direction of the screen, but didn't manage to finish the gesture as he continued his hysterics.

"She's my _friend _you know," Claudia hissed.

"I thought it was your family you couldn't pick," he retorted with a maddening grin.

"Daniel picked me," she pointed out.

In an instant, Jonathon had stopped laughing. If he had just scored a hat trick, Claudia had just scored an own goal. In the last minute of the game. In the World Cup. In 1966. Playing for England.

His face drained of all mirth as he fixed her with a glare that was completely murderous. Although she couldn't see it, in an instant she had just transformed from another, albeit slightly more useful, piece of skirt to that snotty little brat who wasn't even blood that he could never beat. Who was too good for him to even share her breathing space.

"I...I didn't mean it like that..." she stammered, but she was addressing his back as he stood up to leave. "Jonathon, wait!"

He turned and looked at her coldly. "It's Doctor _Lancaster. _Unlike you, _Graham."_

"Get it up you,_ **Jonathon**."_she blurted out angrily, but he had already left. Later she would be glad that he hadn't heard her last statement.


	43. Turtle Power!

"FORSOOTH!"

Jonathon Lancaster was interrupted from his sulking by a familiar, although not entirely welcome voice. "Jack," he huffed, "Hi."

"WHAT FORCE OF SATAN AND EVIL HAST MINE PRETTY PRINCESS SO DOWN IN THOU MOUTH PREY TELL FORSOOTH NYA!" Jack ejaculated.

Jonathon's scowl deeped, "That stupid bitch. She's just like Dad."

"DOTH THOU REFER TO THE WITCH!" Jack was horrified, "HAST THOU BEEN POLLUTING THOU CHASTE SELF WITH THE COMPANIES OF THOU STRUMPET?"

"Shut up Jack."

"AHHHHHH! THOU HAST WOUNDED MY VERY SOUL WITH THOU WORDS OF DISPLEASEDNESSNESSNESS!" Jack was articulate. "PRAY LET ME ATTEMPT IN MINE HUMBLE YET DIVINE WAY TO CHEER YOUR SOUL FROM THE DEPTHS OF EVILS DESPAIR WITH THE AID OF JESUS."

"Jesus. Yeah. Great." Jonathon was petulant.

"PRESENTING," Jack screamed, oblivious to the fact that the young doctor _clearly _wanted him to piss off, "HOLY NECTAR!" Suddenly, as if by magic, he was clutching a large tankard of communion wine. He flashed a grin and in his own head his teeth made a sparkly "ching" noise. "Or divine intervention, if you will."

Suddenly, Jonathon reflected, Jack was not such a bad person to have around after all…

-

_I'm going to bed. **He **can do the rest of these files. This is taking the piss._

Claudia let out a shaky sigh and put her pen down. Her argument with Jonathon had left her torn between wanting to run and apologise, and wanting to call up Shak and offer her fifty points. But she would deal with those emotions in the morning. Even Pro Plus had its limits, she reflected with a yawn.

And for the fucking life of her, she couldn't get Simply Irresistible out of her head.

By coincidence, or by strategic placing, her room was right next to the office she had been working in, so it did not take her long to get there. Kicking off her shoes and removing her glasses, she climbed into bed fully clothed and curled up in a little ball.

_Even though it had been years, she instantly recognised her surroundings. And even if she never returned there again, she knew these were familiar corridors she would never forget. It felt so good to be home. And home meant one thing only._

_Daniel._

_She broke into a run through the deserted corridors, just as she had done as a child when something had excited her so much that she was bursting to tell him. And just as she remembered him, there he was. Brown hair flecked with grey, blue eyes creased into a warm smile. He looked everything a father should be. He was sitting at his desk, surrounded by mountains of paperwork, but as soon as she came running in, he looked up straight away. He had always made time for her, no matter what he was doing. And today was no exception._

_"How's my best girl?" he asked, smiling. Even though she now stood before him a grown woman, he still said the same things._

_"Daniel!" she stood frozen for a moment, unsure of everything. "This is a dream, isn't it?" her voice cracked._

"_Does it matter?" he asked gently._

_She shook her head. Nothing mattered, not even reality, if it meant she got to see him again. "I missed you," she whispered. It was obvious, but it had to be said. "I was a terrible spy..."_

"_You were never supposed to be one," he reminded her. "I couldn't be more proud. Despite what Wesker threw at you, you've turned out to be everything I hoped. I only wish I'd been around to take more credit for it."_

"_Wesker!" a sudden panic seized her, "Daniel, everything is a mess! Uncle Wesker's a monster, and I don't know what to do! This is all so hard, I don't know how you kept everyone in check."_

"_Even I could only hold them off for so long, bumblebee," he sighed, "That's your job now. I'm afraid it's not the legacy I wanted to leave for you, but you have to make sure Wesker doesn't get his hands on our virus."_

"_Ours?"_

"_It was nowhere near ready when you left, but you worked just as hard as I did," he pointed out. "You were always there when I needed you. I'm just sorryI couldn't do the same."_

"_Don't say that!" she cried, "It was me who let you down!"_

"_You were never ever the one to disappoint me, Claudia. In fact, I couldn't have been more proud. But now you have to stop Wesker, and you have to take care of Jonathon."_

"_There was so much you never told me," she said plaintively. "Why would you spend your life creating something so destructive? You're not that kind of man!"_

"_There's a very good reason I'm not here anymore. You know me better than that. Anything I didn't tell you, was to protect you. I never got started on my life's work."_

"_Daniel," she choked on the words, "Were you murdered?"_

"_You must have figured that one out by now, bumblebee." He smiled sadly._

"_I need to know who did it! I need to know who I can trust!" _

"_Claudia, I wish I could tell you, but the truth is, I don't know myself. I only have my suspicions." he said gravely, "You just need to check more security videos. They'll show you everything that's gone on."_

"_I don't have time to do that!" her voice shook wildly, "I don't know how much time I have. Wesker is insane, Shak is on her way here, and there's so much work to do! How much longer do I have until they start asking for the formula?"_

"_There was a reason I kept it so hidden."_

"_From Wesker?"_

"_From everyone."_

"_Daniel..." she reached out to touch his arm, but drew back, "You must know who did this to you. Was it Wesker?"_

_Daniel Lancaster's face simply took on an expression of grave sadness. She could feel a sense of urgency clawing at her, but couldn't place it. She only knew that if she did not ask now, he would never be able to tell her._

"_It must have been Wesker!" she cried out, looking for confirmation, "It must have...!"_

"Wesker...!" Claudia's eyes snapped open as she found herself back in the Achma base. Sitting up, she rubbed the back of her neck and groaned to herself, the sick feeling still hanging in her stomach. Gradually noise began to filter into her consciousness, and she fumbled about for her glasses. A loud booming voice could be discerned, echoing through the hollow halls. Getting up, she locked her door and sat down at the small study desk to do some work. Daniel had told her to take care of Jonathon, after all.

-

"Th…thah fukken…fuckken….bishhhhh…"

Jonathon was drunk. In fact, some extremist factions of society may go so far as to postulate that Dr Jonathon Lancaster was utterly wankered. After having left Jack to find his own way back to his room, he had wandered aimlessly, fallen over twice, urinated in the water tank for the hunters, vomited into the pocket of someone else's lab-coat and sang a Neil Diamond song before falling into his room and collapsing on the floor. But he was determined that the night would not end there. Oh no. Jonathon had one thing on his mind.

Revenge.

Sitting down at his computer, he took a deep breath, tried not to fall off his chair, and began to type.

"Ah'll…ah'll…fuckken show hur…ah fukken will…"

-

Jack Tabernacle lay flat on his back in a nearby storage cupboard, dozing happily in a puddle of his own vomit. He had perhaps indulged in a little too much of the Blood of Christ. Namely about six gallons of the stuff.

But, he had reasoned before passing out, what better way to praise the Lord than by indulging in Holy Communion? All day.

_It was a bright and fragrant day. One might go so far as to say that morning had broken like the first morning. Jack "Righteous Sword" Tabernacle was "tooling up", so to speak. Today was not just any day, oh no. Today was the day when the epic and holy struggle between good and evil would come to a head, and he would confront Satan's liaison here on earth. _

"_Oh Righteous Sword!" a female, yet also manly, but not in a lesbian way, reached the Warrior of Christ's ears and was like sweet heavenly music._

"_Yes, Communion Girl?" he boomed helpfully, "How may I assist you in the name of Jesus Christ?"_

"_You must help me!" she pleaded desperately, "I have been put under an evil spell by an evil witch slut! You must baptise me immediately!"_

"_Of course!" Jack replied in a gleeful scream, "Do you reject Satan and all his empty works and promises...?"_

_Five minutes, and a lot of holy water later, Jack had stoically resisted Communion Girl's sexual advances (for what woman could resist him?) and embraced the sinner formerly known as Captain Taylor into the fold of the Catholic Church. Her red hair glowed like a saint's halo. But she was (obviously) nothing in comparison to his own saintlihood. It was like a match burning in comparison with the sun itself. Jesus wanted HIM for a sunbeam._

"_I have disturbing news, oh Righteous Sword...!" Communion Girl cried out when the last of the demons left her corporeal form._

"_Hit me with thou rhythm stick!" he replied bravely, "No force on heaven or hell can faze me, THE RIGHTEOUS SWORD OF MANLINESS, THE WARRIOR WHO STANDS AT THE RIGHT HAND SIDE OF THE SON OF GOD, BRINGING SWORD AND SMITEYNESS TO ALL WHO WOULD PURVEY SATANS EVIL WARES...!"_

"_Oh Righteous Sword, how could the world survive without you?" Communion Girl swooned, "You truly are made in Gods own image!"_

"_I know, Communion Girl," Jack ejaculated sagely, "I know. But pray tell, oh inferior servant of Jesus, what is this news?"_

"_The Witch With The Glasses Whose Name I Dare Not Speak has taken Princess Jonathon, that pure and white soul, prisoner. She plans to steal his most holy Catholic virginity and enroll him in the legions of Hells army itself!"_

"_FORSOOTH!" Jack cried out, feeling the pain of Princess Jonathon as though it was his own (but dealing with it in a manly way), "TO THE JESUSMOBILE! AT ONCE, FORSOOTH!"_

"_We will stop her once and for all!" Communion Girl exclaimed, as they ran for their sacred chariot, capes billowing in the non existent wind._

_-_

_After a short drive in the Jesusmobile (a car shaped like a cross with absolutely no regard for aerodynamics since they flew on the winds of the Lords fury), they arrived at the Brothel owned by The Witch With The Glasses Whose Name They Dared Not Speak. The door was guarded by two prostitutes with horns and red skin, who shot fire out of their eyes. However, on seeing Jack they instantly transformed into pure and chaste maidens, and promptly went to attend Mass at the local Catholic Church. Such was the power of The Righteous Sword._

_Upon entering the premises they found Jonathon, who was dressed in the purest white attire of an altar boy, tied up on an upside down cross. Cradle of Filth was playing in the background, and people were having sex everywhere. It was evil. _

"_Protect me!" Communion Girl squealed, grabbing his arm._

"_Fear not!" Jack boomed, raising his cross in a beam of light, "Show thy face, oh Witch With The Glasses Whose Name I Dare Not Speak!"_

"_It is I, the whore embodiment of unspeakable evil!" Claudia appeared in a flash of red smoke. She was drinking what appeared to be a glass of wine, but which on closer inspection turned out to be the blood of many turtles which had been sacrificed at the altar of Beelzebub. "I have come to corrupt this world of pureness and innocent by spreading my evil seed of science!"_

"_Nay! It will never come to pass, Witch!" Jack retorted defiantly, while Communion Girl wet her holy pants._

"_Thou art mistaken, oh Catholic Priest!" the Witch cackled, "I will claim the soul of Princess Jonathon for Satan, and together we will have sex and rule the world with evil!"_

"_Save me, Righteous Sword!" Princess Jonathon cried out, "For I do not wish to be condemned to a life of endless blowjobs! I wish to be a sunbeam for Jesus Christ!"_

"_HAHAHAHA!" The Witch With The Glasses cackled, "You will never defeat me, for you do not know that the entire source of my power is contained in Satan's Spectacles, and that without them I am merely a defenceless female. Without this knowledge, which you do not have, you will never vanquish my evil, and I will be victorious and corrupt your pure and chaste princess!"_

"_Ye Gods!" Communion Girl exclaimed, "Since we do not know that we need only destroy her glasses to remove her power, we cannot defeatthis enemy!"_

"_Hold fast, Communion Girl!" Jack wracked his brains, "For I am sure her words contained a cunningly disguised clue on the method to defeat her!"_

"_We must think!" Communion Girl proceeded to think._

"_Quickly, Righteous Sword!" Jonathon wept, "For if you do not figure out that you need only destroy her glasses to defeat her, then my soul will be doomed forever!"_

"_I art thinking!" Jack announced._

_They all thought._

_The Witch With The Glasses Whose Name They Dared Not Speak laughed sexily and drank from the blood of many Catholic turtles._

_They thought some more._

"_Your time is up!" Claudia announced evily, "I will now proceed to seduce Princess Jonathon!"_

"_Nay!" Jack cried out, "I have an idea! Tis but a long shot, and I am merely going on my holy instinct, but something tells me we should destroy her glasses!"_

"_Madness! It will never work!" Communion Girl exclaimed, heartbroken._

"_Have faith in the Lord!" Jack reassured them, pulling out his gun which God gave him. The pistol apostle let loose one sacred bullet from the cruciform barrel and it flew in slow motion. The witch screamed out in terror. The bullet hit her glasses and knocked them off her face._

_In an instant there was a flash of light and everything went blank._

_When Jack opened his eyes he realised that the site where the brothel had formerly stood was transformed into a convent. Communion Girl was instructing nuns in prayer, in her place as Mother Superior. Princess Jonathon was saying mass, the averted danger having allowed him to become a member of the clergy._

"_Oh frabjous day!" Jack fell to his knees in praise of God. He looked about anxiously. "Pray tell, what became of the unholy succubus."_

_At that moment, the former witch entered. She was dressed as a postulate nun, her head bowed as a woman should be. "Oh Righteous Sword!" she wept, falling to the floor, "Can you ever forgive me for all the trouble I caused? I have repented and dedicated my life to being a bride of Christ!"_

"_That is not for me to decide," Jack screamed benevolently, "Forgiveness is only for Our Lord Jesus Christ to bestow upon you!"_

"_Did someone mention Christ?" A serene voice screamed. A white robed figure appeared out of a large flash of mist and holy light. It was Jesus._

"_Oh Lord!" Jack bowed respectfully, "You have honoured your humble servant!"_

"_Nay, Righteous Sword," Jesus replied, "It is you who has honoured me by being such a manly advocate of God on Earth. In return I would like to bestow upon you the highest honour man can bear..." there was a dramatic pause, "...I would like to make you The Pope!"_

_Jack looked skyward, his yellow teeth exposed in a smile of rapture and glorious joy. _

"_God save The Pope!" the entire convent chanted in unison._

"_I thank thee, sheep of my flock!" Jack crowed modestly, "But alas I must leave this sanctuary of Christ and seek out evil to vanquish! There art no rest for the righteous!"_

"_Oh Righteous Sword!" Communion Girl rushed forward, "Although I would dearly love to stay here and run this convent, I am compelled to give up this position that I may be near you, bask in your holiness and serve at thy side!"_

"_Very well," Jack nodded, "Henceforth you are my sidekick in Christ. Let us fly to the Jesusmobile, for we have smiting to do!"_

_And with that they drove off into the sunset._

_-_

The situation between Jonathon and Claudia was most unpleasing, Wesker reflected as he access his computer. He had received word on their argument, via the drunken ramblings of Jack. While an alliance between the two young doctors was not what he would wish for, an all out feud was impractical. He required Jonathon to use whatever hold he had over her to extract information about Daniel's virus; a plan which would not come to fruition were Claudia to hate the sight of him. Besides, Wesker reflected, he wanted to save torturing Claudia for when Shak was watching. Otherwise, it would just be no fun.

And so, at this moment, he was sat in front of Claudia's email account, routinely invading her privacy in the form of intercepting her correspondence.

And he was glad he had.

The only new message in her inbox was from Jonathon and bore the title "Fuk u bich!". Something told Wesker that this was not an apology.

Loathe to spend his precious time reading this, curiosity got the better of him, and he opened the email. It appeared that the junior Lancaster had attempted to exact his revenge in the form of a "story".

As he read along, correcting the grammar in his head, he idly wondered why Daniel had not considered sending his son to a more "special" form of schooling…

"_Hey Donny, pass the pizza!" Raphael kicked back on the worn sofa and grinned at his brother, who was engrossed in his latest invention, as usual._

"_Get it yourself, Dude!" Donatello shot back, as Michelangelo reached over and helped himself to the last slice of anchovy and motor oil pizza before taking a long draw of his hash and mozzarella joint. _

_The teenage mutant turtles™ were enjoying a relaxing night in with some TV, pizza and class C drugs, basking in their recent triumph of having once again saved the city from Shreddar. It was for these rare moments that the brothers lived, knowing they could "chill out" safe in the knowledge that New York was safe from the threat of terror and potential international communism, if I, your faithful author, may be so bold as to make such a sweeping political statement._

_Suddenly Leonardo came dashing in, his face all a panic. "Dudes!" he announced in an authoritarian tone, for he was indeed the leader, "We've got a code green!"_

"_What's wrong!" Michelangelo immediately extinguished his roll-up and reached for his nun-chucks. _

"_Splinter said he heard the sound of screaming up on the street!" Leo replied, "It could be another attack from the Purple Dragon!"_

"_Oh my deity of indiscriminate race and/or gender!" Donatello yelled, grabbing his poofy stick thing. _

"_Like, whatever." Raphael, as per usual, was cool, but rude._

_-_

_Out on the street there was a commotion indeed. Women were screaming and fainting in the streets, men were tearing their hair out in dismay, and traffic had come to a standstill._

_The turtles, clad in their disguise of trenchcoats and wide brimmed hats, were able to mill about unseen in the pandemonium, in an attempt to ascertain just who or what was causing such an uproar._

_Leonardo, if turtles had been capable of blushing, would have blushed at that moment, for one woman next to him climbed on top of a parked car and took her top off, waving her bra in the air frantically._

"_What the shell…?" Michelangelo exclaimed._

"_Guys!" A familiar sultry female voice exclaimed from behind them. They turned around simultaneously to face a red haired woman in a yellow boiler suit. But this, believe you me, was no boiler. In fact, as far as Americans go, she was rather sexy indeed. Her eyes were green and lively, framed by coquettish eyelashes, and a mouth which was, quite frankly, just made for sucking my cock. She was accompanied by a dowdy little thing with glasses, and some poofter, but for the sake of me keeping my hard-on here, we'll just skip over that._

"_April!" the green skinned mutant ninja superhero amphibians said in unison, and she smiled, flashing white teeth._

"_Hi!" she replied._

"_April, do you know what is occurring here on this day?" Donatello probed._

"_Oh my God! It's only the story of the year!" she threw up her hands in excitement. "The internationally renowned Playboy photographer, Jonathon Lancaster, has come to the city, and all the women have gone crazy!"_

"_What?" Raphael looked at his brothers and rolled his eyes. "Is that all!"_

"_Is that all!" she echoed, "You don't understand! I personally am hoping for an interview with him." She blushed and giggled._

"_An interview…?" Leonardo asked, "Or a date?"_

"_Oh my God!" The thing with glasses squealed nasally, "I would love to go on a date with him!"_

"_Well, Four Eyes," a deep English voice said calmly from behind them, "Keep dreaming."_

_They turned around and were met with a dashingly handsome, impossibly sexy, charming, smooth and yet inexorably manly young gentleman. He had an air of intellectual magnetism to him, and he was impeccably dressed in a dark grey suit. Chestnut hair framed his clean-cut good looks, and his brown eyes danced with a cheeky glint behind his oval spectacles._

"_Oh my God!" April's guard dog repeated and passed out in the street._

"_Mr Lancaster!" the red haired reporter ejaculated. "What an honour!"_

"_Please," he smiled disarmingly, "Call me Jonathon."_

"_Jonathon!" April's queer of a boss smiled, "Perhaps we could get an interview…" he touched the internationally renowned playboy on the arm and Lancaster shrugged him off contemptuously. _

"_Urgh," he sneered wittily, "I don't want your kind near me. I might get AIDS."_

_The group all laughed in unison and pointed at the ageing bum boy, who slunk away in search of some kids to molest._

"_Well, it's real nice to meet you, Mr Lancaster, but you're causing a breach of the peace here," Raphael pointed out._

"_Hey, don't blame me because I'm sexy," he shot back, and everyone laughed once more at his sharp comebacks._

"_Excuse me…Mr Lancaster…Jonathon…" April, who had surreptitiously unzipped her top a little to show some cleavage, "May we interview you for Channel Five news?"_

"_Anything for such a lovely young lady," he agreed generously, and the turtles all thought to themselves what a nice man he was._

"_April, we're live in 30 seconds!" A cameraman appeared._

"_Ok!" she called back, and snatched up her microphone. "This is April O'Neil reporting for Channel Five news, coming to you live from New York High Street…"_

_-_

_Later that night the turtles were back in their turtle lair in the sewers eating pizza. _

"_Wow, that Jonathon Lancaster was such a cool guy," Michelangelo remarked._

_Splinter the giant martial arts rat nodded sagely, "Indeed my children. Perhaps one day you may hope to be half the man that he is…"_

"_You really think so, master!" Leonardo exclaimed eagerly._

_Splinter was about to reply, when a turtle alarm went off._

"_Uh oh!" Donatello exclaimed, "It appears we have trouble!"_

_-_

_Jonathon Lancaster was in his penthouse with one of his latest models._

"_Now, Portia," he told the brunette, "We have to work on the lighting for your photoshoot."_

"_But Mr Lancaster!" she pouted and whined, "I want to give you a blowjob!"_

"_Now, there'll be plenty of time for that later," he said, ever the professional. "But we have to get this shoot done in time for the next issue…"_

_She was not to be dissuaded, however, and began nibbling on his ear. He sighed to himself. Being constantly harassed by beautiful women was an occupational hazard he bore bravely, but sometimes it could be rather trying indeed._

_At that moment, however, his telephone rang. He picked it up. _

"_Jonathon Lancaster, playboy photographer, how may I help you?" he said smoothly, as Portia began to undo his trousers._

"_FORSOOTH! MR LANCASTER!" Jonathon immediately sat up and pulled the busty brunette's hand out of his boxers. It was Chief Inspector Tabernacle, the head of New York police department, and a personal friend of his. _

"_Chief Inspector Tabernacle! You sound alarmed!" he said in a concerned voice._

_  
"FORSOOTH INDEED I AM PRINCE JONATHON!" he boomed in Scottish tones, "FOR WE AT THE MANLY AND HANDSOME POLICE DEPARTMENT HAVE INDEED RECEIVED GRAVE NEWS!"_

"_Do tell…"_

"_THE EVIL SHREDDAR HAS ATTACKED AND ALL MY OFFICERS ARE OUT ON THEIR HAGGIS BREAK! FORSOOTH WILL YOUR MANLY AND RIGHTEOUS SELF NOT ASSIST US IN THIS MOST DIRE HOUR OF PERIL AND DANGER!"_

"_Shreddar, eh?" Jonathon raised an eyebrow. "Well I certainly shan't cut him any slack." Lancaster, unlike the turtles, had impeccable grammar._

"_MIGHT I TROUBLE YOU TO GO AND KICK HIS RACIALLY IMPURE ARSE BACK TO HELL WHERE ALL WOGS BELONG!" Jack asked politely._

"_Indeed I shall, Inspector Tabernacle. Leave it to me." He hung up and buttoned up his trousers with a rueful glance at the semi naked strumpet on his sofa. As he made for the door, he smiled over his shoulder. "Don't wait up for me, darling."_

"_But Jonathon!" Portia exclaimed tearfully, "I need you!"_

"_New York needs me, baby," he grinned, and strode out._

_-_

"_And with this giant robotic microscope of doom, I shall crush New York, starting with the Playboy head office!" Shredder began to laugh manically and rub his hands in glee._

"_Not on your nelly, fiend!" A confident voice came from the shadows, and a tall, imposing, dashing figure stepped forward._

"_What! Who dares interrupt my evil schemes!" Shredder roared._

"_A champion of justice and free love," he replied smoothly._

"_Egads! It is the internationally renowned playboy photographer and part time superhero Jonathon Lancaster!" Shredder looked perturbed. "Guards! Get him!"_

_A hundred ninjas appeared from the air vent and attacked Jonathon. He calmly broke all their necks with kung fu._

_At that moment the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles ™ appeared, accompanied by April O'Neil who was wielding her camera. Jonathon could think of much better things to record on film than news stories, but now was neither the time, nor the place. The 4 amphibian brothers looked on in admiration._

"_Woah, dude!" exclaimed Raphael reverently, "You made chop suey outta them!"_

"_Very impressive…" Donatello remarked._

_Jonathon turned around and grinned, and the group gasped. "It's Jonathon Lancaster!" they all said in unison._

_He ran a hand through his hair. "Hey, I'm not just a pretty face you know…" he cracked. "And speaking of pretty faces…hello April."_

"_Oh my God! You remembered my name!" April looked as though she was about to faint with joy._

"_Enough of this foolishness!" Shredder exclaimed. "I will destroy the city, and your hopes and ambitions along with it, Playboy!"_

"_Never!" the dashing young hero exclaimed. "I will not stand for your treachery!"_

"_Treachery!" Shredder thundered. "Treachery you say! It is you who is the treacherous one!"_

"_Whatever does he mean?" said Leonardo._

"_I don't care! I've had enough of this tinfoil head!" Raphael took his daggers out and threw them at the metal faced communist._

_One of the blades missed completely, Raphael not being in possession of Jonathon's level of skill and accuracy, but the other glance off the side of the fiend's tin helmet, knocking his mask off._

_The entire room drew astonished breath as one._

"_Oh my God…" It did not take much to shock the implacable Lancaster, but this was certainly an event worth being surprised over._

_For the de-masked fiend was none other than evil mad scientist and all-round killjoy…_

_Dr Daniel Lancaster!_

"_Aha! It seems my secret is out, son!"_

"_Son!" Michelangelo exclaimed, "You're related to Shredder!"_

"_No! It can't be!" Jonathon was horrified, but he quickly regained his composure and became indignant. "You've gone too far this time, Dad!"_

"_You may outmatch me, son," Daniel/Shreddar sneered, "But I would love to see you pit yourself against my latest minions…MUNT STEADY AND MYOP!"_

_Munt Steady, a human-warthog hybrid with red hair, a facial scar and a STARS uniform appeared, holding hands with Myop, a human-rhinoceros hybrid with glasses and pigtails, who really wasn't that hot, or clever, in fact, if I may so bold to say, to be honest she was a bit of a boiler, and kind of thick._

"_We're best friends!" They chanted in unison, "And you're not!"_

"_Hah!" Jonathon scoffed, "Your petty taunts do not bother me!" He gestured to the Turtles, "I've got better friends than you!" He watched as they crumpled under his words, before continuing, "And they're much cooler too!"_

_Munt Steady charged at him in a fit of rage while Myop cried like a stupid girl. Jonathon did a judo move and threw her 20 feet across the room and she exploded like the fat pig that she was. Myop tried to pull his hair and he kicked her to death._

_Daniel/Shreddar, meanwhile, was kicking the Turtles' arses. I mean, no offence to them or anything, but they just weren't as cool (or sexy) as Jonathon Lancaster. After Leonardo collapsed unconscious, the only remaining standing amphibian in a sea of carnage, Jonathon decided it was time to intervene._

"_Dad!" he said, hating the admission that he was related to that evil nimrod, but knowing it was the only way to get his attention, "Take this!" _

_As Daniel/Shreddar looked up in mild confusion, Jonathon produced his camera with lightning speed and took a flash photo, temporarily blinding his nemesis. While the baddie was staggering around, he tripped over Myop's corpse and fell into a pit of lava._

"_Ho ho ho," Jonathon joked, as April O'Neil emerged from her hiding place and flung herself at him with tears of admiration and lust in her eyes, "Looks like I was too hot for him to handle."_

_The Turtles regained consciousness and all laughed._

"_Hey Jonathon!" Michelangelo asked, his eyes full of heterosexual hero worship, "Wanna come back to our sewer and smoke hash with us?"_

"_Sure thing, guys," Jonathon flashed a grin. "But first of all…" he turned to April and unzipped his fly, "I've got a front page story for you, love…"_

Wesker had had enough. He stopped reading and clicked the delete button as quickly as he could. Had he been capable, he would have, not for the first time that day, felt humiliated on Lancaster's behalf. He was not the sort of man who wept, but it may have been worth making an exception in this case. As much as he was planning to torture Claudia in the future, he felt that it had been a humanitarian act to spare her from reading such a blatant display of what could only be described as beyond stupidity. He had made a most grievous error in which member of the Lancaster family tree he had chosen to prune. No wonder Jonathon was an only child.


	44. When Wesker is Happy God Weeps

The gentle reader (that's you) walks to Heinz's room, expecting to find another suitably hilarious dream sequence as experienced by Toedling himself. Instead, the reader finds a note, tacked to the door.

_"Dear Reader,_

_At this point in the story, Heinz has a dream sequence. Unfortunately, the ratings guide on prevents us from showing anal masturbation with a frozen poo in any graphic detail, and with good reason. If you want to see that kind of unwholesome, immoral nonsense, please redirect your browser to The Heart's Filthy Lesson by Scarlet Fever. Otherwise, please imagine a cute kitten playing with a ball of wool. _

_Thank you._

_Shak and Claudia."_

_-_

There was nothing for him to do. Albert Wesker reflected with an inner sigh that one of the greatest perils of immortality was that crushing boredom which often washed over him. Especially when, soon, there would be so much to amuse him. It was in an attempt to kill some time that night that he decided to go for an unnecessary sleep. If nothing else, it would bring the morning closer, and with every new day was an opportunity for fresh carnage…

_Even though they were on the floor above him, Wesker could hear the screaming and the desperate pounding of feet. He stood idly in the reception of Achma base as the frenetic panic echoed all around him. He eyed the door directly behind him, and toyed with the key card which dangled from a silver chain in his gloved hand. It was the only route by which any living soul could leave this facility, the other exits having been put on lockdown. His heart rate was slightly elevated, his lips ever so slightly twisted into a smirk as the screams grew louder and closer._

_As long as people kept screaming, it meant she was still here._

_There was a thundering from the secondary and only other door in the room. This continued for a couple of seconds before someone who obviously still had their wits about them, realised that they had to use their ID cards to get to the exit. The doors parted and a torrent of blood washed through, flooding the clinically white room, spattering up the walls, rolling down the corridor in a tsunami of crimson. Those souls who still had their lives began to filter through, drenched from head to toe in the blood of their colleagues, their friends, and perhaps even their families. They were frantic and scared. And with good reason. _

_He recognised all of his employees. A few of them he had been on a first name basis with. One of them made a run for the exit, and he caught him by the throat effortlessly._

_"A…are you going to kill me?" the man choked out through a depressed windpipe._

_"No." Wesker tossed him back towards the few survivors casually, contempt obvious in his actions rather than his facial expression. "I'm merely here to observe."_

_At that moment there was a carnal growl, two heavily shod feet thudding onto the wet ground. _

_And finally she was here._

_It was almost impossible to tell where her hair ended and her face began, so drenched was she in the crimson mask of his employees blood. Two emerald eyes glinted wickedly, filled with bloodlust and primal fury, her teeth bared in manic satiation._

_His internal smile mirrored hers. She was obviously having a good time. _

_At one point they must have been armed, but she had long since stripped them of that. Now, reduced to terrified children, she showed them no mercy. As each one cowered and begged for his life, each one received only a brutal death, each making their own contribution to the growing pool of blood on the floor._

_When only one was left alive, she locked eyes with Wesker, forcing the hysterical Umbrella worker to his knees. Without breaking her gaze, in one swift motion she decapitated the nameless man with her claws, letting the corpse slide to the floor. Still clasping it by its scalp, she made her way towards him as he stood, seemingly impassive, but tingling inside with anticipation. As she crossed the sticky red floor, a few steps away from them, she tossed the head aside and reached out with one hand, smearing a thin trail of blood from her claws across his mouth._

_Her lips parted and she whispered._

_"Come on…"_

_-_

Wesker's eyes shot open at the most inopportune moment. His sheets were drenched in cold sweat. This always fucking happened when he went for a nap. Bastard dream.

This is what Wesker would have thought were he not a tad more pretentious and pseudo aristocratic. Unfortunately the Shakahnna-shaped stick jammed right up his shitter prevented him from saying what he really thought and in fact lead him to think…

_**How vexing.**_

_-_

When Claudia came into work that morning, she was greeted with a rather unforeseen sight. Namely that Jonathon was there before her. If this was not unexpected enough, he was slumped in front of his computer, sound asleep, fully clothed.

_He's been here…all night?_

Claudia felt a pang of guilt at having accused him, albeit in her head, of being a slacker. She looked at him for a few seconds and reflected on how young he looked. Despite him being four years older than her, he looked, at that moment, with a trail of drool running from the corner of his mouth, strikingly boyish. She was seized with a sudden, unprecedented desire to take care of him and wondered if it was ok for girls to feel like that about boys. She'd always assumed it was the other way about. Reaching out with a tentative hand, she began to stroke his hair, which was slightly sticky with substances unknown (vomit). Withdrawing her fingers and wiping them on her lab coat, she went to prepare some tea.

As the kettle was boiling, she wondered if he was still mad at her.

Finally, with cup of tea in hand, the doctor returned to what could not, by any stretch of the imagination be described as Sleeping Beauty, and set the cup down gently, before giving him a little shake.

"Cowabunga!" he slurred as he came to with a start, before groaning. His glasses were askew, he had a five o'clock shadow, his tie was on the wrong way round and somehow he had managed, in the course of the previous evening, to unbutton his shirt then rebutton it asymmetrically. In short, Jonathon Lancaster had seen better mornings.

"Um…hullo…" Claudia cleared her throat and Jonathon winced at the sudden noise, "It's…morning."

"I can see that." The fact that Jonathon was conscious was a slight giveaway on that one.

"Were you here all night?" she asked nervously.

"No…"

She cocked her head to one side, confused.

Jonathon elaborated. "No, in fact, I decided to wake up at six o'clock this morning, get out my best crumpled suit which I keep for such occasions, not bother to wash, shave or comb my hair, then take a leisurely stroll to the computer room to catch…a…nap."

Claudia was unsure of whether she should slap him or propose marriage. Perhaps both. "I made you some tea," she said eventually.

Is that any good for hangovers?

He didn't reply, so she continued, "I'll just be through in the other room if you need me," before walking out, unsure of whether her presence was wanted. Once again she had been on the receiving end of Jonathon's annoyance at external factors, and had attributed it to her own fault.

As soon as she left the room Jonathon let out a deep breath, leaned over and vomited into the wastepaper basket, before resting his head back on the desk. "I wish I was dead," he informed the keyboard. After a few seconds of the room spinning, he sat back up and took a sip of his tea. It was exactly how he liked it. Resting the cup down, he stared at it for a few seconds.

Perhaps it was the drink talking, but he was starting to feel moderately guilty.

-

It was a good fifteen minutes before the dishevelled Dr Lancaster appeared in the doorframe, looking distinctly sheepish. Claudia looked up, then looked straight back down.

"Ahem," Jonathon made it obvious that he was not to be ignored. Claudia missed the hint. Jonathon decided to try for something a little less subtle. "AHEM!"

"Oh. Dr Lancaster. Can I help you?" She asked, genuinely unsure as to whether their relationship was personal or entirely professional. If it was the latter, she did not want to risk pushing boundaries and upsetting him further.

He decided that, despite looking like he had slept in a midden, there was nothing his innate charm could not fix. Walking up to her, he took her hand gently and sighed. "Come now, Claudia. We both said things last night we didn't mean. And personally, I find it much more pleasant in the morning when you greet me with a smile." He chuckled disarmingly.

"Um…I…um…" She, in her own way, let him know that what he was saying was working.

"About last night…" he began, knowing that what he was going to say would probably be painful, "I know I shouldn't have made fun of your friend. I just find it worrying that you've formed a close relationship with someone whose job is to kill us. I suppose I was trying to deal with that by making light of the situation…" He took a deep breath and swallowed.

Here it comes…

He finished, "I'm sorry."

"Oh, Jonathon!" Claudia exclaimed, throwing her arms about his neck. He was a little taken aback, having never met someone who was willing to hug him even when he reeked of sick. "I'm sorry too!"

"It's ok." It was, and he meant it. "It's just…who's more dangerous to have around than a STARS captain…?"

"Dr Wesker!" Claudia exclaimed.

"Wesker…? Naah, he's…" Jonathon trailed off and followed Claudia's gaze. A hulking apparition had appeared in the doorway. It was wearing sunglasses.

"Ah, Albert…" Jonathon was instantly nervous. Wesker's moods over the last few days had been increasingly erratic, and it was becoming difficult to pre-empt his moods.

"I see we've been burning the midnight oil, Dr Lancaster," Wesker observed caustically.

"You know me," Jonathon flashed a charming smile at Claudia, "I'm a giver."

_I wish he'd give me one._

_Oh god! Did I just think that! Please don't let me have said that out loud…_

Claudia looked around nervously. Wesker arched an eyebrow at her and she turned bright red and looked guiltily at her shoes. She really hoped he couldn't mind read.

Wesker simply looked knowing and put his hands smugly in his pockets. For a split second his whole body tensed rigid, and he gave Jonathon a look which came as close to horror as the BOW came.

The he merely left, hands still in pockets.

Jonathon idly wondered if perhaps that was the labcoat whose pockets he had thrown up in last night.

"He's very odd," Claudia whispered furtively.

"He certainly has his moments," the doctor agreed vacantly.

-

It was noon before Jonathon's conscience, which was currently making itself known like some kind of bastard child the CSA had pinned on him, allowed him to go for a break and a shower. He wasn't really liking the whole "pitch in and do his share" thing. Unbeknownst to him, neither was Claudia, who would have to spend the afternoon fixing the mess he'd made that morning in his own unique attempt at helpfulness, all the while making excuses for him in her head like "he's just tired".

And so he was in the shower, collecting his thoughts. As he let the warm water wash over him, taking away some of the unpleasantries of the night before, he reflected on the difficulties which were to come over the next few days. His head was pounding with worry and a nagging guilt in the back of his mind that perhaps he had not done the right…

"FORSOOOTH!"

The door to the bathroom thundered open and Jack harrumphed in like a deeply unwanted herd of ginger elephants.

Jonathon screamed.

And covered his lad.

"APOLOGIES FOR INVADING YOUR PRIVACY AT THIS MOMENT OF OBTAINING CLEANLINESS, PRINCESS JONATHON!" Jack looked anything but sorry. "BUT I HATH AQCUIRED FOR YOU THE GARMENTS WHICH YOU REQUESTED LAST NIGHT OF YORE!"

Shit. Shit shit fucking shit. What did I say last night? What did I **do** last night?

As if by way of reply, Jack continued. "FOR DOST THOU REMEMBER NOT THINE PLEDGE WHICH YOU SWORE AFTER TAKING HOLY COMMUNION WINE?"

Jonathon thought he was going to be sick, and wasn't sure if it was from the mention of alcohol, or the vaguely homoerotic situation he found himself in. "Um…can you run it by me again…Jack?"

Jack looked almost hurt. "THOU SWORE BEFORE CHRIST JESUS TO PLEDGE THY LIFE TO THE SERVICE OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH!"

"Ah yes." Jonathon gritted his teeth together and tried to smile, despite the fact that he was standing there, naked, hung-over, soaking wet, and having just discovered that he had been ordained as a Catholic priest while pished last night. "_That_ pledge."

"I HATH BROUGHT THOU VESTMENTS FATHER PRINCESS JONATHON!" Jack held aloft a black cassock and white dog collar.

"Thank…you…" Jonathon was not happy. "Perhaps you should give me some _privacy _to put them on…?"

My John Thomas is starting to shrivel up here…

Jack ignored him blithely. "AND LET US NOT FORGET YOUR OTHER PLEDGE!" He screamed gleefully.

"Oh no…" Dr Lancaster hissed under his breath as Jack bounded out of the small bathroom. He reappeared in the doorframe moments later, apparently stuck, as he attempted to carry in a large wooden object several times the width of the door. And a box of matches.

"THOU PROMISED TO RID THE EARTH OF THE VILE WITCH WHO BEARS THE EYEPIECES OF SATAN VIA THE MEDIUM OF FIRE AND THE WOOD OF THE CROSS OF CHRIST JESUS!"

Jonathon was fairly certain he hadn't put it quite like that.

"Right. Well…um…you just leave that…giant cross…in my room there…and I'll get dressed and sort her out…"

Not in that order.

"FORSOOTH, THOU ARE A TRUE SOLDIER OF CHRIST!" Jack congratulated him, having never looked happier. Conversely, Jonathon had never looked more miserable.

As Jack exited in a fit of booze soaked holiness, Jonathon glanced ruefully at the vestments. There was only one thing for it. He'd have to play along, explain that Jack had forced him to do it with a bread knife, and hopefully get a sympathy suck.


	45. Jonathon gets his hole

AN: Do you wake up every morning and put on a grey dress, a thunderous scowl and a big pair of fuck you specks? Or perhaps you dress in combats with a Wesker Murders Redheads because he is obsessed with me shirt and adorn a red wig and a facial scar? Oh we KNOW you do it, there is just the place for you little bunch of window-licking ingrates. Check out our fanfic profile or go to livejournal dot com and check out the suckourrocket community.

It's as close you'll get to being us.

-

Jonathon Lancaster was _really _glad there was no one around to see him. This was because everyone was, of course, dead, but sweet were the uses of adversity, he reflected, hoping he could avoid Claudia and Wesker for the day. He had no idea how he was going to explain this.

She's going to get so offended. She's going to think I'm taking the piss out of her. She's going to know I listened in on her conversations with Taylor. She's like THE most uptight person in the world. How the fuck am I going to explain the fact that I'M DRESSED LIKE A FUCKING PRIEST!

There was of course, only one way to find out. He was going to open this door. He was going to open this door and explain that Jack was mental and he shouldn't ask. He was going to do JUST that.

In a minute.

"Jonathon?" there was a voice from inside, "Is that you?"

No. Say no. Say no in a funny voice then run away.

"Yes."

Oops.

"Why are you pacing about out there?"

"No reason."

"I've made tea. Do you want some?" He could hear her voice getting closer.

"No…" It was no use. The handle was turning. The door was opening.

"Are you su…" Claudia trailed off, her mouth hanging open. The cup which had formerly been in her hand shattered into pieces on the floor.

He was about to give his explanation, but was too fascinated by the fact that he had never seen a human being go so red so quickly.

"Oh my…" She turned around, scurried to the nearest desk, and proceeded to glow scarlet before burying her face in the nearest file, not even realising she was holding it upside down.

Oh for fuck's sake. I've really upset her…

His thoughts were interrupted by what sounded like stifled giggling.

Or not.

He raised an eyebrow. This may not turn out to be the disaster he had first thought.

"Claudia," he cleared his throat, "Could you hand me that file, love?"

She kept her eyes fixed on the desk as she half handed, half threw the file at him. He glanced at it and his stomach gave a lurch. It was his copy of Playboy.

Although, to all intents and purposes, Claudia appeared to be completely unaware of this, despite having been staring intently at it. In reality, all she was aware of was that he was dressed up as a priest.

_Ohmygodohmygodohmygod. Is he actually…? _she snuck a furtive glance. _Yes. Yes he is. But how would he have guessed?_

_Wants. It._

There was only one course of action to take. Luckily the mountains of paperwork hid Jonathon from her view until her cheeks were able to return to a semi normal shade, and her leg stopped twitching.

-

It had been fifteen minutes, Jonathon reflected, and she hadn't looked up from behind those papers. He was rather disappointed that, after such a promising reaction, she had buried herself in work. He supposed it must, somewhere along the lines, be Daniel's fault. That sexually repressed bastard.

He was about to give up spying on her and start reading Playboy when there was a scuffle as she stood up with an armful of files, placed them on his desk, and walked hastily out of the room. There was a note on top.

_"Bring me home and have me."_

Jonathon re-read it several times in disbelief before smiling wickedly.

But on the desk is where I want you.

-

He was still dressed as a clergyman as he walked hastily through the dead halls of the Necropolis, although the glint in his eyes was anything but ecclesiastical, and his thoughts anything but devout. It had been too long, he told himself, smirking wickedly as for a brief moment he wished his father was still alive so that he could show him what his precious little protege had written to him. But this was not merely a triumph over his dead father, nor desperation at the enforced celibacy of his current employment situation. It might have been lust, or it might have been something a little deeper. Jonathon Lancaster didn't care to analyse it; whichever way you looked at it, he was getting laid.

She looked up as he walked into the lab, a sign in itself that she was distracted. He didn't bother with a greeting as he kept walking, before encircling her girlish waist with one arm and pulling her unyielding form against him in one smooth, practiced motion. She let the empty vial she was holding fall to the ground and shatter into pieces as he pressed his lips roughly to hers, snaking his tongue into her mouth with a hard intensity as she gave a little shudder and closed her wide eyes. He pressed the flat of his hand against the small of her back, holding her to him as her knees went weak and her head began to swim with the heady scent of his aftershave.

He broke the kiss and she gave him a fawnish, disappointed look, before turning away, being coquettish for coquettishness' sake, rather than any real shyness.

"I've already broken three of these..." she glanced ruefully at the broken glass.

He laughed indulgently, reaching out with one hand and brushing an errant strand of hair from her face before traipsing his fingernail gently down the nape of her neck.

"My room," he whispered in her ear teasingly, toying idly with the top button on her dress, "That's an order, Dr Graham."

Instantly a violent crimson began to creep across her cheeks as she grinned, staring at her shoes as she stifled the urge to giggle uncontrollably. She nodded her head once, and he snatched her shaking hand in his, half leading, half dragging her out, her eager footsteps falling rapidly in time with his own along the corridor.

As he stopped outside the door and pulled out his keycard, she grabbed his arm, holding it to her as though it was the only thing in the world that would keep her safe from harm, almost as though she was afraid he would disappear, clutching at the fabric of his sleeve in white fists.

Pulling her, still clinging, inside the room, he began to undo the rest of the buttons on her dress, letting the fabric fall from her narrow, freckled shoulders, running his chestnut eyes over her with a barely concealed leer. As she stood there, impossibly pale in his dead girlfriend's underwear, he thought if he touched her she would break, were it not for the film of lust over her eyes which simply begged him to take her there and then. There was a moment of hesitation, a brief flash of indecision, then she was tearing at his collar, pulling at his shirt through hungry kisses and trembling sighs. His clothes joined her own in a forlorn heap on the floor as he pressed her back onto the bed, the cold linen causing her to arch her back as she twined her ankle around his own and he clawed lightly at her hip with one hand, wrenching her glasses off with the other and tossing them to one side. She tried to scowl at him, from reflex, but this was cut short as he unhooked her bra and began to paw at her breasts as they rolled their way under the cotton of the sheets, a tangle of skin and moans. Claudia let her head fall back, one pigtail undone and spilling all over the pillow. He grabbed at the other one, running his hand through her hair and untangling it, looking down at her and smirking at the look of surprise on her face. It was endearingly amusing that she was fine with him removing her underwear, but not with messing up her hair. With one hand still twined in her hair, he whispered laughingly, "Lie back and think of Umbrella, darling". She took a deep breath and nodded, barely listening to his words, wrapping her limbs around him and drawing him inside her.

There was no grace period, no pretence of gentle build up any more. Her eyes flew wide as saucers, the drowsiness of enchantment giving way to intensity of feeling, her fingers curling tightly into the warm skin of his back, her body slamming against the mattress as he fucked her, harder than he'd ever fucked anyone in his life. Her blurry vision swam as she bucked against him, letting slip muted cries, her cheeks going redder and ruddier with every thrust. She tried to form a coherent thought, but couldn't, pressing her lips to his neck and clinging to him so tightly her arms ached from the strain. Everything was going starry, her muffled squeaks giving way to full blown moans, air tearing itself from her lungs as a burning ripped through her stomach and through her chest.

Jonathon Lancaster looked at her in surprise. He had never figured her for a screamer, he thought, amazed as he covered her mouth with his own to muffle the sound. It was not long before he could not contain himself any more. He bit down just a little too hard on her lower lip as his body tensed with a shudder and a grunt, and every last ounce of frustration emptied itself from him, leaving only stunned silence as he collapsed on top of her. For a few moments still she held on to him, their rapid, deep breaths coming hard and out of time.

He rolled onto his side and slipped his arm about her, cradling her against his shoulder and kissing her clammy forehead gently. Claudia looked up at him, dewy eyed and adoring, and he leaned back and smiled smugly at the ceiling. He wondered if she would try to talk to him; he wanted to take a moment to reflect on his excellent performance, and women had a habit of wanting pillow talk and all that nonsense. But it seemed that just being in his arms was enough; stunned and shaking a little, hitching her breath before letting herself go limp against him. In spite of himself he gave her a warm, protective hug as her eyes fluttered closed and she let her sudden exhaustion creep over her and claim her. As she drifted off to sleep, it struck her that she had not been this happy in five years.

He shrugged to himself and laughed. It was settled, he wasn't going to murder her.

-

Jonathon woke as the first streams of morning light illuminated the room. Claudia was still asleep beside him, looking so at peace with the world that it seemed a shame to wake her. Still, morning glory was always too pressing, and he was sure that after last night she would be more than up for round two.

Raising himself up onto one elbow, he brushed a strand of hair from her face and leaned over to kiss her awake when the urgent thud of footfall sounded in the corridor. He was about to pull some trousers on and go to lock the door, just in case they were interrupted. It couldn't have been Wesker, because Wesker did not sound like a herd of elephants. The thought seized him with sudden panic to check that Claudia was still breathing, and that she hadn't been murdered in her sleep. That's the sort of bastard thing Wesker would do. In fact, there had been more than one occasion where he'd almost shagged a corpse. He held his cheek close to her open mouth and was relieved to feel warm breath on his skin. He sank back against the pillow and smiled.

He had just made up his mind to ignore whoever was tramping about outside when there was a god-almighty CRASH.

He shot bolt upright just as there was a splintering sound and the door was blasted clean of it's hinges.

"GOOD MORROW PRINCESS JONATHON! ANOTHER DAY IS HERE TO FIGHT THE FORCES OF EVIL!" Jack Tabernacle entered cheerfully.

It was around this point that Claudia also re-entered consciousness in a flurry of confusion. Sitting up, she squinted through her dishevelled hair at a large hairy orange blur and began to fumble about in a dazed panic for her glasses as Jonathon made frantic motions at Jack to get the Hell out of his room.

Jack, clad in his cape and holding what appeared to be a super-soaker, looked from naked Jonathon to naked Claudia. You could almost hear the cogs of his mind turning as he put two and two together and came up with "You're going to Hell".

"NAAAAAY!" he cried out in anguish, "THOU HAST FALLEN TO THE EVILS OF THIS VILE SUCCUBUS! I MUST PROCEED TO WEEP FOR YOUR SOUL!" Jack fell to his knees, threw his arms heavenwards and began to cry out, "MY GOD, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN THIS HOUSE!"

"Um...Jack...?" Jonathon suddenly remembered why he was so glad Jack had not been transferred to Achma with him, "This...really isn't a good time..."

Claudia, for her part, was about to stand up and make an indignant speech, when she realised that this may in fact be rather compromising and instead grabbed onto the duvet for dear life, pulled the covers up to her throat and hid behind Jonathon. He was the man, he should deal with this. "Make him go away!" she hissed frantically in his ear.

"Yes, well, it's not like I invited him here for a threesome!" Jonathon snarled back.

"STAND BACK, PRINCESS JONATHON! I SHALL VANQUISH THIS WITCH AND RECLAIM THY SOUL FOR JESUS!" Jack levelled his super soaker at the two of them and proceeded to spray water all over the couple.

Jonathon yelled out in indignation.

Claudia yelled out because she had just realised that it wasn't water they were covered in.

"OH JESUS, IT'S PETROL!" she screamed.

"SOME MAY CALL IT BY SUCH SECULAR NAMES, BUT I PREFER TO MONIKER IT 'THE TEARS OF HEAVEN'S FURY!' " Jack explained helpfully.

"GET IT UP YOU, IT'S PETROL!" she yelled at him. If Heaven had fury, it was nothing compared to the sight of the livid scientist's face.

Jonathon looked over in mild surprise. He was kind of turned on. Then he looked at Jack and promptly lost his semi.

"NAY WITCH! IT IS THE DIVINE WRATH OF GOD!" Jack explained helpfully to someone obviously not so well versed in the ways of religion a la Tabernacle.

Claudia squinted at him angrily, before rounding on Jonathon. "Will you _please _do something!"

Jonathon responded by putting a hand on her thigh.

"Something USEFUL!" she thundered, before turning red and giggling.

He arched an eyebrow before masking an expression of horror and shock. "Ye Gods, Tabernacle!" he exclaimed, "You are right! I have been defiled! You must leave at once lest the sight of a naked woman sway you from your holy vows! I will deal with this evil succubus!"

Jack's face at once drained white. Princess Jonathon was right. His very soul was at risk!

With an impossibly shrill scream, he turned on his heel and scampered down the corridor, his cries echoing in the all but empty base.

Jonathon lay back in bed, utterly unfazed by the fact they were both covered in petrol. He decided to chance his luck and leaned in for a kiss. Claudia jerked away and scowled at him.

"I'm going for a shower," she snapped, getting out of bed and taking the duvet with her.

"I'll come with you."

"No."


	46. It's time you sucked my cock

AN/ You are all complete and utter shit eaters. You digust me.

Jonathon shook his head to himself as he made his way through the base to Wesker's office. He has internally debated, but could still come to no suitable answer as to why he was currently holding the tin-opener to the can of worms that was Claudia's deadline, and worse still, was poised to use it. Worse still, the nerves he felt were not for himself. It did not strike him that the reason for his disconcertion was that he had never really done anything truly unselfish in his entire life, and while not wanting someone to die was hardly an act of heroism laudable, it was a start for the man who had built his entire life around being a spoiled, selfish prick.

He stopped short of the large mahogany door and raised his fist, pausing, taking a deep breath, and knocking slightly too loudly.

"What do you want, Jonathon?"

Shit! He almost jumped out of his skin, If he's got X-ray vision that's SO fucking jammy. Bastard.

"I…" he cleared his throat, and let his voice drip with silken smoothness, "I wondered if it would be possible to talk with you, Sir?"

"Why of course," Wesker matched the boy's faux geniality measure for measure. It was a ritual of insincerity which they both adhered to; a system of values which neither of them cared for, but upheld nevertheless, despite the mutual disgust which simmered below the surface of their intercourse. "You _are_ my head researcher, after all."

"Yes, quite." Jonathon pushed the door open, "You really are too kind."

"Lady luck seems to be smiling on you today, Jonathon," Wesker began, and Lancaster looked up in sharp surprise. He had expected a taxing debate at best, a hearty kicking at worst.

Jonathon, on reflex, ran a hand through his chestnut hair and flashed white teeth in an irrepressibly arrogant smirk. "Lady luck always smiles on me, Albert," he pointed out. Aside from a few glitches, this was not an untrue statement. At twenty four years old, this overgrown schoolboy had yet to experience a situation in which fortune had not favoured him. It would take a brave man to defend the idea that Jonathon Lancaster deserved any of the things he had.

"You had best remember that she is an unreliable mistress." It was a clear warning not to get too cocky, a trait which the boy arguably displayed from time to time.

Jonathon moulded his face into a deferential expression, but it was a mask. Self-assurance was such an innate part of who he was that it came to him like breathing. "You're quite right, Dr Wesker." There was a few seconds of frigid silence, before he cleared his throat. "So…you had something to tell me?"

"I will grant you your extension," he said at last.

The young doctor exhaled sharply, partially in relief, partially in dumbfounded surprise. "Thank you, Wesker!" Jonathon stopped himself before he started gushing. As his colour heightened slightly, he was shocked by his own reaction.

Wesker rose to his feet, and not for the first time recently Jonathon noticed just how tall he was, and felt the urge to raise his hands in the air and scream like a girl. He reconciled himself with the reasoning that he wasn't really a coward, Wesker was just bastard scary. If he'd been smaller than him, or a woman, he'd well have had a square go. The thought made him feel slightly more manly, but no less afraid of his boss. He wondered angrily if he could take the blonde giant to an industrial tribunal, but then remembered that if Umbrella had those, he would have been out on his ear several times over for sexual harassment. And masturbating on the job.

"I have some urgent matters which require my attention. I would have thought you could have put your carnal knowledge of Miss Graham to good use."

"Don't be so crude, Wesker." Jonathon sniffed haughtily, "I am a perfect gentleman." It was the most ridiculous statement he had ever uttered. Still he wondered if Wesker had surveillance equipment set up in his room, and if so would he a) be impressed at how much of a stud he was, and b) be able to give him a copy so he could sell it on Ebay.

"I'm sure I don't need to remind you of what your task is, Jonathon." Wesker brushed past him, and Jonathon felt someone dancing on his grave. As he followed the older man out of the room, and they parted ways in the corridor, he began to suspect that this was one mess a cheeky smile would not fix.

-

"Herrison, you know, you may have already mentioned that once or twice." Shak's patience was wearing thin, "I get it. Shut up. I'm trying to sleep."

"Don't fucking call me Herrison," he snapped back, still livid and blaming the redhead for the whole mess.

"Just be's grateful I don't put you in a dress and call you Nancy," she back sassed.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? You and your weird kinky shit. This is the reason we're here in the first place, because you couldn't keep your knees together," he fumed.

Shak was about one insult away from hogtieing Hunk, leaving him in a cupboard, and going on herself. "Listen…" she thundered, "A) I am doing you a favour by not arresting you, and b) Who was on his fucking back when Claudia got taken away!"

Hunk sat bolt upright and glared down the police officer with seething hatred for a few seconds, before slapping her sharply across the face. As the sound of his palm connecting with scar tissue rang out in the makeshift camp, there was a dumb silence. The expression on Shakahnna's face was somewhat akin to that of a hurt puppy for a moment, before she gritted her teeth, got to her feet and simply walked out.

She didn't know why it was upsetting her so much. Probably because she was worried it was true.

**This is pish.**

She'd just go on without Hunk now. That was it, last straw. Game over. He would not be going to the bonus round. She wasn't going to kill him, or anything like that, but once this was all over and done with she might arrest him for a laugh. With a sensible plan formed in her head, she would proceed to retrieve Claudia, kill Wesker, castrate Dr Lancaster, then go home and get Pierce to do her paperwork. It would be the most beautiful thing in the world. She wondered how many points she'd get for killing Wesker. That was the unfortunate thing about being the proprietor of the league table; there was no one she could request the point tally from. And in the midst of the horror and carnage she had become immersed in over the past couple of days, it was this thought which made her sigh from the bottom of her soul.

There was a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Shakahnna?"

She spun around, fully expecting to see the tall, stocky figure of Alex Herrison, or whatever he was calling himself.

It was not.

"Fuck."

A mass of black, perfectly formed but hulking nonetheless, lead into creamy skin and flaxen hair. A smirk danced, and eyes burned beneath darkened lenses.

"Don't I getted a grace period or something?" she demanded.

"Surely you would not have me ignore you?" he replied smoothly.

"Actually, you know what Wesker? That would be fucking perfect. In fact, I think you should do that right now. Go sit in a corner and proceed to ignore me." She paused for a second. "You cockmuncher."

"There are far more entertaining endeavours which we could partake in." His voice was smooth as ever.

"Or you could buy yourself a one way ticket to fuck. You better not have hurt her, Wesker. I want her back, and you're not getting a fucking thing from me until I know that she's safe and sound."

"It would be impossible for me to hurt Miss Graham," he purred, "After all, where she's gone, there is no pain." He tutted slowly, shaking his head, "You were just too late, Shakahnna."

"NO! YOU'RE LYING!" she screamed in his face.

The blonde haired monster reached forward. It was either to execute a blow, or an embrace, perhaps both, but the intention never came to pass. She grabbed his wrist and twisted it behind his back with her right hand, placing her left hand flat on his elbow and pressing with all her strength. The bone snapped after what seemed like an eternity, and his arm hung uselessly by its side as a huge grin appeared on her face at having actually done some real damage. No expression of pain crossed his face as he reached out with his other hand to throw a strike at her throat with the edge of his hand. She deflected the blow, but he raised his foot and planted the sole of his boot square in the middle of her chest. She went flying backwards, the power behind the kick giving her sprawling body momentum. She thought for a moment that she would crash through the wall behind her, but instead she merely thudded, remaining upright as she swayed for a few moments on her feet before rejoining her former lover, claws out.

She spread her fingers wide and crouched low, taking a brutal swipe at Wesker's shins. There was a sickening sound of flesh and material tearing, and she was rewarded with the sight of shining white bone protruding from the wound. From her position near the ground, she raised her left leg in a furious kick to his groin. As he dropped to the ground, she raised herself to standing. She went to swipe at his upper arm, but he rolled deftly to the side, knocking her feet out from under her with his good arm. As her head cracked against the stony ground, he reached out and closed a single hand about her throat. The world swam for a moment, and she felt rather sick as his fingers dug into her carotid artery. She used both hands to grab the front of his shirt, raising up her knee and planting her foot in his stomach. Taking him over in a parabola, she rolled over and their positions were suddenly reversed. Her claws glinted in the moonlight for a moment, and his eyes took on a strange expression, one she had never seen before. Not hesitating another moment, she rammed her claws into his lower abdomen and ripped upwards, skin and muscle stripping away from bone in one slow, fluid movement. Entrails came sliding out in a slippery torrent of blood. He began to cough, crimson spilling from his perfectly formed lips, and for the first time in her life, he had lost his visage of smug superiority. As he retched in horror, she remembered having seen other monsters vomit up similar looking fluid in their death throes. It gave her hope.

His eyes fluttered closed, and there was a slow wheeze. She held her own breath and waiting for her former partner to inhale again. He didn't. Seconds turned into minutes, but he was unmoving, unbreathing, starkly pallid. She gave him a kick, and he still did not move.

Wesker was dead.

Shakahnna was ecstatic. She shimmied to herself as she crowed over the corpse. She had won. It had taken seven years and she had lost so much, including her own sanity, but it was worth it for this one moment. Her victory. The world was a safer place now; she could rescue Claudia, and get _killer _points on the league table. Perhaps the two of them could work on taking Umbrella down completely. Claudia could make a cure for the virus while she killed anyone from that hideous corporation who stood in their way.

**The king is dead. God save the King. Who is me.**

Everything was going to be alright, she thought to herself as she strode off with renewed vigour towards the base.

One down, one to go.


	47. I can't see you but I know you're there

It had been a long day. Claudia had been worked to the point where just looking at a computer made her feel nauseous. As happy as she was at the way things were going with Jonathon, it didn't change the mess that the base was in. Her head was swimming as she pushed back in her chair and took a gulp from her cold coffee.

It wasn't so much that she wanted to take a break, rather that she was physically incapable of continuing. It was long into the night, and Jonathon had long since retired to bed, but somehow she didn't think she'd be able to sleep either, balanced as she was in a perfect hybrid of exhaustion and restlessness. There was still an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, and her mind began to drift to Shakahnna. She hoped with all her heart that the redhead would be ok, and she was sure that she was, but it wouldn't hurt to check. Rising unsteadily, she remembered that Jonathon had located her once on the surveillance camera before. If Lancaster could do it, then she was certain she could.

Making her way towards the flickering wall of monitors in the next room, she paused to pour another cup of coffee, before settling down in front of the screen. Within a few minutes, the distinctive figures of Shakahnna and, much to her chagrin, Alex Herrison appeared on the television.

"I hope to _God _he doesn't show up here," she hissed under her breath, and turned the sound on.

"_Shakahnna?" Herrison had his hand on her shoulder. He looked different, somehow. Apologetic, but devoid of the usual vacant look she was so used to seeing in his eyes. _

"_Fuck." Shakahnna swore, and Claudia was surprised at the look of horror on her face._

"_Look, this isn't getting us anywhere," Herrison told her, but while the man on camera was clearly Claudia's second in command, she barely recognised his voice, " I was out of line earlier. I was worried, but it's no excuse. We need to stick together on this."_

"_Don't I getted a grace period or something?" she demanded, as though she had not heard a word he said._

" _Shak, I said I was sorry. Don't ignore me." _

"_Actually, you know what Wesker? That would be fucking perfect. In fact, I think you should do that right now. Go sit in a corner and proceed to ignore me." She paused for a second. "You cockmuncher." _

"Wesker?" Claudia whispered under her breath, and it clicked almost immediately. "Of course, her psychosis…" Shakahnna was hallucinating.

_It appeared Alex had not realised this. "Wesker? Shak, you're not cracking up on me, are you? This isn't entertaining. If this is a joke, it's not funny." Again, his voice, his turn of phrase meant that were it not for his appearance and uniform, he really could have been someone, anyone else._

"_Or you could buy yourself a one way ticket to fuck. You better not have hurt her, Wesker. I want her back, and you're not getting a fucking thing from me until I know that she's safe and sound."_

"_Hurt her? Hurt who? Shak, for God's sake, snap out of it. We have to get moving before it's too late." Claudia winced at the thought of the two of them charging in gun-ho to "rescue" her._

"_NO! YOU'RE LYING!" she screamed in his face. She was obviously still under the impression that Herrison was Dr Wesker. _

"_Shak! Shak! Snap the fuck out of it!"_

_Herrison reached forward to give her a shake, but she grabbed his wrist and twisted it behind his back with her right hand, placing her left hand flat on his elbow and pressing with all her strength. The bone snapped as though it was a twig and Claudia let out a shrill scream of fright, in spite of herself. With one hand covering her own mouth she watched as his arm hung uselessly by its side, while Shakahnna grinned. Herrison's face creased in agony as he reached out with his other hand to throw a strike at her throat with the edge of his hand. She deflected the blow, but he raised his foot and planted the sole of his boot square in the middle of her chest in a desperate attempt to push her away, all the while pleading with her to stop and listen to him. Shakahnna merely stumbled, before flexing her claws._

"Shak, what the hell are you doing!" Claudia exclaimed, but could do nothing save paw at the monitor and will her friend to come to her senses.

_She spread her fingers wide and crouched low, taking a brutal swipe at Herrison's shins. There was a sickening sound of flesh and material tearing, and Claudia felt ill just bearing witness to the shining white bone protruding from the wound. From her position near the ground, she raised her left leg in a furious kick to his groin. As he dropped to the ground with a low, tortured groan, she raised herself to standing. She went to swipe at his upper arm, but he struggled onto his side, knocking her feet out from under her with his good arm. As her head cracked against the stony ground, he reached out and tried desperately to incapacitate her, all the while begging her to stop what she was doing. She used both hands to grab the front of his shirt, raising up her knee and planting her foot in his stomach. Taking him over in a parabola, she rolled over and their positions were suddenly reversed. _

"No!" the teenager gasped, "For God's sake, STOP!" It wasn't that Herrison's death would particularly trouble her, but this was horrific to watch.

_Not hesitating another moment, she rammed her claws into his lower abdomen and ripped upwards, skin and muscle stripping away from bone in one slow, fluid movement. Entrails came sliding out in a slippery torrent of blood. Herrison's eyes bulged in their sockets as he looked down at his injuries in horror, blood spilling from his lips._

_His eyes fluttered closed, and there was a slow wheeze. After a few seconds she gave him a kick and began to shimmy, before walking off._

"Is he dead?" Claudia wondered aloud as she pressed her nose against the televisions screen, waiting to see if he would get up.

_Finally, his lips moved, and it was almost as though he was staring straight at the camera. After a few seconds, she realised he was._

"_Claudia…" he choked out, and she jumped. "If…if anyone sees this...tell Claudia…"_

Claudia. He'd simply said her name, rather than his usual doltish "Claaaw Deeee Aaaahhh". Something, something other than the fact he was lying in a pool of his own blood, was amiss.

"Tell me what!" she yelled at the screen.

"_Tell her…if you're playing beneath your league…take a look at me…" he coughed, "I was always…always in here…but you never saw me…only Herrison…" His speech degenerated to a mumble. He was dying. "B…be careful…he told me…told me to tell you…don't trust…don't trust him…he's behind you…" Hunk reached out to try to pull himself up, but flailed for a moment, before going limp. _

She watched, aghast. She knew she'd just lost something very valuable, but she didn't know what it was. All she knew was that the tears were coming in floods, and she couldn't stop them, no matter how much she told herself that she'd hated Herrison.

"How delightful," a calm voice resonated behind her, and she looked up, her pale face streaked with tears. Wesker and Jonathon were there, for how long she didn't know. Wesker looked amused, Jonathon looked uncomfortable. She burst into floods of sobs once more.

"In hysterics again, Miss Graham?" Wesker continued casually.

"I don't understand, Claudia," Jonathon interjected, as gently as he could, "I thought you wanted Hunk out of the way?"

"Hunk!" she blurted out, "What's going on! I don't understand! He was different!"

Jonathon opened his mouth, but Wesker was already speaking. "Your personal protector, your knight in shining armour, if you will." His voice had a subtly mocking tone to it, as he delivered his parting shot. "We always assumed you knew he was employed by the late Dr Lancaster."

She froze, looking at him dumbly for a few seconds, before grabbing the nearest wastepaper bin. As she began to throw up violently, Jonathon gave Wesker a glare.

"You didn't think to mention this earlier, Wesker?" he hissed angrily.

"Jonathon," Wesker shook his head, "Were all matters pertaining to our guest not your responsibility? I just assumed you would have." He turned to leave, and threw an indifferent, "My apologies."

As the door closed behind their boss, Jonathon was at a loss. Even if he didn't particularly like Jack, if Jack had been undercover and been looking after him, he would have felt pretty cut up about his death. Besides, he had always been protected from death, all his life. Perhaps it was because his nature made him care about few people, or perhaps it was his privileged childhood, but no one he cared about had ever died. And he realised, as he watched Claudia retch up cold coffee, that she had just lost two people in the space of a few days. He wasn't particularly sure what being comforting entailed, but as it happened, he didn't really need to worry, because the second he sat down beside her, she grabbed him and held on for dear life.

"Um…it's going to be ok…" He had heard that line in a film somewhere. It usually seemed to work.

"But it's not, is it?" she whispered, no longer crying, just shaking.

"You know, love," he conceded gravely, "I'm not sure if it is."

-

"Oh Mickey…" Heinz tucked his "companion" up lovingly in his new shoebox home, and gazed down at the excrement to which he had become so attached. With a rueful sigh, he replaced Mickey in the fridge, and washed his hands.

He had been summoned by Wesker. And no shit would keep him from his Fuhrer.

-

They were at opposite ends of a very large room, yet Wesker came as close as he ever had to feeling uncomfortable at the adoring gaze which Toedling was so generously imposing on him.

It was his subordinate's thick German monotone which broke the awkward silence. "You called?"

"Yes, I think it's about time that you earned your paycheck," he paused, "Mr Toedling."

Heinz flinched at that hated word, but simply continued to stare stoically.

Wesker continued, his voice carrying across the room authoritatively, despite the fact that he was never loud. "This will be your last task as my employee, assuming that is, that you survive."

Toedling's posture stiffened, but his face remained stoic.

"I do not know where you will be reassigned, and your only saving grace here has always been time constraints. That said, I _do_ expect you to perform satisfactorily here."

"Yes, Sir."

"A vehicle is being prepared for you outside, as are the coordinates of the location at which you are expected to commence your mission."

"My task?" As per usual, Toedling was monosyllabic.

"To kill Officer Taylor."

Heinz' face finally showed some semblance of an emotion: shock. "Kill? Why?"

"I do not need to explain myself. You are not being paid to ask questions, Toedling, merely to follow my orders." There was a stunned silence. "Now go."

As the hulking German rose and left, Wesker smirked internally. Sending Toedling after his lover would have multiple advantages. One, it would stall the redhead, and give him more time to play a game of cat and mouse with Dr Graham. Perhaps he had been a little too generous with Jonathon, and granting him such a grace period would only lead to the children deepening their tryst. It was imperative for him to retrieve Daniel's formula, and Claudia was the only person alive who could help with that. Two, he fully expected Shakahnna to be the victor in that particular altercation; while Toedling had the advantage of being rested, he'd trained both of them, and the neo-Nazi lacked deeply in imagination, while it was Miss Taylor who had introduced him to the concept that cutlery was not always for eating with. And getting rid of Toedling would not be an entirely unwelcome prospect. Three, he derived a certain perverse entertainment, for indeed what other kind of entertainment did Wesker derive, from the "gift" he was sending his sweetheart – the cream of UBCS muscle to personally execute.

_**When I cannot interact with you directly, it would be delightful to play voyeur.**_


	48. If you stick a straw up a toads arse

After a long, wakeful night, Claudia was feeling no less distraught. Jonathon had stayed up with her as late as he could, but had eventually fallen asleep after a lull in conversation, and it was after this she found herself slipping out to find the security room where she had first seen the video of Daniel and Wesker.

As she wandered blindly through the corridors, she passed Toedling, clad in full UBCS regalia. Their eyes met briefly, hers bloodshot and tear stained, his impassively emotionless. They did not acknowledge one another as he continued towards the exit of the base, and she pressed further into the heart of the Necropolis. Had she been thinking straight, she would have noticed something was amiss, and alarm bells would have been ringing in her head, but the only thing she could think of was the sight of Herrison's broken body, and the enigma of his last words.

If Wesker wasn't lying, and he had really worked for Daniel, there would be some record, somewhere on that computer. And since Jonathon was sleeping, it seemed like the perfect time to take a look. She certainly couldn't do any work in her current frame of mind.

After what seemed like an eternity of wandering, she found the security room door, still unlocked from her last visit. After all, who was left alive to lock it?

She sat at the computer and began to pull up the tapes from the days following her exile. It was a laborious task, fast forwarding through each day at a time, and each room at a time, closely watching the screen for a glimpse of something which might explain.

And suddenly there he was. Herrison, walking through Orpheus with a look on his face which was not absolute stupidity. He wasn't gambolling about, he was moving almost gracefully, and his clean cut good looks were apparent, having been buried under the mask of his undercover persona in the years which were to come. He entered Daniel's office, and even before he spoke she realised that Wesker was telling the truth.

"_I know you were supposed to be assigned to Jonathon," Daniel rolled his eyes as he said his son's name, "But I have something more important for you to do…"_

"_You don't need to be a rocket scientist to figure it out, Dr Lancaster," Hunk smiled gently, "Your daughter, right?"_

_Daniel winced…_

The screen went dead as Claudia shut the monitor off quickly, a sickening feeling in her stomach. She couldn't bear to watch any more. That had been enough to confirm things.

It made her feel worse, not better. Why did he choose the one persona that was guaranteed to make her hate him? And after how badly she'd treated him, how could he have said the things he did? How was she supposed to play this game if the rules kept changing?

She felt so cheated. All these years of feeling so alone, and she'd had an ally and a protector all along. And now, when she really needed him, he wasn't here. He was dead because she hadn't brought him along, because she'd been impatient with him. For five years she'd done nothing but give him abuse, and wished he was dead over and over again, and now he was, and it was her fault.

It was all too much, and she broke down into sobs again. Every day she was in here, the worse things got. And now she really didn't know what to do.

-

It was a couple of hours later when Jonathon found Claudia wandering blindly. She had quickly become lost after leaving the security room. Every blood spattered corridor looked the same, and her sense of direction was poor at the best of times.

"Claudia!" his voice rang out and she jumped out of her reverie, turning around.

He was well groomed as ever, but his eyes were wide and wild, and there was a pressing anxiety to his tone which even she noticed. "Wesker wants to see you," he blurted out breathlessly, "I've been looking for you all over."

"I don't want to see him," she said quietly. It was not a rebellious comment, more a stating of fact.

"I don't particularly want to see him either, but we don't have a choice," He shook his head sadly, "We're all on borrowed time as it is, love."

"What?" she didn't quite follow, but his words chilled her. "The formula…" it suddenly dawned on her why she was still alive. While it was still in her memory, she had, to all intents and purposes, forgotten about it, in light of recent events.

"If you just give it to me, I can see this goes as smoothly as possible…" he hesitated. Wesker had told him to obtain the formula, but the nagging doubt in the back of his head had become a full blown panic, and he suddenly, not quite understanding what he was doing, but realising it was the right thing to do, changed his tune.

Claudia opened her mouth to speak but it came out as a squeak as he stomped on her foot. "What did you…?" she began but he held his hand up. Abruptly, he wrapped an arm around her waist and leaned in as if to kiss her, putting his mouth against her ear.

"Don't say anything," he whispered, "There are cameras everywhere."

Mutely she nodded and pressed her face into his shoulder, to hide her own facial expression.

"Don't tell me anything," he hissed, "Don't tell Wesker anything. He can't kill you as long as you're the only person who knows it. If we can buy some time, maybe we can figure out some way around this all." For a brief moment, Jonathon appreciated how difficult his father's life must have been, but shook the thought as soon as it came.

She responded with a muffled, "Kay."

"I'm sorry that your bodyguard died," he continued in a whisper, "I know I'd feel upset if anything happened to Jack."

She squeezed his hand in response and they kissed briefly, more for show than anything else, before he put his arm about her shoulders protectively and they made their way in the direction of Wesker's office.

-

Shak was full of the joys of life at having, in her own mind, killed Wesker. In fact, she'd been skipping for miles. The full extent of the implications of what had happened would hit her later, but for now, everything was nice and psychotically rose-tinted. Her conga to the theme of "Chicken In The Jungle" was not growing old quite yet, and her body seemed full of a renewed energy and sense of purpose. She was off to get her fifty points and round of the day with much swellity.

There was a vehicle. It was empty. And suddenly there was that weirdo in…

…a UBCS uniform.

**Goal!**

Today had just gotten even better.

The apparition which was Heinz Toedling (real name Lawrence Maxwell-Stuart, incidentally, for he was not really German) opened his mouth to point and announce, "You. Wife."

Shakahnna was not aware that she had married, and tried to remember back to any barroom nights which had blanks spots during which she might have exchanged vows.

As she pondered, he continued, "Wesker. Master."

"Ha, that's where you're wrong," she crowed cheerfully, "Because I am not married, and Wesker is kicking up the daisies…in Hell." She beamed, "And I'm glad. In fact, later on, I might have a wank of victory."

"Incorrect." Heinz was quick to refute this claim. "Syntax error," he continued eloquently.

"So big boy," she changed the subject, "What rank are you, because I need to know how many points you're worth."

"Top percent," he said proudly, "Hand picked."

"Do you always talk as if you're Down's?" she demanded, before sniggering. "Hey, I'll fight you if you can say something for me…"

"Anything."

She cleared her throat. "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pepper. A peck of picked pepper Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of picked pepper, where's the peck of pickled pepper Peter Piper picked?"

Heinz responded with taking off his top. His name was carved across his chest.

"Toedling?" she enquired, and watched as he physically convulsed. She noticed this and seized the opportunity gleefully. It was time, she decided, for a song. "Toedling toedling toedliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. TOED…ling. TOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEDLIIIIIIIIIIIIINGGGG!" Repeat til fade.

Eventually Toedling could barely control his spasming enough to throw the first punch and initiate the impending fight. Even an attempt which he considered to be below par would have floored any grown man, but Shak still laughed derisively.

"Well…TOEDLING…" Twitch etc. "You punch like a girl."

She planted her foot in his knee joint, taking him into a semi crouching position, and jumped on his back with the motive to slit his throat. However, as she did this he grabbed her wrist, pulling her forward over his shoulder. He then took a hold of one of her ankles and lifted her not unsizeable frame clean into the air above his head. He held her there for a few moments before throwing her into a tree. As she ricocheted off the bark, Shak wished that had not happened.

As she picked herself up, Toedling rushed forward and grabbed her by the throat. For a moment she thought that the Hitler loving sexual deviant was going to stick the nut in. In fact, that would have been the infinitely preferable option.

"Kill you," he informed her, before leaning in and kissing her roughly, tearing her bottom lip with his teeth. As blood smeared down her chin, he licked it up and elaborated. "Fuck corpse."

-

The time that Claudia and Jonathon had been waiting outside Wesker's office would have passed much quicker had they been talking, but the oppressive silence was deafening, and made each second seem like an hour. So tense was the atmosphere that neither of them had even dared to look at one another.

The simple act of waiting was such that, by the time they heard the words "I will see you now," Claudia was already on the verge of worried tears.

As they each took a seat in front of his desk, he removed his sunglasses and stared at her imposingly. "Miss Graham, you've enjoyed our hospitality long enough."

_Hospitality! I've been working like a fucking dog!_

"Wesker," Jonathon interjected, "She's been doing her fair share of the work." He winced. "_More _than her fair share."

I can't believe I'm doing this.

It's ok, Jonathon, you're the good cop.

Claudia said nothing. She didn't trust herself to speak under that burning gaze. In fact, she didn't trust herself to speak without throwing up again.

_How could Umbrella have ever employed someone like him?_

His brows furrowed slightly, and she looked down guiltily. Not for the first time she wondered if he could read her thoughts, not realising that her face was an open book to everything she was thinking.

"The only reports I've received are ones from _you_, Jonathon, and I do not appreciate your attempts at pulling the proverbial wool over my eyes," he replied sternly.

Claudia quailed. It was a lose-lose situation. Either admit that she'd been forging Jonathon's work, or support Wesker's accusation that she hadn't been pulling her weight. She decided to go with the safest option and not get Jonathon into trouble as well. If nothing else, she needed an ally. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, "I was upset about Daniel…and Herrison," her shoulders drooped, "It's not an excuse."

"The formula, Miss Graham." Wesker was clearly in no mood for apologies. In reality he knew fine well that she'd been working. In fact, he knew that the piles and piles of meticulous paperwork which had been coming in were absolutely in no way related to Jonathon. It was painfully obvious from the fact that everything had been done in her handwriting. It seemed that Claudia and Jonathon had always had their roles reversed, and somehow Jonathon always seemed to emerge unscathed. And while it would have been infinitely more productive to keep Claudia around, unfortunately Shak contained no emotional attachment to the young Lancaster.

"Um…I need more time…I memorised pages and pages of notes…it wasn't just as straightforward as…um…well…you know how it is…" she began to ramble.

Wesker was about to stand for the purpose of being more threatening, but something on his monitor necessitated that action anyway. All through the interview he had been watching Toedling and Shak interact, and when his subordinate kissed her, he felt his blood rise. Claudia mistook his change in expression and posture as anger at her and she shrank back.

"I must depart," he said curtly. There was a blur of motion and he was gone.

For a minute or two, Claudia and Jonathon sat in uneasy silence, expecting him to reappear at any second. Eventually Jonathon let out his breath, which he had been holding for an eternity.

"Ohthankfuck!" he sighed. Within a moment Claudia was clinging to his arm and sniffling.

"That was horrible. Oh God, that was awful, that was completely horrible," she was babbling.

"Shhh, it's ok. He's gone for now, and he doesn't have the formula, which is good," Jonathon tried his best to be soothing, when in reality he might have needed to be held himself. "We'll go back and hide out in my room for a while. Wesker's obviously got something to keep him busy. We can not come out for a few days, get time to get our heads together, see what we can come up with…"

And maybe I can get laid again. Which is good, right? His internal monologue was half hearted. He wondered if all the stress would make him impotent.

-

"EWWWWWWWWWW!" Shak was rather vocal in her rejection of his amorous advances, "What the fuck! Get away from me you fucking WEIRDO!"

She slashed her claws across his face, leaving four deep gashes on either side of his nose. He stepped back and pointed to the wounds with a smile. "Matching."

Maybe now Wesker would want him.

"False," she declared. "As in you are."

**Much like the statement that your nuts aren't about to be bruised.**

Deciding to go for Old Faithful, she toe punted him in the groin. He let out a groan of pleasure, and she realised that this fight was not going to be the fun she had previously anticipated.

She followed up with a boot under the chin, sending his head snapping back. Mustering all her force behind her left shoulder, she thrust a massively powerful fist into the middle of chest.

There was a sickening metallic crack, and the desired result was not achieved as she withdrew her hand, complete with two broken fingers. She howled in pain, and began to shake her hand. As her fingers swelled up, she hastily unbuckled her claw and tried to pull it off, but it was already jammed, increasing the pain by a considerable measure.

Heinz looked smug as he tapped his chest. "Metal plate," he explained. "Grafted."

Shak pointed with her good hand. "Cheating bastard!"

He smirked at her. "You mine," he declared, and his hands shot out as he began to throttle her, shaking her about like a ragdoll by the throat.

She responded in turn by slamming the heel of her hand into his face, shattering his nose. "Ha…" she choked as he dropped her once more, "You should've got a steel plate for that, you piemunching bastard."

"Talk dirty," Toedling requested. "Heinz enjoy."

Shakahnna looked utterly disgusted. Had the Queen been trapped in an elevator with six bricklayers and they had all farted in unison, the look of abject disdain on her face could not have matched that of the redhead at that moment.

His fist impacted with her stomach, grabbing her hair as she doubled forward and jamming his elbow into the back of her neck. It hurt. My God, it hurt like a bastard.

From her position on one knee she swiped some of the skin from his chest, revealing the fabled steel plate, now complete with four thin scratches where her claws had connected with the metal. She turned around and elbowed him in his side, this time connecting with bone. She thought she heard his ribs crack, but couldn't be sure. Maintaining his hold on her hair, he slammed her face into the ground. As her body went prone, she felt something dig into her chest.

**A pen? What's that doing there? I don't write.**

**Oh yeah, Claudia gave it to me. And I drew a cock on that bitch. He looked much better.**

As she felt her arm being wrenched behind her, it occurred to her that she should probably concentrate. She did not like the thought of Heinz being behind her. There was something, perhaps, slightly wrong with that young man.

And then she had a beautiful idea…

Using her free hand she took the fountain pen from her breast pocket and flipped it into a reverse grip. Then she rammed it with full force into the pseudo-German's ankle. It tore through skin and muscle with ease, jamming itself firmly in bone. Giving it a wiggle, she drove it deeper and deeper, until it was out the other side.

As Heinz let go of her arm, it occurred to her that it was lucky Claudia didn't use biros.

There was a blur.

And she was covered in red.

She looked down at her crimson smeared hands and wondered.

**Pens don't make people explode.**

Pen, no, but superhuman bioweapons certainly did. Especially superhuman bioweapons who did not appreciate seeing someone hit on their girlfriend. Even if that girlfriend wanted nothing more to do with him, except possibly to kill him.

Wesker stood there, similarly drenched in blood, holding Heinz' steel plate in one hand. His hair was windswept, there was a barely perceptible film of sweat on his brow. Even for someone in Wesker's physical condition, running the distance from Achma base to the forest they were now in had been no mean feat. Especially considering he'd done it in about three minutes.

Heinz was gasping on the ground in agony. As he got to his feet, he wasn't sure what was going on, but he had the vague feeling that he was fucked. And not in the way that he had intended.

"Master…" Toedling was confused.

Shakahnna decided to lean against the tree and watch with a sardonic interest. What did it matter, this couldn't be real. It must be a hallucination. And besides, she'd already got the points. Claudia's pen must've had a grenade in it or something. Wow, she really was well prepared.

Removing her glove from her broken hand, she threw it dart-style into the centre of Heinz' exposed chest. It planted firmly into the raw muscle and stuck.

**Bullseye!**

Wesker glanced at her over his shoulder, and gave her the tiniest of smirks, before redressing Toedling.

"Your behaviour was most ungentlemanly," he almost snarled. "I do not approve of bad manners."

"Follow orders," Toedling replied, utterly at a loss to see what he had done wrong in snogging his boss' lover and then openly expressing a desire to indulge in necrophilia with her body.

"You are disgusting, Toedling. I made a grievous error when I selected you above your competition. Perhaps in death you can supply the gift that you could not in life."

Shak watched with a hint of curiosity. This could get sexy.

It took Wesker all of two seconds to tear Toedling's head clean off. He tossed the bloody mess at Shakahnna's feet, and she looked down approvingly. She knelt to pick it up, and by the time she was upright again, he was standing square in front of her.

She ran her hand over the bloody stump that was Toedling's throat, and drew two crimson soaked fingers down the side of Wesker's pale face. "Well if this isn't real," she pondered, reaching on to tiptoes and patting the top of his head, "Then I suppose it's ok for me to play along."

The smile that had been forming internally replaced itself with a frown as Wesker realised that she viewed him as nothing more than a pretty hallucination. She smeared Toedling's blood across his mouth and dangled the head in front of her contemplatively. Her lips brushed against his, tasting the blood between them. "This is all very sexy and all, but there be's one small problem. You see, as of last night, you're deaded."

He took a step forward and placed a mammoth hand against the tree next to her ear. "I think you are mistaken."

She leered up at him, as if to say, "Your place or mine, big boy."

Wesker gritted his teeth. She wasn't taking this seriously. It was vexing.

She grabbed the bottom of his chin and pulled him to eye level. "Don't you wanna play with me?"

Wesker was determined to shatter her illusion and make her realise that he was in fact not dead, and that her psychosis had killed Hunk, but she was making it really fucking difficult. Especially when she licked the blood from his mouth and smiled wantonly.

He grabbed her broken fingers and gave them a squeeze. Perhaps the pain would ground her.

"Harder," she moaned.

It was intolerable. On one hand, she was doing everything he wanted her to do, but then, she was doing it under false pretences, thinking that he was not real. His eyes flashed amber at the thought. Why was it, when dealing with her, he always felt as though she held the trump card.

He wrapped his hands about her already bruised throat and began to throttle her, in frustration, until she was half unconscious and gasping for air. Letting her go, he slammed her against the tree and hissed in her ear. "Observe Miss Taylor, that individual you felled was not me. It was Hunk, come to make his peace with you. Do you honestly insult me by assuming I would be so easily disposed of?"

"No…you're lying…" But it was half hearted.

He was about to punch her in the face, when he noticed her own expression take on a deeply meditative look. Clearly the events of the previous night were presenting themselves to her sans psychosis, and she was realising what she had done, that he wasn't dead, that she'd killed her travelling companion.

"But I couldn't," she wondered aloud, trying to explain why he couldn't possibly be telling the truth, "I'm not dangerous…"

Wesker decided that what this open wound could do with was some salt. "How many people do you suppose have forfeit their lives, because you were having a hallucination, and they happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Poor Hunk was merely the latest in a long line of unfortunates to die at your hand, Miss Taylor."

Tears began to spill down her cheeks as she tried to take a step back, "No…you're wrong, you're wrong…" she gave him a shove, "I didn't be's hurting him…I didn't…" She opened her mouth and let out a wail, "Hunk! Where are you!"

"If you must know," Wesker's voice dripped with faux concern, "While he begged and pleaded with you, you showed him no mercy. You eviscerated him, left him to die in agony." He paused, "How does that make you _feel_?"

He waited for a response, but suddenly the tears stopped falling from her eyes. Her visage took on a blank, unreadable expression, as if there was nothing but hollow emptiness behind those wide green pools.

And somehow, despite everything else, she'd done it again. Shakahnna's fuse had blown, her mental stress so great that she couldn't cope, and merely zoned out when forced to accept the harsh reality of what she'd done.

And Wesker, at that moment, knew exactly how she felt. Because the frustration at her current inability to interact with him resulted in his iron grip over his own emotions to buckle, as he felt a hot wave of rage.

Too angry to be around her without killing her, he let her slump to a seated position on the ground, and sped off.

It was one of only a handful of times where he had willingly left her company.


	49. Fucked Up The Arse With A Stick

The shit storm will blow over all our heads soon, the finale is coming.

-

They had checked the room over for cameras, but neither of them could be sure, so Claudia and Jonathon had spent the last few hours huddled up under the covers of the bed, talking in whispers.

And they were still no closer to a solution.

There was something nagging in the back of Claudia's mind, which she had resolved not to bring up with Jonathon, but with things as they were, she had to know.

"Jonathon…" she began hesitantly, her voice barely audible. "Jonathon…it's about…Daniel…"

Jonathon did not like where this was going. "Hmm?" he rolled over, so his back was to her, curling up on his side.

"Was he…" she choked on the words, feeling fresh tears springing to her eyes, "Was he murdered?"

Shit.

He did not respond, but inadvertently he tensed up, and she put an insistent hand on his shoulder.

"It was…" she faltered.

Fuck shit wank bollocks.

"It was…W…Wesker…wasn't it?" There. It had been said.

Ohthankchrist.

He did not feel overly guilty at his relief in her jumping to the wrong conclusion. After all, Wesker had put the idea in his head, and for her to know the truth now would only create a rift of mistrust which would leave them both vulnerable. Wesker played against people best when they were divided, and it was imperative that, for both their sakes, they stuck together. She need never know, and the blame may as well have fallen at Wesker's feet. The BOW had put the gun in his hand. He had only pulled the trigger.

And she would never believe Wesker's word over his, anyway. After all, she was in love with him.

And thus he felt fine with saying, "…how did you know?"

She shrugged, "I guess all those years as a spy came in handy…"

Jonathon stifled a snigger, in spite of everything. He'd read the reports. She'd been the worst spy in the history of espionage, and now she was barking up the wrong tree. In fact, the tree she was barking up wasn't even in the same forest. It was in Afghanistan.

Claudia's fists tightened in rage. "I hate him, Jonathon, I HATE him…" she hissed, her voice rising in pitch.

Lancaster put a hand over her mouth hastily. "Shhhh…we still don't know if we're being watched!" he whispered urgently.

"I'm going to kill him," she continued, "I don't know how, but I'll find a way. He can't get away with what he did!"

Suddenly Jonathon kind of wished he hadn't murdered his Dad. Oh well, live and learn. He wouldn't do that again.

**-**

It was almost sunset the next day when Shakahnna reached the residential area of Achma. She wasn't entirely sure what was going on; she wondered if she'd been drinking. Then decided that if she hadn't then maybe she should have been. She'd come to, finding a dead UBCS body with her claws in it. His chest plate had been ripped out – that was impressive, even for her. She was dead proud of herself. She just wished she could remember the fight.

As she made her way through the shopping district, she caught sight of a theatre and rolled her eyes. "Betting this helped drive everyone nuts," she said to herself, "If they be having a romantic comedy on, I might inject myself with the virus."

But the building, ornate as it was, did not hold her attention for long. Not when there was looting to be done. Stealing was something she normally frowned on, however, the golden rule dictated that anything was ok, as long as it was done to Umbrella workers, since they were pilfering bastard anyway. Besides, she needed ammo. And a change of clothing would not go amiss either.

Half an hour later, and she wandered down the deserted street, well and truly tooled up with a machine gun which was completely and utterly twenty shades of illegal. In fact, the only thing that could have been worse would have been a rocket launcher, and she couldn't find one of those. The ammo for it was hanging around her waist. But this was not, despite it's size and obvious capacity for destruction, the thing that was most likely to get her into trouble today.

For she had changed her attire into a fresh pair of combats and a t shirt.

A t-shirt which was emblazoned with the hand painted slogan "WESKER IS MY BITCH".

You did not need the BOW's virally enhanced eyesight to be able to read it from a considerable distance.

She had also been playing with explosives, and had had some exceptionally disturbing ideas.

But for now, she whistled as she walked.

There would be a showdown soon, and Wesker would be on his knees sucking her cock like the bitch he was.

Her scarred face creased into a maniac's grin at the image.

-

Wesker was in an utterly foul mood on returning to Achma. His rendezvous with Shak had unfolded in exactly the opposite way to which he had hoped. Toedling had turned out worst than his expectations which, considering how low they were, was no mean feat. And he hadn't even been able to watch her kill him.

And the last thing he'd expected to see upon his arrival was Claudia waiting outside his office.

And she did not look in the least bit cowed.

As soon as she spotted him, she'd risen to her feet and was rolling up her sleeves, a murderous expression on her face. "YOU!" she thundered, her cheeks scarlet with rage. She marched up to him and prodded him in the chest. "You killed him!"

_**I wasn't aware she was so attached to Toedling…?**_

He looked down at her, slightly bemused. He did not get a chance to speak before she was screaming at him again. "I'm going to kill you, Wesker! I mean it!" her bottom lip trembled furiously, "I'm going to fight you right now, and I'm going to fucking KILL you!"

"I'm sure that you are not," he observed. "Before you go making unfounded accusations, perhaps you would care to enlighten me as to the source of your outrage?"

"You don't even care, do you?!" she spat, "You murdered Daniel, and you don't even feel guilty! You're a monster!"

"Has Jonathon been whispering in your ear?" he enquired calmly.

"You leave him out of this!" she snapped authoritatively, putting her hands on her hips, "He's the only person here who's been straight with me!"

"I'm sure Daniel would not exactly have been delighted to see his workshy son taking advantage of his dearest protégé," Wesker replied.

But everything he said only fuelled her rage and suspicions. "You have NO RIGHT to even say his name, Wesker!"

He stood there impassively as she continued to rant, waiting until she could physically no longer breath before interjecting. "Actually, I held Daniel with a degree of respect, and as long as I knew him, I never once laid a hand on him." He paused, "I think you'll find his killer was closer to home. I suspect Jonathon did not bargain on you receiving these. If you will be so kind as to follow me, Miss Graham."

"What?" she looked at him dumbly. She couldn't have it wrong again. This was another of Wesker's tricks. But she followed him anyway.

There was something about this base. Everyone was crazy. Maybe Shak was contagious.

She watched as he opened his desk drawer, and there was a jangle of keys. Claudia looked at him puzzled, and he explained. "The keys to Daniel's room. Since his death, no one has been in there. Everything should be perfectly preserved, and I trust you'll find what you are looking for."

She snatched them from him sullenly and opened her mouth to ask another question, but he cut her short.

"If you go to the east wing, third corridor, you'll find it's the second door on the right."

-

The first thing Claudia noticed about the room was that it was covered in dust. At least this meant that Wesker was telling the truth in that it hadn't been tampered with. But still, she desperately wanted him to be lying, for things to be straightforward and him to be the villain of the piece, and Jonathon the hero. Had Wesker implied that Jonathon had something to do with Daniel's death, or was she just imagining it? She didn't know what to think any more.

With a sigh, she took a few minutes just to look around the room, to sit on the bed, and rifle through the clothes in the wardrobe. It was almost physically painful for her to do so, and she reminded herself that this was not what she'd come here to do.

But just for a little while, it wouldn't hurt to immerse herself in Daniel's things. She wondered if Wesker was trying a divide and conquer strategy on her and Jonathon, if perhaps he had somehow heard their whispered conversations.

There was so much information coming in at once, it threatened to overload her, as she stared down at the bunch of keys in her hand and tried to work out which one unlocked the desk drawers. That would be a good place to start.

The first few files were letters from the Umbrella Head Office. Scanning them rapidly, she gleaned that there had been some kind of ongoing investigation into leaked information. It had been traced back to Daniel's team, and they were holding him responsible as head of branch. She chewed her bottom lip and read on. Someone had been selling information about Daniel's work to rival companies. Her eyes narrowed in anger. Such an act was unforgivable in itself.

The next page was a list of people from a private investigations company. Daniel's handwritten notes indicated that these were all the people he had placed under surveillance. Her heart almost stopped when she recognised a familiar name on the rather small list. Jonathon Lancaster.

_What?_

The spirit of "oh dear" was very much present as she hunted feverishly for Jonathon's report, praying that it would be an all-clear. It was rather more damning.

_File: To Dr Daniel Lancaster_

_Subject: Lancaster, Jonathon_

_Relationship: Son, co-worker_

_Time scale of investigation: 6 months_

The report was dated a couple of weeks before Daniel's death. She held her breath and read on.

_Month One_

_Our initial surveillance on Jonathon Lancaster reveals nothing out of the ordinary. He is, to all intents and purposes, a polite and friendly young man, popular among his co-workers, conscientious in his employment duties, and with an irreproachable personal life. Further reports to be made pending a through investigation._

Claudia sighed in relief and read on, feeling better about the whole thing.

_Month Two_

_It would appear that the extent of Jonathon Lancaster's activities have been grossly underestimated, and exceptionally well concealed by the individual in question. The first point which we must draw your attention to is the extent of his womanising, evident in the sheer number of illegitimate children he has, none of which he expresses an interest in seeing (save for one occasion where he proceeded to, according to our source, engage in sexual intercourse with the mother of one of his daughters and leave with promises of child maintenance, before changing his phone number and contact details). He has a clearly voracious appetite for female company, and is a regular at a number of lap-dancing and high class escort companies, paid for by the petty cash of his employment. Dr Lancaster, I fear that were the CSA to catch up with your son, it would bankrupt him. Our estimates show that the amount of children he has appeared to have fathered ranks in the triple digit figures. _

Claudia wondered if this was what it felt like to have a heart attack.

_Month Three _

_Our further investigations on Jonathon Lancaster have reveal that, in edition to petty embezzlement, he is also guilty of several charges of criminal incompetence. His mistakes while on the job have directly lead to the death of several people, and I would not presume to estimate how many have died indirectly. We also discovered that, in previous years, he has been known to use his former lovers as test subjects. He has also had women who have rejected his advances demoted and fired. While we have not come across any evidence of this in recent years, we feel it is worth mentioning._

_Month Four_

_It would appear that your fears are not unfounded. Jonathon Lancaster has been meeting with a male representative of corporation. We think perhaps he has been headhunted, but we cannot be sure, as we were unable to get a transcript of the conversation. It is our belief that he has used his inside knowledge of Umbrella's secrets to negotiate whatever deal he is in the process of._

_Month Five_

_We now have conclusive proof that Jonathon Lancaster has been selling company secrets to not one, but six different rival organisations. He has also been using your name in many of his less than scrupulous dealings. It almost appears to be a deliberate sabotage on his part._

_Month Six_

_There is nothing out of the ordinary to report this month. It would appear that the subject has realised he is being trailed and taken great pains to cover up any further information on him._

The file was accompanied by several black and white photographs. Jonathon shaking hands or having dinner with several different men, some of whom she recognised as major pharmaceutical players. There were others too; Jonathon in a lap dancing bar, Jonathon with various different women. Also included was photocopied evidence of his criminal incompetence cases which had been so neatly covered up, and various documents pertaining to blackmail and extortion.

"But it can't be true…" she breathed. Apparently Daniel's reaction to the news had not been the same. There was a series of handwritten notes, and print outs of email exchanged between him and Jonathon indicating that Daniel had tried to cover things up and protect his son, an act which was met with insolence and ingratitude on Jonathon's part. Claudia gritted her teeth in resentment. Jonathon had been getting away with professional misconduct…_gross _professional misconduct for years and she'd been kicked out over _one _tiny mistake. It was outrageously unfair. He'd had so many amazing opportunities, been born with a silver spoon in his mouth, and hadn't appreciated it at all. Even if he hadn't murdered Daniel, the fact that he'd treated him so poorly was the most grievous personal insult that someone could inflict on her. She couldn't believe she'd allowed herself to get so close to him and not realised. Things started to slot into place which she should have realised days ago: the state of the base, the backlog of work, the sheer volume of badly written reports. She'd been making excuses for him to herself the whole time, refusing to acknowledge the blindly obvious fact that Jonathon was simply a complete car crash. Without consciously thinking about it, she began to root around for more articles about him.

As she searched deeper she found more files written by Daniel, a series of disjointed and hurried personal memoirs.

_Sometimes I regret having given my life over to my work so completely. Maybe I'm getting old, but these days my job, where once a joy, is now tedious to the point of being painful. Yet nothing has changed in the tasks I'm doing. Everything I'm surrounded by seems horribly dingy and lifeless. Maybe it's the state of my family, or lack thereof._

_My first wife, and Jonathon's mother, never particularly came to see me at work, so I don't have many memories of her when I look around, but I still regret her passing. Part of me still wonders if it was my fault, and if she would be as disappointed in Jonathon as I am. She always was the disciplinarian; that was never a role I actively took in his life. Perhaps if she was still here, he wouldn't be someone I had to fear now. Still, everything else aside, there are times when I really do miss Charlotte. Obviously she wasn't a patch on Madeline or Claudia, but still. She was very single minded, and she always knew exactly what to do. I could do with someone like that right now._

_Not like Madeline, she was the complete opposite. It still pains me that, despite everything Umbrella's been involved in, no one, not even I, could find a cure for her._

_**Claudia remembered Madeline dimly, as someone who Daniel had taken her to see when she was very young, a pale, sick, almost ghostly figure who she later learned had been his wife, and the reason for his prolonged periods of depression. When she died, Daniel had retreated deeply into the melancholy to which he was so often prone.**_

_But she's gone now too, and I've lost Claudia too. In fact, everyone I love is gone, and the only person left is Jonathon, who these days I can barely stand the sight of. I've thought about it often. If I could switch their positions, would I? And the answer's the same every single time. Absolutely. Notwithstanding the fact that Jonathon might have actually made a decent spy; he's certainly devious enough. Claudia can barely tell a lie to save her life. But right now, I'd give anything to hear her try._

_Wesker asked for too much with this. This wall of silence he's forced me to put up is too much. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with it. And now Wesker's behaviour is getting increasingly more dangerous too. Ever since that day at the lab, he's been acting like a complete sociopath. His threats have made it completely impossible to get in touch with Claudia without endangering her. So as hard as it is, I have no choice but to stay away. And I hate him for that._

_At least she has Hunk looking out for her. Their family has been our family's bodyguards for generations. His own father, before he passed on, had been my bodyguard, and even as an elderly man he was the toughest person I'd ever met. And Mrs Cooper is some woman. I find her to be somewhat frightening. And I have no doubt that any child of those two will perform to the utmost of his considerable abilities._

Claudia stopped reading there and skimmed the rest of the notes for references to Jonathon, but there were none. The next thing to catch her eye was a letter from Daniel's lawyer regarding his will. It appeared that he had completely written Jonathon out of it, leaving her as the sole beneficiary. She gasped at the sum of money, and for the first time realised how lucrative a career in Umbrella could be. She had never really considered finances, believing that everyone who worked for Umbrella did so because it was fun, or because it was the right thing to do.

She put down the papers and began to rummage further, compelled by a need to know what was going on. His Dictaphone might hold some vital clue because, as much as she'd established that Jonathon was a shit, and that Daniel had hated him, it was no conclusive proof that he was a murderer. Although Jonathon had nothing to gain financially from killing his father, he had inherited his father's position and status on his death, and despite the amount of money Daniel had left behind, he stood to gain something infinitely more valuable. But still, even a motive was no guarantee he had done it. It was some searching before she found it lying under the bed, and rewound it to the last entry, fast forwarding over the research talk to try and pick out points of interest.

_There was an accident today, in the BOW chambers. I ended up locked in, and had to neutralise one of the hunters. I suppose carrying a gun came in handy after all. The thing is…and I don't know if it's just this place…the cameras everywhere and the lack of trust between employees and everything…and maybe I am just being paranoid…but the only person who could have locked the door…apart from me, and I could have sworn I left it unlocked while I was in there…would be my assistant. But then I saw Jonathon check the door and walk away, so it must have been a malfunction…there's been a lot of those lately. This base is falling apart…_

She turned off the tape at that point. She may not have had one hundred percent damning evidence, but she had enough to go and confront him. And even if he hadn't killed Daniel, he had sabotaged his work and his reputation. And that was certainly not the picture Jonathon had painted of himself.

As she left the room, she found the imposing figure of Albert Wesker waiting in the corridor. She flashed him an insolent glare and threw the keys at his feet.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded, in the frosty sneer she usually reserved for her colleagues at OCRC. Wesker was just as disgusting as everyone else here.

"I'll take it from that you found what you were looking for, Dr Graham," he replied smoothly.

She narrowed her eyes, "How could you have left me alone with him, knowing what he did?!"

"You seem to forget, Miss Graham," he pointed out, "You once cost me something very valuable. It is a debt which you have yet to repay."

"And sending me to OCRC wasn't enough?!" she hissed, "You had to keep me in the dark about Jonathon too!" Her upper lip curled back in a feral snarl as she craned her neck upwards to look him in the eyes, "How DARE you!"

"As amusing as your misdirected anger is, instigating violence against me won't change anything. Now you know who your father's killer is, perhaps you should do something about it. His death is yours to avenge."

"I intend to," she shot back, before she even realised what she was saying.

"You obviously have business to attend to. I wouldn't dream of holding you up." He stepped to the side and gestured forward. Had she been thinking straight, she may not have taken advice from the man who had single handedly ruined her life, but emotions were running high, and so she shot him another furious scowl, and marched off in the direction of Jonathon's room.


	50. Murder is the ultimate sign of affection

There's a club. With art. About us. All of us. Even Wesker. suckourrocket. is where it's located. Though to be fair am not even sure Umbrella scum deserve to have to look at Jack's face. He's pretty fucking horrific. Claudia has been banned from the internet for being blonde (so I had to go for it). I'm funny.

Shak xxx

-

Jonathon Lancaster was in his bathroom. The truth was, he was masturbating, but less in the compulsive way he usually did, and more because it was the only thing he knew of to relieve his stress, and at that moment it was either have a wank, or take up hard drugs. He could have asked Claudia for a shot at round two, but with all the bad news she was receiving, he was pretty sure she wasn't in the mood. So, just this once, and this was by no means going to become a regular thing, he'd taken the less selfish option.

He was almost done when he heard angry footsteps thundering outside. So insistent was the racket that his immediate thought was that Wesker was on the rampage. He pulled up his trousers and entered his bedroom just as the door flew open with a crash. There was no seven foot tall hulking bioweapon. Merely a scarlet faced, comparatively more diminutive apparition with glasses and pigtails.

"Claudia, can't this wait…?" he was irritated at having been interrupted, and not very good at concealing his impatience at the best of times.

"Tell me you didn't do it!" she roared, and he realised that no, this could not in fact wait.

"Do what?" His heartbeat began to speed up.

"Daniel…" she hissed through clenched teeth.

He forced a bemused laugh, "Of course not, love," he said soothingly, putting an arm about her shoulders, "You know how much I loved…"

He didn't have the opportunity to finish that particular lie as she rammed her elbow into his stomach as hard as she could and darted free, whirling round to face him. "Don't you dare!" she screamed, "You murdered my father, didn't you?!"

"He wasn't _your _father!" Jonathon thundered back. A punch in the gut and being screamed at had been the last straw. He didn't care any more if she knew. "You were just some brat he picked up off the street!"

"Well that doesn't say much for you, because at least he _loved_ me. You were nothing but a disappointment!"

"Well maybe if he'd paid more attention to his _real_ family, he wouldn't have ended up dead!" Jonathon blurted out.

Claudia picked up the table lamp and hurled it at his head. It narrowly missed his ear, and shattered on the wall behind him. "How did you do it?" she was yelling, all the while throwing various items from around the room at him and consistently missing, "Did you shoot him? Stab him? Poison him?"

"Well he works in a lab," Jonathon sneered, "Accidents happen. He should have checked his gun was loaded before he went into the chamber."

"You locked him in?!" she gasped incredulously, "You fucking coward!"

"I'm glad he's dead!" he yelled, "He couldn't even take responsibility for his child. His _only _child. Me."

"Because you were an incompetent waste of space!" she picked up a coffee cup and hurled it. There was a crack as it glanced off his temple and he staggered back, putting his hand to his head and seeing blood on his fingers.

"That's it, I've had enough, you crazy bitch!" he spat, striding over to his desk and opening the top drawer.

"What are you…?" she began to demand, but fell silent as she found herself staring down the barrel of a handgun.

"Right," he said, slightly calmer having regained the upper hand, "Let's get something…"

He was cut off by a shrill scream as Claudia, who had quickly realised that he had no intention of shooting her, ran straight at him and threw herself onto him with her full weight. It was more from shock than anything that he stumbled back, and the two of them ended up on the floor in a heap, the gun sandwiched between them. He tried to catch her wrists as she clawed wildly at his face, but she was like a woman possessed. And then suddenly she pulled back and got to her feet, and he thought she'd come to her senses, when he realised that she was holding his gun in her left hand, which was shaking with rage.

"You wouldn't…" he breathed.

The shot which rang out meant that he never got the chance to finish. He looked down in horror at the pool of dark blood which was seeping slowly from his stomach, staining his shirt red and making rivulets on the floor.

She…did it. I can't believe she…

His face was a sickening shade of pale as his eyelids fluttered closed against a world that was swimming. The gun fell from Claudia's trembling fingers as she watched the heaving of his chest slow down to a motionless stop, and her own breathing began to come in laboured draws through clenched teeth.

_I…killed him?_

The thought should have evoked some emotion, but she didn't know what to feel. She suspected that she had done the wrong thing, but at the same time, she felt utterly numb. There was no satisfaction, no feeling of vengeance. She simply realised a purely objective sense of being completely alone now.

But she wasn't alone, she realised all at once. She had Shak, and the sooner she got off this base and found her again, the sooner she had a chance of putting things right.

-

It was half an hour later, and she was still staring at Jonathon's body. If it hadn't been for all the blood, if she just looked at his face and nothing else, she could half-pretend that he was sleeping.

She just didn't know what to do with herself now. She wasn't sure if she should feel triumphant, or if the regret would floor her later, but right now it was easier to pretend that he'd just gone to sleep for a while. Because despite everything, and despite the fact that he had been lying to her the whole time, he had made her happy at a time when everything was falling apart.

And right now it was looking like killing him was not the best idea she'd ever had. She knew she had to get up and start doing something, but she just didn't have the energy to do anything save sit on the floor and gape.

Perhaps if she had, she'd have gotten out in time. Unfortunately, her reluctance to move was about to cost her dearly.

The door opened, and in walked an impeccably groomed Albert Wesker.

"Miss Graham," he said, cutting straight to the point, "I have a proposition for you."

"Jonathon's dead…" she mused blankly.

_**Are you sure about that, Miss Graham?**_

"By your hand, it would appear," he observed dryly. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"What am I going to do?" she asked mournfully. Had she not been in shock, Wesker would not have been the person of which she asked that question.

"You're going to come with me," he told her.

Even in her numb state, Claudia was aware that this was not a good idea. "No," she said sharply, "No I'm not. I'm leaving Umbrella. I just want to leave now."

"Unfortunately your window of opportunity for that has long since passed."

She giggled hysterically, "What, you need my resignation in writing?"

"If the ink is to be blood, then you may take that as correct." She wasn't sure if he was speaking in jest. "If you give me what I want, then neither of you will come to any harm."

_**Unfortunately, it is not in your power to give me what I want.**_

"The formula?" she said, and her voice took on a quiet intensity, "Forget it, Wesker. I'll die before you get it."

"It's not your life which is at stake," he said smoothly. "Come Miss Graham, we're going to the theatre."

"Why? Have you got Shak there?!"

"No Miss Graham, I had intended to pick up two tickets for a screening of Romeo and Juliet."

"Suits you. Everyone dies at the end of that."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, Dr Graham. Now if you don't mind…" he gestured to the door.

-

They had been walking for over thirty minutes, with Claudia scuffing her shoes every step of the way. She had made three escape attempts but, as expected, those had done absolutely nothing to alter their current course, as Wesker had just waited until she'd exhausted herself and then picked her up within a couple of seconds. She was feeling completely miserable, not to mention out of breath, by this point, but Wesker seemed in reasonably high spirits.

They continued in this vein as they passed a sparse housing area, dotted with ornate dwellings. No wonder people were so eager for Umbrella jobs. She bet, if they were still alive, they would have regretted signing that contract as bitterly as she did now. Her thoughts, however, were cut short as the former homeowners came out to greet them. Wesker's pace did not change. In fact, he barely seemed to have noticed the throng of carriers approaching them.

Claudia had most certainly noticed them. There was a good four or five metres of distance between her and Wesker, but at the sight of the zombies she sharpened her pace to keep up with him. She was unarmed, not that that made a striking difference to her chances of survival in such a situation, and it struck her as horribly ironic that she was now turning to her boss for protection, when he was arguably the greatest danger that she faced. She couldn't help but think of Herrison; he had always kept her safe at times like this, she realised, and the thought was hardly comforting, but it showed her how utterly her world had been turned on its head in the last few days. If, only last week, someone had told her she'd be fervently wishing for Herrison's company, she'd have called them a cretin and probably fired them.

And yet Wesker still seemed to be unmoving, even as they closed in.

"Um…" Claudia cleared her throat anxiously, "There…are…carriers."

"Very good, Dr Graham. It's pleasing to see that all the time in OCRC did not rot your mind."

In spite of herself she scowled automatically at the mention of OCRC, but it quickly faded at the fact that Wesker still wasn't doing anything. When the undead were in such proximity that she could smell them, she made a move to clutch at Wesker's arm, but he held up a warning hand.

"That would be most inadvisable," he said sternly.

She began to wonder if that was Wesker's plan, to bring her out here and leave her to the carriers. The thought was unbearable, and she began to sniffle to herself.

"Wesker!" she screamed, "Do something!"

He stood impassively and watched as one of the walking corpses grabbed Claudia. Her shrieks rose to fever pitch and she closed her eyes.

She didn't notice as there was a blur, and when she opened her eyes, the creature holding her had no head. A bit like Ken Bigley. (Haha at us.) Claudia screamed and dropped into the foetal position, covering her face with her hands. She watched through her fingers as Wesker dispatched the rest of the carriers, tearing them limb from limb so quickly that at some points she swore he was able to teleport. It was absolutely terrifying to watch. She had known objectively that Wesker possessed super strength, but to see it first hand, put to use in this manner, made her seriously doubt her chances of making it through the night. The thought made her curl up tighter on the ground and pray for it to be over.

It was some minutes before she ventured to uncover her face and look up. And there he stood, impeccably groomed, not even a hair out of place. It had been just that easy for him.

He offered her a hand up, and she shook it off, rising shakily to her feet. "I didn't think you cared," she snapped, unable to quite shake the quaver from her voice.

"Now, now, Miss Graham. I have a far grander plan for this evening's events…" he began. He may have had more to say. However…

Claudia had something to get off her chest. "It's always a big fucking Machiavellian scheme with you, isn't it?!" she thundered. "You can't just murder people and get it over with, oh no, you have to go for the long game every fucking time. You know what the problem is around here, you know the reason why everything in Achma is completely broken?" she did not wait for him to hazard a guess, "It's YOU! You're a parasite…everything you touch turns to shit. I mean, why, WHY has no one asked this before…" She took a deep breath and screamed in his face, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU COCKMUNCHING ARSEHOLE?! I MEAN, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, IS THIS SOME KIND OF MID LIFE CRISIS?! YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST GOT A PERM AND A SHINY NEW CAR, OH NO, YOU HAD TO TAKE UP **STALKING**! NO, REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS, WESKER, I AM ACTUALLY IN **AWE **OF YOUR COMPLETE, UNWAVERING DEDICATION TO BEING A **WINDOWLICKER**! GEE, YOU SURE NAILED THAT ONE. HAS IT NEVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT THIS WHOLE MESS MIGHT HAVE BEEN PREVENTED HAD YOU THE GOOD SENSE TO JUST **HAVE A WANK**?! YOU KNOW, MOST PEOPLE, WHEN FEELING SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED, GO FOR A QUICK HAND-SHANDY. YOU HAD TO KEEP YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND'S DEAD CAT AS THE CENTREPIECE OF YOUR HOMAGE TO BEING A WEIRDO BASTARD." She took a deep breath and went for the finisher. "YOU…ARE…**_WRONG._**"

Wesker had never considered masturbation. The strange, angry little scientist might have had a point. "You do not understand the complexities of an adult relationship," he explained calmly. "While you may not appreciate this, I know that she does. And there will be no more of this pretence after tonight."

"You couldn't just put on some Barry White and invite her back to your place, could you?" she snarled, "You have to do everything in your own special EVIL way."

He did not respond, choosing to simply sneer at her. The young doctor had only known Shakahnna for less than a week. For two years straight he had spent most of his waking hours in Shak's company. He knew her better than she knew herself.

"Right now, Dr Graham, I would be more concerned about what role you are going to play in tonight's performance," he said icily.

Her mouth opened and closed for a few seconds before she blurted out, "Pleasedon'thurtme."

"I have no intention of laying a finger on you," he said nonchalantly.

Her mind began to work overdrive with possible horrific deaths that didn't involve him touching her, as they walked along in silence once more.


	51. Finale Part 1

_AN: Okay sooo have had this for over a year now and finally in a show of good will towards all men (but not women because they are shit) You may enjoy this you unworthy peons. _

_S&C xxx_

-

As promised, they were in a theatre. Claudia wasn't sure why, but the atmosphere alone made her entire body tense. The auditorium had that certain smell to it that all old buildings have, and for some reason it made her think of Daniel. All the wooden structures were made from mahogany, the various curtains and seat coverings red velour. The place was obviously worth a fortune, judging by the various carvings into the wooden structures. Winged demons doing battle with angels wielding swords stood out particularly, but the image was wrong. The demons were deformed, while the angels were smooth skinned and pleasantly attractive. But she knew better now.

_The prince of darkness is always a gentleman…_

The Shakespeare quote seemed frighteningly apt at this moment, in these surroundings. The curtain was down, and only the stage was lit, creating monstrous looking shadows which loomed from the darkness and seemed to be whispering to her forebodingly. Her eyes wandered nervously to the viewing balconies, and she felt sick as she wondered if he'd invited people to come and watch.

Or maybe she'd been set up. He was going to murder her for Shak to watch, or something equally grotesque. Her stomach churned. There was nothing out of the ordinary, no indication that something horrific was going to take place. She'd been half expecting blood up the walls and stacks of dead bodies, perhaps even a medieval torture chamber. But the normalcy of the auditorium was more chilling than any of these, and she was betting Wesker knew that was exactly how she'd feel.

There was no music, no noise, not even the creakings of an old building. And Wesker was lost in his own thoughts. She could only imagine what that meant, and decided to go with the safest option of keeping quiet until he was ready to speak. He was looking over the building with an almost loving air.

"An impressive structure," he said at last, "Don't you think?"

She looked about and nodded mutely, her eyes wide.

"A theatre should be a sensory indulgence," he continued, and so utterly unfathomable was his tone that for a moment Claudia actually dared to hope that he'd just come to show her the building.

"It's…very nice," she said at last, in a half whisper because the echoes scared her.

"It could almost be a building I commissioned myself, had I time for such egoistic pursuits," he mused.

"Can I go now?" she blurted out.

"Don't be so rude, Miss Graham. We've only just arrived." It was the serenity of his voice which frightened her the most. "While I do not normally approve of decadence, this place was a financially sound expenditure."

"Why did you bring me here?"

"Patience is a virtue." He brushed her question aside nonchalantly and continued talking, fully aware that the effect of his continued, seemingly trivial discourse was having on Claudia's nervous state. He pointed to various wooden object d'art around the hall. "Every one was hand carved. They make for quite exquisite pieces, would you not agree? Perhaps you would care to join me on stage…" he motioned forward and she followed him dumbly, their footsteps echoing in time over the wooden boards.

"Although the view from the balconies is magnificent," he continued conversationally, "Standing here, one can appreciate how much the actors must have enjoyed performing in such beautiful surroundings. Would you find this acceptable as the last thing to see before you die?"

On his last word, slipped in so casually, she felt as though an icy hand had just closed about her throat. There was a delay of a few seconds before she choked in a combination of a gasp and a sob, and her eyes went as wide as saucers as she stared desperately out over the chilling beauty of the hall.

"So, Dr Graham, this formula…?"

She shook her head. "No," she said simply, "I won't betray Daniel."

"While I also regret Dr Lancaster Senior's passing, I see no reason why his virus should have to die with him."

"Because he never wanted you to learn about it."

"I suspect that he also did not want you to have relations with his murderer," Wesker pointed out frankly.

She felt a wave of nausea wash over her. "No! I didn't know!" she protested, "That wasn't my fault, I didn't know that he…" she trailed off.

"I wonder what he would have thought about your match with the one person he always tried to protect you from?" he shook his head, "His layabout, good for nothing son. He wanted to keep his precious daughter away from him. Did you not even find it mildly disconcerting that you were with Daniel almost every waking hour, yet you never once heard about Jonathon? Jonathon Lancaster, the dirty little family secret."

"If I'd known who…what he was…do you really think I would have…?" she clenched her fists.

"It doesn't really matter what I think, because it wouldn't have been me you disappointed."

Claudia took a step back and swallowed hard. He was right. Daniel would have been disgusted with her. "But I didn't know…" she said weakly.

"In time he would have forgiven you. Daniel was a very understanding man. As in time, he would have forgiven me. So perhaps, wrapped as he was in a blanket of paranoia, in his last few days, had he survived, any disputes would have been resolved."

And she wanted to believe him, so badly. That things could still be alright. But she didn't think they ever could be. "He would never have trusted you again after what you did." But her defiance was half hearted.

"Unless, of course, you had been allowed to return to him. And as you've seen, in light of recent developments, that was not the impossible scenario he believed it to be."

"You were really going to let me go back?" she asked incredulously, in spite of herself. She could feel a lump welling up in her throat.

"Time heals all wounds," he remarked prosaically, and she looked him in the eye for the first time since they had arrived at the theatre.

"I don't believe you. And even if I did, it wouldn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that Daniel's last wish was that no one, especially not you, was to have it." She found herself wondering if she _had _got it all wrong, but shook the thought as soon as it entered her head.

"But not at the cost of you endangering yourself," he remarked with such an even tone that it took her a few moments to realise that she was being threatened.

"This formula is worth more than my life," she said, more to herself than to him.

"And those you care about? Those you care about who are _left_?" he enquired with gentle malice.

"Shak…" Claudia's eyes blazed, "You leave her out of this!"

"She's not far from here, you know." Wesker smiled. "I can hear her singing. Something about being a sugar coated doll…"

"Keep her away from here!" she hissed desperately. "Wesker, I mean it, she doesn't deserve this, none of it."

"The question is, Dr Graham…if she knew you were here, how could I possibly hope to keep her away?"

"She doesn't _have _to know I'm here!" Claudia's voice was rising to fever pitch.

He took a couple of steps towards her, looming in the half light. "But if she hears you scream, surely she will come…?"

"No!" Claudia started to stumble backwards, "Please no…" She turned on her heel and began to run, off the stage and out into the auditorium. He let her gain some distance before appearing before her in a flash of motion. She let out a muted squeal, trying desperately not to cry out and alert Shak, before tripping and running in the other direction. Wesker stood and listened to the faint strains of Shakahnna's voice, which only his enhanced hearing could pick up on, before rounding on his quarry once more. Claudia sobbed under her breath as she ran, but everywhere she escaped to, he appeared effortlessly, until she dropped to her hands and knees and scampered under one of the seats, where she remained, shaking.

Wesker simply lifted the chair up and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. "We are both in possession of something the other requires. An exchange seems to be in order."

"But you don't actually have Shak," she blurted out.

"Miss Graham, I think you are more than aware that the effort that would take to become reality is minimal." He set Claudia down and continued in an altogether more genial tone, "Shakahnna was merely a way for me to alleviate my boredom while waiting for you to disclose the formula. The secrets that Minataur holds will keep me busy for decades to come. Once you hand it over, I will have no further use for either of you."

Even in her frightened state, she couldn't deny that it made perfect sense. Hand over the virus, and neither of them would ever have to hear from him again. He would have what he wanted, and Shak would be safe.

_But Daniel…_

_Daniel's dead…but Shak isn't…yet._

_I can't let him down. Not again. This whole mess is my fault._

_Then make it right…_

"You'd leave us alone…?" she asked, pleading with her eyes, "But there must be some other way…but you'd leave us alone?"

"What conceivable reason could I have to act otherwise?" he said, as though he was mildly hurt that she would doubt his word.

"And…" she hesitated for the longest time, "If I give it to you, you won't hurt her? You won't make her come here?"

"I won't make her come here," he repeated, reassuringly.

"Promise?" There were a hundred voices in her head all screaming out against what she was about to do.

_But there's no other way._

"I give you my word."

And so, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she told him, keeping her eyes fixed miserably on her shoes the whole time, and fighting the urge to burst into tears.

"So…can I go now?" she asked wretchedly.

"Of course, doctor. You may take your leave whenever you wish," he replied.

She exhaled deeply and ran towards the exit before he could change his mind. _It's over…_ she thought, as her hand closed around the doorknob and she let out a shaky sigh of relief. She was not proud of the bargain she had struck, but it was better than the alternative. At least Shak would be ok now. She opened the door and was about to step out when she felt a slight gust of air at her back.

Wesker's hand shot out and he grabbed a fistful of her hair, pulling her neck back. She struggled wildly for a moment before gasping out, "You promised!"

"And I have every intention of keeping my word," he told her. "Shakahnna would never answer my summons. She will, however, acknowledge yours."

"I won't! You can't make me bring her here!" Tears began to prick her eyes as she continued to flail, "You can't make me!"

"Were you not listening, Dr Graham?" he chided, "I had informed you earlier this evening that it would be you who forced her hand."

"You said you'd leave her out of this!" Claudia hissed through gritted teeth, her eyes wild. Under normal circumstances she would have been screaming loud enough to wake the dead, but she was now painfully aware that she couldn't alert the STARS Captain to her whereabouts.

"Are you perhaps in possession of some form of emergency suicide pill?" Wesker asked, a hint of a chuckle in his voice. It was vaguely amusing that Claudia thought she would be able to hold out for five seconds, let alone indefinitely. "Because if so, Miss Graham, now would be the time to make use of it." Despite Daniel's and Hunk's repeated attempts to inform him as though he believed to the contrary, Wesker was more than aware that she was just a child, barely able to understand what was going on.

Almost as if to confirm this, Claudia began to sniffle uncontrollably, her breath hitching in her chest.

_I want to go home…_

_Where's home?_

_Don't know…but I want to go there._

"We'll do it in steps, Miss Graham, since you are new to these particular types of games," Wesker said in a jovial tone as he took one of her arms and forced it behind her back. "We'll start at stage one, which will be minor discomfort." He proceeded to demonstrate. "I should warn you that, should you reach stage ten, your arm will break."

Claudia's body tensed rigidly, and she squeezed her eyes closed, but remained sullenly silent.

"As you wish, doctor," he said nonchalantly, and twisted her arm a little further up her back. As Wesker continued to proceed leisurely, he paused at each interval to inform her at which stage they were at. He lifted her arm away from her body as he lifted it, to add an extra dimension of pain. By the time it reached stage five, it was unbearable.

She was trying to curl up into a ball while on her tiptoes, and at stage five the breath which she had been desperately holding came rushing out, along with a series of pleas. "Wesker…for God's sake…stop it…stop it please sir stop it!" Tears were spilling down her cheeks as the pain showed no signs of relenting.

"Well, since you asked so nicely, doctor…" He let go and her arm dangled uselessly by her side for a moment, as the blood came flooding back into it. She was about to run when he grabbed it and pulled it straight back up to its former position. Because it was sudden, it was a different sort of pain, but agony nonetheless. If anything, it was worse from having the circulation return to her arm for a brief period. "This will stop, Dr Graham, when you honour my demand," he reminded her.

She could no longer formulate any words as her breathing came in choked sobs, a last attempt not to cry out.

"Stage six," he announced, and moved her arm a fraction higher.

It was too much. The pain went blazing through her shoulder and for a moment she swore that her arm was already broken. And before she could stop herself she was screaming out hysterically, short sharp wails which tore themselves from her lungs violently.

"A valiant effort, doctor," he commented. Off in the distance he could hear sharp footfall which stopped whatever task it was doing and quickening in the direction of the theatre. Shakahnna was on her way. "Miss Graham, she may not understand that she is summoned here, if you do not address her personally," he said above Claudia's screams, twisting her wrist clockwise, putting further strain on the limb. By this point it was more for his own amusement than any real purpose, but the doctor obliged nevertheless by shrieking out Shakahnna's name, anything by that point to make him stop.

He gave her a rough push back into the auditorium, and closed the doors with a smirk on his face.

-

A loud scream caused the stars captains head to shoot upwards, temporarily loosing all contact with the trails on the ground. Her emerald eyes widened in horror. Big green circles that instantly recognized the scream and voice calling out unintelligible words. It could only be one person.   
**  
****Claudia. Fucking hell! Claudia I be's coming. Just sit tight I am on my way. Like some dashingly handsome bulldozer. ****  
**  
The redhead broke into a sprint, quick as a panther, muscular calves pumping with an urgency that caused the pain in them to increase ten fold. Which just did not matter as her loud steps almost slammed to a stop in front of the structure she had mocked earlier. Wrenching the door handle, opening it up and allowing some natural light into the very dim room.

-

Wesker stood calmly in the centre of the amphitheatre, an imposing presence that seemed monstrously huge despite the cavernous size of the auditorium. He had affected a casual stance, his bulging arms crossed smugly over his barrel-like chest, but there was tenseness in his movements that betrayed his impatience.

Claudia was huddled in the corner, half hidden under a seat, with her head in her hands, sobbing quietly.

Her suffering went unheeded by the reptilian demon who waited for his redhead, a thrill of excitement at Shakahnna's impending agony rippling through his taut body.   
**  
**_**Three...**_

He could hear her anxious footfall as it raced through the complex.  
**  
**_**Two...**_

She was close. He could smell her hot blood, her trepidation and determination washing over him with one sweet breath of that sticky crimson.  
**  
**_**One...**_**  
**  
She was on the other side of the door now. Wesker smirked in anticipation.  
**  
**_**And let the games begin...**_

With an almighty crash the door burst open, and there she stood, bruised and bloody but determined and ready to fight. Just how he liked her.

"Ah...Miss Taylor..." his Anglo-American resonance echoed through the high-ceilinged room as he revelled in the moment. "So good of you to join us at last..."

Her eyes trailed upwards, Wesker had always looked impressive but at this moment in time he commanded more respect than usual. The lights shone down on his beautiful physique, his form standing out despite the ornate carvings which covered the inside of the massive hall. The limited illumination caused strange light effects on his face. He could easily pass for Satan himself should the young woman have believed in such an entity.

**Abso-fucking-lutely peachy.**

Deep down she knew that no one else was causing her charge to scream out but the hope of finding her alive was suddenly less likely.

**But fuck you, you gotta try.****   
**  
"Hello lover... " The reply a confident swagger to try and compensate for all the negative emotions which currently washed over her body. She placed both hands behind her head in a motion of complete and utter cockiness. She betted she looked fucking hot right now, with her guns hanging from her waist and her Wesker Is My Bitch t shirt. Wesker arched an eyebrow.

"Do you like my shirt?" she asked widely, "The implication is that I _own_ you. If you give me Claudia, I promise not to hurt you."

Wesker didn't know if he loved or hated her at that moment.

"Your little charge and I have been indulging in the most delightful games," he arched an eyebrow and cast a surreptitious glance to where Claudia was huddled in the shadows of the cavernous hall, his momentary diversion from Shakahnna more than enough to indicate the doctor's presence. "Haven't we, Doctor Graham?"

The young scientist squeezed her eyes closed in mute acceptance of her fate, even as Wesker's voice struck fresh terror through her. "Shakahnna...run..." she whispered.

"Didn't your mum ever tell you that you weren't supposed to hit a lady." Shak waved her finger in the universal "naughty naughty" gesture. She was, however, rather relieved at the fact that Claudia was alive, and the fact that she could still speak was reassuring. "Hey, Clauds, how you holding up back there?"

Wesker opened his mouth to speak, and she cut him off with a gesture of her hand. "Don't interrupt," she chided, "It's rude."

_**As you wish.**_

"Swell." Claudia found her voice, a little shaky, but Shak's bravado was catching. "King."

**Waaay. Nobody's realised that I'm fucking **_**shitting **_**myself.**

Deep down, Shak was terrified, but it was important that nobody saw that, and for the most part her inner monologue was informing her that she was, in fact, fantastic.

This was always how these things went. It was like some form of warped social graces. Shak would be cocky, he would allow her to be, and then she would get her head kicked in. So if she could usher Claudia out before the last part happened, then things might be ok.

In her hands was a .45 calibre Chicago Typewriter. It would _eat _him.

"Do you honestly believe that will have any effect?" The words came from his mouth, a mixture between scorn and something which came pretty close to scaring his prey.

"No I am brandishing it cause it's fun and guys dig chicks with guns," Shakahnna replied.

**Get Claudia outta here and then blow the place. **

The thought of resting finally and taking out a cancer like Wesker was enough to bring a manic grin to her face.

"I'm really pleased to see you girlie." Shak strode over to where Claudia was crouching, and Wesker allowed her because he knew what was to come. "I hope you didn't take any shit from this fudge eating bastard."

"Nah…" Claudia replied weakly, her arm still throbbing like all Hell, "I kicked his arse."

Wesker watched the two females with a haughty sneer on his face, letting the scene play out before him as an appetizer, a prelude of the mental anguish he was about to let loose.

"Shak...you came..." the words which should have been full of hope and gratitude held only a pitifully heartbroken echo as she got to her feet, wincing slightly.

The redhead helped her to her feet and pointed to the exit. "Proceed."

"False," Claudia replied. "You proceed. Proceed and fuck off because this is my mess and did I mention fuck off?"

Shak gave her a puzzled look, "Did you sleep with my boyfriend?" At this statement she wasn't sure who looked more horrified, Claudia or Wesker. She gave the girl a shove and said sternly, "I don't have time for this pish of yours. Go."

Claudia's eyes darted wildly from the wrathful Shakahnna to the impassive Wesker, her heart knocking against her chest, threatening to deafen her with it's clamouring. She wondered if he could hear it, if he could smell her fear, her overwhelming indecision at her predicament. She suspected that he could and the idea made her feel even more uncomfortable. Swallowing down her nausea, she looked back to the redhead with remorse. _I'm sorry..._ was all she could think, but her mouth could not afford the luxury of forming those words as she broke out into a last-ditch, desperate dash for the exit.

A sensation of relief surged over Shakahnna as her charge complied. It would be so much easier to take down her former lover if she did not have to worry about Claudia's safety too. It was the last thing she wanted to do.

And then it all blew up in smoke, suddenly although her eyes had not moved, Wesker was gone from her line of view and her stomach lurched.

He pressed the shocked girl against the door, not bothering to do anything except keep her back against a wall. It was certainly something to feel a sense of disgust at, the fact that the doctor barely raised a finger to defend herself. It was a loathsome action which could only further fuel his sadism towards her. Taking one heavy step towards her he leaned down so as to cause her more distress, leaning in as though to share sweet nothings with her trembling form. His warm breath tickled the side of her neck, trailing upwards in a hot pant which was almost unbearable to both parties.

"If you try to leave Miss Graham, I will rip her throat out and paint your face in her blood." he gently whispered in her ear, his hands barely keeping her in place. There was simply no need to use force when having her obey through her own conscious will was infinitely more satisfying. "Then my dearest child, we shall see just how complete Daniel's life's work was. And who better to serve as a subject than you" he growled, shoving her forward into the door with one large fist. "Stay." came his command.

"I hate you," she hissed, trembling with a mixture of fear and anger. But she did not move. It was breathtaking, how little regard on his part it had taken to destroy every hope she had of happiness. Claudia wondered if he had even spared a thought about her after he had torn apart her only dream in life, and sent her to stagnate in OCRC instead. But she already knew the answer; of course he didn't. The scientist cursed herself, cursed her own weakness and inability to pull herself back from the inevitable carnage she would soon be victim of.

"Fuck you!"

Claudia could see the tiniest of smiles on his face as the redhead ran up behind him, as though he had just proved himself right on a matter of small importance. He knew that the redhead would react exactly in this manner.

"Don't you ignore me," she demanded, thrusting her claws into his ribcage exuberantly. "I know you want to play with me."

Wesker let out a very small, very controlled gasp, a brief flash of euphoria dancing through his snake-like pupils. With a disgusted sneer he tossed Claudia aside, letting her sprawl on the floor safe in the knowledge that his threats had ensured her continued presence, and turned his attentions to his former lover.

His sneer intensifying, the faintest hint of colour heightening his cheeks, he grabbed her wrist where the claws had entered, wishing that he was able to watch the expression in those green eyes of hers as he tightened his grip on her arm, forcing her claws deeper into his skin, exhaling deeply in satisfaction at the pain.

Shakahnna snapped her wrist in an abrupt motion, twisting the blades further into his flesh, mangling the muscle.

"Good start..." he murmured softly, his tone grotesquely tender as he bathed in the pleasurable torment of the blades piercing his vital organs, revelling sardonically in the virus that coursed through his veins, the substance which enabled him to take such masochism to bold new heights such as this without sustaining mortal damage. At last he pulled the claws out from his side and spun round gracefully to face the flaming haired girl with a teasing smirk playing about his cold lips.

"My turn..." he stated with a brutal simplicity as he effortlessly swung his arm, tightening the muscles to transform that casual arc into a violent burst of sadism. He stopped himself from giving her the full force of the blow at the last minute, as his knuckled impacted with her face. He wanted to start slowly and warm up.

Shakahnna gave him a surprised look. She'd braced herself for a locomotive, and had been hit by a moped.

He gave the redhead a mock bow as if to say "let the festivities commence". For all the world he might have been a gentleman introducing himself to a young debutant at a society ball. He was in a good mood. He had the formula, and now that business was taken care of, it was time to move on to pleasure.

He swung another punch at her, fluidly executed, but lacking in real power, and she caught it easily, twisting his wrist, and pushing against the heel of his hand until the backs of his fingers were touching his forearm in a sickening crack. It would heal within minutes, but for now that hand was out of action.

"You _like _that," she informed him authoritatively, and he nodded appraisingly.

As they exchanged blows, it struck Claudia that it looked more as though they were dancing than fighting. There seemed to be an intensity in their movements which was almost devoid of anger.

Wesker slipped behind her, wrapped his arms about her and sunk his sharp white teeth into her neck. Shakahnna responded with crossing her legs.

"Get a room," Claudia muttered under her breath. She felt utterly disgusted that Wesker had insisted she stay, only to watch him indulge in what she now knew to be his equivalent of foreplay. Unbeknownst to her, the words they were exchanging, which she couldn't quite hear, were far from trivial.

"Events do not need to transpire in this manner. I'm sure you remember how well we functioned together."

"Then you let go Claudia," she said insistently. "Quit Umbrella, come work with me and we'll murder your former colleagues." He was the only male who indulged her the way she wanted to be indulged. While it was perverse affection, their relationship could have been perfect. But in a stunning twist of irony, he had turned out to be working for the enemy. Life was a right bastard sometimes.

It was a tempting proposition, but Wesker was nothing if not stubborn. It would be his way, or it would be brutal murder. Even if it meant shooting himself in the foot along the way, he would never yield to compromise. It was important, he reflected, to stand true to one's values.

His arms still wrapped about her in a bear hug, she dropped her weight, bent her knees and grabbed one of his arms and brought him forward over her shoulder, knocking him utterly off-balance. As he fell to the floor, she straddled him. He brought his arm up towards her, and she yanked a knife from her pocket and slammed it through him palm, pinning his hand to the floor, crucifixion style. She pinned his other hand with her foot, still sitting atop him, and delivered a forceful blow to his abdomen. She locked eyes with him, gave him a mischievous smirk, and swiped her bladed glove across his throat, slicing his skin open and listening with satisfaction as he gurgled.

"Go on yourself, Shak!" Claudia whispered triumphantly to herself. "Nail the bastard."

The knife which was imbedded in Wesker's hand began to move upwards, as his flesh knitted together, pushing the blade out of his body. It clattered on the floor, and he picked it up in his newly healed hand and swiped at her stomach. It was a surface cut, but all it did was expose what looked as though it might be body armour. Wesker didn't pay it much attention. He stood up effortlessly, knocking her flat on her back, and then suddenly their positions were reversed, and he was on top with the knife still in his hand. He ran the point of the blade delicately down the unscarred side of her face, trailing a thin cut from her temple to her chin. Pressing his face close to hers, his tongue snaked out to lick the blood from the fresh wound, before pressing his lips onto her mouth, smearing her own blood in a twisted kiss. Grabbing her shoulders, he picked her clean off the ground, and she wrapped her legs around his waist and stuck her fingers into his throat wound.

He slammed her back against the wall and grabbed her underneath the chin, turning her face in the direction of Claudia, and forcing her to lock eyes with the scientist.

"Myself and young Dr Graham are more similar than you realise," he whispered into her ear.

Shak responded by kneeing him in the testicles. She thought her reply was very polite. Wesker's wedding tackle disagreed. On reflex, he slammed her harder into the wall and she let out a groan at the impact. She kicked his leg, before ramming her blades into his kneecap, and as he dropped, she grabbed the back of his head and smashed her own knee into his face.


	52. Finale Part 2

And in that instant, everything changed. They were no longer playing. He thrust a massively powerful fist into her face, his entire body weight behind the blow.

**Fuck.**

Her thoughts snapped closed with amazing accuracy as she shot backwards, a force like a typhoon throwing her whole body as though she was an ant being flicked away from the ground by a cruel child. The speed was bad but the impact was the clincher, the thing which was likely to break her. She wouldn't be able to move.

The wall did not disappoint.

Slamming into it with a brutal enough vigour to knock the wind from her, the break fall she executed was clumsy and did not do much to decrease the momentum as her body flew across the theatre. Landing on some chairs and then from there onto the ground was horrifically painful.

And the pain threatened to cause her to black out. She was so close until the captain looked up, her gaze wavering past him to someone who could never be replaced.

**You need her. I'm sick of being on my own.**

Wesker was looming towards Shakahnna with his back to the young doctor, every fall of his steel-capped boots bringing him ever closer with teasing malice to the redhead. He gave her prone body a rough kick, and she jumped back to minimise the impact. It did, however, still hurt like a whore.

**And I don't want to be accused of premature ejaculation.**

She leapt to her feet with a renewed burst of energy at her own unfathomable internal wit. He wrapped one enormous hand about her throat and lifted her clean off her feet. She hoisted herself up and wrapped her legs around his neck, twisting her body as if to perform a scissors move. The feint worked and he loosed his hold on her neck enough for her to pull into a sitting position and thrust her claws forward into his eyes. He raised his hand at the last second, the flat of his hand perpendicular to the bridge of his nose, but her claws were too long and they smashed through the tinted glass and into his eyeballs.

Temporarily blinded, he knew that his sight would return as rapidly as his other regenerative functions, but the move angered him. Enveloped in darkness, he stepped back, and was unable to see Shakahnna unholstering her Desert Eagle. She emptied a full clip into his face, before reloading and shooting him several times in the torso. Enraged, he charged at her and knocked her down, but she continued to fire from her position on the floor. Even without his sight, he could tell that she was smiling smugly.

He was correct.

She had several clips of ammunition, and only paused between firing to reload, emptying each one into his chest. It was the first time in a _long _time that Wesker could remember being in considerable pain, and it was the closest anyone had come in recent years to incapacitating him. It was a double edged sword. On one hand it was absolutely delightful to have his senses set alight in this manner, but on the other hand there was a distinct loss of control, and he was not happy at any shift in a power balance which was not in his favour. Occasionally he would concede, but inevitably that meant that the control never left his hand, because his concessions were of his own choice. As she ran out of ammo, the STARS captain looked at her gun with a ponderous expression, before hurling it at his head and bringing out a twin set of pistols. The fact that he was, at this moment, still standing, hit her like an express train at that moment, and she realised that things were starting to look distinctly bleak. She ran towards him to execute a kick, but he caught her ankle and twisted it 180 degrees, flipping her entire body over and slamming her face first into the floor.

Pinning her down, he pushed his face into hers. His body was riddled with bullet holes, his hair had become the colour of rust with dried blood, and there were two black sockets in his face, looking for all the world as through they were weeping tears of crimson in floods down his face. It was positively demonic. And as she struggled, she watched the black turn to white, penny shaped disks of gold appearing in the centre, as the first flicker of his reptilian iris returned. The skin on his face began to knit together, until all that was left was the smears of blood. He closed his eyes deliberately, and when he opened them, he shot her a wordless smirk, his eyes fully healed. The balance of power restored, he was feeling considerably more amicable, a state of mind fuelled by the fear which crossed the redhead's bruised face. He gathered up both her wrists in one hand and pinned them above her head, closing his other about her throat. She began to kick and struggle violently, her breathing coming in laboured draws as she fought for the simple act of pulling air into her lungs. But the more she struggle, the worse it got, until the only thing left to do was lie still and see where Wesker wanted to go.

-

Claudia watched the fight between Wesker and Shakahnna with utter horror. It had looked for a moment as though Shak had the upper hand, and, although she couldn't see Wesker's face throughout the whole engagement, it did not take her long to reason that his regeneration must have kicked in.

But her real panic set in as he began to throttle the redhead. She held her breath and watched helplessly as Shakahnna's form flailed.

And then she stopped moving.

_Shak…Shak get up. You have to get up and fight…you have to…_

_Oh God. She's not getting up._

"Shak, you cretin!" she exploded, "I can't fight him. You're our best shot here."

Shakahnna continued to lie unmoving.

Claudia decided it was time for drastic action. If Shak wasn't going to take him out, then she would.

_Or at least…um…sort of…give it a shot…_

_You're a cretin, Claudia, and this is the worst idea you've ever had._

_Well you can get it up you. _

She broke into a run across the auditorium. The sprint gave her some momentum and, taking a flying leap she launched herself at Wesker's back, wrapping her legs about his torso, clutching two hands pulling at his hair for grim life, a look of complete blind rage flushing her pale face.

"GET OFF HER!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, continuing to claw at his face and dig her heels into his sides. "YOU BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED HER, YOU BETTER NOT HAVE FUCKING HURT HER." Much in the manner of an angry puppy, she clamped her teeth down on his ear, and found that she could not in fact even break the skin, so resumed clawing like a wildcat and screaming not-very-cutting insults in his ear. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, YOU'RE EVIL, I HOPE YOU DIE AND GO TO HELL!"

Wesker rose to his feet with a furious Claudia still clinging, and simply looked down at Shak. "You may get up at your leisure," he informed the police officer.

Shak looked up dazedly and gave Claudia a beaming grin and the thumbs up, despite the incapacitating pain she was in. She obviously had a gem of wisdom of her own to add to the spectacle, but she could not find her voice at that particular moment.

Wesker reached over and grabbed Claudia, who was starting to get tired out from her frenzy, by the scruff of the neck. He lifted her clean over the top of his head so that she was dangling in front of him, and walked with her to the other end of the room, where she had been standing previously.

She glared at him, cheeks flushed with rage, before spitting in his face. He gave her a sneer of utter contempt, and produced a handkerchief from his pocket with his free hand, wiped his face, and then dropped her to the ground.

"That is vulgar," he remarked.

She winced as she tumbled into a heap, and looked up at him to give him the full force of her scowl. "You have no right to talk to _anybody _about manners," she snarled.

"Well if you are so insistent of forgoing formalities," he said simply, lowering himself to one knee so that he was at eye level with her. Suddenly she didn't feel quite so brave. "While Miss Taylor catches her breath, if you will, perhaps I can entertain you with a run down of this evening's festivities. I will be entertaining my love to which you will not interrupt. If at any point I have use for you, you will come, you will do as I say, and then you will return here. But if there are to be no false pretences, then let me assure you, you will die this day, Claudia. And should you get any notions of further insubordination, all that will achieve will be a longer and infinitely more painful demise, because you see, Dr Graham, that _is _all you have left to hope for, the right to chose how you expire."

Suddenly Claudia was not feeling so righteously indignant any more. Suddenly, she was terrified. "I don't want to die," she blurted out as icy tears began to form in her eyes, but Wesker's reaction was caught short, and all she saw were claws going through Wesker's stomach, as Shak attacked him from behind.

"Then you need to leave. Now." The redhead met her gaze insistently.

But Wesker's words were still ringing in her ears. If she ran, he would catch her. He was right, if she was going to die, then she wanted it to be quick, and fear kept her rooted to the spot as she shook her head dumbly.

"Clauds, what is wrong with you?! Get out!" She ripped the claws upwards, and a single trail of blood spilled from the corner of Wesker's mouth. "Immediately!"

She looked from Shak, back to Wesker. His stance was impassive and his reptilian eyes were burning into her own frightened stare. He didn't need to speak, she knew exactly what he was telling her. She hung her head miserably and whispered, "No, I'm staying. Don't try and make me go. Cause I can't."

Shak suddenly dearly wished that when Claudia had been given the chance to leave with the helicopter pilot, she'd let her take it. She looked at the younger woman and shook her head, "I'm so sorry." Turning to Wesker, she said sadly, "Come on, this is no fun." Withdrawing her claws, she turned around, leading him away from Claudia. The BOW was well aware of what she was doing, but he could be back over in seconds if he chose, so he followed her willingly. She stood up on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear, "I've got a secret to tell you." Pulling the top of her t shirt down, she revealed her plan B. "You want it…"

She slipped her hand behind his hair and grasped a handful of perfect blond hair, using it to pull his head backwards sinking her teeth into his neck. From the neck to her waist, she was wired up with enough explosives to blast them all to Hell. And the detonator was in her hand, her finger poised.

Of course, time did not pass for Wesker as it did for everyone else.

As sly and fast as a snake that strikes in long grass, Wesker's hand shot out in the fraction of a second it took to comprehend what was undoubtedly intended to the be redhead's parting gift to him.

With a controlled agility which was almost breathtaking to watch, he wrenched the detonator from Shakahnna's hand. Once it was nestled safely in the palm of his hand, he relaxed a little and tutted in his customary mock rebuke.

"Now, now Miss Taylor, didn't your mother ever teach you not to play with fire..."

He shot a knowing glance at Claudia.

"...apparently not."

Slamming her against the wall so hard that the plaster began to splinter, he thrust his face into hers with a snarl.

"How dare you try and take away what is mine? Did you honestly believe that your kamikaze little plan would afford you and the doctor the mercy of a swift death?" he growled, before breaking out into a low laugh, "Well my dear, you are original in your endeavours if nothing else..."

He smirked sadistically as he slipped his hand under the fabric of her top, almost seductively, before giving an effortless tug and ripping a fistful of C4 away from her chest, tossing it to the floor contemptuously.

Claudia's jaw dropped. She hadn't understood what was going on at first, partly because she was too scared, and partly because Wesker and Shak were out of earshot, but the sight of the explosives on the floor made it perfectly clear. "Shak, what the HELL are you playing at?!" she screamed from her corner, "When did you become a fucking Arab?!" She hung her head.

_Shak is supposed to be plan B. If she doesn't want to live, then neither of us are going to get out alive. _

Shak began to laugh manically.

**That was the only thing that was currently going my way. We're fucked. Up the arse. With a stick.**

It had been her last resort. And it had failed. Spectacularly, casually and brutally. It had failed.

"Fuck this. I've had enough. I've been out here for a _week._ I'm fucking shattered. I want to go home to my bed. Note, the bed of my hostel, cause I can't keep down a fucking house, because _you're a shit_. If you're going to keep breaking my toys, I'm not going to fucking play with you," Shakahnna looked almost as though she would cry. Her words were characteristically flippant, but the sentiment was genuine. She had reached the end of her tether. About three days ago. There was no tether left. The tether had been terminated. Wesker had, in fact, urinated on the tether.

And even if her thoughts were manifesting themselves in a manner which could be considered comedic, it did not change the fact that she was currently sitting on the floor and refusing to get up.

"My feet hurt," she continued, "My back hurts. This is pish. I feel like I've been chewing on razor blades, and you can suck my cock because that's it. I've had enough. Fuck you."

And so she refused to move.

Wesker reached out and hauled her to her feet with one hand, snatching at her in rage. But she kept her body obstinately limp, and he let her fall to the floor again.

"You still have one toy left that's not broken," he reminded her dangerously.

"Couldn't you just pay someone to kick you in the nuts?" she asked, a weary tone in her voice.

He grabbed her arm and began to drag her across the floor, but she still maintained her cross legged position stubbornly. But Wesker was equally stubborn, barbarically so, in fact, and he refused to pander to her.

He saw no need to play such infantile games.

"Doctor, be an obedient little mouse and come over here," he threw over his shoulder.

She took a deep breath and gulped, before getting to her feet reticently. It seemed like such a long walk across the auditorium. Wesker gripped her arm, and she tensed, wondering why he was doing that.

"I'm not going to run away," she blurted out, hoping that he would let go.

Wesker merely smirked. A shot of genuine, cold terror ran through her, and she suddenly realised that the best thing she could have done was run. But of course, there was no where to run to. And as he hauled Shak to her feet with his other hand, she could tell that something really terrible was coming. He orchestrated them as though they were no more than dolls, and he was the puppeteer. And while Claudia was trying, in blind panic, to pull away from him, Shak had realised what was happening, and was struggling with real violence.

"It seems your protector no longer wishes to assist you Doctor. In fact, it seems as though suddenly the tables have been turned…" Wesker's voice oozed calm superiority.

"What do you…?" Claudia began, but she trailed off as she realised that the point of Shakahnna's claws were level with her stomach. "No…" She shook her head and began to kick out frantically, first at him, but then at Shakahnna too, as white hot terror took hold, and bile began to rise in her throat.

Shakahnna tried to close her fist so that her claws were pointing backwards, but Wesker simply squeezed on her broken fingers, until she was forced to straighten out her hand. He began to slowly inch her blades towards the frightened girl; Wesker saw no need for haste. As the first tip of Shakahnna's blades broke through her flesh, it was oddly unarousing.

Claudia let out an anguished scream as she felt the sharp, cold metal bore slowly into her stomach, cutting through her flimsy blouse easily and gouging five bloody indentations into her torso. She tried to grit her teeth, tried to be brave for Shak, but she just couldn't, her fear making the pain ten times worse.

"Stop...oh please stop!" the ashen faced girl wept as she felt the warm trickles of blood flow over the bruised skin, her eyes squeezed tightly closed as she fought to breath, fought to recoil away from the grip she was locked in.

The air was torn apart with screams, and Claudia assumed they were hers, but the reality was that the younger of the two was in too much pain to scream, biting down on her lower lip so hard that a tiny smear of blood was flowing over her chin.

The screams were Shakahnna's.

"For her?" he spat, a momentary lapse of self control, "For that?" He shook Shakahnna's charge roughly as the demonic smile left his lips and was replaced by a hard look of pure outrage which he fought to smooth down. "In that case, my dear heart, we simply cannot forgo the company of the good doctor, as I had originally planned..." he turned his attention to the scientist who was now bleeding profusely, "Do you hear that, Miss Graham? It appears that your company would in fact be most agreeable to my sweet redhead. Are you not glad?"

With the claws imbedded halfway into Claudia's abdomen, he slowly dragged Shakahnna's hand in a vertical line, slicing through the thin skin as if it were paper.

The auburn haired girl threw back her head and wailed, her face ghostly white and her skin clammy with the effort of simply breathing through the burning frost that ripped through her torso. Her body was rigid, as though a lack of movement would make it be over quicker.

"STOP IT! SHAK PLEASE STOP!" the words came in strangled howls, "PLEASE SHAK I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE!"

"Come now, Miss Taylor, can't you see you're _hurting_ her...?" he chided, before tightening his grip on the redhead's arm, forcing it to twist at an angle so that Claudia's efforts to stay still and prevent further aggravation of her pain were entirely in vain.

"Aren't you _enjoying _this?" he whispered into the redhead's ear. Shakahnna's response rang out loud and clear as the sickening _crack _of her shoulder dislocated, as she made a last ditch attempt to pull herself free. She sank to one knee, her arm dangling uselessly in Wesker's grasp, as her claws slid out as slowly as they had entered. He let Claudia drop to the floor, and turned on his former lover.

"Tsk..tsk...tsk..." he fretted sardonically, "This will never do, will it my love? I know how much you value your ability to take care of yourself."

With a look of pure concern that was utterly and completely insincere, he trailed his hand over her shoulder and gripped the useless arm, giving it a tug, just cruelly enough to make her feel the full force of her injury without actually inflicting further damage.

"Tell me where it hurts, won't you dear?" he spat before bracing her other shoulder and popping the arm back into the socket. It clicked into place with a sickening crack, as bone squealed against bone in angry protest.

This was horrible. Of all the places she'd been, and all the things that had happened, this was the worst. And it made her so scared, she thought she might throw up. It was with the snap of bone that it became all too apparent, all too blindingly clear, that tonight would be her last stand. And she was all for going out in a blaze of glory, but that wasn't what this would be. And every time she thought of where this was going, she couldn't stop shaking. The police officer remembered how she'd felt after she'd escaped from Wesker's complex the first time, she'd spent hours in the corner, just hugging herself. And right now, it seemed like the most alluring option in the world. She couldn't think straight, her thoughts becoming garbled rubbish. And she couldn't even save Claudia. The _only _thing she'd set out to do. It was just asking too much.

Claudia lay in a crumpled heap on the floor. This was not an irregular occurrence, but her posture this time was not a result of clumsiness, but malice. There was a steadily growing pool of blood around her shaking form, and her hands were pressed tightly to her stomach, her shoulders trembling with the effort of stemming the flow. She tried to cough, wanted to vomit, but her torn muscles would not allow it, and a pale coloured liquid spilled from her lips instead. She tried to concentrate, on something, on how they would get out, and how she could make things right, but there was a roaring pain clamouring for attention. It was a similar sensation to being on a train, trying to read the station signs as they flashed past, but only being able to make out the beginning of the word, before they were out of reach again. The room might have been spinning, she wasn't sure. Her face had taken on a ghastly grey tinge as, partly from horror and partly from pain, she began to slip into shock, the dim light of the theatre fading to black.

Wesker took offence at this. From one of the many pockets of his utility belt he procured a small vial, filled with rotten coloured grains and dipped his fingers into it. Stooping on one knee, he grabbed one of Claudia's pigtails and yanked her head back, smearing the salts across the lower half of her face with such force that the now grazed skin oozed blood in places. They had such a strong, vile smell that her drooping eyelids snapped open at once, just in time to see a dim shape hurtling towards Wesker's golden head in the form of a chair as wielded by Shakahnna.

She had taken a flying leap at his head and smashed it down with all the force she could muster. It barely dazed him but it had attracted his attention. He looked over his shoulder, his eyes moving just slightly quicker than his head. She raised the chair again and swung it across his face, snapping it to one side. He simply turned around, kicked her square in the chest, and sent her flying across the room. There was a very audible thump, but Claudia did not see her smash against the wall for the second time that evening.

Shak tried to remember the last time she had been in this much pain, but for the life of her, she couldn't think of it. And while she was telling her body to move, it wasn't responding, and her headache was so loud it was drowning out her thoughts.

Wesker had been aware that, at some point this evening, things may have escalated to the point of violence against either woman, as such that the supplement he was about to provide would be necessary. And as usual, he was not mistaken. Gripping Claudia's jaw between his thumb and forefinger, he forced her mouth open. She put up a small struggle, but for the most part was too dazed to comprehend what was happening. Had he been mere mortal, he would still have been able to manipulate her jaw with ease. It was not his own abundance of strength, rather her lack thereof. In his hand were two pills.

"There, there, Miss Graham, this will help with the pain. I'm not entirely heartless."

Such was the state of affairs that tears of gratitude rolled down her cheeks, despite everything, and she swallowed them readily.

Everything was coming back into focus, and…if they were for the pain…why did Wesker look so utterly pleased with himself? And why wasn't the pain going away?

"What did you give me…?" she choked out through gritted teeth. Where was that blessed dizziness, the nausea that was about to black everything out?

(And if ever there was an appropriate sentence to be met with the word false)

"Surely all that valuable medical expertise we instilled in you was not in vain," he responded.

_So essentially "Figure it out for your fucking self"? _She thought bitterly, _Great, there are a million and one things he could have given me. God, I hope it's not a virus. _

And then it hit her. The searing pain was as bad as ever, but she was able to see straight, and although she was still trembling, there were no dark spots at the edge of her vision threatening to crowd in. And it was no testament to her own physical endurance.

"Something to stop me going into shock…from passing out…?!"

And Wesker's smirk answered the question for her.

"You couldn't even give me that?" she breathed, "You couldn't even let me pass out…"

"If you are going to resent anything, resent your own weakness," he replied coldly.

And at that moment, she did. In fact, she resented just about everything. Even Daniel, for putting her in this situation. At least his death had been quick. For her, lying bleeding and in agony on the cold floor, death seemed such a long way off. And when those claws had pierced her skin, somehow the hope of making it out alive had started to vanish. She was glad that she didn't believe in an afterlife. It was too much to think that maybe Daniel could see her now. She was more ashamed at the sight of her own blood than she was at having slept with Jonathon. And the times she'd spent with the younger Lancaster had been both the happiest, and most miserable of her life. Maybe that was how these things worked. There was no black and white. Nobody was really a hero or a villain.

Except Wesker.

He was pure, unadulterated evil, and he oozed it as much as he oozed his innate charm as he strode towards Shakahnna. She was coughing into her hand, her sputum stained pink, and pushing up on one arm to struggle vertical.

"Allow me to assist, Miss Taylor," he offered genially, extending his hand. She responded by biting his fingers, drawing blood and spitting it onto the floor defiantly. He put both hands around her waist and raised her gently to her feet.

She gave him a murderous glare.

"If you would be so generous as to accompany me," he said, motioning to the front row of seats.

"I'll be so generous as to tell you, you can kiss my arse," she shot back. "In fact, what's the point in you even asking?"

He looked casually over at Claudia and shook his head. "Miss Taylor, you disappoint me. I would hate to have you force my hand into doing something as barbaric as breaking your friend's neck."

"I stand by my initial statement of why did you bother asking," she said, as she began to walk. She hadn't noticed before, but the middle seat had been reupholstered. While the surrounding seats were dingy and had fallen into disuse, this one was immaculate. There was a small cream card with "Reserved" written on it, in perfect italics.

Shak let out a hysterical laugh. It was as manic as her previous displays of mirth, but the sentiment behind it was one of genuine fear. "You've completely lost it! The lights are on, but nobody's home. We are missing the crisps in our picnic. There is a deck of cards without any aces. What the _hell _is wrong with you? I used to mix my drinks with _petrol _and this is the weirdest fucking thing I've ever seen." Sitting down, she clasped the hair at the top of her head and tugged on it, gritting her teeth and sighing deeply.

"Tonight the good doctor will be acting as our stagehand," he said, brushing off her insults nonchalantly.

There was a loud sob from Claudia, as fresh tears began to roll down her face. "I can't move," she cried, "You can't gut someone then ask them to move…"

"I would not like to ask Shakahnna to have to encourage you once more," he said, letting his gaze trail from the bespectacled girl back to his former lover.

She squeezed her eyes closed. "I can't…" she choked out, but blind fear was making her claw her way to her feet, holding onto a nearby chair for support.

Shakahnna gritted her teeth and stared resolutely at the floor, as a shrill scream rang out from Claudia as she tried to make her way to the stage.

In reality, the wounds were around an inch deep. Having gone in at an angle, the pain was excruciating, but without the potential to be fatal. Such was Wesker's finesse with blades.

Despite the fact that it had taken Claudia nearly ten minutes to reach the stage, Wesker offered no assistance, and repeated the same promises every time Shak rose to help. Once she reached the steps at the side, she collapsed, coughing and weeping violently.

"Enough!" Shakahnna sprung to her feet and barked the word out hoarsely.

Wesker looked down at her coldly and began to walk towards Claudia, stopping midway to procure something from his bag. He was loathe to waste them, he reflected, as he threw a roll of bandages towards the younger girl. "You're bleeding on my stage," he observed menacingly.

Claudia began to gingerly wrap them around herself, wincing as she clumsily tried to stem the blood flow. He was about to interrupt her touching little performance, when he noticed that Shak had sat back down. He waited until she was finished before sneering at her. "Those were supposed to be to clean up the stage," he said slowly, as though it should have been obvious. "You may use your garments instead." He spoke as though Claudia would somehow be aghast at her mistake.

She looked at him dumbly for a few seconds, her brow creased in pain and puzzlement, and more than a healthy measure of disbelief, before she burst into tears again, and began to shakily mop up the puddle of blood with the fringes of her skirt.

He glanced upwards briefly in an expression of resigned patience, before sighing. "That is…" She held her breath, "…acceptable," he finished. With an expansive gesture, he motioned to the pulley system which operated the curtains and smiled. "On my signal."

Shak was sitting in her specially prepared seat, clenching her fists at the sight of the mess Claudia was in. While the spectrum of their injuries were vastly different, it looked all the much more horrific on Claudia than it would Shak, or in fact any other soldier. It was almost too disgusting for her to watch, and she'd been so caught up in this fact that she hadn't even stopped to wonder what it might be that Wesker had for her. He was making his way to centre stage at that very moment.

"I would hate for you to think," he began, and although his voice was not particularly loud, it resonated throughout the hall, "That during our time apart, I had been frivolous in my endeavours. And as such, I have prepared a little montage, a small token of my affection, if you will." He signalled to Claudia, and there was a small whimper, as the curtains began to creep back slowly, the stage enveloped in darkness. He snapped his fingers, and illumination flooded the boards.

And Shakahnna began to scream.

Hysterically, loudly, violently; over and over again as audible bursts of grief left her body.

It was her team. Every single member of her team.

And they were all dead.

But not just her team, there was an array of faces from her past. Former colleagues, what little friends she had had, the young newlywed couple who had lived next door, now disgustingly decayed. Maggots squirmed in lifeless eye sockets, stunned by the sudden light. Angela was there too, and Herrison. All the corpses were arranged like marionettes, strings tied to each limb, holding them upright and twisted into grotesque positions, like broken puppets. They had all been executed in a different fashion, but one thing was consistent. They all had their mouths stitched shut. And on those who had faces left, it was all too obvious that this had been to silence their screams. Some had their throats slit, some their wrists. Others had been disembowelled, a ghastly crimson smile where they had no mouth, and entrails spewing forth from its lips. Decapitation with heads sewn crudely back on, dismemberment in much the same fashion. People who had been strangled, drowned, despite the heat of the lamps their skin could not shake the blue tinge, and their eyes continued to bulge as though they would pop out at any moment.

Shak began to throw up from the force of her screams, choking out acrid vomit onto the floor. Even through the sickness, she continued to scream, in between each retch.

It wasn't until the splitting screams began that Claudia looked up. In her time at OCRC she had seen bodies which were ravaged by some of the worst diseases known to man, but this surpassed all of that. This was grotesque in its artistry, a classical vision of Hell, brought to reality by an all too skilled craftsman. Not least by the fact that there were three bodies she recognised. Pierce, who had died by her own hand, Angela, who she hadn't even realised was dead, and Herrison…Hunk. Her protector. She had to look away when she noticed Herrison's corpse, staring reproachfully at her with desperate, dead eyes. "Alex…" she whispered, inaudible beneath the screams of her friend.

But then suddenly, the noise stopped. The screams cut out as abruptly as they had began. Wesker was looking accusingly at Claudia, as though whatever had happened was somehow her fault, and she began to cry, and actually wish for Shakahnna to scream again, because she couldn't take any more punishment.

But Shakahnna was motionless. Her eyes were glassy and her lips slightly parted, as though a fuse had blown in her mind. Her gaze wandered absently over the bodies, over Claudia, and finally to the good-looking male in front of her.

"Who are all those people?" she asked, confused, "Who is that girl? Why is she bleeding?" She looked up at Wesker as though she fully expected him to explain.

Wesker narrowed his slitted eyes at Shakahnna's query, registering the blankness on her face. For a moment he was puzzled, wondering if this was some desperate game she had concocted to try and catch him off his guard.

The thought of Shakahnna's mental breakdown. of her retreating somehow to a place where he would be unable to cause her further misery, was more than an inconvenience.

It was an outrage.

"Your obtuseness is a most unwise course of action," he informed her, his tone calm through his seething undertones, "Let us see if we can't give you a little reminder of your current predicament?"

He shot forward, a blur of motion due to his growing impatience.

_**I won't have this...I'll make her feel something...**_


	53. Final

Before the wounded doctor had a chance to register what was happening, Wesker had caught her by the scruff of her neck, holding the girl on her tiptoes. She cried out and tried desperately to curl back into a ball, clutching her stomach frantically, but her captor would have none of it, shaking her violently until she complied and loosened her tenseness, the palms of her hands still spread flat across the bleeding area as she gasped and yelped at the sensation of stretching out again.

_Shak do something...help me! Please!_ she pleaded silently, too scared to voice her thoughts.

The bespectacled scientist closed her eyes and tried to brace herself for whatever was coming, sobbing under her breath.

-

Wesker raised a quizzical eyebrow at the redhead as he slammed his fist into Claudia's torn abdomen and her frantic screaming began to rip through the auditorium once more.

_**That should do the trick... **_

Shakahnna paid no heed to the world around her. When no reply came from the person who had seemed oddly familiar, she looked around, her eyes drinking in the features but unable to actually see anything, or process the information at all. There was nothing really in this place but it was quiet. And for some reason that felt strangely comforting. At the back of her mind there was a tiny cry, something yelping out for help. Whether it was internally her sanity screaming out or the cries of the doctor it was impossible to tell. A small part of her brain demanded that she spring into action but the positive schizophrenia that had developed earlier in her life made it impossible. Her delusions were so great that she was almost completely cut off from the outside world. No pain registered and certainly not any plea for help.

Sitting down on the floor, she trailed one long nail through a pile of bloody vomit, tracing lines and patterns in it, the chunky liquid rolling from her finger as she attempted to write her name but not quite being able to remember what it was and being content to just continue with her aimless amblings.

Wesker glared angrily at the shell of a woman from whom he could provoke no reaction, one eyebrow still raised in a curious mixture of annoyance and amusement. He cast a glance at Claudia, whose screams were dying into frantic whimpers and sneered coldly.

With a gesture as though he were slowly and deliberately dropping something very disgusting to him, he let the doctor fall once more. She landed hard on her feet before toppling over and curling up again on her side, grateful for the marginal relief of just being able to lie on the floor and whimper.

The flaxen-headed bioweapon strode slowly, deliberately, walking the length of the amphitheatre until he was so far from the doctor's blurred and cracked line of vision that for the briefest of moments she thought he might have actually got bored and left.

Not so.

He reappeared within the minute, a large black briefcase dangling idly from his pale fingers, a teasing smile on his face as he opened the pack. The rest of the bag's contents were not visible, but he procured a single syringe. And Claudia could only imagine what was in it. She watched through her blood spattered lenses as he bent over her with monstrous tenderness, but the minute he touched her at all, her body began to flail and kick out wildly, the needle breaking off in her skin before he had the chance to inject the contents. Throwing it to one side, he retrieved another and repeated the same action, tossing the broken implement to the floor with barely concealed frustration.

Claudia bit back tears, and in spite of herself felt a grim smile playing about her lips. Wherever Shak was, Wesker couldn't touch her there. She was safe in her own world, and it was a small victory, but somehow, it was a shared one.

Until she realised that Wesker's attention was no longer on Shak. "Is there something you would care to share?" he frowned.

"She beat you," Claudia replied simply, looking him levelly in the eyes.

There was a flash of motion, and Wesker had her by a fistful of her hair, forcing her to struggle on her tiptoes as the pull threatened to lift her much higher. With one brutal, fluid motion, he threw her to the floor in front of Shakahnna, and she landed with a scream.

Her eyes darted wildly towards the redhead, looking for all the world like a child at play, lost in her own world of make believe. But this was not what drew her desperate attention. With trembling fingers, she darted forward and snatched the desert eagle from its holster. Jamming the barrel in her mouth, she locked eyes with Wesker, before squeezing them shut. Two icy tears rolled down her cheeks as she pulled the trigger.

_Click._

Nothing happened. She pulled it again. And again, frantically. But the gun was empty. It had been her last shot to escape, and it was empty.

"How very droll…" he observed.

"A masterpiece of comic timing," she agreed, in a bitter whisper. She reached for the second gun, but found Wesker's foot crushing her fingers. "You said if I did what you said, I could choose how I died," she gasped, "What more could you possibly want?"

"Now that's not strictly true," he replied, "I said you could choose whether you died slowly or quickly."

"Then let me go quickly!" she screamed, trying to wrench her hand out from under his boot.

"Surely you don't want to die without first having confessed?"

"Confessed?" Her pupils dilated and her skin took on a grey pallor. "No."

He handed her the syringe and she clutched it in her free hand, staring at it as though it burned. "This is a more concentrated form of the pills our beloved STARS captain was taking. So you can try to inject it into yourself, but all that will ensure will be that you are psychosis free for the remainder of the evening."

"I'm not doing it, Wesker."

"But Miss Graham, I thought your choice was a quick death?"

"Not at that price." She let the syringe slide gently to the floor.

_What do I have left to lose?_

"You are condemning Shakahnna to unspeakable acts if you will not assist," he warned her.

"But she won't be able to feel it. And even if I cooperate, I don't believe for one second that will change how you act, because we've been playing that game all night," she replied sadly.

"You and I have some differences of opinion, Claudia. You see, I suspect that your definition of "slow" is one that ends this evening. Whereas I would consider that to be relatively swift. A more fitting definition of the word would be days…weeks…perhaps even years. A truly talented executioner can take their victim on the slow path to demise one torturous inch at a time…"

With every single word that spilled from her lips, fresh tears spilled from her red raw eyes. She took the needle up again in trembling hands, and tried to tell herself this was for the best, that Shak wouldn't want her to be suffering either.

"Hey, come on," she said gently, choking back sobs, "I'm gonna give you a shot, you have to let me, ok?"

Instantly, at the sound of a friendly and reassuring voice, a voice that was vaguely familiar, Shakahnna relaxed, the tension leaving her body. She extended one arm compliantly.

Claudia's bottom lip began to tremble.

_She trusts you._

"No!" The auburn haired girl threw the syringe to the floor, and the contents shattered on the ground. She couldn't do it, couldn't betray someone she cared about so deeply. "I _won't _do it!"

"You bring these things on yourself, don't you?" Wesker remarked idly, although his brows furrowed enough to show his irritation. He slapped her relatively lightly across the face with the tips of his fingers, and the fact that she whimpered and went careering across the floor annoyed him. He strode over to where she lay, and knelt beside her, removing her spectacles, folding them and putting them in his pocket. She barely registered the action as, taking one heavy boot, he planted the sole roughly into her face, forcing her cheek against the ground. "This is your last chance to reconsider, Dr Graham."

She couldn't answer him, she couldn't open her mouth, but even if she had been able to, she had no intention of telling him what he wanted to hear. He dragged the sole of his boot down her face, one side burning from the friction of the rubber, and the other from the carpet, as her whole body shook. She could feel her teeth trapped between the two, and in a horrible moment of clarity realised that if he pushed any harder her jaw might crack. He lifted his foot and she cried out in relief, but he merely delivered a callous kick to the bottom of her heels, sending an unbearably painful jar all the way up her legs. His lips were pale, a hue to match his lack of arousal, his actions utterly unemotional, utterly callous.

And he was bored. This was taking too long.

He gave a parting kick to her stomach, causing the wounds to tear further. As she wailed and clung to her injuries for dear life, pulling her knees towards her chest, he took one of the discarded vials in his fist, grabbing Shakahnna's lower jaw with his other hand and forcing her mouth open. Crushing it in his grip, the liquid seeped through his fingers into her mouth.

"Spit it out!" Claudia screamed, but it was too late. She had already swallowed it.

"It's a shame," Wesker began, "That she couldn't see the one act that would confirm that the undeserved affection she has for you is reciprocated. I'm sure it would have some bearing on the decision she will have to make when she awakens."

And all at once, Claudia understood her part in all of this, the reason she was here, the reason he had kept her alive and conscious. "You're going to make me tell her?!" It was too cruel to both of them, even for Wesker. "That's it, isn't it? I tell her that I work…_worked_…for Umbrella, and she kills me?" Claudia had always been brought up with the idea that if there was a riddle, you solved it. But as she began to hyperventilate, she realised that this was proving to be a disadvantage, because she really, _really _didn't want to know this. But ignorance, much like innocence lost, is something you can never reclaim. "I'd rather die by your hand than hers," she wept.

"Time will tell if you get your wish," he remarked snidely, despite the fact that they both knew what the outcome to this would be. "So tell me, how do you think she'll do it? I recall at the beginning of the meeting she said she would shoot you out of respect. Do you think after all this time has elapsed, after such a bond has grown, that she will adhere to the same protocol…?"

"Shut up!" His words were like poison, worming their way into her head.

He did not. "…and the death of her colleague…what _do _you think she'll make of that?"

_Pierce…_

Claudia had all but forgotten. It had been the first human life she had taken, and it had not crossed her mind until now. "Shut up…" she whispered tearfully, a cold feeling closing in her stomach.

Shakahnna stirred in her sleep, mumbling to herself a little, as coherency gradually dawned, staying for now just marginally out of reach.

"She won't believe you," Claudia hissed.

"You're right," he conceded, and for a moment she thought she was off the hook, until he continued. "But she'll believe you."

"I won't tell her."

"How will you be able to look her in the eye and lie to her?"

At this she fell silent. Perhaps it was the power of Wesker's suggestion, perhaps her own conscience, but she knew he was right.

"If you knew you only had one night to live, what would you do with that night?" he prompted.

"Put things right," she blurted out. "I want to make things right. Can't I make everything ok?"

"So I can rely on your cooperation then?"

She barely managed a nod as she began to weep hysterically once more. Through pain and fear her nerves were utterly frayed, and she would have agreed to anything if she thought it might bring her the tiniest bit of comfort.

"Now, Miss Graham, that wasn't so hard now, was it?" It was the feigned gentleness which broke her down. It was shameful that she would do almost anything for a kind word at this stage. Even from him. "Now, my Shakahnna will be awake soon. Do not make a nuisance of yourself. The shadows are a place infinitely more becoming for you." He handed her back her spectacles and she fumbled with them for a moment, before half-crawling, half dragging herself behind some chairs, where she curled up and cried as quietly as possible. She wondered when her world had gone so crazy that it was sweet relief simply to lie still and concentrate on the burning pain that tore through her torso.

There was a loud groan from Shakahnna, and Wesker was at her side in an instant.

"What are you doing here?" she mumbled, half asleep, "I've got work soon…" The redhead groped about for something sharp, "Don't wake me up…" she paused, "Unless you're here so I can get laid, in which case you can stay."

"Perhaps…" He kept his voice, as ever, teasingly neutral. It was obvious that she had regressed to her past, to a stage when it was still safe for him to be there.

On all fours she reached up and pulled him towards her, running her claws across the side of his cheek and turning his gaze away from her. "Don't look at me," she said playfully. "Goosey goosey gander…" she chided, pulling him in for a long slow kiss.

And yet it was unusual. She opened her eyes.

**Hang on…**

His hair was a mess. His suit was not immaculate, as was his custom.

Her face was sore and her clothes were ripped. Good night last night? No, something more.

There was no gun under her pillow.

There was no pillow.

She was in a theatre.

"Urgh!" Everything flooded back in one sickening rush, and she kicked him full force in the stomach, scrambling backwards on her hands and hauling herself to her feet.

"YOU _FUCK,_ WESKER, YOU ABSOLUTE _FUCK_!" she was screaming in his face.

"Something not to your liking, Captain?" he enquired innocently, as though for all the world he genuinely could not see what the problem was.

"I'M NOT A FUCKING CAPTAIN ANY MORE! YOU KILLED MY TEAM! MY WHOLE FUCKING TEAM!" her voice was starting to rasp, but she continued to bellow. In one swift, desperate motion, she held her claws to her own throat, pressing them so that blood was already seeping from the tenderised skin.

"Promise me you don't hurt Claudia any more," she spat, green eyes blazing. "And none of that funny shit you pulled earlier. You don't directly or indirectly lay another finger on her."

There was a pause and she dug the claws in deeper.

"You're quick," she told him, "But you're just not that quick. So you give me your word," she grinned maddeningly, "Or else I'll be smiling at you from a different mouth."

"Why Miss Taylor, you offend me. Of course you have my word." And he could make that promise securely, because he knew he wouldn't have to lay another hand on the younger girl.

And at his words she removed her claws immediately. Forcing Wesker to agree to anything was a minefield, and now she had what she wanted even Shak wasn't going to make things worse by being wide.

"How _dare _you?" she demanded of him quietly. "Why do you keep doing this?"

"Because I can," he responded, dangerously calm. The boredom of eternity was a perilous sin.

He made a lunge for her, eager to satiate his bloodlust, and at first she did not appear to move, but at the last moment she slid down, thrusting her leg in front of his. Despite her short legs, there had never been a time when she had not successfully executed a scissors move, but while she had the strength in her legs to twist him over, her broken hands would not support her body weight, and they both tumbled to an undignified heap on the floor. Wesker gritted his teeth. She had let him down, and so she would be punished. He drove his knee into her ribs and there was a sickening crack as he abandoned restraint and went straight for broken bones. Shakahnna let out a howl of pain, which faded off into a wheeze as her eyes began to water and her vision swam for a moment. She tried to push him off, but he was in no mood to yield, and she was in no state to fight properly. He simply grabbed her wrist and squeezed.

"Going…home now," she choked.

She was not going anywhere, and Wesker emphasised the point by twisting her arm backwards and snapping it. The clear, clean break of bone rang out through the auditorium.

"Jesus!" Claudia squeezed her eyes closed and tried to block out the sickening sound which still echoed in her head.

_He's losing it. He's properly fucking losing control. He's going to kill her._

Wesker threw a look over his shoulder at Claudia, as if to remind her that he was still aware of her presence, before simply staring at Shak, drinking in the sight of her battered and broken form. It was, he reflected, simply exquisite.

Without detracting his view from Shakahnna, he rose to his feet. He gave a slight nod of his head to summon Claudia, and it took the younger girl a full few minutes to realise that he was waiting for her. Her stomach gave a sickening lurch as she staggered over, bent almost double.

"Come, Shakahnna, won't you take a closer look at the young lady for whom you have suffered so much...? he purred.

With a seductive glint in his burning eyes, Wesker bit down on his own lower lip slowly, deliberately, teasingly. Blood flowed from the self inflicted wound, the overspill running from the corners of his pale mouth, adding to his monstrously carnal appearance, a flash of a smirk crossing his face.

He bent down slowly so that Claudia was at eye level with him, he let his gaze slip away from Shakahnna, his eyes immediately flashing red with disgust as he sneered at the trembling scientist for a few interminable moments before spitting full in her face. She whimpered as a spray of crimson showered her ashen features, blood mixing with the tears that trickled mutely down her cheeks.

"Does this elicit any memories in that sweet, psychotic head of yours, Miss Taylor?" he taunted.

She struggled to sit up, trying to brace herself against the stage, and Wesker offered her a hand in a gentlemanly manner which was all the more sinister for being completely genuine. She looked at him with scorn and raised herself of her own painful accord.

"I advise you, Miss Taylor, for your own safety, you may wish to pay attention…" he began but was interrupted as Claudia staggered forward.

"Shak, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!" she babbled, distressed beyond coherence, "Please, I'm so sorry, it's my fault and I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

And suddenly something clicked in Shakahnna's memory. The redhead tilted her head to one side, her customary gesture when something puzzled her. "Do I…know you from somewhere?" she asked slowly. "No…I _do _know you from somewhere…"

"Don't make me do this," Claudia breathed, her voice little more than a whisper, "There must be some other way, there must be…"

"Ignoring a direct question," Wesker rebuked softly, "Daniel would be ashamed of your manners."

_A shared memory was evoked. Clinical white hallways, strong smell of antiseptic, the sound of a neck breaking, and a body slumping to the ground. Frantic footsteps thundering along the corridor, unheeded by the child whose cheerful humming echoed in the corridor. Then the sound of a cup smashing, tea spilling onto the ground as two girls, one covered from head to toe in blood, and the other impossibly young, collided in the middle of what was a prison to one, and home to the other._

_Orders demanding release, authoritarian and begging all at once. The frantic fumbling of a scared child, the sound of a keycard going through a reader, a grateful rambling of thanks quickly fading off into the background, the breeze of air as he made his way onto the scene. His face had not seemed any different, but anger radiated off him in waves, the promise of repercussions, and the screaming of Umbrella employees drowning out the shrill, frightened sobs of the child in the corridor._

"Oh no…no no no no…" Shak began to shake her head.

Claudia took a deep breath and hung her head, "I work for Umbrella," she mumbled.

Tears began to spring to Shakahnna's eyes, which gave way to quiet, heartrending sobs. One arm dangled uselessly as the other covered her face and she repeated denials over and over again. "It's him, he's making you say this."

"I wish he was," Claudia replied sadly, too utterly ashamed to even cry as she reached into her pocket and handed the redhead her identification. "But it's true. I always have." Her voice cracked, "It was me, in the labs. I let you out."

Shak didn't have anything to say. There was nothing she could say, nothing she could do save cry louder. A thin smile spread across Wesker's face.

Her grief intensifying, her sobs whispering gently in his ear, his tight little smirk began to widen into a thin lipped smile which crept across his face uncontrollably at the sight of Shakahnna broken at last, until eventually he was grinning wickedly. Never in his whole life had he felt more exhilarated, more satisfied than that blissful moment when he...

...won.

And yet it was a tainted victory. She was not crying for him, not weeping because of some vile action he had laid against her, but because of little Claudia. How ironic that, after facing down against every sadistic mind game he could throw at her, every iron clad blow he loosed upon her body, it was something so small and pathetic as this little girl that would be her undoing.

He turned to the ashen doctor, whose mouth was wide open in horror and smiled courteously, feeling a wave of pure satisfaction from the redheads growing anger, "I really must thank you, dear Claudia. I assure you, the pleasure has been all mine..." he released her from his grip, "But I don't believe your company is required any longer."

He arched an eyebrow at Shakahnna, "In light of these events," he began, "I have a proposition for you. Despite my severe disappoint, and taking into consideration the fact that you are frankly an embarrassment, the fact remains that I am still in requirement of your company. And so, on to business. Here's the little traitor you suffered so much for..."

Claudia sank limply to her knees in front of Shakahnna, her chest constricted with the sheer force of her grief and remorse. She was covered in dirt and caked in blood, a pale and trembling wreck of a girl, her head bowed miserably, droplets of tears falling at the redhead's feet. She wanted to apologise, to finally get off her chest the fact that so many people were dead because of her, that she had made so many mistakes, that she deserved this and that she would give anything to take it all back, but she was too disgusted with herself to say anything save, "You can kill me."

She had to kill her. Claudia worked for Umbrella. It was the rules. They were the bad guys. And she felt so angry with her for doing this. All this time she'd been lying. And Shak didn't want to let personal feeling interfere. She only ever killed those who were guilty, and she was so angry. But even before the question had time to form itself, she knew why Claudia had did it. And for a moment, she thought she might hate her. How could she not? After everything they had gone through, they were the only ones left.

"How could you do this?" she demanded. "You're all fucking sick, every single fucking one of you." The internal debate raged over whether she should kill the doctor. She rounded on Wesker. "You knew she was Umbrella, and you never said!"

Wesker pursed his lips. "It slipped my mind," he said nonchalantly. "But Miss Taylor, the matter at hand…"

It would be so much easier, Shak reflected, if she couldn't tell that Claudia felt bad. And she must have been really punished when she let Shak out. No amount of self-imposed ignorance made that conclusion avoidable. If she'd let anyone else out, she might have gotten away with it, but not Shak. And thus it lead her to here. Her only friend was an Umbrella worker, but what came first? The fact that she was a friend, or the fact that she was an Umbrella worker? She looked from Claudia's harrowingly miserable face to Wesker's impatient one, and the answer was clear. If Wesker wanted her to kill Claudia, then she wouldn't do it. Wesker never had her best interests at heart, and given a straight up choice between the two, she knew who she would side with. And even if she was angry, she knew Claudia had done the same, had sided with her over Wesker.

"GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, before dissolving into coughs and splutters as she retched up blood. "I don't want to look at you. You disgust me, you're just Umbrella scum."

Claudia flinched with every word, but she did not move. Shak moved to plan B. If shouting did not work, you just needed to shout louder. "Are you fucking stupid?!" she yelled, "Look at the fucking mess you've got us into! I'm gonna fucking DIE here, and you did this. You're poison! How many more are dead, Claudia?"

"So go on and fucking KILL me then!" she sobbed, holding as still as possible and waiting for the blow.

Shakahnna shoved her backwards, "Do you like pain or something? Get OUT of here. The last thing I need is to throw up, and you're making me sick."

Claudia looked up at Wesker, terrified and confused. "Can I go?"

He ignored her, his rage fixated on Captain Taylor.

She met his stare levelly. "She's nothing."

Wesker's nostrils flared, "You are playing a dangerous game," he warned her.

"If she was so important, you'd have killed her yourself."

"As you wish," he shrugged, but she interrupted him.

"Even more important than your promise to me?" she asked in an infuriating, coy voice.

Up until that moment, he had been under the misconception that she had wanted to watch as he killed Claudia, and had been more than happy to oblige. "Then perhaps you would grant me amnesty from that promise?" he enquired.

"No."

He ground his teeth together and looked at her, not with a smirk, not with any superior retorts upon his crimson smeared lips, but with a simple, naked anger and desire for destruction as he launched himself at her beaten figure violently, sending her flying to the ground as he straddled her, punching her over and over again, the raw power still present behind his blows, but the smooth, flawless technique dissipating as he gave in to an animalistic rage, a hatred that could only be evoked by someone he considered as close to an equal as he'd ever find.

She tried to evade the locomotive that charged for her, but her attempt at a roll may have as well been like holding up a flimsy sheet to stop a raging bull. He brutally pinned her beneath his hulking form, her legs useless as they were held completely immobile. His weight atop her brought back memories of happier times which made the experience all the more twisted as she desperately tried to escape, arching her back, pushing forward on her shoulder. The pain was enough to bring tears back to her eyes.

She shielded herself with one arm, the blows powerfully smashing through her defences, for every blow that did not reach her face or toros caused just as much damage to the comparatively streamline muscles. The defensive tactics gave her no chance for a plan of attack but his blows were less precise than normal.

Claudia's sobs rang out over the blows, her hysteria growing louder and louder, until Shak could discern them through her own pain. With her unbroken arm, the redhead delicately snuck one hand away, giving the young girl the A-okay gesture, and hoping she would be intelligent enough to figure out what it meant and what motives she had, that her anger had been a front to convince Wesker that she didn't care, that she was indifferent to whether Claudia lived or died.

And for her part, Claudia noted the gesture and closed her eyes in silent gratitude that, if she wasn't forgiven, at least she wasn't hated. But still, she wouldn't leave. There was nothing for her outside of the theatre, and her survival would mean nothing if she left her best friend, only friend, to die. So if they were going out, they would go out together.

_In a blaze of glory…_ She smiled sadly, but the moment was short lived as Wesker's assault grew more vicious.

"I don't like this game" Shakahnna spoke bubbles as blood left from her mouth, deliberately trying to protect her head and face, through instinct rather than anything else. The pain now was unbearable, beyond what she was able to enjoy.

There was a mania dancing in the flames of his irises that was absolute and out of control. "Tell me when it hurts, lover..." he spat before placing one vice like grip around her unbroken wrist, his other hand slipping round her elbow joint. Her skin felt so warm beneath his icy touch, his hands already drenched in her blood. How he longed to feel her as cold as him...to quell the breathing that taunted him mercilessly with every mocking rise and fall of that broken ribcage. He wrenched her forearm, breaking the strong bone as though it was utterly fragile, twisting cruelly until a shard of white began to break through the purple blotches on her skin, blood and bone drinking in the cool air of the theatre where they should have remained beneath their bruised wrappings.

He discarded the now useless limb callously and leaned in to hiss in her torn ear, raking his nails down her cheek, tearing paths of flesh as though it was paper, his hand moving down to her neck, clawing at the canvas work of physical trauma he had painted there. "You _will _reconsider."

There was a sizzling agony, a blinding pain like no other yet familiar to the young woman, the crunching of bone as it splintered and tore from the inside outwards, five fingers completely useless. It seemed so surreal. The pain coupled with terror was absolute.

**Doesn't be's wanting to be helpless. Don't take that away from me.**

Her tongue was pressed to the roof of her mouth, a reflex gesture to stop her biting through it. Her teeth snapped at the fingers which gouged at her skin, biting into his flesh, locking her jaw and tasting iron liquid pour into her mouth and the crunch of something below her teeth. But even so, there were no words in Shakahnna vocabulary to describe the film of pain which had engulfed her body as she swallowed down the vomit which had risen in her throat.

"Stop it..." Claudia whispered groggily, "Please stop it...I can't watch this...it's all my fault don't do this to her..."

Wesker could hear her, his eyes flashing for a fleeting split second in the frail girl's direction, "Oh..." he growled by way of reply as he grabbed Shakahnna by the hair and punched her in the ribcage, "...but I am merely collecting a debt that is owed to me." He pulled her red locks roughly, his grip so tight that the hairs began to rip away slowly from the skin.

With a strangled cry the youngest member of the unhappy trio pulled herself to her knees, her hair falling limply in her face, tears streaking over the imprint from Wesker's boot, cutting their way through bruised blood, dirt and dust.

_Get up Claudia...you have to do something...get up...if she can do it so can you..._

The flaxen haired tyrant narrowed his eyes, ignoring the scientist. She struggled so desperately now, how apt that, just like everything else the mousy little girl had done in her short life, she would once again fail miserably. Her tiny, whispered sobs reached his ears and he no longer felt annoyance, no longer felt contempt, having long passed that stage of reason.

He could only feel his satisfaction growing, drinking in human misery from whatever source he could. He considered ripping the fragile Dr Graham to pieces in front of the redhead, just because he could, but another lingering look at his girl's battered face and he simply could not drag himself away from the source of his torment.

Nothing mattered any more, all his carefully planned mind games cast aside as he loomed over her with but one intention surging through his body; to squeeze every last drop of pain out of what was left of Shakahnna Taylor.

Knocking her to the ground again, laughing derisively as with a simple wave of his monstrously huge hand he undid the action that had caused her so much agony.

He brought one impossibly heavy foot down upon her left kneecap, feeling bone crunch under his boot. Instantly he was kneeling beside her, stroking her brow with a brief flash of tender cruelty before his hand moved down to her right leg. Placing both hands gently on either side of the joint, he let his grip tighten...ever so slowly...

When he was squeezing so hard that his pale hands were a twisted tourniquet upon her one intact limb, he met her eyes and smiled coldly, as he began to bend the leg in the opposite direction that it should have gone, feeling the bone and cartilage crunch and splinter, watching her knee swell with blood and fluid as he forced the joint to bend in on itself, pulling her shins towards her thighs slowly.

Claudia screamed.

The skin at the crook of her leg began to tear under the duress, and he smiled as he felt he kneecap completely dislocated with a sickening pop that send a thrill of pure pleasure through his seething body. Bone snapped and twisted in directions that made them squeal against each other in protest, a sound not dissimilar to nails on a blackboard, a sound that made him grit his teeth in satisfaction, shards of white beginning to poke out teasingly from all sides of the now devastated joint.

With one final wrench, one last crunching protest, he jerked her calf upwards, smiling in amusement at the site of the leg bending in completely the wrong direction, it's movements utterly grotesque.

_**It never gets old...**_

He caressed her swollen cheek lightly, his fingertips cool against her burning skin, and smiled gently, as Dr Graham began to vomit uncontrollably all over the floor in horror.

Pressing her lids firmly shut so she did not need to see what was happening, Shakahnna tried to suppress her moans and screams, with coughs that resulted in more viscous red fluid dripping out from between her teeth which pressed firmly together.

"CLAUDIA!" Noises of terror rang out through the theatre, despite the wish to suppress it. The call was supposed to be a warning instead it was merely the vocalization of the hurt both inside and out. A husk of a person lay on the floor, she was not crying any longer but tears streamed from her eyes, not visible due to the mass of other foreign substances which coated her face.

**Hurts so much. Let it stop**

**God it hurts so much**

The redhead did the only thing she had left, she turned her face away from Wesker's touch.

At the sound of her own name, the distraught child broke down into painful sobs, as she choked up the last of the bile in her throat.

"Shak!" her voice was shrill and panicked, echoing in her own ears brittly, sounding as though it was cracking and shattering under the pressure of her sickening guilt as she flinched with every new torture Wesker rained down upon the redhead. "Shak it's okay...everything'll be fine..." her words were dry and hollow and desperate, "...hang on...I'll help...I'll do something...I promise...I will..."

_I saved her once. I can do it again. I can. I can._

She began to tug frantically on Wesker's sleeve, trying to pull his arm away from Shak. Without looking round he simply shoved her backwards firmly, smiling a bloody gash of a leer at his former lover, as he stroked her face gently, "You have so much potential...and yet you insist on squandering it all away on a pathetic little wretch of a girl...a girl who betrayed you, who stands for everything you despise...thanks to Dr Graham so many people have died...your team are destroyed and so many more people are going to die now that I have Lancaster's virus..." he smirked, "...don't you want some form of revenge?"

**Please don't take me away…**

No one could take this kind of force and survive, and she could feel herself slowly slipping. His eyes burned down into hers, terrified green saucers filled with hurt and despair, scared to die and too terrified to live.

"NO!" Claudia screamed over and over again, "I WON'T LEAVE YOU I WON'T!"

Despite all her medical knowledge, all her scientific coldness, little Claudia still clung pathetically to the belief that her blind loyalty would pull them through, or at least pull Shak through.

There were no tears now, no whimpering and sobbing, just blank horror that overtook her petite frame and crushed it so forcefully that she could not breath.

"SHAK I'M SORRY PLEASE...PLEASE DON'T DIE..." her words desperate, searching through every resource she had available to her and finding nothing, nothing but helplessness and despair, screaming out over and over again because it was the only thing she could do and she had to do something.

Shak did something. She spat in Wesker's face.

Wesker slipped his hands about her throat in rage and began to squeeze slowly, pressing his lips to hers in a brutal kiss which prevented her from drawing any breath.

Shakahnna's eyes were wide and full of disgust and loathing but she could not break away. She was grateful for the sweet mercy of paralysis as it meant she could barely feel his rough groping. Her chest moved in tiny hitches as a million tiny pins pricked over her body and the light hair stood on end. Unable to move her neck to the side, the girl wished that she could have turned to Claudia one last time and screamed out for her forgiveness, tell her she loved her friend, tell her things would be okay but when she tried no sound emanated from her lips. The brutal crushing hold slowly squeezed all the oxygen from her body, blood vessels bursting in her irises as her vision was washed in a ghastly shade of red. At thirty years of age, the woman looked as those she had been through centuries of torment. The nails that kept the brutal grip on her neck continued gradually becoming tighter, decreasing in size, even as she still was wrapped in a lover tryst. His violent passion slowly sucked the life from the red haired girl. Her lungs were on fire, screaming and protesting at the lack of air they so desperately craved. But there was no sign of the monster letting up, releasing his hold on her.

**I am gonna make it alright but not right now. **

A last coherent though manifested itself as the hope and confidence the girl had kept her whole life. The bittersweet sentiment nothing she would ever likely to be able to achieve and were her eyes not bulging, she would weep for the doctor.

The young woman would never make her thirty first birthday. She pressed her eyes shut hard, wanting to avoid allowing the monster the satisfaction of seeing the horror she felt as her body flayed around, her mind beginning to leave the temple where it had always been, the burning in her chest subsiding as she could feel no more pain.

Shakahnna Taylor's heart finally lost it's battle for survival and stopped, the young officer's body stopped kicking and was still.

And for the first time in a century of existence, Wesker was lost.

"That was satisfying," he lied through his teeth. Claudia's eyes were as wide as saucers as she stared in sickened disbelief for a few moments.

"NO!" a strangled scream tore from Claudia's lungs, all the sickness and disbelieving grief of that moment leaving her body in that one horrified sound that tore through the auditorium and echoed off the walls as time stopped and nothing remained save for that one single cry of absolute anguish.

Then everything flooded back, and she was crawling as fast as her body could carry her to the fallen redhead, hyperventilating and stumbling until she was kneeling beside her.

"Shak?" her voice was completely desperate, "Shak can you hear me? Shak Shak Shak Shakahnna, please, please wake up don't do this, you can't do this you have to wake up..." her shaking fingers feeling for a pulse where there was nothing but cold, torn skin.

"Shak you have to wake up...please..." Claudia begged, her chest tightening, "Shak I need you...I need you please...I'm sorry, I'll be good I promise I'm sorry don't be dead...I won't ever run off again I promise won't get us into trouble anymore...I'll make it right I promise I'll make the cure I'll be good I promise I will just please wake up don't do this...c'mon you can't...you have to move you have to breath...come on BREATHE FUCKING BREATHE WON'T YOU? For me...for pepe...you have to wake up...you have to...please I'm sorry just don't die..."

She wrapped her arms around the dead girl's neck and began to sob into her lifeless shoulder, her words wholly unintelligible now.

_No no no there has to be something it can't end here, it can't! There must be a way, there must be there..._

Taking the girl's broken nose between her thumb and forefinger she tilted her head back and covered her mouth with her own, forcing air into dead lungs...

"Come on come on come on...this will work this has to work..."

Pressing the heel of her hand to a broken ribcage, she pushed down frantically with all the strength she had left in her weak arms.

Wesker raised his arm and slapped her roughly away, sending her flying backwards. "Don't touch what doesn't belong to you," he said expressionlessly.

Leaning down with a tenderness he had never previously afforded, he picked up Shakahnna's lifeless body, her broken limbs dangling in his arms.

"You can't go!" Claudia screamed, "You can't just leave me here! I'm not supposed to be alive, you've got to kill me!"

"Doctor Graham," he pointed out, "It would be a mercy to end your life now. And since you have cost me the life of my beloved, I feel no compassion for you."

"You killed her!" she sobbed, the words causing the realisation to sink in through the shock.

"You are just as guilty, if not more," he told her. "She came here to save you. It was you she stayed for when any sane individual would have ran. And you wouldn't even honour her last request. She wished to spare you viewing the inevitable, and so self centred were your desires, you couldn't even do that."

There was nothing she could say in reply, save for whisper, "But you should have killed me."

"Perhaps at a later date," he offered. "You need time to think about what you have done. And if I am not mistaken, there are some government officials who will be more than happy to provide that time."

"What do you mean…?" she began, looking round as the door began to open.

When she looked back, he was gone.


	54. Epilogue: One More Night

_AN: To all those people who have stuck with us for the three years right down to the bitter end, this we want to thank you for. It's wonderful to have anyone still reading now after so long and especially with how our updates have been. So this is it and I do feel quite sad that it is finished. Thank you all, so much._

_Jaz and Jen _

-

"What the FUCK?!" Agent Kerr gagged at the sight of the auditorium as he entered, flanked by two soldiers.

"Don't think we'll find anything alive in here," one of them said, shaking his head ruefully.

"What the HELL happened in here?" the other one, slightly younger, turned a sickening shade of pale and dashed out of the room.

"Sick fucks…" Kerr muttered under his breath. He had seen a good deal of Umbrella-related horror in his years of service, but the sight on the stage was certainly the worst. In fact, he didn't even think he'd read about anything this horrific.

The sound of sobbing interrupted his train of thought, and he followed its direction to a previously unnoticed figure, half hidden under some seats. He approached cautiously, and found the source of the distressed. Taking care not to touch her until he had established whether she was infected or not, he motioned the soldier over and mouthed "She's fucked."

"Miss?" he began.

She looked up dazedly, the remnants of what had been pigtails falling in front of her face, and the agent was horrified to realise that the survivor was barely older than a child.

"He took her…" Claudia whispered mournfully.

"Miss," he repeated, "This is really important. Can you tell me, have you been bitten, are you infected?"

She uncurled slightly, and shook her head. From the marks on her torso, Kerr wondered if she had been attacked by a hunter. It would have had to have been quite a benign hunter to leave her alive.

"What's your name?" he asked gently.

There was a few moments of dumb silence, before she blurted out, "Claudia Graham."

The two government officials exchanged surprised glances. "The OCRC captain?" the soldier asked.

"We were to keep an eye out for you and your team," Kerr told her.

"No one left…" She stared into space.

"It's ok, you're safe now…" he began, but was interrupted by a soldier who had been canvassing the area.

"Sir, you might want to take a look at this," he said curtly, before handing the agent a small plastic card. To be specific, Claudia's Umbrella ID. "Found it in a massive pool of blood. Don't know what the fuck's been going on…"

Kerr's face creased into a frown. "It looks like you've got some explaining to do."

"I was a double agent," she blurted out, "I was a spy in OCRC, but then Wesker said I could come home and I didn't need to spy any more, and he told me to kill Pierce and I did, and I shot Jonathon and Herrison's dead too because of me, and I got my whole team killed, and now Shak's dead…"

"Did you do this?!" Kerr interrupted angrily.

She shook her head, "Wesker. Wesker did it."

"Wesker?" he turned to one of the soldiers, "Does that sound familiar to you?"

"Urban legend, sir," one replied, matter of fact.

"Do I _look_like I ripped all these people apart?" she pointed out. "It was Wesker," she said forlornly, but even as the words left her mouth, she knew it was pointless.

"So essentially, Miss Graham," he said coldly, in a slow, disbelieving tone, "You are telling us, despite being a spy and a murderer, that you had absolutely nothing to do with all these bodies, and that a fictional character did it and ran away?"

"It's doctor," she said listlessly.

"Excuse me?"

"It's Doctor Graham. Not Miss."

_Congratulations Claudia._

-

After spending two days in the prison infirmary, while Claudia would not be winning any athletics championships, she was at least able to walk, an improvement from when she had first been taken in. But the downside of this was that she had to answer some decidedly unpleasant questions about her involvement in the disaster that had been Achma.

So now she was sitting in a cold, uncomfortable room, wearing a distinctly undignified orange jumpsuit, and staring blankly at the wall. She was in caffeine withdrawal, and if the extent of her injuries hadn't made her feel awful, that certainly did. She wondered if they were making her wait deliberately. Not that it mattered, she didn't feel nervous about them appearing, because she already knew what they were going to say. And after Wesker, she didn't think she could ever be scared of anything again. For the first time she understood where people got the idea that only monsters worked for Umbrella.

The reality of Shak's death, that she was really alone, still hung in the air, but she couldn't grieve here.

Two police officers entered, one of them being Kerr, the agent who had found her. He had a murderous snarl on his face, and she got the distinct impression that he did not like her very much. She continued to stare at the wall with a resoluteness which could have been mistaken for sullen, and this only prompted him to launch into an angry tirade.

She didn't really listen to what he was saying. The volume of his shouts made her headache worse, and she reflected that he was going on for rather a long time, at length about something he was clearly very passionate about, but she really didn't have the energy to take it in. It was only when the second man spoke, that she was really able to pick out anything that was said.

"You know you're going to get the chair for this," he told her gravely. "And you're awful young to have that be your only option."

She looked at him. It wasn't the worst prospect in the world, and it was one she had been prepared for. "C'est la vie." Her reply was more sad than nonchalant, but Kerr did not pick up on this subtlety. The way he was shouting, she thought maybe he was mistaken and that the second man had said it was him who was for the chair.

They gave her question after question, and even as she told them about Umbrella, Wesker, Minataur, Shak, Herrison, Jonathon, and even Jack, they still screamed on about cooperation.

"How can I cooperate any more?" she asked, "I'm telling you everything I know. Can I have a cup of coffee?"

This offended Kerr. And he swore. Oh, how he swore. She had found someone who actually swore more than Shak. She hadn't thought this was possible.

And just like that, they left.

So, she was going to be executed. At least she could die knowing that she'd passed on all the information she had. There was a time when the prospect of death had terrified her beyond reason, but sitting here, in this cold room, handcuffed by one hand to the chair, she came to the realisation that even if she hadn't been arrested, she would have taken her own life anyhow. It was for the best. And with everyone else dead, it was only just.

Putting her head down on the desk, she closed her eyes, and fell asleep.

-

"FORSOOTH!" Jack was in high spirits indeed at that moment. Jesus Christ was in his heaven, whiskey was in his belly, and all was well with the world as he bounded along with gleeful oblivion.

"GREETI PRINCESS JONATHON! WOULD YOU CARE TO FIGHT EVIL AND PARTAKE IN COMMUNION WINE ON THIS FINE DAY OF…" He stopped dead as he opened the door and stared at the pool of blood on the floor, at Jonathon's unmoving body.

For once, Jack Tabernacle was lost for words.

He sank to his knees, threw his arms up, and let out a howl which resonated throughout the empty base.

He stared, open mouthed, at the body of the young man on the floor. Jack had never lost a loved one before, and an entirely new, entirely sobering set of emotions flooded him. Without his joviality, he looked for all the world like just another haggard, aging alcoholic, and no amount of whiskey could replace what he had just lost.

-

While all had not gone according to plan, events had transpired favorably all the same. Had he turned on the television that day, or in any of the days following the Achma incident, he would have learned that Daniel's daughter had taken the blame for everything, had been sentenced to death, and that her execution had been carried out that morning. Which wrapped things up rather neatly, and may have gratified him, although the young doctor's fate was of little concern now that she couldn't come between him and his lover.

And now Shakahnna would be with him forever.

Enthroned in the glass coffin that was the stasis tube, her battered corpse floated in various substances designed to preserve her exactly as she had been the moment she died. He couldn't tell why his teeth were gritted, but sometimes it seemed that even in death she was mocking him. Still, trivial matters such as that lacked import. He had been the victor.

As she looked down at him from her final resting place, he suddenly wasn't so sure.


End file.
